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no missing piece this time i bring all of me, whole, and i will take all of me, whole you are not a condition for my happiness i can live the rest of my life without you but yes, maybe only you can trigger that particular smile and make me draw that particular breath still, i think your necessity is something you have to convince me of, and forget arguments about my sanity see, i am here ready to go and ready to stay or i can come back some other time or i can simply bow my thanks for a few beautiful tugs at my Soul-strings and move on, again.
starting from scratch blank paper amazes me with its pure possibilities so what Story shall i begin? once upon a time is too worn out and really, it's happened too many times i should know better or maybe I should just let the Story write itself, only that it might leave me out, forgetting i am supposed to be the frog who turns into a princess croaking by the well watching
well there, i did it again well, i was lonely or i thought i was or i just didn't want to be called proud so don't ask what's battling inside me what i feel can shape-shift in a matter of a half-breath i would not bother to even name it last night old dreams stirred restlessly, in spasms, blindly tugging at my Soul-threads persistently waiting tonight I missed loving him so much i missed the madness it was rather fun
today i am consumed with trying to catch a convergence of our everyday paths, i just want to say hello hear my voice addressing him feel my heart pretending nonchalance a first step, not too bad, arresting enough to draw attention mild enough not to scare away i just need to register my existence, i want my face and my voice to begin appearing in his dreams it is difficult like learning to walk again i hesitate in mid-stride for a moment balanced precariously between fleeing and moving forward in my mind we have movie-like conversations i wish for him to ask me something like the time, or whether it's raining outside i imagine him remembering me at odd moments like when he sees children laughing today i invisibly grasp at the soul-webs intricately crisscrossing between us, trying to make him take my turn, to distract him with my light, today i try again.
everything seems to trickle slowly the surface of my soul cracks dry a drought has settled in my own tears evaporate in midstream salt encrust my cheeks like diamonds my throat is parched i push my fingers behind my tongue and i could hear the scratch of my nails i am empty and yet i am full i roll my eyes inwards and the blackness inside of me is like a solid thing that presses against my heart the silence is thick like blood coagulated on old wounds i scream at myself and my voice can find no room in the void i have leapt and i have swallowed too much i keep thinking now maybe i should have kept my mouth shut
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