"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition, inspired, and success achieved."
-Helen Keller- 

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
-Eleanor Roosevelt-

Chapter One:
A Twist to Christmas

The snow came down steadily, the air was cold and crisp. Step and Jason were curled up by the fire. After kissing each of them on the forehead and tucking them in, I sat myself down on the sofa and slowly sipped my hot chocolate as I listened to the Christmas tunes play from the stereo. My mind drifted slowly off as I looked out the window, seeing Mr. And Mrs. Murttle decorating their house with lights. It reminded me of past Christmas, back when Brian was around. We were a family then.

 We would share each Christmas gathering around the Christmas tree early on Christmas morning. Jason and Steph got so excited after opening presents and noticing was little surprises Santa had for them.
It’s been a rough five years, since Brian died. Although  it’s been years, it feels as if it was only yesterday that he passed away. When Christmas came the following year Steph did not want to celebrate and neither did I to tell you the truth. We celebrated anyway but in a more civil manner. Brian was not there to string lights on the side of the house, and Steph did not want to bake gingerbread cookies. It was something we did in preparation for Christmas when my husband was around.

 Heart attacks are so sudden you know? No one could of predicted it. Not even the best doctors in Sweet Apple Valley. They say that doctors know everything, but I don’t buy that mumbo jumbo.

Now things are different. Jason is six years old and well, what used to be little Stephanie is now a teenager in her freshman year of high school. I closed my eyes and pictured Christmas this year.  I would make it the best. Cookies galore, lights on the house, so that the neighbors could make their complements like they did whenever Brian strung them.

 I must of fallen asleep then. The next time my eyes opened it was a brand new day, bright and sunny and two feet of snow fell that evening.

"Mom, can I go outside? It’s so pretty out," said Steph as she woke me.

"Huh what? What did you say Steph?" I asked as I sluggishly got off the sofa.

"I said could I go outside mom?" Steph repeated.

I sighed. As I began to walk to the kitchen. "Sure steph go outside, bundle up it’s cold out".

I started brewing coffee as I heard a big thump. It’s scared me like the devil. I looked out the backyard window and noticed that one of  our  oak trees’ branches broke off with the  heavy weight from the snow. Steph must of heard me mumble about how I didn’t want to go outside and pick it up. When she came into the kitchen she was dressed and in her boots, jacket and her golden blonde hair was hardly noticed with the black hat she wore on her head.

"Mom do you want me to go out and pick up the branch for you?" Steph said quietly.

"Oh, sweetie would you? Thank you darling." I responded.

Steph then quietly went out the back door careful not to disturb Jason who was still sleeping in the living room.

Weeks passed and Christmas quickly approached. Tim, who lived next door, helped string lights out in front of our house. He did a beautiful job hanging them from the gutter, just the way Brian did.

Steph brought her friend Annie over three weeks before Christmas. The three of us baked gingerbread cookies that weekend. Jason spent the weekend up in his  room playing video games, as usual.

I was a bit concerned about Annie when she came by. She seemed much more pale then usual. And what seemed to be the end of a bruise was noticed on her face. I didn’t say anything to either one of them at the time. I figured that it was nothing, and I carried on talking to Steph and Annie while we baked.

Steph came to  my room later on that evening while Annie was taking a shower. She was covered in flour since the girls got into a bit of a baking fight. The news I was about to hear was so disturbing!

"What do you mean her mother ‘hits’ her?"  I asked.

"Her mom’s an…." Her sentence trailed off.

"An what?" I questioned.

"Her mom’s an alcoholic. Mom, please don’t tell anyone I told you!" Steph replied.

There was then a knock on the door and we both jumped. "Come in" I said. It was Annie. She froze at the doorway with the beige towel wrapped around her. She stared at us as if like she knew we were talking about her.

"Mrs. Mather,  could I spend the night tonight? Steph and I have a lot to talk about, and umm….. going home wouldn’t be a good idea." Annie said quietly.
She looked at me like I was going to question her about why it wasn’t a good idea to go home, but I didn’t. "Sure sweetheart you can spend the night. You and Steph could sleep in the living room tonight."

"Oh thank you Mrs. Mather." Annie said.

The two of them went walked out of my room quietly. Steph looked backed at me and winked. I laid in bed that evening wondering about Annie’s family life. It puzzled me so much that  such a sweet girl needed to put up with a problem her mother had, that she couldn’t control. Then another question popped into my head, ‘where was her father?’ I asked myself.

I picked up my journal that was on the oak bed stand next to  my bed and began writing in it about Annie. All of the sudden a little "tat tat" was heard. Jason walked in to kiss me goodnight. I said goodnight to him just as mother would to her child. Well almost any mother, maybe not Annie’s’.

Two weeks passed and everyone got hyped up about Christmas being a week away. The kids were out of school for the holiday and wouldn’t return till after the new year.

Stephanie seemed to have her whole week planned. Monday go shopping for a Christmas dress, Tuesday clean her room, Wednesday bake cookies again with me, Thursday take Jason shopping for last minute gifts and Friday enjoy the day relaxing and taking in the winter atmosphere. That all changed in an instant.

The phone rang one evening, "I’ll get it" yelled Steph as she ran to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" she said calmly.

"Steph, oh my God can I please come over to your house?" Annie said frantically.

"Ahhh….." there was a pause, "sure Annie come on over".

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t be in this house one more minute!" Annie said as if she was desperate. Before Stephanie could say another word Annie hung up.

"Who was it on the phone sweetie?" I asked.

"Mom, it was Annie…….." Steph whispered.

"Hun, what was wrong?" The question puzzled us both as we stared at each other.

"I- I’m  not sure Mom, all I know is that she wanted to come over here and she sounded desperate on the phone  so I said it was all right." She replied.

Within the next  ten minutes Annie was at our door knocking.

"Mrs. Mathers…."
Those were the first word to come out of Annie’s mouth.

"Call me Marian Hun."

"Well" Annie began as she followed Steph and I into the kitchen. The girls sat down at the kitchen table as I handed them each a coke from the refrigerator, then sat down myself next to Annie.

"Marian, I figured that the last time I came over, that you noticed the remainder of the bruise I had on my face.

I nodded in reply.

Her face didn’t look paler nor did it look any more flush color then it did before. Instead it seemed to be more bruised.

"My-my mom has a drinking problem," said Annie as tears brimmed to the surface of her green eyes.

I moved my chair closer to Annie to comfort her.  Steph got a tissue off the counter and handed it to Annie. Annie wiped her eyes. I put my arm around her and soothingly rubbed her back.

"It’s all right to cry sweetie," I said. I kept rubbing her back and began to stroke her hair.

"So…about your mothers’ drinking problem?"

Behind the sniffles and tear stained cheeks, sat a lonely child dealing with an adults problem all by herself. I knew Annie since she was 3 years old. Her and Steph have been best friends ever since preschool. I however, didn’t know her mother like I thought I did.

Annie sat down her tissue on the table and slowly pulled up her shirts sleeve to reveal more black and blue spots on her arm.

"Awe sweetie, your mom doesn’t just hit you, she’s abusing you!" I said with anger.

The child’s eyes flooded with tears as I held her close to my body stroking her auburn hair. Steph seemed to watch as if everything was happening in slow motion. Who would of ever thought that her best friend would tell her mother her life story.

Steph then quietly stood up and excused herself from the kitchen. She walked up stairs to see what Jason was doing in his bedroom.

"It all started before I was born," said Annie. "My mother started drinking back in her in college years. She never finished college and dropped out after becoming to nervous and tense about the school work, exams etceteras. After she dropped out she started drinking. She got a job and met my dad."

"Oh I see," I stated.
Annie continued.

"My mom’s drinking wasn’t all that bad at first. She just drank at parties and every once and a while. She married my dad a few years later. Year after year her drinking became worse. Then I was born into the mess of it all. My dad was around till I was about 6 years old, then he started to come home less and less. I then needed to deal with my mother drinking problem on my own which was hard."

Tears trickled down Annie’s cheeks as I then handed her another tissue.

" My mom’s drinking hasn’t gotten any  better over the years. Only worse, and I’ve had to suffer more because of it. Last year my grades slipped and I thought that I wasn't going to pass the 8th grade."

"Sweetie that’s terrible. Your such a sweet young girl with so much potential. You shouldn’t have to live your life like that." I declared.

" I don’t like being home one bit. My mom is always yelling at me because she’s boozed up. Then sometimes she’ll hit me. I try to block it from coming but I can’t always and she’ll then get the better of me." Annie sniffled trying to hold back her tears.
She slowly sipped her coke as I rubbed her back to calm her down. Our discussion ended at that point. She went on up to see what Steph was doing and I could tell that she felt better telling me about it rather then keeping it locked up inside of herself.

Annie spent the night again that evening which was perfectly alright with me, now that I understood why she didn’t want to go home and why she couldn’t. I was concerned about Annie’s safety back home and I didn’t want to put her in any danger of being in the way of her mother Maxine if perchance Maxine got drunk around her daughter.

Plans for Christmas for Steph were put on hold and Annie spent the week with us. It turned out well after all. The girls helped me bake. Our neighbor Tim brought the tree over on Tuesday and the kids and I decorated it as soon as it arrived and was set up in the stand. Little Jason set the train set up around the tree and was so excited when he finished it.

Maxine didn’t care whether or not Annie would spend Christmas with her and her husband Ryan or not. Instead, Annie stayed with us, and celebrated the joyful holiday.

For the first time in five years I felt as if I had a family again. I was the only adult but that didn’t matter. What matter most to me, was knowing that I cared for Annie and of course my children. I always thought that Christmas was a time of caring and sharing. To forget wrong that has happened in our past and focus on the future. I believed that the Christmas season, was a time to share love with on another. After Brian died it was hard to feel like a family. But when Annie shared Christmas with me and ‘my’ family I felt as if our family was whole again and I knew it meant a lot to Annie.

That was my Christmas for the year. I succeeded in making it the best not only for me and my children but also for my soon to be adopted daughter Annie. 

"Without a struggle, there can be no progress."
-Frederick Douglass-

Chapter two: Free At Last

After the adoption papers were signed and went through the adoption agency I was so happy. I no longer needed to live with my mom anymore and face her drinking problem by myself. My dad was no help anyways. I had to get out of there.

Mrs. Mather was pleased to have me live with her and her kids. I was no longer an only child. I enjoyed the thought that now I would have a little brother and a sister.

 I thought Christmas was so wonderful!On Christmas eve, Marian, Steph Jason and I went caroling through the streets of Sweet Apple Valley. Christmas  morning Jason was the first to get up, and beat Step and me down to the Christmas tree. Marian made breakfast and we open presents. I have never been happier in my life.

We returned to school shortly after we rang in the New Year. When Steph and I returned to school, things changed. It was no longer, "Hi Annie", or "Hi Annie, how are you?".

Instead people stared as I passed through the school halls. It made me feel as if I was the new kid at our school. Not only for a day, or week, but everyday until school let out for summer.

"Steph, do you know why people keep giving me funny little looks? And why they are staring at me?" I asked Steph as we walked to our second period English class.

"Well, you know how big a mouth Josie has," replied Stephanie.

I let out a little laugh and agreed.

"Somehow she found out that my mother adopted you because of your mom being an alcoholic."

"Why that little…." I stammered.

Stephanie could tell I was mad, and I was. I never wanted my mother’s problem to follow me into my high school years, but it did. With Josie’s big mouth the talk around school would be about my mom within a matter of days.

The bell rang and Steph and I scurried into our English class. My day continued and my mood dropped slowly as classes passed. I tried not to let what Steph told me about Josie upset me. The thought of the whole school finding out about my mom really got to me though. By the end of the day I felt really depressed. I practically ignored Stephanie on the bus ride home. While she sat gabbing with other freshman I sat content gazing out the window, listening to my head phones.

My anger boiled up inside of me as I thought about how many people would know about my mom being an alcoholic.
When we settled at home I figured that the next day in school, that if the subject of Steph’s mom adopting me was because of my family problems, I would deny it. 

The following day at school nothing was said to me about it. I was relieved that I didn’t have to face lying about the circumstances in which I was adopted.

Ever since I was adopted I felt a lot happier than when I was at home with my mom. Mrs. Mather’s treated me so much better. I was also doing better in school too! It helped to have positivity coming from the household instead of all the negitivity. It also helped that I had someone now to talk to about how I felt. I found it a lot harder to deal with the emotional pain coming from my mother’s problem, because I was an only child. Now I had Steph to talk to and her mom.
 

Old Friends New Friends

Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test-
Time and change- are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.
For ‘mid old friends, tried and true,
Once more we our youth renew.
But old friends, alas! may die,
New friend must their place supply.
Cherish friendship in your breast-
New is good, but old is best;
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
-Joseph Parry-
 

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller -

Chapter three : Friends Will Never Change

When I found out that Annie was going to live with me, I was thrilled. I knew that it would be the best thing for her.

She no longer needed to deal with a mother would didn’t care for her. She also now didn’t have to be afraid of being hit nor make up excuses on why she couldn’t go home. My home now became her home as well, and I was very happy about that.

Annie seemed to be happier to live with my family. It was a lot harder on my mother who now needed to raise three kids single parentally. My mother held strong and made it through.

Out of all the kids that I’ve met at school from over the years, I would have to say that Annie is my best friend and always will be. After we came back from the New Year, I hated seeing Annie hurt by the way kids treated her differently over a problem she had no control over. I’ve known about Annie’s mom’s problem for a while, and never once thought of Annie any differently then before. We’ve been for there each other through the thick and thin and have gone through a lot together since preschool.

Annie could always tell me anything that was on her mind. She wasn’t afraid to tell me about her mom either. Annie was so supportive when my father died. She did everything she could to make me happy even though things at home weren’t so good for her. Now it was my turn to make her happy and want to live.
Whenever it got real bad over at Annie’s, where she could take it anymore, she’d call me up and we would go for a walk and talk till her anger cooled off. I hated seeing Annie always so depressed and talk about suicide all the time.

It scared me even more when in sixth grade she tried killing herself. It was shortly after she got into a huge fight with her mom and the cops needed to be called. Her mother had seriously hit her and she was bruised. The cops took away her mom for a week and Annie stayed at one of her neighbor’s houses’. Annie felt that everything was her fault and became very close to taking her life away. I remember telling her that she shouldn’t and that God had a plan for her. She didn’t believe me at first. I told her how much she would be missed, not only by me, but by a lot of other people too. I was happy that she backed down on the idea. Ever since she moved in, she’s had more and more to live for.

She’s doing very well in school and getting awards too. I’ve been very proud to see how much Annie has grown in the past few months that her life has changed.

When my father died I never had anyone to talk to about how I felt. My mom was upset as it was and well Jason couldn’t even talk. I felt really alone through dealing with the pain of losing him. Annie however, listened to what I had to say and helped me subside the pain. Then shortly after, she came to me about her mom’s problem. At first I didn’t know how to react to the news. I realized that the best way to deal with it, was to support her and help her out when she needed it. I was going to treat her and help her in the ways that she did when I was suffering after my dad died. And that’s exactly what I did.

Chapter four: Twists and Turns of Happiness and Sadness

The past few months have been a bunch of twists and turns of events. I was happy to assist Annie in getting out of her home situation. Steph and Jason seemed to enjoy Annie’s company. My family finally seemed whole again. It was a great feeling to know that I was helping out someone in need. Annie could never be more thankful.

Hundreds of teens a year get into a state of depression because of their family problems. About fifty-four percent of those teens, commit suicide. I’m glad that Annie was strong enough to overcome that state.

It’s not easy raising three kids by yourself, but the girls help out with Jason a lot. I thank God for letting me have the opportunity to help Annie. I’ve been blessed by being able to adopt such a wonderful young lady.

I’ve enjoyed not only opening my heart, but also opening my home to Annie. She’s so full of life. I’m grateful that she’s no longer in the danger of her mother and that she’s in a warm hearted loving family now. I will enjoy watching Annie and Steph grow up and blossom into beautiful young women. For my life is finally full. Throughout all the pain and heartache comes love and happiness.

"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."
-Benjamin Franklin-

For many teens, it’s very hard to have a relationship with a parent who is an alcoholic. Many things happen behind the scenes and into the lives of teens that have to be put through the pain alcohol causes. As stated in the story about fifty-four percent of the nations’ teens commit suicide because of family problems.
Suicide is not the answer to any problem. Dealing with the pain hurts. But when someone commits suicide, your not only hurting yourself, your hurting the love ones around you. If you are thinking about suicide or know someone that is, please call toll free at 1-800-SUICIDE for help. Remember that you aren’t alone. People care and love you and want to help.

Help:

Al-Anon  Al-A-Teen
1-(800)-344-2666
http://www.al-anon.alteen.org
For friends and family of people
who have drinking problems.

National Child Abuse Hotline
1(800)422-4453

Yellow Ribbon Project
(303)429-3330,3531,3532
http://www.yellowribbon.org
Helps prevent teen suicide.

Youth Crisis Hotline
1(800)448-4663
Anonymous. Available 24 hours a day.
No problem is too big or too small.