Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean lawyer jokes that I've come across. If you are a lawyer, please try not to be too offended; and remember, it's just words... unless they're true. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: Back to Home Page Back to Main Jokes Page Golf Round Promotion Valentine Cards Three Questions Jerk! Operate Truck Driver My Dad's a Lawyer Reckless Drivers What Do You Do? How Do You Feel? Courtroom Quotes Pearly Gates Back to Main Jokes Page Back to Main Page

Home Golf Round      Two lawyers were playing their weekly round of golf when they came up on two women playing really slow. The first lawyer says, "Let me go ask those two ladies if they will let us play thruogh."       He gets about halfway down the fairway when he turns around and comes back. The second lawyer asks what happened. The first lawyer says, "Well, I decided that it was best for me not to be seen. One of the women is my wife and the other is my mistress."       The second lawyer says, "Okay, I'll go and ask if we can play through." He gets about the same distance and comes back. The first lawyer asks him what happened and he replied, "It sure is a small world." Promotion      An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.      "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.      "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."      Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Valentine Cards      A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.      His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"      "But why?" asks the man.      "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. Three Questions      A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.      "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.      "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.      "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?" Jerk!      A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, "All Lawyers are JERKS!"      A man at the front of the bar stands up and says "Hey! I resent that!" So the first man asks, "Why are you a lawyer?"      "NO! I'm a jerk!"   Home