Looking absentmindedly at the glass in her hand, the reflection of the dim light playing on the surface of the crimson fluid that was the essence of her being, she let her thoughts wander. Urs wondered if all other vampires had these moments, questioning the sense and reason of their existence like she did every single night? How did they do it? Going through decade after decade, watching the world around them change and go on while they just remained the same?
Next page / Bottom It was decades, maybe even a century of life - more a mere existence - that Urs had never intended to live. She had asked Vachon to let her die, to free her from the burden of life, had that desire back then as well as now. But something still kept her going. Every night she chose life and not death. To her the gift of eternal life seemed like a punishment sometimes, one that she wasn't even sure she deserved. Nagging somewhere deep in her mind was that voice telling her that there had to be more to life, especially an eternal life, than dancing for men in a dark club every night, secretly hoping for one among them who could give Urs what she was unconsciously looking for - someone to approve of her, to take care of her; the feeling of being safe and loved. She had never understood why she always came back to it, didn't put it to an end, leave everything behind and start new on her own.
A smile crossed her face at that particular thought. It was because of Vachon, of course. She couldn't leave him. Each time he moved way, running from an enemy like the Inca or just from responsibility, Urs followed. Most of the time she would never have decided to leave if he hadn't left. She preferred to stay in one place for a while longer and change her life, just like the world changed around her.
Urs had never assumed that Vachon brought her across out of selfish reasons, not caring about her wishes, to just "own" her as his creation. He had only meant to free her, making her stronger and happy, to simply give her a better life. She knew that, so she couldn't imagine hating him for giving her an eternal life for which she hadn't asked. Vachon had given her what was, to him, a source of pleasure. Her misery about it had baffled him ever since, but he neither debated nor rejected her unhappiness. He just accepted it. Still, Urs lived a life she never wanted, not strong enough to escape from it in any way.
A sound startled her and brought her mind back to reality. Urs had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed the club awakening from its daylight slumber, the dance floor already filling with people. Taking a sip from the blood wine in her hand, Urs got up with a silent sigh. Work was waiting, as it was every night; as it would be in more nights to come... Written by ravenette1 (edited by Vachon and Elena du Charme). Page (laboriously) coded in HTML and edited by Elena du Charme. Last edited on 12/2/2002
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