Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean medical jokes that I've come across. To the best of my knowledge these are just jokes and not based on actual facts; so please do not be offended if you have fallen victim to any similar circumstances. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: Back to Home Page Back to Main Jokes Page Seeing Spots Christmas Carols How Long Have I Got? Calling the Shots Special Diet History of Medicine Bump on the Head 24 Hours The Doctor's Visit Supposedly True... Two Doctors Back to Main Jokes Page Back to Main Page

Home Seeing Spots      A man goes in to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots." Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged      SCHIZOPYHRENIA: - Do You Hear What I Hear?      MULTIPLE PERSONALITY: - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.      DEMENTIA: - I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas      MANIA: - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town      PARANOIA: - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me      OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE: - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...      BORDERLINE PERSONALITY: - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire      PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE: - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me... And Then Took it all Away How Long Have I Got?      A man hasn't been feeling well, so he went to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor came out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying and you don't have much time left."      "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"      "Ten," the doctor says sadly.      "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"      "Nine..." Calling the Shots      A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?" The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here." Special Diet      This guy goes into the doctor's office for the results of his tests. "Well, what's the news?" "Not good I'm afraid," replied the doctor. "You've got a disease that can't be treated." The man broke down crying. "What am I going to do?" he sobs.      "Well, I'm afraid it's even worse than that, you have a new and highly contagious form of this disease, and we're going to have to put you into quarantine right away. Then we can start the special diet."      "What special diet?" the guy asks. "Pancakes and flat fish - sole, plaice and stuff like that." "And this special diet, will it help me get well?"      "Well, no, but it's the only stuff we can get under the door."   Home