Well last night was rather interesting. Out of no where, Shanan appeared (no doubt no one else was around), and she desperately wanted to get out of the house, because her mom and her mom's friend and her mom's boy-friend were all drinking over there. Apparently, she hates her mom's boy-friend and so she came and knocked on my window (not my bedroom's, the den's). Anyway, we did what we always do when we hang out. We walk around the "huge" expanse of Kezar Falls and I listen to her problems and I offer a nugget or two of advice to help her out, which she generally doesn't consider in the first place. As hostile as I sound in the summation of our conversations, it was actually a nice surprise to get out of the house and talk to someone near my age (her being a cute female didn't hurt either). In any case, I know I'm the last resort for her to get out of the house, because her mom trusts me (probably because I'm the only one here that doesn't smoke up and get into trouble with the cops), so I don't get my hopes up when she shows up and starts to talk amiably to me. Surprisingly however, she was in an excellent mood and had just came home from being at the races all day. Her mom races cars at Beechridge Speedway, and Shanan helps out in the pit-crew (or as Shanan explained, her job is to look good). She invited me to go with her to the Speedway Thursday, which I wouldn't mind at all, I'm sure it would be quite entertaining. But, I have doubts as to whether or not that will happen, because she tends to blow me off. Our walk was much longer than it usually was (perhaps to make sure they had left her house by the time we got back), and apparently the construction crew who I'm thinking about applying for, is actually manned by her dad. So now, if she gives me a good word, then I should be all set for a summer job, close by too. Outdoors, pay is good, and it would be labor. Bad-ass I say. Wednesday I'm going to ask her if she wants to go up to the townhall with me to get the application, that way I'll be sure to get off my butt and get it done. Also, since she has connections, I can probably car-pool with someone that she knows, and get over there without my car. And if I get on good-terms with her dad, her mom and her brother already really like me, so I'd be hooked up for the summer in more ways than one. Guys are such conniving bastards.

So after some flirtation, some drunk ass teens came walking over to us (as we sat on the steps of the town hall), who Shanan proceeded to tell them for Dani to come over and talk to her if they ran into her. Sure enough two minutes later, Dani shows up crying 'cuz B.W. apparently is driving around drunk, who she has had a crush on for who knows how long. So she's bugging out. We then walk over to Niki's car and some other dudes in the fire station parking lot, where there were even more drunk people, where Dani had come from. Then for some reason, Niki sends this blonde chick Bonnie over to me to ask who I was. Now Niki is B.J.'s sister (and B.J. is Shanan's off and on again boy-friend), and we have seen each other many times, so why she didn't know who the hell I was is beyond me. Furthermore, why she even had enough interest in sending someone over makes no sense to me either, seeing as how she hasn't uttered a word to me any other time we've been around each other. So after standing around listening to Shanan trying to cheer-up Dani, and the others have drunken conversations, we finally decide to head back to Shanan's house. She claims that she'll start calling me a lot more, and hanging out a lot more now that she quit her baby-sitting job (how much more typical of a high-school girl...), even though she hadn't talked to me for a month straight since then. Anyway, she said that if the people were still at her house, that she would come back to my house that night and we'd chill or whatever, and if not she'd talk to me later.

So five minutes after I get into my house, I get a call from her that they had left and that she might get online, but she'd probably go to bed. Sure enough she went to bed, which I didn't have a problem with, in fact I was surprised she had called me to let me know she wasn't coming down. So I get online, and Dani gets on soon after, and starts to complain about how much life sucks, because no one will go down to B.W.'s house to see if he has gotten home yet. So, keeping my nice guy image I obliged and said I'd walk with her for four miles to see if this guy ever ended up back at his house. This kid is a psycho and a complete jack-ass, the one who nearly assaulted my driver's ed. teacher and put a couple of dents into the driver's ed. car with his fist. Why I do these things I don't know. But, I figured I had nothing else to do that night and what the hell else did I have better to do?

So she comes down and we end up walking literally ten yards from my house, when this black car speeds by us and starts doing donuts and going in reverse crazily. Of course, Dani knows who these people are so they offer to give us a lift to check to see if B.W. has indeed gotten back safely, which I agree to thinking nothing of it. These "oh yeah we'll take you down to see if they're there" type pick-ups on Saturday nights, always amount to much more than that. So we climb into the back of this hatchback; a guy is at the helm who is sober, some girl is riding shot-gun, and joining us in the backseat is Mason, who is definitely not sober. So, we proceed to New Settlement Rd. where it appears that B.W. has arrived safely home, much to Dani's relief. Then we end up tearing around backroads at 100 m.p.h. for three hours, going to the dam in Hiram, uprooting a sign that said "Mason Rd." but leaving it in the ditch for the next day when we realize we have no place to put the sign, and going to Fryeburg to stop at a 24 hour convenience store to pick up random junk food (which I needlessly purchased a Mountain Dew when I was hungry and not thirsty). So, I eventually make it back to my house at 3, which was pretty damn good, with no plans at the start of the evening.

But does the craziness stop there? Oh no fellow readers, as interested as you must be in this terribly exciting narration of my life in hickville, I had an even more interesting dream. One of the most interesting I have had in at least a month. Alright, so this is how it plays out:

I am in a black limousine, not a stretch limo by any means, but a very plush black leathered interior limousine. So who is the limousine driver? Mr. Zamarchi, the basketball coach of Marshwood High School, of which I failed in freshman try-outs to a retarded kid. No, pathetically enough, he truly was a mentally/physically challenged individual. The bastard... But anyway, that has nothing to do with the dream. He get's out, to run an errand or something, all I know is that we are in this parking lot outside of a large building. And when I say "we", I mean me on the left and Catherine Zeta-Jones looking very good indeed in a little black dress to my right. Now where Michael Douglas' bodyguards to beat my ass I have no idea, but at that point I really didn't care. And the conversation went like this:

Me: Did you know that guy used to be my high school basketball coach? Cat: Are you serious? Me: Yeah, it's nuts. How the hell did he wind up becoming your chauffeur? Cat: Well actually... (she moves in with a mischievous smile), I used to go out with the guy...

Alright, alright. I am not sure which is more implausible. Zamarchi going out with Catherine or myself. While they may be close to the same age, with the current fad of the older ladies in Hollywood going for the youngsters, I'm thinking we have about the same chance (okay none of y'all who read this have met Zamarchi except for Stuart and Garrett, so maybe they can vouch for me here)... Shut up Stuart, keep my dream alive here.

Me: What?!? Are you serious? Cat: Yup. (she laughs) Me: (hysterical laughter) Me: Why? Cat: Mmm, I don't know? Why not? Me: (Shrug) Cat: But want me to let you in on a secret? Me: Sure.

Why would I argue?

Cat: (leans over real close) Cat: He's terrible in bed. Me: (more hysterical laughter, half from wondering why she is telling me this, the other how I wouldn't doubt it for a second) Cat: And you know what? Me: What?

Brace yourself people.

Cat: He has a green dick... Me: What the fuck?! Cat: A fucking four-inch, green dick! Me: What the hell? Why is it green? Cat: (shrugs) Me: (disbelief, wondering what will be said next) Cat: Now, you however... (she looks me up and down) Are luckily the opposite...

Now as horrible as a pick-up line that is, I must commend her (or more so my brain) for coming up with such a clever line. If you can't piece together the opposite of green (think Christmas people), and so on then you folks shouldn't be reading anything I write on this damn site in the first place.

At that point, I had woken up and while unfortunately I missed out on the rest of the dream, I thought it was classic enough to let it go. So upon waking up, I am just getting dressed when the phone rings, and oddly enough it's Catherine Zeta-Jones. No, unfortunately it was just Dani, but it was just about as amazing. I didn't expect her to call me, even though she claimed she would when she and Mason dropped me off at my house the previous night. Apparently, she was grounded because she failed to call her dad to tell him where she was at, so now she is grounded for a week or so (most likely until Tuesday however because someone is coming to visit, who I don't know, I wasn't really listening). Anyway, Dez needs Dani for something, and so Dani claims she'll call me right back, which I didn't believe (and it just so happens she never called back). But a few hours later, after I had eaten and watched the first half of "Joe Dirt", Shanan comes to the door.

In her hands are Dani's pants and she asks if I want to go up to Dani's to bring the pants up to her, and change $5 worth of quarters in for a $5 dollar bill up at Kezar Falls Market. I guess I was too busy in being amazed at Shanan stopping over, and the fact that I could escape the house for a second day in a row, that I really didn't absorb the fact that she had $5 in quarters. Quarters are a precious commodity for the obscene amount of money it costs to pay for washers here. Regardless, we proceeded up to Dani's, and Shanan was in an even better mood than the night before, and not to mention was looking exceptionally fine as well. So, we got there only to have a note that read:

"Gone to pick up a dead cat" - Dad.

Now, as pleasant of a welcome as that is, we managed to break into Dani's bedroom, in which she was sleeping (Shanan did it, not me). Shanan woke her up, and I proceeded to lounge about on the two beds in Dani's room with the two kittens that were hopping about on and around me. I proceeded to aggravate Dani, by scolding her for feeding pizza to the kittens, when they should be eating cat food. She argued that they couldn't afford it, which gave me the reasonable argument of spaying the damn mother (this was the second time she had given birth to kittens) in the first place. Not to mention they are in the process of renovating the whole house, so they must have some money (and it doesn't look like half the ghetto it did beforehand, which is definitely a good thing... not to mention Dani now cares about putting her clothes away instead of leaving them strewn about on the floor). So Shanan and I proceeded from there to Kezar Falls Market and back to my house, with a surprising amount of flirtation and what-have-you. So Dani and Shanan came through surprisingly on this weekend. We shall see if I end up going with Shanan to the Speedway Thursday.

That's enough story-telling for one sitting, for anyone who got through it all, congratulations, and stay tuned to my next page long rant in months from now.

-Dan, dhurrikane@hotmail.com