Poetry, Book 2: To love and lose

I feel a great love for you
But I really can’t explain
Or tell you of these feelings
And walk out on a limb

This branch looks fairly sturdy
But I carry a lot of weight
In the baggage of my mind
And the loss of yesterday

And if I were to fall
Deep in love with you
And find you not the same
My heart would not remain

Come with me tonight
Leave your worries behind
I’m going to show you the world above
Like nothing you’ve ever seen
Take you far beyond 
Your wildest dreams

Cause I’ve got a brand new lease 
On this life I know
I’ve let go of my pain
Sent it back below
This world I know

Love me just as you can
All of you is all I demand
Cause I’ll give you every piece of my love
And take you high above
This world I know

12 years lost in the bottom of a glass
I won’t wait another minute 
For a love that lasts
Cause life here can end tomorrow
Left to drown in a pool of sorrow
Take my love
And hold on for the ride
The place I’m going is 
The time of your life
Far beyond
This world I know

Beautiful addiction
To what is pure
The road ahead 
Leads me to her

Nothing contrived
Nothing to lose
As I walk down 
The path I choose

And I let her inside
This world I know
And she finds a child
In the valley below

Holding on to a stone
On which inscribed
“This is my life
The world I know”

And she takes the stone
And holds it close
And we walk down 
The path He choose

When I hug you
My heart is free
My mind—released

My grey skies
Clear to blue
When I hug you

And when you hug me
My world is peaceful
—everything is natural

Tears of pain
Dissolve into love’s sea
Eyes blinded by fear
Can finally see
And everything 
Is as it should be

And no matter what
Is said and done
All is found in harmony

When you hug me

You gave me your dreams
I gave you my life
We created a love 
We lived in the skies

And we walked down the road
That leads to the end
And we left our love there
With no one to defend

The love that we had
And the life that we both had known
Lay at the end of that road

my love
—my heart
is like Storm King mountain
where I photographed you

it is a rugged terrain
but the fires of summer
have left only ghostly remains
of what long was
the uniqueness of a juniper
now burned to the ground
what has weathered many winters

but as Spring comes again
and waters the fertile soil
with Rain
green grass begins to grow
and this rugged hillside
slowly changes
back into
the world I used to know

She always looks for consolation
Never believed in regret
She puts a smile on the outside
But inside her is indifferent

She’ll talk to you of forever
And how things are meant to be
But a season changes, and love’s forgotten
She turns her eyes from what they see

And she’s a rebel,
A rebel without a cause
Looking for an answer
To the questions of a vagabond

She tries to find love
With a heart made of stone
The life of a runaway
Is all she’s ever known

And though you’d help her
You don’t know what to do
For you are her
And she is you

What’s the matter baby?
The love’s gone from your eyes
Did the sunlight that I gave to you
Not brighten up your skies?

And as you chase after fireworks
As they explode in the night
You’re left with only dark and ashes
As you try to find the light.

You seek to find
That place
Where you feel at home
—accepted—not alone

But as you travel
All ends of the earth
And what you seek
Seems to hide

You will find
One day
That it is no place
—but any
for this home
—this happiness
Is found inside.

Our branches intertwine
Your soul with mine

A love is buried deep
A heart is tilled to sow
Seeds of kindness strewn about
Two vines begin to grow

In tender wrapped embrace
Both growing towards the light
That love is carried upward
Beyond the horeb height

I'm sorry for any pain
I have caused you
It hurts me more
than it ever will you

I have not always been
an ideal friend
but all that I need
Is you to allow me
to change
and be
a better person

I have not
always been there
for you

and I hope
you will allow me
to be
here

there
to share
with you
your accomplishments
your challenges
your joy
and to have
you
there
to share
in mine

I know you don't
know what you want
what we are
or what we've been

and I know that
I have caused you
to question

but I know
what we have
what has Always been
and what will be there
seven hundred years
from now

It is a connection
that God himself fashioned
and that He gave us
to have and hold
to love
to learn
to grow
and to always
be there
to support
one another

I will never turn 
my back on you
and I will walk 
through fire
for you

and I hope you will
believe

that we are
forever connected

and regardless
of what shape
that connection takes

if we will but embrace this gift
and help one another
through love
—the only valid thing

then we will find
a more beautiful flower
then either of us
have yet beheld

and there
it awaits
discovery

"Fight for what you believe in" you say
but what if you are the only one
that believes?  Fight anyway!

I am always a fighter
—for truth, by nature
but what is true?

God fashions things
But we can follow
Or turn away
Though one day
Be it now or later
Eyes must see
What is forever

Thought turned they be
For worse or better

And if my fight
Be in vain—for naught
My heart will still believe
And forever see
The love that lies
In wait to be.

Now honey if I told you
What’s really in my heart
That sound that’s resonated
Even from the start

If I told you of what has been
Could you hold
What lies within?

Could you just believe?
Or would you walk right out
And leave
Too scared your heart
Might finally see
What has been

And what will be

Sometimes I wish
That I could tie you down
Make you stay
Make this work
And stick it out

And maybe you
Would give in
And stick it out
And see the light

But then again
You may one day
Walk out again

And though we are
Forever tied
By love alone
And what’s inside
If we shared a forever
Would we like what we find?

Could you bend?
Could you grow?
In the way I need?
Could you just let go?
I think you could
I know I would
But I think you won’t.

But prove me wrong
And you’ll find I’ll play
To the end of the song

And if we two
Can’t spend our forever
As lovers do

Then I’ll try to forget
Those things we shared
The bond we made
And call it by
A different name

“Friends”, though more than this
We will always be
When you look inside
Of you, and me.

And friend will I 
Always be to you
But I cannot forget
—I cannot loose
These forever heartstrings
That connect we two.

And though sunlight 
I choose to remember
And night
I choose to forget
Our lovecolors
Were just as vivid
In sunrise and sunset.

Why must this be
The love we shared
That you could not bear
Will not leave me

And why must this thorn
That has pierced my heart
But cannot be removed
For it plugs the hole
And if taken out
Would loose the fount

—why must this thorn
Incurred in the garden
On the path He chose
Be attached to
The most beautiful rose

And I try
To hold what I can
—these thorns
With bleeding hands

But it is fruitless
And Forever 
Now scares me
for Ever 
Is timeless

And if I must spend
Eternity
With nothing to hold on to
But the fragrance
Of the rose

Yet must I still walk
This path He chose.

I told you so. 

Though,
You would not thank me,
He,
Who trampled your love,
Any more than I
Would thank she
For cutting the flower
In full bloom
Waiting to be

But alas, it was not meant
Me with you, and she with me.

For you've found him know,
And I have found her,
—our ones; our forevers

And now we see
That even though
You may think you know...

—what will be will be.

And I told you so.

I 
The fool
For there is no I
only we

I 
The fool
For the devil knocked
And I let him in
and I was tormented

I 
The fool
For finding my happiness in you
for happiness must be found inside

I 
The fool
For you needed us to be
Something different
than what we see

You
The wise
For you have known
No I

You
The wise
For you let in
No unkind thing
Through the door
Of our heart

You
The wise
For always being 
Living happiness
And giving unto all

You
The wise
For always knowing
What we are meant to be

And I 
Thank you
For teaching
And humbling
And being a friend
To me.
~for God

Lost baggage
waiting to be claimed:
old women and men
longing for love
Left behind for
the meaningless business
of misplaced priorities

Lost baggage
peering from behind
dozens of spectacles
where the lucky
who gave enough love 
to have it returned
are found by loved ones

while the others
our mothers
waste away
count the days
until they are found
from empty
years
filled with triviality
and chit chat

If there be heart
in your being:
find these treasures
our mothers and fathers 
and show them joy 
and remind them of love

I pray Father
may I walk in right
not in darkness

may I live in Truth
not in weakness

may I love even my enemies
not be heartless

and in doing so serve you
in grace and meekness 

White light!
I am blinded.
Where is what I used to see?
What I knew?
What I believed?
It all looks different now

And though different
I have no desire
For that which was before
For
Everything is brighter here

No uncertain hope
No sorrowful tear
No fettered path
No needless fear

Only white light!
That surrounds me here
And holds us all
Forever near

Eyes had I
But now I see 
with my heart

Ears had I
But now I hear 
with truth

A mouth had I
But now I speak 
with love

An though I suffered
In that darkness
Which I illumined
With a candle

This White Light
Now leaves no dark
Nor cradled spark
But shines ever forth
And lights the way
For all to see

one life
are we
two
cannot be
for there is no you
there is no me
for we are all
one family

only one Mind
in reality we find
only love
the tie that binds

and in one love
above
all human creed

in service 
and charity
and in good deeds

will we finally see
that we are love

We are Love

and there is no you
there is no me

so let all discord
cease to be

for we are all
one family

I had to come out here
To get away from it all
—alone

I had to find a place
Where my thoughts 
Are my own

To a place—serene, untouched
By thoughts of you, or him
Where surrounded by junipers, sage and red stone
I can find my thoughts—God’s thoughts
—alone

And as I listen
I hear only the wild birds’ 
Spring song

And as I look around
I see centuries of rugged constancy
That changes only by us
—the hand of man

—the power line that cuts the land

But engrained in this constancy
Is a cycle of change

And as I see 
Dead trees
There grow more
Right beside
That are green and full
Of vigor
That are new and full
Of life

And where there
Is dead grass
New blades rise
From within

Where there
Is a dried up flower
A glorious blossom is seen

And so I begin to realize
As with all things—so it is
That all here is ever changing
And is better than it was

And as I think of what seems dead
Between you and I
I miss the bigger picture—the new flower
For what is Ever cannot die

But only changes as this landscape
And as the wild songbird sings
And eyes opened now behold
An autumn turned to spring

Für Jahre und auch bevor diesen
Freunde sind wir geworden
Freunde werden wir bleiben

Noch lange nachdem
Blaue und graue Wolken wir sehen

Für unseren Vater steht sie
Über allen Ländern
Allen Menschen
Unseren Händen

Und er führt uns auf den Weg,
Den er auswählt

Und wenn wir ihn erhören
Werden wir Frieden finden.

~translated by Bettina Beig

I should have known
I should have seen it coming
But yet I must be
Always trusting

She kept no picture of me
She opened herself not unto me
She never fully trusted
And offered no kiss unto me

I should have known
I should have seen it coming
But yet I must be
Always trusting

I’d try to take her places
But she often didn’t do things with me
But she’d spend every chance
With other friends—you see

And she thinks I didn’t know it
Though our souls are intertwined
That her heart had found another
Did she think that I was blind?

Or did she just not care
That I could not see it coming?
But yet I must be
Always trusting.

I would
That I could remember
The good times we shared

They far outnumber
In truth and love
Those moments of disregard

But alas I remember
Those things that hurt the most

The night I came to find you
And you were there with him
I then to you
Because of prospects
Was now just your friend

And I kissed you there
Unafraid
To stand for what we are
But you despised me for that
—our love
And so fell the shining star

And I remember that afternoon
When I came to pick you up
But you changed out plans
And unashamed
Instead climbed into
His truck

And that’s when I knew
Our raging fire
Had finally
Run out of fuel
Though with care
It would have burned
And grown
And never cooled

And I would
That I could remember
The good times
That we shared

Perhaps one day
As time goes by
And brighter things
I find
I can forget those times
You never cared

There were days when I would have cursed you
For abandoning
What we shared

But now I thank you
Seeing only as one truly can
In hindsight

For you would have slowed me down
Impeded what must be
And so it wasn’t

And like the proverbial Neo
Though we may doubt
And fear

The prophecy
Is as it ever was

And I 
And even you
Are right where we
Must be
And to the prophecy
Hold true

Lies.

All lies.

What you offered me.
What you said would be.
The claims of forever
and constancy.

All.  Lies.

The love I
thought we 
implored

The silent warnings
I ignored

for you
who knew not how
to try

but only lie.

You got bored
and found a better
diving board
to launch you from 
the world of reality
into your conception
of fidelity

Lies.  All lies.

And even when we parted
what did you tell
to make your sparkler
believe?

Lies.  More lies.

"What we had never was."
"What we did, we didn't do."

Well I take these lies
and hand them back to you

for I cannot bear witness
to what is not true
and though I see
great things in you

my time and all
I will not lose
to even the greatest
who is untrue.

If ever I do
Less than all
If ever I say
Less than love
If ever I show
Less than compassion
Or seem to act
In an unkind fashion

Know that only this
Is true
My honest being
Is found in You
And anything else
Is powerless; nothing
For only goodness
Is truly something

And so if I seem
Wayward and astray
Help me to see
The light of day

For I blind myself
More often than not

But in reality
I wish only to do
Those things which are
Good and true

And as I look
For the way that’s plain
Please help me to find
The way again

Blind.  Blind.

As I’ve looked,
I wanted to see
You and me

But I have not wanted
What’s best for you
I have been selfish
—to Agape, untrue

And so let me abandon
The way I’d choose
For the path He knows
And I cannot lose

But only as I leave
The path of will
And trust in Him
And free my soul

Can I do what’s right
And let you go
Free this want
Of what’s too low

On a mountain of joy
And in so doing find
The path and strength
And freedom to climb

Above the mortal
Clouds of sense
To a pinnacle of newness
The stars come hence

To shine upon
Self that’s forsaken
For knowledge of
The path that’s taken

Which lifts thought
To a place most high
And leaves anew
To an open sky

Where once only
Dark clouds had seemed
And life was lived
As only dreamed

And as we awake
To where He leads
He leads us well
And meets our needs

And lifts us all
Upon his grace
And now I see thee
Face, to face.

You have given my heart
Eyes to see
Where pride had blinded
A drop now a sea

For my ways indeed
Are not your ways
But as they be
True life I see

For I would those things
That I would not
In fear, in anger
I loose my lot

Which was given to me
And still remains

For He is good
And where I see
That spot remains
He sees no stains

And so I leave
These swaddling clothes
These mortal doubts
For what he chose

And may I use
The strength you’ve given
To bless mankind
To be forgiven

And may I think
No unkind thought
And may I bring
All selfishness to naught

And may I give
Ah, just give

Not for what
Might come in return
But because it’s right
—he gave us light
And so in turn

May I love all
Unconditionally
And free my heart
And so thus see

The blessings rampant
And all around
True life lost sight of
And now is found

By eyes you’ve given
Us all to see

And a drop of water
Turns to goodness
—now a river

Which flows to find
A mighty sea

Though oft I would
That we had not met
For the good that was
Is lost in the loss that is

But what of it?
We are all who we are
Because of each thing
That has come and gone
Stayed or fallen

And so it is
This world in which
We live and learn
Get cold and burn

For He leads us
As we listen
And He led you here
For His own plan

Did he lead you away?
It’s irrelevant now

But what is of note
Is that these things
Happen
For reasons unknown

And so
Because He is
And this, the good,
Is His

I shall not toil
I will not regret
The lessons I’ve learned
The person I am

But I hope next time
As He crosses these paths
That I keep my heart safe
From the careless hand

A butterfly
Is a fragile thing

Its energy spent
To make itself beautiful
Though colors etched
In paper-thin wings

And it flutters and flies
Drawing its strength
By sucking the nectar
From any willing flower

But its beauty
Is for naught
For though it serves others
As nature’s reminder

It cannot come near
Love’s flame
For it will burn in an instant
—no substance
For true beauty
To sustain

An angel
Daily waits
As the fall wind
Blows again
And with her feet on the ground
She holds on to all earthly things
And she can’t let go
Of all below
To spread her angel wings

I will trust,
O lord in thee
And not in what
My eyes may see

For ever
—from the start
True sight comes
From the mind and heart

You 
Who fear
Who succumb
To the idea
That we are in any way
Limited
By things material
And mortal
Deceive your own selves

For it is but your ignorance
Of that which is Real
That hinders your growth

And because you
Don’t know how to explain
Every thing
Or can only believe what matter
Tells you

You will not see
Until you understand
And only believe

And when you trust
Only
In that which is Real
True life—forever
Will to you
Be revealed

--

You were handed the title
Of mother
And I 
Child

Though I cannot remember
Far enough back
To a time
When you were mother
And I
Child

For I
—we; I and he
And others too
Have had to parent you

For though you try
And good intentions
You have inside

You can never manage
To even care
For yourself

And so it must be
The title of parent
Given I and he
—we, of you, of He

Must then, now
And again
Give that to you
Which we were not given

--

How do you expect
To find Life
—harmony
When you let your freedom
Be imprisoned by any opinion
And buy it wholeheartedly
Though you know
It’s not Truth
But lie after lie
And still
After all you’ve known
Witnessed and been
Healed and found Whole
Time after time
Still you buy
Lies.

--

I would help you
But I can do
Little good for you
Until you learn
How to help
Yourself.

--

Father, 
When comes that day
That she flies away
From here
—to there
Always in your care

I pray she finds
Thy truth, o father
—that to which
Her eyes she blinds

And I hope
Next time around
[for here or there
—life goes on
Until we comprehend
And move our thought
To thy Higher Land]
She takes thy hand
—what thou givest all
And learns to lean
Forever
On thee
And not on the lies
Her eyes
May see

Blessed is she
Who gives freely without thought

For to her do I give my all

Blessed is she
Who never gives up
On what she believes
Though times be tough
And darkness she sees

For to her do I give my always

Blessed is she
Who has the patience
To teach me
Though stubborn I be

For to her do I give my life

And blessed is she
Who is peaceful as a dove
Strong as a rock
Who’s guided by Love

For to her will I be the same
Forever—undaunted by the winds of change
And my love, to her, will forever remain.