News

25-06-01 - Well I’ve certainly not updated this here news section for 3 Gillion years, so if you have stopped coming to this section of the site altogether it is understandable. I myself in my foolishness often visit this part of the site hoping it will have been updated, I then realize that it is me who updates the site therefore the site will not have been updated. This little scenario usually culminates in the use of a small canister of petrol, a left ball (clamped) and a box of matches. Intense scratching usually follows for a short period, until the left ball is numb, charred and shriveled… Anyway I am now going to update this section.

Madden and Josh Squirrel’s exams resulted in a hiatus of nearly two months. In this time practise was scarce until we received news that Dave (guy who caught our Enuff Squirrel shirt we gave to Roger from Less Than Jake who then threw it into the crowd) had set us up a gig in Oldham (place of riots, petrol bombs and racial attacks/abuse as well as home to fine people). After receiving this news, we practiced our familiar set, along with a few new songs and prepared as only the Squirrel can, for the upcoming gig. We also decided that it would be a good idea to play most of our songs in time. After some discussion within the band, it was decided that Dearden Squirrel should actually play the drums properly instead of just hitting things randomly. With this cleared up and a set in the bag we set off for Oldham (where we later posed for some serious photographs).

On our way to Oldham Madden and Dearden Squirrel got lost more than once… or twice for that matter. Yes with Madden at the wheel and Dearden navigating you have the total, overall intelligence of a bright orange frog sucking Forrest Gump’s chemically enhanced left ball, whilst Lee Jordan and Anthony Meakin pat it on the head constantly repeating the phrase “Dogs are funny so eat my goat”. Once we arrived at the venue (The Castle) we humored ourselves with our big amps for a while and roamed the streets of Oldham until we had to go onstage.

Once onstage we were introduced again by the raddest guys in the world, Dan Healy and Dan Brookes. After that we played a set that in reality sucked, but we had lights on, and our “fans” clapped and cheered for us, so all was well. It’s fun to do gigs anyway, even if things do suck. The two bands we played with were Catamite (Dave’s band) and Animated Sedation. They are both better than us cause 1) they are real bands, 2) they can stay in time and 3) they don’t have balls on their heads and in their mouths. Whoever controlled the lighting system during Enuff Squirrel’s time on stage obviously had more kays on his rash than your average kayrash cause they were going so fast I very much doubt that even Christopher Reeder with his vast eye power (due to incessant reeding) would be able to withstand the intensity of the speeding lights.

Anyway, that’s the update… we may record by the end of this year… thanks to everyone who’s been to a show for us, everyone who has complimented us, everyone who has clapped on Fraggle Rawk and everyone who has arranged gigs for us!! You rock more than us!

25-04-01 - Hmm ok, well our third gig was kinda like the adventures of the world-renowned mountain climber Jack Ballhead, in the way that we climbed the mountain, only to find 3 plates of steamed Mongolian giraffe ball on top. In other words it was kind of a let down.

See the Redhouse is some form of well-respected venue in Manchester that has real bands playing at it. We therefore thought that the equipment there would be quite good… we were wrong. The PA sounded like left test and the amps we used were umm, not as good as ours. However I am being rather pathetic here, as we should totally be able to take that in our stride. However when you are as crap as we are you kinda need equipment and sound levels to be reasonably good so that we can “play” a reasonable set (for us).

Anyway, enough complaining! Thanks to everyone who turned up just to see us. We are forever in your debt. So many people came out of their way to see us, and we suck and still people didn’t give us too much crap. Thankyou all very much. Dearden showed his true colours when he bled for the band during our like 5th song or something… and he continued going to the very end. Dearden rocks!! Fraggle Rawk always tends to lift spirits and it did that night too. Thanks to the Slowlydownward guys for introducing us… that was a rad intro! Hmm now we have no gigs left… I want one in Macclesfield at a place called the George Hotel… I really should arrange that! Ahh well…

21-04-01 - Well I’m writing this the day after our second gig. It took place in Oldham at a venue called the Abbey. It rocked and was very fun and people clapped. It was a very strange experience… made even stranger by the series of events that led up to the gig and the events that took place the night before the gig.

The events that took place over the course of the 19th – 20th April, were certainly not in favour of the Squirrels. Actually the whole build up to the gig was strange. Firstly on April 9th the Squirrels see the guy who caught our t-shirt (when Roger from Less Than Jake threw it into the crowd in October) and get talking to him. His name is Dave and it turns out he’s in a band who play their first gig in Oldham on the 20th… Josh asks if we can play there too and the guy says he’ll see what he can do. A few days later phone calls tell us that we are playing the gig but that this Dave’s band aren’t. The night before the Oldham gig the Squirrel’s all become ill from “out of date pizzas” (YYYYEEEESSSSS) that we ate at Josh’s sister’s house… and they wake up on the morning of the Oldham gig wondering how the hell they are gonna survive the day. Madden is especially bad as the out of date pizzas and lack of sleep have left him feeling like a ballhead and he has to be sick before the journey to Oldham begins. Anyway, Madden and the Squirrel load their equipment into Madden’s sorry car and Liam from Snorkel’s car, and we drive to Oldham.

Once we get to Oldham we unload our stuff and hang for a couple of hours with the guys from Eyes Wide Shut who cleverly brought a fart machine… this amused us all. Then at about 7.40pm we realise that the drum kit that the Eyes Wide Shut guys have brought is no more a drum kit than it is a piece of well oiled test so we decide the only solution is to drive back to Tyldesley and achieve our very own Squirrel drum kit. We get lost on the way back to Tyldesley and begin to think we will never play the gig… eventually we end up in Manchester and we find our bearings and then drive to Tyldesley. We load the drum kit into the car and retrace our steps to Oldham. We arrive back at 9.03pm and we set our stuff up, realise we “forgot” the ride cymbal stand (it was left in Madden’s boot) and substitute it for a pile of ball stand instead and then we dive right into our set. The set was received really really well and this time we half deserved the applause. Our sound levels were perfect and we played rather well as a band, unlike the Hollywood Bar gig where we made many a mistake and only got to use 1 mic! Anyway we received lots of applause which is ridiculous considering we suck, and we were told we were “effing awesome” and one guy even told us that he’s seen lots of “punk” bands and he’s only ever liked 2. And we are one of them!! We rock/suck/suck/suck!! Anyway we play the Redhouse in 2 days… I hope we play that ok! I’ll update after that gig! So until then…

15-04-01 - Ok, well since the last update we played the Hollywood Bar gig, experienced our 5th Less Than Jake gig and I Madden Squirrel had the strangest and bestest week in my entire life. But enough of that, the Hollywood Bar gig was just ridiculous we played on a STAGE which instantly has us classed as sellouts, but worst of all we used the worst PA in existence. We could only use one mic so me and Josh couldn’t sing at the same time, therefore lots of backing vocals were missed out. Furthermore, we were turned down pretty low, and I couldn’t hear myself sing at all. Anyway we thought we sucked but we got an ovation after every song and afterwards people we knew and strangers were telling us how good the gig was and how well we played. It was insane. We did bring a lot of friends to the gig but it was still completely out of order… people kept offering to buy us things and have us record things and have us play more gigs and it was just a great and really happy night. Plus some of the other bands were pretty cool... like Intoxicate and Kermit’s Middle Finger for example. Anyway that’s the big news… that we’ve played our first gig. In 2 days (the 18th) it is our first anniversary… well we had “formed” the band over a year ago but we very first played a song on the 18th of April 2000… we also have another gig lined up at the Abbey in Oldham with some guy who caught our t-shirt at the Less Than Jake gig in October and his band. Umm I think that’s all for now. Dearden now has a Mohawk and Josh has a cardigan… Madden has a rad girlfriend… we are lifeboys! I’ll leave you with pictures of hawk-boy and cardigan-boy… so long!

30-03-01 - I really do not update this page often enough. Maybe I shall turn over a new leaf, however that may be pretty hard considering I live in Ballsland and new leaves are about as easy to find as a good plate of balls on toast in Tyldesley’s very own Deb’s Diner. Do NOT under any circumstances mock Deb’s Diner. I’m sure Deb is a nice young woman who chose to open her diner as a benefit to the public rather than as a desperate attempt to survive in her council flat for 2 more months before the pigs realise she’s been supplying half of Shakerley with it’s illegal substances. Anyway I’m totally off track here so allow me to revise my thoughts. Ok, well lots has happened since the last update. Most importantly and shockingly is that ALL former Wastes now have lives. Yes just one day after the last news update was made Madden Squirrel achieved a life, as did our best friend Josh Squirrel. Since that fateful day (9th February 2000) many events have transpired. Rockworld has been achieved, scoring has been achieved (most randomly by Josh Squirrel) and dumpage of girlfriends has been achieved by our friend Dearden Squirrel who challenged his girlfriend to a fight during the dumpage process. Hmm… I’ve kinda noticed that this news thing isn’t really about us, and surely the news page should actually be about our band rather than about our personal lives. Well sadly we are not a band, we are instead a CLUB! And the only reason we try to pass ourselves off as a band is so that we have an excuse for trying (and succeeding) in achieving lives by using our site as a pathway to lifedom. For anyone who hasn’t read the main page we have a gig on April 6th at the Hollywood Bar in Wigan and we are crap so don’t come unless you are thick! Ok well I have pictures to show you all now, I wish I had more off our newish friend Laura, but she has a computer about as reliable as Josh not scoring on a night where he says “I SSSOOO won’t score” so we’ll have to do without. Till next time…

08-02-01 - Howdy there, it’s Madden Squirrel here. I achieved a car today. A purpley, 1 litre, 12 valve Corsa to be precise. I know nothing about cars as was shown when at night me Josh and Dearden had a Squirrely journey into Rivington which involved 2 cases of severe near-death and plenty of other average near death experiences. The main 2 near death experiences took place on a small country lane in Rivington where we came across our friend Black Ice. Mr. Ice allowed us to skid quite dramatically towards a stone wall and allowed Madden Squirrel to lose control of the car completely! The second and probably most humorous near-death experience involved us doing a 180º spin on our now familiar friend Mr. Ice. Josh believes that something will happen tomorrow (9th February 2001) that will secure the ends of Wastism and I too have the same feeling. Before major events that affect Wastism we are given signs. The first sign occurred on the 27th of December 2000 when it snowed and me Dearden and Scott went out and played in the snow. That was just a really rad unexpected day which are very rare nowadays. That totally made me chem and 2 days later it was the 29th and Wastism was scarred. Now today on the 8th of February 2001 the Wastes bonded stronger than ever in their first near death experience, this is the ritual of whatever force it is that guides us. And today the sign was given. Tomorrow something weird and freaky will occur Josh has one idea what it will be I have another. But as fate has taught me I will always expect the unexpected and that more than anything else will be the standout point of tomorrow. It’s the 4th Reel Big Fish gig for me and Josh tomorrow, which rocks!! The Fish kick sac! Anyway if tomorrow does in some way bring the downfall of Post-Wastism through the unexpected then I wish it farewell. I wished Wastism farewell at the beginning of January, post-wastism might end tomorrow. If so then that is it! The chapter is finally closed for ALL OF US and the new one begins! Let’s see what happens shall we…

26-01-01 - Well the first month of this sorry year is almost over and quite a lot has transpired. With the ashes of Wastism glowing dimly in the background, the former Wastes and Madden have started to move their separate ways. A worthwhile topic to bring to the forefront is the fact that Dearden Squirrel has not been present at the last 4 gigs that Josh and Madden have attended. As we all know gigs were a vital part of the foundations of Wastism, which have now been left to corrode in hell without a trace of remorse. Along the same lines, Josh Squirrel seems to have sacrificed a lot of radness and punkness for a life as an emo, go-out-on-own, spend-hours-on-the-internet, have-girls-as-just-friends boy, which is VERY VERY worrying; another sign of the TOTAL demise of Wastism. Madden on the other hand (the Squirrel member who didn’t attend the social gathering on December 29th) has been left to carry on his life as normal. No changes for Madden Squirrel… and if that’s what parties do to you (give you girlfriends, make you be more like Madden, ruin your life etc) then I don’t think I ever want to attend such a gathering. In other news, January has been fun due to reasons of a gigular persuasion. Madden and Josh Squirrel have seen Reel Big Fish 3 times, Shootin’ Goon 3 times, Lightyear (a pile of funny band who said we can support them whenever we want) 2 times, Capdown once, Lubby Nugget once and the Antisocialworkers once. We have been to Leeds Cockpit once, Derby’s Victoria Inn twice, Sheffield Corporation once and that’s all in this month. The Victoria Inn is basically a cave that a dog is allowed to roam for hours on end. This amuses us all. It looks like girls are fully being installed into the lives of the former Wastes, whereas any trace of female is being removed from Madden’s. Reel Big Fish are playing on Feb 9th at the Hop and Wellgood and Less Than Jake are back again at Manchester on the 9th of April. I love them SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO much… what a class band… wearing our T-shirts and the like. I wonder if they remember who we are! There has been talk of attending these gigs with a group of followers (some being female and of course in no way linked to Madden) and even talk of a Leeds festival being attended… I am being freaked out by many a change, but I suppose they are just post-wastel effects that I have to adjust to. Madden and Josh Squirrel have failed to attend a lot of college due to staying up on the internet and going to Derby which takes years to get home from. This will result in failure for Madden and outstanding success for Josh… why… because I’m a waste. Oh I almost forgot… we may adorn the cover of a magazine in the near future. Yes that’s right Enuff Squirrel on the cover of a magazine given out in bulk. Now most bands would be really stupid with the information they have. A lot of bands would be like “Oh we’re DEFINITELY gonna be on the cover of a magazine” to try and make themselves seem good and clever. We here at the Wastel HQ (basically me) have decided to tell the truth. The truth is that the chance of us being on the cover are that of a small toad being able to get past a toad-eater of high toad-eating qualities. I am now going to move onto my final area, which calls upon the name Dearden… or Lowden as he can still (possibly?) be named. The appearance and activities of one Dearden Squirrel are becoming less and less monitored without an accompanying waste by his side. He could have even scored… probably has… and we won’t know about it. Hell this is all getting too weird and confusing… Wastism COME BACK DAMN YOU!!!

01-01-01 - The year 2001 has begun with only one Waste left! If you were to scroll back through the last month this sudden departure of two proven Wastes would be HIGHLY unsuspected, but sadly fate has intervened. Some day I will write a real book about the story of Wastism and the rules and such. For now I can only pay my respects to the memory of two fine Wastes who sadly could not stick to the Waste rulebook and found lives. Anyway over the past month much has happened and Wastism has ended. Enuff Squirrel will try to carry on with only one Waste left but this will be a gruelling task and will probably not last for long. In other news however I intend to make this site better when my comp begins to work properly. I will put more pictures up and update the site a lot more frequently... you do realise that I am just trying to get you to believe my lies right, because no-one who owns a web page EVER lives up to those kind of promises. Anyway have a good 2001, for some reason I have the feeling I am gonna die this year. It will be interesting to see which direction the two former Wastes go in after this sudden departure from Wastism. Allow me to end my update on a post left in our guestbook on New Year's Eve:

"HIYA ~girly voices~we love dearden! maybe that should be girlie voice as jen has no part of the loving dearden process ummmmm what else.... it says on a bus stop near jens house Enuff Squirrel rock go to it now (mealhouse lane near old biddie home) deardens got banned from going to jens house but sneaked back in under the name of joshwa... why was sams party so crap? cos everyone cried except jen and thats pants oh yeah neither did dearden or joshwa ummmmmm why r we on here on new years eve? arnet we dull? well yes and no i was suspended dont i rock (jenny) kellys slowly working the way through the band dosent she rock? ..... but shes sticking with dearden.... SORRY MADDEN! chani rocks doesnt she dearden remember the shorts!?!?!?!?!? painful memories... that offspring top should be got rid of.... what little there is of it what else....... Dearden..... Scott does NOT rock no! scotty g doesnt either gotta go byeee loadsa loadsa luv n crap kelly ummmm Jen says bye happy 2001 cos 2000 was pants xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxwe love enuff squirrelxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

09-12-00 - Well quite a bit has occured recently, firstly on Saturday the 2nd of December Madden and Dearden journeyed to some pub in the depths of Atherton and booked ourselves our first gig. The pub is called "The Albion" and is crap. Our first gig will apperently take place on the 27th of December which will be cool but most importantly very, VERY crap. In other news Madden for some reason successfully PASSED his driving test acheiving only TWO minor faults, which pleases Madden immensley, driving is fun!! Also we realised today at practice that we need more songs. Oh yeah and Madden saw Green Day on the 7th of December and they were very good, especially since it was at the MESuckmysac... of course it didn't hold a candle to any other gigs seen this year but hell it still rocked!! Bye!

21-11-00 - OK... today I received news that Dearden has been thick enough to book us a gig at some pub in Atherton for Saturday (it's Tuesday now) the 25th. This would be no problem except WE DON'T HAVE A PA SYSTEM. I wonder if this gig will go ahead?! If it does that means Enuff Squirrel will have FINALLY played a gig. Otherwise we will just continue with our low, pathetic lives. In other news, we have tried playing Andrea by MxPx and realised that our version sucks. Oh by the way, in order to have a reasonable set for this gig, we will have to dig out a few cover songs. I am a member of Drive Thru Records Street Team which pleases me and I got a LOT of free stuff. Anyway the moral of today's news is that Dearden is the thickest pile of thick ever... I just want to scream "MORON" right in his sorry face.

05-11-00 - Well it's been a long time since I last updated this news section. So I'll do a brief summary of the last few weeks. Enuff Squirrel have been to Sheffield twice once on the 18th (minus Dearden) to see the Ataris and the Vandals, and once on the 23rd (with Dearden) to see Less Than Jake and MxPx. Less Than Jake were unbelievable as they were on the 25th in Manchester where on stage Roger and Buddy wore Enuff Squirrel T-shirts, (made that day by Enuff Squirrel themselves). In more recent news, finally after many months of dreaming, yesterday (the 4th of November) we finally purchased bass amps. These bass amps are VERY VERY good and VERY loud... so loud in fact that the volume is kept on 1.5 out of 10 and is still far too loud. The bass amps are 800W and this is ridiculous considering we are very very crap. Josh had to ride home illegally in the car, lying down on the folded down back seats crushed between the front seats and the bass amps (in £400 worth of flight casing might I add). The amps are worth £1500... and the flight cases knock that up to £1900... so basically we now have £3000 worth of amps. Anyway that's enough for now... oh yeah Madden failed his driving test miserably and has booked it again for the 5th of December where once again he will fail. Damn Wastism to hell!!

15-10-00 - Practice is being inhibited, although we had a decent practice on umm Thursday (I think). We need more songs. I get the impression that Wastism is gonna be destroyed forever this week, and by that I refer to Josh and Dearden who already have experimented with lives (see guestbook).

06-10-00 - Due to a bus strike me and Josh skipped college in favour of a long practice where we nailed all our songs several times resulting in a very sweaty Enuff Squirrel afterwards. I have discovered that when singing What I Learned In College, my abs start bulging and hurting. This worries me, but could also lead to the slow achievement of a pack! In other news Josh and Dearden are crying cause I'm not practicing Saturdays and I can't be bothered typing too much on this subject as it has bothered me for sometime now. Umm the Ataris is coming up which should be fun and Woody needs to know his role (which is as MY deputy). This has been HEAD WASTE... thanks for your time!

21-09-00 - I have spent all week suffering the wastal wrath of Josh and Dearden. They claim I am no longer a waste cause I hung with a rad girl for a few hours. I need to prove them wrong. As I sit on my wastal throne I can only hope that things return to normal... as we cannot be having band members considering other band members "rad". I would like anyone who knows Enuff Squirrel to send posts to the guestbook stating who is the biggest waste in the band and who is the biggest life boy along with reasons why!! This is urgent so please help! For the sake of Wastism!!

14-09-00 - Interesting day for all as firstly Madden is punished for still being alive for 17 years by obtaining a stomach infection which sees him get wheelchaired out of collcrap into a waiting hospital initalisation automobile (or ambulance). Madden (unfortunately for life) survives. Whilst in other areas of wastism Desmond began his new job at Originals today... actually he was supposed to start yesterday but couldn't due to lack of petrol for buses. The petrol thing is crap. We have been discussing hiring this practice place in Manchester which can also act as a recording studio and make us 100 CD's for £160. I am considering copywriting our low activities as they are being stolen by others and used cheaply and to no real low potential. Example: People who have girlfriends, have had girlfriends or who have girls interested in them are NOT low. Lowness is NOT experimenting with substances or trying in ANY way to get a life. Therefore these imitators should just give up... anyway that's all for now!

12-09-00 - Just this minute got back from Nerf Herder/No Use For A Name gig. It kicked a whole load of face, and I got to sing on Diana... I sure feel sorry for any "fans" who missed the gig... what kind of stupid moron would do that. Anyway after the gig we pestered the guys from Nerf Herder to let us support them tomorrow at Sheffield but they told us it wasn't up to them. So we asked the drummer from NUFAN and he seemed unsure. I hate talking to people with good accents in my stupid English voice, I think I will get a voice transplant. Also during Nerf Herder Parry jumped into the crowd twice which rocked and made me realise that the MxPx/Less Than Jake gig is gonna kick face. We are now gonna come up with a plan of getting LTJ to let us support them, we will ask them on the 23rd in Sheffield and we will support them on the 25th in Manchester. By the way did I mention that I was once the singer for Nerf Herder. We also met our prospective trumpet player at the gig. This could be fun as horns rock. By the way we suck!!

10-09-00 - Well me and Josh have been at college for a week now and it sucks so much. All the new 1st years are either zolid gets or metalheads... hmmm I didn't expect that (<--sarcasm). There appears to be no potential horn players there. Both Josh and Dearden have jobs now at the same place. We need jobs for Ampeg bass amps but jobs are crap. It's Nerf Herder on Tuesday and that kicks any Enuff Squirrel info in the sac. We practiced every day after college this week and I broke the low E bass string... could I be any tougher?! The Wednesday and Thursday practices were 2 of the best ever, we had a 10 song set list of very good songs... 6 of them were our own. The Cat Song appears to be coming along, but metalheads is my fave still. Josh's sister and her Melted Cat loving friend saw us play but I think they think we suck cause we have loud amps. I can't be bothered getting a job! Hopefully I'll have a car soon!

04-09-00 - It's a stupid meeting at college which Josh and Madden attend. It sucks, however we cleverly bring the keys to the church and go straight to the church from college where we practice for about 9 hours. Could we be more extreme?? The metalhead song is my fave (What I Learned In College) and I am currently trying to figure out how the Cat Song verses should be sung... I will probably have to go high (Madden + high = bad). Josh has added some more backing vocals to songs which rocks. I got home to discover Melted Cat have a site now. For how much better they are than us (and they are A LOT better) they seem to be influenced rather strongly by us, this is to Madden's humour.

31-08-00 - We practice for the last time in the holidays... Josh starts work on Saturday at his new job... it looks like practice will be not as frequent from now on, however we all need to start work to finance bass amps for gigs.

30-08-00 - We practice again and Josh has made a rather rad intro and ending to a song... I wonder how it will turn out?

29-08-00 - Madden journeys to Wigan with drummer from Melted Cat to purchase a new bass string he succeeds and meets Josh and Dearden at about 4:00pm and we practice.

28-08-00 - Madden fails to get a bass string due to it being Bank Holiday... practice is not applied.

27-08-00 - Nothing happens with the band cause it's Sunday and we don't practice cause the church is used for some reason... I think worship and such other rituals are carried out there!

26-08-00 - Today Enuff Squirrel ventured up to a local tavern named the Glass Barrel where a local band named "Melted Cat" played a set (do not give any credit to that band for the name it was influenced by us). They played 19 songs and they are good on their instruments. However most of their own songs suck and I actually like ours a lot better. They also have a keyboard player!!

25-08-00 - The site is improved without the help of Josh and Dearden!!

24-08-00 - I (Madden) returned home early from practice due to my snapping of a bass string. Due to a lack of money I failed to keep a spare so practice was cancelled. We were practicing a few new songs today (of our own) and I showed Josh the Cat Song. When I came home I started work on this web site by stealing html code from other bands sites!!