My Life Goals and Desires

2. Go cow tipping.

3. Learn how to do the Senton Bomb.

4. Meet Daniel Johns.

5. Meet Backstreet Boys (or at least Brian) so I can tell them how much they have effected my life and my friends.

6. Learn hwo to do Chyna's flippie thingie.

7. Learn to talk trash as good as Jericho.

8. Get one of Jeff Hardy's arm thingies.

9. Joust with Joe as my lance thingie.

10. Write a song that makes sense.

11. Publish my work-in-progress: Hotdamn I Hate Men . (which, by the way, is turning into an encyclopedia. If you have information to contribute to the book, please e-mail me)

12. Create a show called "The Sick Sad World."

13. Complete and fulfill my rape list.

14. Make Stan, James, Nate, Brad, and Tim's band the hottest band on the planet.

15. Invent a doggy tampon.

16. Make 10,000 stars. (I'm 1/10th of the way there)

17. Take a long walk alone under the moonlight next to a beautiful beach in Australia and find my soul.

18. Swing in a hammock with the man I love.

19. Buy my dream house. Allow me to describe it: It's not too big, but not too small. Its inhabitants would be me, the man I love, and seven dogs. No kids. It won't have brick, but instead have that siding stuff. The siding stuff will either be mellow yellow or midnight blue and gray. It'll have a fireplace, a porch, and the master bedroom will have a walk-in closet with a light that turns on with the string thing. The master bedroom will have french door that lead out to a working widow's walk which will overlook the ocean. It'll have a nice porch and one of those swing thingies. There will be barely a backyard, but a huge front yard and a kick butt sprinkler system for the neighborhood kids to run through . . .

20. Invent a way to get ketchup out of those glass bottles.