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• Leave School, Leave Home

• It is impossible to reach manhood while you're still at school. There is no school that allows its students to become adults while they're still within the confines of the school.

  This is a terrible statement to have to make about schools, and perhaps it's an issue you could address while you're still at your school. Perhaps you could help redesign the operations of the school.

  While you're at school it's a good idea to sign up for as much work experience as possible, as, if the placements are right, you'll be in a mature environment with adults who will give you a realistic sense of life in the workplace.

  As you know, however, most students feel they need to stay at school so they can eventually get the job they want. Then, when they leave secondary school, they may feel they have to go on to a tertiary college or university. On and on and on, until they're 22 or 23 or even older.

  It's very difficult to reach maturity at tertiary colleges too, because the atmosphere continues to be childish, and no one is likely to be interested in encouraging you to take on adult roles.

  There is a solution, and that is to 'leave' after the final year of secondary school. In other words, to take at least a year to do other things. Not 'a year off' in the sense of being a slob for a year, doing nothing of any importance or meaning.

  It doesn't mean doing what your parents direct you into either. By all means listen to your parents' advice, if they are people who listen to you, are sensitive to you, treat you with respect. But it's up to you to decide how to spend the year ore years. Some possibilities include getting a job, travelling within Australia or overseas, doing something creative in the arts field or taking on volunteer work that will help others or help the environment.

  Another way to leave school is to apply for one of the many exchange schemes available now for students to go overseas for a term or more of schooling. In a new environment, away from your parents, your friends, your own school, you'll need real strength of character, but you'll have many powerful new experiences.

  Once you've left school, you should be thinking about leaving home too.

  In normal circumstances you should not still be at home by the time you reach your twenties.

  Time and time again I meet young people whom I used to teach. So often they're still living at home with their parents, and so often they hate it. 'It drives me crazy!' they say. 'If my mother makes one more comment about my hair...or my father tells me one more time to...'

  I interrupt. 'Why don't you move out?'

  'I can't afford to' is their invariable answer.

  Of course they can afford to. What they mean is, they're scared to move out. For at least three reasons: one, because they don't want to accept a poorer standard of living. They might even have to interrupt their studies for a while and earn some money to support themselves. This would be far better for them than staying on at home, but they're reluctant to do it.

  Another reason, which they may not admit even to themselves, is that they don't feel confident about being away from their parents. And another is that they are scared of their parents' reaction to the idea.

  Although parents may oppose your leaving home at first, in time even they might admit it's for the best. Too bad if they don't. Leave anyway.

  Good parents take quite a different point of view. They recognise when the time has come for you to leave, and they encourage and support you in your decision. They might help you look for suitable accommodation, and lend you their spare furniture. If you're lucky they might even buy you a housewarming present.

  Of course when you leave home it doesn't mean you leave your parents forever. There are three paths your life can take:

  

  • At adolescence the son goes in one direction and the parents go in another. They have almost no contact. This is not a healthy model.

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  • The son stays locked to the parents forever; not able to become his own person.

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  • At adolescence the son starts to follow his own path, but keeps a good healthy relationship with his parents. This is of course the only valid way to go.

  • If your parents can afford it, or if you win a scholarship, a year or more at boarding school might be worth considering. That's one way you can 'leave home' while you're still at school. Another way is doing an exchange. It doesn't have to be overseas. It could be a city-country exchange, or an interstate exchange.

    For your next birthday or Christmas ask your parents for a suitcase or two. Even if you're quite young. Start prepare them now for the realisation that you're going to be moving out in a few years...or sooner.

     

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