poems for sebastian

vicious circles

sometimes i sit here and wonder what
it would be like to be impassioned about you
as it is i can only wonder because
i cannot seem to feel the fire that consumes
these others you have quite angrily
dangling by your soul-threads

i watch you almost unconsciously twist
relationships into a tangle of meaningless
connections, like you couldn’t stand to be
too well-defined nor too well-confined
i have often been presented these skeins
of heartstrings rubbed raw by uncertainty

tell me, what patterns have you been trying to weave?
do you even know how to begin?
look at your own hands, how gently they have
broken hearts and squeezed hope from whatever
has been left to hurt, do you even realize
the gifts they have let go?

have you ever caught glimpses
of the hidden faces distorted
by expectations, in the dark
after you have supposedly made
love; yet what is it exactly have you
just made --- another empty promise?

sometimes i sit here and i watch you
and i wonder whether i would be different
or will i be trapped in the same
vicious circle of loving and hating you?
sometimes i am thankful i am out of it;
and sometimes not.

untitled

you are chartered country
a territory countlessly claimed
by discoverers and adventurers
and crusaders alike
either by chance
or by design
yet no one’s banner has
flown high and proud enough
for long enough
and you remain to be
what you think is free
drawn to that elusive shadow
a she who can expertly navigate
your waters
who could map out your moods
and claim you without
even lifting a finger
or raising an eyebrow

poems for sebastian	revisiting ruins	musings	a crooked path
a man of god	old times	spaced out	stars too bright

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Acknowledgements

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