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death
i tickle my throat because i want to throw you up your dead body has begun to decompose inside me i want you out
or would you prefer to clasp the forceps to haul you out from between my legs i've been pushing so hard my face has turned blue
there it is, the softest breath released from the most passing mention of your name,
caused a barely perceptible ripple in the still waters of my having loved you
for now, i can turn my back on it, i will have enough time to be afraid
when the shadow of a tidal wave starts to loom and blot out
the glaring daytime i have forcefully created by ripping the night apart
i thought to force my dreams to burn and wither in the sun, to become mere ash
just this, the thought of you trickles silently down my throat
meanwhile my eyes are clawed out by the everyday til i can only see your absence
sometimes a great thirst overcomes me and i could barely speak and i don't know why
i still hunger for you sometimes and my hands would ache to stuff you in my mouth
i wonder, how long before you drown me again, fill my lungs with your heady scents
til i choke and gasp and throw up every potion i have swallowed in order to forget
i wonder how the cold shock of the your crashing waters will fare against this
slowly creeping fever that makes me see dreams even when i stare into the sun
a relapse is always worse, sometimes fatal, or so they say
the aftertaste of your breaking my heart hangs still on my tongue and no one has yet come forward to offer to suck it out of me
i peel away you that cling to me like mossy water see me raw but free i think...
i have locked my love into a realm of its own it is neatly bundled into a dream blessed into an eternal waking he does not know it but my love trails behind him quiet, content settled, somehow it has prepared itself to delight in the coolness of his shadow to feed itself with traces of him it will never clamor for more it will simply live and give of itself now i can pursue more mundane things the questions that used to hum around my head have been quieted these questions re now watching the realm gazing in quiet satisfaction at the dreamed answers the questions watch him and they know that they will never dare to present themselves before him they will not mar my love with expectations now i can pursue more mundane things i can dance with the world it will not matter that i will often dance alone
how can i erect my gravestone there is no space everything is filled by you you crowd my thoughts and make me forget this death do not distract me i need my sacred place to rest safe from your irreverent intrusions do not eavesdrop on my mumbled prayers let my god answer them i will not have you dealing with him behind my back (resurrect me)
inside me there is a globe of swirling emptiness caught and suspended in mid-soul i had poked at it many times with the infinite pinpoints of light i often see in dreams i have attempted to splay it open with the sharp blinding edges of seeming that mark the boundaries of dream-Stories finally i flowed myself through its madly patterned walls it is but an empty space like some forgotten, abandoned house quiet and lifeless yet how strange, even the dust smells faintly of you still
my head on the floor asleep in mid-trance my candlestick broken swiped by a dreaming hand my door closing at the wake of some offended spirit my scrying mirror fallen on its guilty face my broken heart and its last gasp of your name
why linger over my dead body three days will not change god’s mind or yours
the heart makes no sound when it falls and breaks it is silent like you like the cold ground on which it dies
how brave of you your presence splashed into my consciousness like fake sunlight without heat there is a suspicious humming sound (like broken spaceships trying to lift off) like an undercurrent in your radiant presence like vibrating, agitated sunspots dancing in distress i am cold obviously, there is nothing you can do.
i scrape the dry sand and skin myself drained of dreams. only ghosts visit me now and even they do not stay for long because the emptiness swallows them.
read more of the dream-king collection...
| desire i |
distress ii |
destruction iii |
death iv |
deliverance v |
Acknowledgements
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