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What Would Jesus Do?

PSEUDONYMNS:
- Eldridge Nixon
- Gourmet O.J., Esq.
- Rocket Boy

"GETTING JIGGY WITH IT:" THE ROY BALL AUTOBIOGRAPHY:
All my life, I been getting jiggy with it. From my birth in Ireland amidst the chaos of an IRA bombing, to my days of throwing down a groove or two with my boys in Cindy Nahaeeka, I've always managed to set aside a moment for my reckless pursuit of the funk. That's just the way I am.

As a child, I always knew I was different from the other kids on the block. Sure, I enjoyed many of the same things the other kids did back in the day, be it the baseball cards or the Space Invaders, the Star Wars or the Hot Wheels, but, just the same, I didn't quite fit in. Nobody would blink an eye when I would be able to recite the baseball statistics of the California Angels, or act out every scene from The Empire Strikes Back, these things were considered normal for a boy of my generation. But when I would go on to reveal every record that placed in the top 10 of the Billboard charts between 1961 and 1972, or pepper my conversations with quotes from the lyrics of the Ohio Players or Lonnie Donegan, the skiffle king, suddenly they would get all "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? and shit" on my ass. Something would have to give...

Of course, nothing actually did. But that didn't matter, because in the summer of 1986, I joined Cindy Nahaeeka. Everybody still thought I was a weirdo, but at least now I was getting my groove on in the process. Oh, those hot summer nights. I remember them well. Pumping out the jams, dipping into the well of funk, getting jiggy with it at the drop of a hat(and there were plenty of hats getting dropped back then, believe you me, baby), thems was the days.

We were young then, Agent Orange, Slime Eubanks, Gidget Lovelace, and myself. Young, but full of courage, and determined to make a difference in this crazy world...

Of course, we never did. But s'cool. No worries. You don't need to change the world to get jiggy with it. All you need is a good pair of bowling shoes, and some fine-lookin' pussy at your side. And I gots them both in spades, baby!

Roy Ball (aka Rocket Boy)