Home | Dream-king | Tempest | Pilgrimage | Stray | Cosmic Jokes | Anam Cara |
destruction
beware when i close doors and windows on you. it creates a false calm, but the storm does not die, and it rages still outside. who knows a great old tree may have already been uprooted and is now hurtling towards you.
everyone's shadow is different i dared to touch yours and fell into the nightsky stars tumbled past me, eager to rush into you like me they burn like me but then they are also dead been dead for thousands of years too many of them dead falling, burning they could be already cold when they finally reach you cold and dead when finally you see them shall i be as dead and cold before my fall ends will i even feel it still when my dead body slams into you
painstakingly i gather back pieces of my affection pieces i had entrusted to other people in the hope that they may find their way home to you i gather them back and swallow them now i am bloated and there is a funny tickle at the back of my throat don't push me away i might throw up all over your cool armani shirt
one day i missed you so badly it left a bitter taste in my mouth and a twisting cramp in my stomach i wanted to see you so badly that i almost prayed for it almost because i would not have god casting crumbs down my upturned face but then you know how absent-mindedly he does Things sometimes a random sway of his hand brought you to me a spoiled blessing leftover from some obscure miracle cast upon a bad hair day... you said: “your hair needs taming.”
i will not be a homeless beggar in your world, in your life. i will just be passing through i will not stay. i do not expect to be offered anything not a drink, a plate of food a room to stay simply allow me these few quiet moments as i stare up your castle and make believe that i am your queen a queen who chose to leave afterwards i shall yank my feet away tearing up the roots spilling the blood and red footsteps will follow me as i leave
i am at peace with not having you i can watch you from my safe distance (which you still find too close sometimes) and be content with seeing you laugh as if you were always happy such that i feel jealous of whoever or whatever it was that made you love life at that moment i am at peace with your being free i can always think that you are just simply too majestic to be possessed by anyone instead of being saddened by the thought that my hands and my heart were simply too small to take you in i am at peace without you i can sleep at night and do grander Things with you in Dreams and not you nor i will have the chance to disillusion each other with the waking Truth i am at peace see my hands are always open for you without demands and you can always dance and flit between my fingers and they shall not even twitch in a near-grasp and you can lay your heart upon my palms without fear and they will be as still as my own breathing ah, to have your heart in my hands...
slowly i try to erase the mess i have made from loving you i untold my dreams and shed my sleepwalking stance. there. everything seems back like it were always morning pay no attention if sometimes i blink a second too long the sun can be so blindingly bright besides, i suffer from narcolepsy.
we passed the wastelands of forgotten dreams. i found a tarnished crown, half-buried in the shimmering sand. he said: “she wanted to be queen” i looked at him, remembering, and i said: “she wants it still” he looked away.
you probably feel you have won the final round because you see me limp away in what seemed like resignation cloaked in a semblance of dignity unfortunately you missed the smile on my bloodied lips (banged and broken against immovable you) you forget that to win, i have to be dead
read more of the dream-king collection...
desire i |
distress ii |
destruction iii |
death iv |
deliverance v |
Acknowledgements