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spam death count | funny spam I have received | how to kill spam (in plain english) | how to hurt spam, the fun way | advanced lessons (links to other sites)

funny spam I have received
(complete with witty commentary)

acting like I know you
note the extreme, possibly criminal, overuse of the : ) 's.

Date: Sun, 15 Oct 2000 20:20:23 -0500
Subject: How are your Auctions going? -wnnqujo

Hey, It's been a while, (since what—you got off your ass and actually worked for a living?) I heard that you were doing great with your auctions. I thought I would forward some info I found your way. (gee thanks...scammer!) I tried it and I'm making more sales and more $$$ :)

If you want to get setup let me know, I need your phone number and area code. Thanks! (yeah, I'll be sending that right over.)

If you have your own website, it makes you money all the time, while you're working on something else, while you're eating, even while you're sleeping! :o)

All the big guys started small then got big, that's why they are the big guys now ;) You have to expand your business into something bigger. With your own website people can buy anything any time you want. You can add something else, take something down, no more rules no headaches, you can do it yourself and set your own prices. When ever you want!

I got setup last month and I'm making 10 times what I was making before, they have great shopping cart program, free web design (that makes your professional looking site), merchant account (take all credit cards like Visa, MC), secure ordering (No hackers to steal your customers # ), web hosting (fast for all your sales), and about 50 things I haven't even had time to try out yet. It's costing me $25 / month, and I'm making about $2000 / week :) I'm very happy.

It's really easy to do, and you can get going right now :)

There was a really nice lady (scheming scag) that helped me out to get it all setup, I know you're in a different area then me, if you can send me your phone number and area code, she said she could get you some more information tomorrow, or get you setup if you're ready to go. (I'll be sending that real soon.)

I'd say go for it or you will regret it, I know I would have! :) (I might have had to get a real job.)

ttyl
-Mike

I'm not sure if this was your e-mail address if this went to the wrong person I apologize, please send back a message with the word remove and I will try to find the right address. (and I will send you even more crap.) top>>

I spam, you spam...
spam onto others, as others hath spammed onto you.

Received: from mail.dancingpoui.com (note forged "Mr. Hanky"-style address) ([4.54.192.144]) by angelfire.com; Mon Oct 30 21:20:29 2000
X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.7 [en] (Win95;U)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8BIT
Message-Id: <76bd1j42j84w6j2m1.12pg7rk0w48y7th76f@mail.dancingpoui.com>
To:
Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2000 00:22:03 -0500
Subject: Grow Your Business (E-Commerce)
From: (note this is blank, therefore unblockabl
Cc: (other spam victims' e-mails deleted)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now you can send information about your products to millions of
people at a very affordable price. You can make thousands of sales
for a minimum cost and get more leads than with any other advertising method.

The internet is growing rapidly, and every day thousands of new
users are joining. Would you like to be able to send them your
commercial message. (would you like to be able to know how to use a question mark?) Well, you now can. Because every single internet user has an e-mail address, and we can help your message get there for a low, low cost.

By far this is the most effective and cheaper way to reach buyers.
Just compare to other traditional ways of advertising: radio, television,
newspapers & magazines, web page banners... they all have something
in common: high costs and little results. Consumers just see your
message for a few seconds and then it goes away forever. Even your
commercial message comes as just another in a bunch of advertisements from other companies...

But direct e-mail is quite different. Costs are much lower. And
your message gets directly to the customer's e-mail box. They must
open it, and they must read it. They cannot simply ignore it. (huh?)
And best of all, it stays there for as long as the recipient wants,
so your contact details are never missed or forgotten.

So, are you ready now to market your products through direct e-mail?
Yes, you are, and we can help with bulk e-mail. We can send as
many e-mails as you wish, so that you reach as many recipients as you want.

Some people will say that bulk e-mail, or unsolicited commercial e-mail, is not welcome by most users. That is NOT true. (This is very true.) A few (thousand) people will complain for receiving your unsolicited commercial e-mail. But most will not mind receiving it. Yet another few people (idiots like the person who wrote this message) will be very glad that you send them information about your product.

Those whose concern is how much bandwidth is spent with direct e-mail,
should be aware that other methods of internet advertising, as banners,
use much more bandwidth. And you see them everywhere. Yet nobody
complaints. (nobody "complaints"?) Why? (hmmm, perhaps because there is software available that filters out banner ads, or you can turn graphics off, and also they don't fill up your mailbox.) Simply because web pages with banner content make a lot of money from advertisers who pay their expensive rates. (yeah, the reason users don't complain about banner ads is because web pages make lots of money--sure, that makes sense.)

And they prefer to spend that money in misleading people, making them believe how good their advertising methods are, and how bad bulk e-mail is. The truth is that it is bad only for them, because bulk e-mail lets companies with a low budget to advertise cheaper and more effectively than using their banner space.

And be reassured we are responsible direct e-mailers (cough cough). We do include
a remove option in all of our e-mails so that people who really do not want to hear from us any more, can remove their e-mail addresses from our database. And we DO respect removal requests. (that's why there is no removal request in this e-mail, because we are so full of "respect.") Not only because we respect people, but because we respect customers, and do not want them to spend their money in sending e-mails to people who do not wish to receive them. (load of B.S.)

Here is what we can offer:

Untargeted mailings ("untargeted mailings" is a splendid euphemism for "spam"):
50,000 e-mails for US$99.95
100,000 e-mails for US$174.95
250,000 e-mails for US$299.95
500,000 e-mails for US$549.95
750,000 e-mails for US$799.95
1,000,000 e-mails for US$999.95
more than 1,000,000 please ask.

Special offer:
Call 1-561-756-5225 Call 1-561-756-5225 Call 1-561-756-5225

Feel free to call and complain! Consider calling from a pay phone, please! Try calling collect, sometimes this works (if the collect call is automated, leave your name as "interested marketer")

spam that helps you "stop" spam

Received: from 63.34.224.42 ([63.34.224.42]) by angelfire.com; Thu May 31 21:49:59 2001
X-Envelope-Sender: tommy_leigh31@hotmail.com
From: tommy_leigh31@hotmail.com
To: .VMRI@angelfire.com
Subject: Fw: Spam Petition -OYDO
X-Reply-To: tommy_jonus@hotmail.com
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Spam Petition
If you are like me and are sick of receiving spam emails that clog up your account put your name to this petition. A friend sent me this link and I am snow forwarding to everyone I know, I suggest you do the same. The only way we are going to stop this is by making our voice heard globbaly (globs of spam?). Add your name to the link below and forward this on to all your friends.
http://www.spam-rid.com/home.asp?petition.htm
Looking forward to spam free future, (looking forward to Broken English future)

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