Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean medical jokes that I've come across. To the best of my knowledge these are just jokes and not based on actual facts; so please do not be offended if you have fallen victim to any similar circumstances. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: Back to Home Page Back to Main Jokes Page Seeing Spots Christmas Carols How Long Have I Got? Calling the Shots Special Diet History of Medicine Bump on the Head 24 Hours The Doctor's Visit Supposedly True... Two Doctors Back to Main Jokes Page Back to Main Page

Home A Concise History of Medicine      2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.      1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.      1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.      1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.      1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.      2000 A.D. - This antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root. Bump on the Head      A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an abdominal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.      Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, if not psychopsymatic phase, spoke to the doctor about it. "Don't worry about a thing," the doctor told the nurse, looking somewhat amused. "He really does have a bump on his head... About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic. 24 Hours      A man went back to the doctor to get the results of tests he had done a week earlier. The doctor told him he had some good news and some bad news. The patient said, "Okay, what's the good news?"      The doctor replied, "You have 24 hours to live." The patient gasped and said, "If that's the good news, what could possibly be the bad news?"      The doctor said, "The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday!" The Doctor's Visit      A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:      Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal that he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him down with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. Just be sure to cater to your husband and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next ten months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."      On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"      "You're going to die," she replied. Supposedly True, I'll Let You Decide...      My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.      He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.      Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.      The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:      "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."   Home