Uncle Will is a simple diamond farmer from Wisconsin. He came to EMSP on the reccommendation of his nephew, Dave Roberts, and the rumor that Brett Favre was going to come to campus. We don't have the heart to tell him that last time Brett was here, he spat on our sacred statue and peed in our sacred lake.

Ronnie works as a taste tester for EMSP Dining Services. According to him, EMSP has "The worst pies in London!" His favorite dish is magic onion rings. By night, Ronnie roams campus in a pink leotard fighting crime as "Captain Confused."

Bart is evil. His evil manifesto from his application: "If you don't let me in, I will make you a helpless pawn in my plan to take over the general vicinity of where ever I am at that moment. Then, when I am done with you, I will find you in the middle of the night and commit random acts of evil to you. Also, I like it when you scratch the back of my head. But not too much. A little to the left. Right there."

Trevor is EMSP's star comedian. "Trevor joke" has become a part of every EMSP student's vocabulary. He has been compared to such funnymen as David Letterman and Drew Carey, although usually not favorably.

Holy Sclieffen! Marie has recently been appointed Director Of Things That Are Abrasive. In this capacity she will be responsible for EMSP's supply of sandpaper, nail files, and toilet paper.

Merritt is to EMSP what Michael Stipe is to NATO. If you figure out what that means, let us know. We've been trying to figure it out.