Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean lawyer jokes that I've come across. If you are a lawyer, please try not to be too offended; and remember, it's just words... unless they're true. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

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Home What Do You Do?      A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"      The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but I said instead 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go." How Do You Feel?      The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim: Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"      Farmer: "That's right."      Attorney: "Well then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"      Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he proceeded to go over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life." Pearly Gates      One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."      St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."      St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."   Home