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Top 50 Things You'll Probably
Never
Hear a High School Football Coach Say |
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50. |
"I've always yearned to play the flute." |
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49. |
"Why can't I have a homeroom this year?" |
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48. |
"Can I help you line off the band practice field?" |
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47. |
"Can't we have a bake sale instead of another barbeque?" |
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46. |
"The square hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the square of the legs." |
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45. |
"I've got an extra ticket to the Opera, want to join me?" |
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44. |
"That Yanni guy is great!" |
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43. |
"Why don't you buy that French horn? We can hold off another year on the new
uniforms." |
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42. |
"I need to take some time off to rediscover the inner child within me." |
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41. |
"Remember guys, academics are more important than football." |
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40. |
"Don't get so excited. Winning isn't everything!" |
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39. |
"Girl's athletics are just as important as boy's athletics." |
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38. |
"Take the last hour of practice off. I know that you need to study." |
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37. |
"I've got 10 assistants for 40 players. If you want some help, you can take
one of my assistants." |
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36. |
"We will be cutting practice short today; I need to weigh in at Weight
Watchers and I can't be late!" |
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35. |
"Can the band play a little louder while I'm calling plays? It really gets
the team fired up!" |
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34. |
"Would the band like an extra five minutes during halftime this week?" |
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33. |
"How about a joint fundraiser?" |
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32. |
"Would you like to join me and my assistant coaches? We gather to discuss
Shakespeare's writings every Tuesday night." |
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31. |
"I can't believe there are people our there who chew tobacco in front of
these young, impressionable kids." |
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30. |
"There's a log of starving kids in the world. Why don't we fee the team
every other week before games?" |
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29. |
"That joke offends me!" |
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28. |
"Everyone go ahead and hit the quarterback as hard as you can. He needs to
get used to it." |
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27. |
"Why can't we get capes on our uniforms like the band?" |
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26. |
"Would you like my guy to film your halftime show?" |
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25. |
"Let's Salsa!" |
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24. |
"I blew all last month's pay on quilting accessories." |
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23. |
"Forget the coaching clinic. I need to work on my classroom management!" |
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22. |
"I'm gonna be up all night trying to average these driver's ed grades!" |
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21. |
"I admit it, I was wrong!" |
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20. |
"That oboe concerto almost moved me to tears." |
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19. |
"Knitting socks is so relaxing!" |
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18. |
"People that hunt for sport disgust me!" |
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17. |
"I'm only in coaching for the kids." |
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16. |
"Writing poetry is a great way to relieve stress!" |
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15. |
"Do these shorts match my shirt?" |
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14. |
"No weightlifting this year, guys. Instead, we meditate!" |
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13. |
"No matter how much you practice, none of you will ever make it to the
pros." |
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12. |
"To be honest, son, we both know you'll never play a down in your life, but
you will get to practice with the team." |
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11. |
"You're right, you could probably beat me in an arm-wrestling match." |
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10. |
"Wrestling is fake!" |
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9. |
"I wish they would show more college bands during halftime." |
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8. |
"I'll be glad to make alterations on your color guard uniforms." |
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7. |
"I hope my son grows up to be drum major!" |
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6. |
"Can we swap scheduling this semester? I'd love to teach six classes of
general music and you can take my weightlifting class." |
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5. |
"I sure hope we lose this playoff game. I know the band could really use a
break!" |
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4. |
"Why doesn't the band take all of the money from the gate this week? You
deserve it!" |
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3. |
"I'm volunteering if you need an extra chaperone for the contest this
Saturday." |
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2. |
"It's only fair that the football team march in Christmas parade too." |
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1. |
"Son, you play tuba much too well to drop an aspiring musical career and
play on my offensive line!" |
