Many homes are not what God intended. Instead of a place where
love and acceptance are the norm, violence and abuse are everyday
experiences. Domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Educational
background, income, class, race, or faith seem to make little
difference. Society has long known about spousal abuse, but fear,
embarrassment, and practical concerns covered it with a blanket
of silence.
The type of man most likely to batter witnessed violence as a
child, acts violently toward his children, and needs to
control or dominate females.
More than 4,000 women - about 30% of all female homicide
victims - die of domestic abuse each year.
More than 3 million women in the United States are battered
each year, says the National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence.
When deaths from violence occur, in 85% to 90% of the cases,
police had been called to the home for domestic violence at
least once during the two years before the killing. In more
than half the cases, police had been called five or more
times. Often when the woman reports the case to the police,
the attacker becomes more violent.
Violence is 14 times more likely to occur after the parties
separate. Separation or divorce may only increase the
attacker's anger because the woman is no longer under his
power.
Look for the signs of abuse: Visible cuts, bruises, black
eyes, or other injuries - and her explanations are not
consistent with them (For example: I ran into a door knob and
got this black eye.); consistently misses appointments or
church commitments; is reluctant to invite anyone to her
home; seems on edge, jittery, or withdraws; won't stay around
to talk with anyone after a meeting or church service because
she must hurry home; wears unusually heavy clothing out of
season, such as long sleeves in hot weather to cover bruises
on her arms; and often wears makeup heavier than usual to
hide bruises or marks on her face.
Approach her. If you are a close friend of the victim,
approach her privately - definitely not in the presence of
her husband. Ask some questions that will help her open up to
you, such as: Is everything all right at home? Is someone
hurting you?
Help her find a safe refuge. If she and her children need a
safe place to go, take them to a domestic violence safety
center, to a family member or friend who lives in another
county or state, or the home of a volunteer in your church
who is unknown to the husband and who can offer a safehouse.
Do not take her into your own home if her husband might
anticipate her staying with you. Your life could be
endangered. If possible, help her financially or arrange for
the church to provide her with travel and expense money.
> Don't judge or criticize her. Listen with understanding and
support her with your prayers, presence, and some concrete
suggestions about what she can do. Let the abused woman know
that someone cares for her and that she is created by God as
a person of infinite worth. Don't pity her, empower her.
Put her in touch with someone who can help her. Recommend a
good attorney and counselor - people who know what to do and
how to do it. Become aware of shelters in your community and
volunteer to work at a domestic abuse center.
Involve your church. Make sure key people in your church know
about domestic abuse, where to go for help, and what
precautions should be taken as you reach out to the victims.
Create a support group that she knows she can call for help
when needed. It is through Christ's church that she can find
emotional healing. Be ready to support her financially as
well as spiritually.
Women of the world are experiencing hurt every day - losing loved
ones, struggling to make peace with a broken past, battling
divorce, and facing abuse. God's Heart, God's Hands guides
Christian through encounters with hurting women and points to
ways of knowing God's heart, being God's hands for them.
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Denise George is the author of more than a dozen
books dealing with prayer, spiritual growth, and
church history. She has written more than 1, 200
articles for magazines such as Redbook, Guideposts,
Decision, and HOMELIFE. Denise and her husband,
Timothy, have been married for 27 years and are the
parents of two teen-agers.
