Why Did I Make This Web Site, And Some Bits On Who I AmIn response to the questions on how I got into Nichiren BuddhismThe drive which made me to make this site is something existing in Lotus Sutra which always had been producing very strong resonance with one of my very basic experiences of the "world", existence, life (and thus of course of death too), that I never could resist to always anew "fall in love" with, and with the each new "falling" I would go deeper and deeper, for I would become all the more aware of and attracted by the preciousness and an immense power, beauty and significance of this and such experience. It seems I needed quite a lot of time to become aware and understand the real value of even this ability itself to experience and perceive this way, since I had, in some earlier age, a fuzzy feeling that everyone is seeing things this or similar way. Pretty expensive mistake it was, due to which I had earned few just nice scars, in the process of learning... I am talking here about sense of only few verses given in Lotus Sutra, the whole galaxy of everything else would show as gravitating around, and those are these ones: "When men witness the end of an aeonParticularly these last four ones. I cannot even recall quite exactly where and when I had encountered these verses for the first time, but could if nothing else anyway locate the time, approximately, and the place, much more precisely. The big People's Library in the city was the place I had entered, having about...hmm, nope, not fifteen, since I had at least to have sixteen to enter the library (the IDs were needed for the membership), and when was lost in the room with catalogues, I gave up and approached the somehow and for some reasons shiny lady (might be was due to a sunlight refraction), of at the most about thirty, dark haired and quite a wee bit chubbier, making rustling tiny sounds with papers and probably wearing something silky, while moving behind the longish desk. I actually cannot now recall had she been that shining already before I asked her for help, or she started to overwhelm me with it after this, ruining thus to tiny pieces my last remnants of orientation, so that I succeeded to keep in my mind only the reason why I entered the library, which the reason was then the only sun in the sky of my moved, stirred and then scattered mind, but certainly after I had said, searching for words, that I need just few directions as to where to rummage through the drawers for Indian cultures and particularly music, since I had no a slight idea where and how to start, her eyes indeed started to glow with to me such a surprising friendliness and intensity, and if we add then this beautiful friendly sudden smile appearing firstly on her face and then beginning to run all over her and around, we could easily grasp why I was totally irradiated and needing some time to acclimatize and remember some of the most important informations she was giving me walking me around and showing the tricks and secrets of the hundreds of drawers. For some reasons she looked sincerely delighted by my interests, and has been obviously more than well versed in what I was searching for. Such was my first day of the many I have spent in this library in the next several years. I "got out" somewhere in the time of my about twenty (but only to drop into hands of some other young woman, to learn something else). While being, existing, there, I would often be sitting in the room for magazines, watching through the windows the park and/or leafing through various journals and periodicals, waiting for another of my small bunch of books of yellowish pages to be brought to me. There, right there in this room I had encountered the verses mentioned. It was some periodical and it has been in Serbian, more precisely in Serbo-Croatian, as it was called then. (I didn't know much of English then, was learning Russian in school, then was learning English and forgot Russian, then was learning nothing and forgot the English again.) More than this I cannot say, I have no slight idea what this periodical was, just that it was something like a "letters" of some "characters" "reporting" something from a "weird" places. Anyway, regardless that I had partly accepted these verses rather as an expression of a poet (and in the poetry there really is abundance of various genuine and certified pathetic trash, particularly when it deals with "spirituality" and a "love"), the rest of the day I had spent lost in a whirlpool these few words caused inside myself, minding not even to write them down, since their sense was the "striking force" which jolted me so dearly, firstly right in the face and then over the rest, triggering this whirlpool which started to gather in its whirling and centrifugal way the granules, beads and the tissue of all of those strangely "forgotten" and unjustifiably neglected experiences of mine scattered all around me and my memory for all this time. Even if I would want I couldn't resist this whirling work. One of the first of such experiences, the "beads/pearls", I could evoke in my memory, enough clearly, was me standing in a very roomy backyard (I remember exactly the details of the small town, the street and the house we were living in then), a tiny wee something, keeping mother's (most probably her) brooch with many finely cut glassy thingies in the risen hand, watching the rich spellbinding refractions of the light, and listening to some very strong, energetic, precise and a bit strange, distant music coming from you could say nowhere, or out of the clouds, but probably through a remote window of some of the high houses being around the backyard, somewhere "from above" and from around. I was "caught" into something, or better said I did become aware that I am in the middle of something so spacious and huge, that I couldn't feel the end of it, and when I would try to reach, sense, its limits it would suddenly transform into something smallest in the same time, like a point of an invisible needle, causing an impression of pulsation or zooming, but again without any real pulsation and zooming. I felt such a freedom and "autonomy", being detached from just everything around, although having at the same time all of this at disposal and being in touch with, and mostly with those magnificent movements of the lines and curves of the waves of this music all around me in the space followed with those precise and fine refractions of the light. A quite new and very particular feeling of a joy, safety, serenity and self-collectedness, depending on absoultely nobody and nothing, it simply existed there, just like that and without explanations, that I couldn't resist an impulse of gratitude and even love to whatever which was the cause of this all, making the things be the way they were. And all of this caused by no reason. The music and the play of the light were not in any way causing whole this situation, although they were "here around" somehow, corresponding in a way with it, as if something would open a door through which you could see and enter your very kingdom, already existing. This music was acting like some strong draft. The feeling exactly like this one... "My pure land is indestructible,...and you could write a book about it, even many books, very good books, describing it very well and adding plenty of details, but still telling not a lot. It is so simple and of "one part" that becomes very complicated to describe it - simply. The best part is anyway done, and it is the distinction pointed out in experiencing the very same thing, this "existence". Some of us see it as a place consumed in fire, and some of us as a place of joy and a pure indestructible land of ours. Now, why is so, and why the perceptions differ that dramatically is quite another, and could be quite a long, story. What was important to me in that time is that it concurred with my most intimate and deepest experience that the "world" is not source of sorrow and of a pain, "originally", but quite contrarily, a source of joy, and that the very "nature", the core, of life is the joy. This concurrence had actually been telling about the fact -- and this has been to me in the whole this thing in that time most significant -- that such culture, civilization, system of education where such experiences and knowledges, and such attitudes toward life and existence, are being cherished and cultivated exist, so that I didn't have anymore to feel like a stray bullet, or a shell, or panther, or a storm, or thunderbolt, or sheep (depending on situation), in the realm of very fainthearted and disconcerted beings (and this relate{s|d} to almost all one could name "western civilization"). Looking at all this people around being subjected to some sort of pain and misery, no matter how much "material goods" they would have or not and what "positions" they would occupy or not, had always been denoting to me that "something wrong" is happening, and that it doesn't fit the things "as they are" quite well. I couldn't grasp why they experience it, the life, so hard and as a pain much rather than as a joy. Sometimes it looked to me like some illness. Due to this, I would feel my joy and vivacity as almost a reason to feel a guilt. And I indeed have been suffering pretty often from this totally wrong, very harmful and actually (self)imposed feeling, until I had learned few things. The nature of life, the "existence", is indeed a joy. Why some people are not able to perceive this and to live this way is an other issue which would lead up us in a direction we do not need right now.
For instance, the thing called "Buddhism" I had entered quite "accidentally", being not interested in it at all, but only wishing to learn more about what was making me happy, bringing me an exceptional joy, and it was music, which I regard as a means of experiencing life, of manifesting it, of influencing it, and even of creating it, in one of its most powerful and substantial levels/layers. I was, and I am, musician. I went simply to the library then to learn more about music of India, about something making me happy (and no, I never was a "hippie" or carried by a popular, "collective" "stream", especially not in what would be important to me). That simple. Nothing else. Just to learn more of what I am doing, of what I am dealing with, and what else all is possible. I was led by love, by happiness and admiration, by joy, by a powerful and beautiful thoroughbred passion and gratitude. Such was my "fuel". Therefore, I was not motivated and led by any pain, a trouble or by a suffering I was feeling, nor by any sad thing, so that I would have to search for a "medicine", then to use it and then to throw it away and forget, until a next trouble. This joy which I naturally was feeling, having it deep inside myself, always had been something I could "count on", as on a personal and deep intimate refuge, no matter what a pain and suffering I inevitably would be experiencing now and then, as anybody else. I have been feeling it as a very core of my "identity", of what I really am, of my "self", my "nature", something that never is separated from "myself", being something else, "from the outside". This difference in motivation is a big, a huge one, as I had so many opportunities to see later. It also crucially influences our mental abilities to understand the real sense, and quality, of various writs dealing with such topics, be they classified as an "artistic" or "spiritual" or "philosophical" or whatever else works. The things are then, with those different motivations, being learned in a very, very different ways. It is one thing to be focused on just removal of a pain, and the other one on bringing and liberation, release, discharge of a joy. The joy will appease and destroy a pain like a flood of the light removing darkness, but the attempts of removal of the darkness without a light is a confusing thing which might last, making even someone to "hallucinate" a light sometimes. A joy like a mighty thunderbolt rending a pain to nonexistence in a flash, reminding us who we really are. So, the only problem actually with me I liked pretty much to see solved and not torturing me anymore was why I am so happy, am I "normal" feeling all this joy, "without reasons", while so many around me were pretty far from experiencing the life this way. And although I was dearly far then from being fully aware of this, my encounter with these few short verses in that time had been the crucial moment in shaping my relation toward others and me myself, regarding this particular experience of the "joy without reasons". It was a diamond in a mine, an avalanche of them started to roll down on me the very moment I seriously reached for it. From that time on, I have spent lots of time simultaneously dealing with music and all the sorts and ways of what is after Siddharta Gautama's, or Sakyamuni's, or simply Buddha's, death named "Buddhism", in very various contexts -- investigating and exploring the nature of the said feeling/condition of mine, of the "joy without reasons". This domain, realm, is that deep, wide and all encompassing that I sometimes like to call it jungle only the one with very good sense of ("natural") orient|ation can manage well enough with, and without much troubles and sometimes real dangers s/he would encounter now and then due to this and that. Then, we should bear in mind that Buddhism is mostly presented as a cure for an already developed illness, while only at one and the sole place it shows as something unimaginably immense else, as an unconditional "positive" experience, and this is found in Lotus Sutra, and exactly in the moments when Buddha is addressing the people around without being previously asked for it, by some questions posed or similar, as it mostly was reported in all other sutras. Such moments are discovering actually how much of other things is standing behind the pretty limited something what is sometime later named "Buddhism", and that the limited science and methods exposed ever by Buddha, before the Lotus Sutra, the last one, were aimed just to remove the suffering/pain, caused by ignorance of the "real nature of [all] things" and of our real identity. Nothing else. The "else" begins with the Lotus Sutra, and only in a way of indications, treating not an "illness" anymore, but indicating possibilities of a "healthy" mind. Also, the music I have been listening to the day I was "bewitched" watching the refractions of the light in the glassy thingies of the brooch (most probably mother's, I had no girlfriend yet, I guess, being then about three or four, or at least I do not remember any in that time -- was one in neighborhood though, having a bit O legs, but was not mine, as I know, and I would just had been commenting on her legs sometimes), this music I remembered the "sense" of, the "atmosphere" and "captured", in who knows what ways, the very specific (actually some sort of very special algorithmic) structure of, could be found only in one place, it is the "West", it is baroque, and very precisely Bach, Johan Sebastian Bach which one would else, since such a "regularity", "perfection" and stability of the forms of those amazing and mind twisting and winding laces do not exist in any other place in the planetary history of music. Such effects are not possible by any other way of structuring music material. I never could recall what these pieces exactly were (in that time I would hear lots of them on other occasions as well, mostly listening to the radio with my ears being glued to it), but it was something orchestral (so we could guess from a wildly beautiful violin concerts to Brandenburg ones), and at the moments very "strange" and almost deterrent, "as if they are not produced/created by a human (the `overly human')". Bach is very exceptional phenomenon in the world of (at least the western) music, something very unexplainable. The very similar effects was having the said Indian music (not just any, but very particular one), although dealing also, and much more, with the "fleshly", sensual, biological aspects of our existence. In that time I remember that both my mother and my girlfriend would fear, as they would express it, anytime I would listening to some particular Bach's or Indian pieces. Mother would be "seeing" snakes whenever some specific Indian mind-cuddling melody would start to raise itself, prancing and winding in the air around. Such effects, and such structures in music, are not of course properties found only in Bach's and such Indian music, but are indeed grouped and concentrated to the highest degree in right them. In Bach's one they are often also given in the background in the lines of so called "basso continuo" performed usually by harpsichord or clavicembalo. As if this music in a way had abandoned its creator and began to build and develop itself alone and independently, with just a light touch of his now and then, so you could see that now the creator is leading the music and then the music is leading him. At the certain moments, the structure of such perpetual (mantroid, as I like to call them sometimes) forms of lacy music would make a serieses of slits through which you could experience a new space, region, right this that... "My pure land is indestructible,...a phenomenon when the mind is allured and set into such position that it becomes suddenly aware of its real nature and the magnificent feeling of freedom and ability of penetration coming with it. All becomes easy and things are put "magically" on their places, under the influence of a such insight. You simply become aware of the fact that right this is your very base, your real indestructible identity, your supreme kingdom. The destructive fire and pain are seen / experienced only by the mind being upset and wandering around, being not aware of its very nature. I will not get much here into the nature of the sound and many parallels with the nature of mantras (including the "daimoku" itself), but will say just that certainly a musical, or simply a sound, forms/structures exist, sort of the patterns, which are able to "contact" and/or "stimulate/evoke" our "centers" for identity, so that a music can remind us of who we really are, touching and showing the very intimate, delicate tissues inside us, making them vibrating and resonating finely with these structures in an unimaginable and unexplainable but still very familiar ways, showing us that we actually consist of a pure and most delicate joy and happiness, and some mysterious sweet power, in spite of all the rest. Music of a such quality and structure is exceptionally rare, and even is not enough to be a genius to be able to create it. Something more and else is needed yet for this. Maybe a compassion sort of is one of the secret fairy ingredients, something which gives us the ability to "feel/see" others, and other "things", their "nature", to become aware of them directly, in this finest, most powerful, level. It is very similar to playing with the light, shapes, movements... the matter mandalas, yantras are made of, the mudras and the strange but so familiar anyway movements in the secret and sacral dances.
Again, even this music mentioned and the refractions of the light are not much important in this story. It was just my very first experience of such a sort I could recall, and being that it was the first, earliest, one I can remember, I probably have a special feelings toward it as toward the time of "lost" virginity or similar. What indeed is of importance here, is this beautiful expression of the experience itself, and the steady awareness which rays from these verses, so strongly resonating with the experience itself... "My pure land is indestructible,...and besides with such a clarity and simplicity, and the firm precision and definitiveness, that once I had encountered them, their sense, no a live force could make me to forget it, or to neglect it, these and such experiences anymore. It was telling me something important about the value, the real serious value of the experience, and of the ability to perceive and see, which I had accepted once, then when I was a kid, rather as a matter of a "mere fun", or of a plain "inspiration", and even of almost a forbidden secret pleasure (being it thus subject to a feeling of guilt, and hence to a possible punishment, no), as therefore something existing apart from the "serious" things the most around me were so gravely occupied, attracted and diligently busy with. This cardinal mistake as to the real value and correct estimation of such experiences and perception, I have been making simply due to their (objective) rareness, and hence their absence in the systems of "regular/mass" education, and not only in the so called "West" but in the so called "East" too. (If we once enter, by the virtue of communication means, a thing called "planetary culture" we in the same time enter something called "planetary lack of culture" as well, and "planetary pollution", including the mental one. Hence we shouldn't be deluded in the least as to the quality of the things prefixed by a "planetary", or a "global", or a "modern". Quite contrarily, we should be careful much more than usually, since we have then much more things to investigate, to learn about and evaluate, estimating them correctly. I have had modelled my personal culture both after "western" and "eastern" models, educating myself exactly at the crossroads of the both...civilizations, so I have been in a very fine position to watch and see the advantages and handicaps of the both. In order to personally "survive", culturally and otherwise, and still to reach and get the needed effective knowledge, I had to conciliate the both extremes, pondering and taking the best of each one, and, kicking out the manners of the both which never were making any good on any side. As I can see, "outside", they still are rather fighting each other instead to turn their brains on and cooperate. But let us set it aside now...) When the mind becomes incapable (for any reasons) for some experiences, then the educational matter related to these experiences dissapears. Simply like that. Or, since there are no minds anymore capable to genuinely experience a given thing, even the possibly existing educational matter related to such experiences cannot be interpreted well enough anymore. The most "popular", frequent, results are confusion and "simplifications" (which often lead straight to idiotizations, things which cause enormous damage all around). What is called once a hermeneutics, becomes a mercuryloonics,1 or simply a sophistry, a trade in a fake knowledge, fake education, in something which only on appearance resembles less or more the "real thing", the result of is inefficiency in the practical life, in "action". This inefficiency then results in dissapointments, and these dissapointments then result in abandonment and rejection. Hence, in order to be able to reach a given knowledge you need, particularly in a crappy (kali yuga) times, you have to have a "heart" of a dove, a mind of a snake and motions of a panther, you must fear nothing, and you must feel no disgust with anything, since mostly the all what you see is just a noise and shemozzle of confused and afraid minds. If you though let your look glide around, over a river, sea, sky, trees, sun, bodies of animals, birds and of some humans, if you feel and hear the wind in treetops, a rain, thunderbolt, and the moonlight on your skin, then you will get idea and remind yourself of how a healthy, "normal", beautiful and powerful mind actually works, being thus efficient, capable, blissful and grateful. Very simple. This what prevents the mind to work this way and to be what it really is, is what is "complicated", cumbersome and is making troubles. Those are all the things coming from our not always very wisely built "cultures", "civilizations" and "educations", and at the very personal level. None of those "troublemakers" exist otherwise but as artificial additive and creation created after pretty sloppy "visions of life" of ours. They are not at all a deeds and a work of a "fate", they are all ours own. And right this is another beauty coming into sight with its charming winking face. Being that they are all our own creations, we are able to (re)model and (re)shape them, after new insights we get. If that wouldn't be the happy case, but rather an exclusive creation of an unreachable cruel "fate", then we would have just to accept it, repeating always anew the same old patterns like a dull dolls, never being able to get rid of a pain and suffering (we produce to ourselves and to others), or to make any thing better. What a meaning and what a value would something like that... "My pure land is indestructible,...then have for us? None. It would be just a piece of a "nice poetry", a "wishful thinking", without any base in reality, in the real world/life. A something no (wo)man of action would be attracted to very much. The "my" here actually means "yours", "ours" (as well). Also, replace any "{B|b}uddha" with "the [real nature of the] mind", and you will get the magnificent clue to read what this man is really talking about all the time and in all the times. The "buddha" is actually a "mind", working "naturally", "as it is", without artificial "additives" and distortions. That simple. The nature of the mind is indestructible. This is that "pure land".
Now, to go back gently from this time travelling, in the pretty hot summer 1994, or was it 1993, a friend of mine enters my delicate residency and wearing a huge junglecolored baggy bag which almost could scream, dance, bite and scratch, says with a smile of many shiny teeth:
"Hi! You know what's new? Then she gave me and so it started. I have been pretty much curious to see the people dealing with Lotus Sutra and to hear their impressions, and so the little woman with the huge junglecolored baggy bag began to take me out left and right showing me practitioners and the ways they were doing it. I can say, with a quite friendly smile now, that all of that had been a total disaster and luxurious calamity. Most of them were so lost, spasmodic and desperate that I had in a self-defense decided to be kind with all of them, no matter what happens, cracking a light jokes, teasing the ladies and scattering moderate compliments, in attempts to forbear somehow from the impulse to bite my wrists and scream.1a Firstly, they actually had no a slight idea what Lotus Sutra is at all. I mean, nobody of them had read it (in Serbian or any other language they could understand, the words of it.) Indeed, the little liturgy book consists of the excerpts from it, but it is inscribed in kanjis (Chinese ideograms) and phonetically transliterated in Latinized Japanese. Whomever I asked for a translation or to tell me what is being actually exactly reading, didn't know to tell me. Even for the meaning / translation of the basic mantra "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" I had to use almost muscles to squeeze out some faint silhouettes, getting mostly some answers as an "It doesn't matter what it means at all" and similar. The conclusion of mine: "So, you are actually doing something you don't know what it is?" did produce a decent tension. No Lotus Sutra, so I am gone. I would visit them now and then to see if there is any better, but was not any better. (: At the certain point, after I got similar answers from some "official" "leaders"2 as well, I decided not to waste my time anymore and to take things in my own hands. (I always loved individual initiative.) After that the things started to develop much, much better, and faster. I got the all literature they were not very eager (able?) to provide me with, for who knows what reasons, and ripped out my rusty and forgotten English (ouch!) to see what the all of this is actually, quickly and without unnecessary impediments and hurdles. The first things I wanted to learn about, were the origin of instructions for the practice, and the Nichiren Daishonin, so I took a handful of Goshos I did provide to myself and began to read them and analyze. The Goshos are letters with instructions on how to practise, addressed by Nichiren to his disciples/friends/followers. They are written originally in Japanese, and I was having the English translations in my hands. (There was no a single piece of them written in Serbian, and all translations I had opportunity to see, mostly of a pamphlet-like sort, related to pretty something else, were of a decently bad quality, with no source at disposal, with no names of their authors, and yet filled with technical errors as to the facts, historical and otherwise, about Buddhism itself.) Nichiren was an exceptionally educated person, being versed in Brahmanism, Hinduism, Taoism, Confucianism, many schools of Buddhism and many other disciplines interacting with what he was interested in and dealing with, so that many of these letters no a live force could understand properly, without not only an appropriate education, but the indispensable experience too. All the terms and names being quite familiar to me in Sanskrit were translated into Chinese, then from Chinese into Japanese so I would just stare wondering who/what the heck is this, reading it in English. I couldn't even recognize the Buddha's name (it was "Butsu" in Latinized Japanese). Even "(sad)Dharma" became a "Myo Ho" and so on and so off. By time I got the clues (the main thing was to me to find out does the "myo ho" is actually "[sad]dharma" rendered from Sanskrit, and after that I had the main clue, the pivot, the whole story is spinning around) starting to make annotations, remarks, comments, in Serbian, and for myself, and basically they were the basis for all the translations followed after, and done purely for my own researching needs and orientation. These letters, Goshos, cannot be translated well/correctly by anyone who is not very well versed in the matter (which is huge, in technical and historical sense), and both theoretically and practically. In Buddhism no "theory" helps, without a solid stable practice/experience. But vice versa too. My motivation was to see what Nichiren really meant with and about Lotus Sutra. His education helped me immensely, since we were actually studying quite same thing, so we could "talk" somehow, in spite of the Babylonian terms and of on occasions shaky "multi level/hand" translations, since the experience, which is unique "per se", was the orienting point and the "connective tissue", the element not subject to a modification, the "invariable" in the "system". After these initial impressions I got, reading his letters, I did understand that Nichiren was not some foolish and narrow-minded priest, ordering his disciples/followers to do things without comments and needed explanations, and understanding this, I felt better, much better, so a nice satisfied grin began to beautify my face. The old good lad has done his work exceptionally well, and very probably using the "expedient means" (Skt.: upaya) whenever he couldn't otherwise. He also was stressing that studying is very important and indispensable part of the practice, something a sucess and advancement is not possible without. There, the things had gradually began to get a healthy and reasonable shape. Good! So, after learning more, and more directly, from a better source, about him, I have been in very good mood to take the rest into consideration, with a real and suitable interest. It was resulting with all the translations one can find on this web site, signed by my name. They all are quite correctly and decently translated, and in this sense they are technically very useful and reliable for practitioners. Reading anew some of them, now and then, I see some places which could be translated in an other manner as well, using somewhat different wording or style, but basically they are quality and quite precise. This is also the reason I am giving with each translation the source text right beside, so the quality of translation can be checked and the content and meanings compared.
Since I would then sometimes, piggybacking some of these notes attending a meeting or two, show them to others, making new ones or writing down something else, I would observe that to some sometimes some things and details are being helpful and instructive, so I started to type out entire shorter Goshos, or fragments, or fragments from Lotus Sutra and would leave it to them to be at disposal if anyone would need it later again. These translations were having then various destinies, being here lost, and there needed more but not present, and all of that has again been limited only to those living in or visiting Belgrade. And being that I am known very well by easy, unexpected and effective solutions, I decided then to make a web site and put there all the work I already have done, and possibly some future one. This way anyone needing it could reach it, and not only in Belgrade but all around the globe, and it much harder could be lost then or not to be at disposal when needed. I particularly had in mind the people I knew that they have problems living in "other countries" and being forced thus to use a language which is not their "native" one, and not only in daily (and nightly) life but in their Buddhist practice and study as well. I had in mind those not very well versed in grammar and orthography of their "native" language too. (: So, "Nichiren YU" was my very first HTML work and a web site. I did know absolutely nothing about it and was learning all myself, by peeping into the source codes of other web pages and comparing to how it looks in browsers, then selecting the elements I needed to build them and combine for myself and in a my way. I have been also playing a lot along the way, trying to learn more and to cheer up and amuse myself ("coding" in HTML is pretty boring and dry thing itself). Since it is my "first-born" web site, I will probably never change its now already a bit old-fashioned "look and feel", since almost each and every detail on it reminds me of the time when I had been digging around trying to figure out the relations between Sanskrit, Japanese and Chinese terms involved, being led by nothing particular else and more but by the feelings and thoughts the few said verses of Lotus Sutra had stirred once in myself spinning through my life much more and stronger than I would ever in that time even imagine could be possible to happen.
There, this has been the motivation of mine and my drive, and it is so today as well. As to this what is called "Buddhism", after the death of Siddhartha Gautama, it is so huge domain with immense and numberless implications that I personally never dared to call it "religion", but much more a science (due to precision and reliability of methods) and/or art (due to the high skill and fineness needed and exposed in action), or simply a skill, of the body and of the mind. It is true that there is very essential and vitally important element of faith in it, but this faith is of a very exceptional kind, and it is explained, quite well and precisely, in the Lotus Sutra itself. It is very intelligent, and noble, to say so, kind of faith, the one a top class scientist has (to have) entering a totally new area, or an artist touching yet untouched. Or simply anyone who is enough sensitive to sense the life, and its ways. Hence it is very hard to connect it to or associate with any existing notion of a "church" or "intermediaries", or a "clergy" which "approves" your status/condition/"merits". This is, again, a kind of the faith we all naturally and already have, unconditionally, by the simple fact that we are alive. We breathe, therefore we trust the life, the life opens and we penetrate the secret. It is a very intimate and ultimately personal thing, and you cannot explain it in any way. You can live it, and you can manifest it, express it, but you cannot explain it. If we are not able to trust the life this way, then we have "altered" our natural abilities, powers, virtues by something. Then the only wise thing we should do is to remove the causes of this "alteration", to get back (in)to the secret, and to live it, listening to, with the ears pricked up finely, what it has to say to us.
"Myo Ho", in Japanese, translates as "Mystic Law", in English. Again, "Myo Ho" is translation of "Sad|Dharma", in Sanskrit, and this one translates as "Wonderful Law", in English. All these translations are very good, since they denote unchangeability of the patterns the things behave after, which is by definition a law, and the fact that this law is very hard to understand (using "conventional" intellectual means), so that it remains mystic, misterious, secret|ive, wonder|ful. Hence, we can enter this Law, only by using some other means, and this is the faith, this natural trust, in the ways the life exists, which is a secret. Then the "doors of wisdom" open for us, and we can "read" this secret by the means and virtue of our inborn wisdom, which does not consist of the sheer intellect only but of much higher, deeper, wider and more powerful functions as well. The "reading" of the secret happens in the way of an active partaking in it. The partaking happens as the meeting of compassionate / sympathetic lovers, loving and trusting each other, happens. They recognize and "read" one another's secret by being involved in it, not otherwise, or being "on distance". And often, they are not able to explain what was this what had been leading them to discover this or that, to make this or that "right" motion, or to do this or that exactly at the "right moment". This is that elusive, subtle wisdom at its work, which functions by itself, "reading" and recognizing what happens at any instant, but you cannot catch it "in the act" that easily, since it is very quick, fluent and efficient. All happens very easily though, once the door of this wisdom is open, by the virtue of the trust, which makes possible to us to get involved in it, to enter it. Without being involved we cannot experience it, and hence we cannot understand it. An understanding of a secret consists of being involved in it. Right this and such a faith, a trust, is the very same trust, the faith, we are talking now about. There is no other one. Would you name it "religion"? If yes, then okay. If not, then okay again. It is absolutely irrelevant, and let it be and remain a matter of a mere conventions. What counts though, is that the doors to the Wonderful Law is open and entered, so we can "read" the life, which is the secret, and to help ourselves thus to be happy, and capable. It is the only thing which counts here. If we ever forget that this life is a secret, or begin to think that is not anymore, we shall lose ability to learn anything about it, about ourselves and others, and we shall be lost.
1 "Hermeneutics" is, generally, the science of interpretation. The radical of this word is the name of Hermes, the herald of gods, in Greek mythology. In Roman mythology though, which took over actually many deities from Greek mythology, and in this process pretty much "simplifying" them, Hermes gets the name "Mercury". And while in "Hermes" the stress is on the aspect of the mind which is able to perceive much finer and deeper layers of a given thing, for instance this what the Buddha is talking about as to the one single vehicle (and hence to be able to understand correctly, and due to this to interpret it correctly as well), Mercury relates more to more shallow and superficial aspects and conditions of mind, to which are then much more appropriate expedient means, a mind which is inconstant, inconsistent, instable, more attached to trickery in a trade, and to deceptions in general (to manipulations in communications and/or creation of confusion), and to theft as well (Mercury is also protector of thieves), and hence this coinage "mercuryloonics". 1a Also, almost always whenever I would go to some meeting, attempting to learn something more about and to get a better insight into the practice itself, thus practising with them together, I couldn't do anything but to "change my mind" and practise for them, and the very environment the meeting would be held in. They were so tense, particularly when would start to do gongyo and daimoku, that I felt quite ill at ease if I would proceed with my own "goals" (in order to "check" the practice), so I would catch myself how I am changing the target "on the fly" starting to chant for them instead, in order to dispel this tension around. I would sometimes catch myself that I was doing it almost not being aware of what I am doing. Anyway, in some strange and amusing way it really worked, the tension would melt down indeed, and it would last for some time. The atmosphere would become much more pleasant, and in the same time I would become aware and anew that the "thing" indeed "works", regardless would I be in a mood to accept it as a mere coincidence or not. I never told this to anyone, until now; and there are lots of other things I didn't tell as well. (It was in the time when I was not sure that Myo Ho is SadDharma, so I was doing everything in this context "from saddharma", not "from Myo Ho", thus including the daimoku too. Of course, it was all many years ago, and this tense situation changed a lot since.) 2 It is very important here to understand that the term "leader" relates to administrative function only/mainly, of those persons who are by definition responsible, as it is said, for the work and activities of particular group of practitioners, namely for organizing and supporting such work/activity, which basically consists of practice and study. So, in this respect, they do have responsibility to provide related necessary literature, or/and to refer to it, then to give instructions necessary for the practice itself, in general, and/or in accordance to capacities of particular practitioner. From the said is clear that those persons should be able, by definition, to estimate correctly the said capacities, and specific circumstances, or otherwise advices given will not be functional and effective, or even can be dysfunctional, misdirecting, or even can prevent practitioner in the personal advancement and effectiveness. Hence, simply put, it means that being a "leader" doesn't mean necesarrily and automa{t|g}ically having all the needed experiences, knowledge, education and prerogatives of the personal and spiritual development as well. (It may indeed be the case, but it may not as well.) For this reason, it is good if each "leader" would have someone (a "counselor") s/he could consult in a particular case s/he {him|her}self couldn't deal with effectively, be that related to others or to them themselves. Those counselors may be other "leaders" and/or "ordinary" practitioners (having no any "administrative function", but with more experience, knowledge, education) as well (and sometimes even rivers, trees, a winds, a rains, a storms, a bench in a park or a rock, earthquakes and so on, depending on the capacities for communication, on the ways we are able to use this what is called in the context we deal with here the "wisdom of buddha" of ours, or "buddhahood"). We never should do anything which could prevent anyone from the contact with, and the needed understanding of, his/her "buddhahood", the supreme instance able to "read" the "real nature of all things".
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Zašto sam napravio ovaj web sajt, i nešto o tome ko sam jaU odgovoru na pitanja o tome kako sam se upustio u Ničiren budizamOno što me je nateralo da napravim ovaj sajt nešto je što postoji u Lotos sutri što je uvek proizvodilo veoma snažnu rezonancu sa jednim od mojih osnovnih iskustava "sveta", egzistencije, života (i time naravno smrti takođe), tako da nikada nisam mogao da se oduprem tome da se uvek iznova "zaljubim" u nju, a sa svakim novim "zaljubljivanjem" išao bih još dublje, jer bih postao sve svesniji i sve više privučen dragocenošću i neizmernom snagom, lepotom i značajem tog i takvog iskustva. Izgleda da mi je bilo potrebno prilično mnogo vremena da postanem svestan i shvatim pravu vrednost čak i te sposobnosti same da doživljavam i percipiram na taj način, jer sam imao, u nekom ranijem dobu, neki nejasan osećaj da svako vidi stvari na taj ili sličan način. Bila je to prilično skupa greška, usled koje sam stekao nekoliko baš lepih ožiljaka, u procesu učenja... Ovde govorim o smislu samo nekoliko stihova datih u Lotos sutri, oko kojih bi se čitava jedna galaksija svega drugog pokazivala kao gravitirajuća, a to su ovi: "Kad čovek posvedoči kraj jednog eonaPosebno ova poslednja četiri. Ne mogu čak ni da se setim potpuno tačno gde i kada sam se prvi put susreo sa ovim stihovima, ali bih mogao ako ništa drugo svakako locirati vreme, približno, i mesto, mnogo preciznije. Velika Narodna biblioteka u gradu beše to mesto u koje sam ušao, imajući oko, hmm, ne, ne petnaest, pošto sam morao imati najmanje šesnaest godina da uđem u biblioteku (lična karta je bila potrebna za učlanjenje), i kada bejah izgubljen u prostoru sa katalozima, odustao sam i prišao nekako i iz nekih razloga sjajećoj (može biti da je bilo od prelamanja sunčeve svetlosti) dami, od najviše oko trideset godina, tamnokosoj i sasvim malčice bucmastoj, koja je proizvodila sitne šuškave zvuke papirima i verovatno nosila nešto svileno na sebi, dok se kretala iza podužeg pulta. Sad u stvari ne mogu da se setim da li je tako sijala već i pre nego što sam od nje zatražio pomoć ili je krenula da me razbija time posle toga, razvaljujući u komadiće moje poslednje ostatke orijentacije, tako da sam uspeo da zadržim na umu jedino razlog zašto sam ušao u biblioteku, koji je bio tada jedino sunce na nebu mog gurnutog, uskomešanog a zatim razbacanog uma, ali svakako nakon što sam rekao, tražeći reči, da mi je potrebno samo nekoliko uputstava gde da čeprkam po fiokama u vezi sa indijskom kulturom i posebno muzikom, njene su oči doista krenule da sijaju meni jednim takvim iznenađujućim prijateljstvom i intenzitetom, i ako dodamo i taj lepi prijateljski iznenadan osmeh koji se pojavio prvo na njenom licu a zatim počeo da se razliva svuda po njoj i oko nje, mogli bismo lako da shvatimo zašto sam bio totalno ozračen i zašto mi je bilo potrebno neko vreme da se aklimatizujem i setim se nekih od najvažnijih informacija koje mi beše davala šetajući me naokolo i pokazujući mi trikove i tajne stotina fioka. Iz nekih razloga izgledalo je da iskreno uživa u mojim interesovanjima, a bila je očigledno više nego dobro upućena u ono za čime sam tragao. Takav beše moj prvi dan od mnogih koje sam proveo u toj biblioteci u sledećih nekoliko godina. "Izašao" sam negde u vreme moje dvadesete (ali samo da bih pao u ruke jedne druge mlade žene, da učim nešto drugo). Dok sam bio, postojao, tu, često bih sedeo u prostoru za časopise, posmatrajući kroz prozore park i/li listajući razne žurnale i periodiku, čekajući na još jednu od mojih gomilica knjiga žućkastih strana da mi je donesu. Eto, upravo tu u tom prostoru susreo sam se sa pomenutim stihovima. Beše to neki časopis, i bio je na srpskom, preciznije na srpsko-hrvatskom, kako se to zvalo tada. (Nisam znao mnogo engleskog tada, bio sam učio ruski u školi, zatim sam učio englieski i zaboravio ruski, zatim nisam učio ništa i zaboravio sam engleski ponovo.) Više od toga ne mogu reći, nemam ni najblažu ideju koji je to časopis bio, samo da je bilo nešto kao neka "pisma" nekih "osobenjaka" koji su nešto "izveštavali" iz nekih "čudnih" mesta. Kakogod, bez obzira na to da sam delimično bio prihvatio ove stihove pre kao neki izraz p(j)esnika (a u poeziji postoji stvarno obilje raznog nepatvorenog i sertifikovanog đubreta, naročito kada se bavi "spiritualnošću" i "ljubavlju"), ostatak dana sam bio proveo izgubljen u vrtlogu koji su tih nekolicko reči uzrokovale u meni, nemajući na umu čak ni da ih zapišem, pošto je njihov smisao bila ta "udarna sila" koja me je tako dobro drmnula, prvo pravo u lice a zatim preko ostatka, aktivirajući taj vrtlog koji je krenuo da prikuplja na svoj kovitlajući i centrifugalan način zrnca, perle i tkivo svih tih čudno "zaboravljenih" i neopravdano zanemarenih mojih iskustava rasutih svuda po meni i mom sećanju svo to vreme. Čak i kada bih hteo, ne bih se mogao odupreti tom vrtložnom delovanju. Jedno od prvih takvih iskustava, tih "perli/bisera", koje bih mogao prizvati u sećanje, dovoljno jasno, bejah ja kako stojim u vrlo prostranom dvorištu (pamtim tačno detalje malog grada, ulice i kuće u kojoj smo živeli tada), majušno sitno nešto, držeći majčin (najverovatnije njen) broš sa mnogo fino brušenih staklastih stvarčica u uzdignutoj ruci, posmatrajući bogata opčinjavajuća prelamanja svetlosti, i slušajući neku veoma snažnu, energičnu, preciznu i malo čudnu, udaljenu muziku koja je dolazila mogli biste reći niotkud, ili iz oblaka, ali verovatno kroz neki udaljeni prozor nekih od visokih kuća oko dvorišta, negde "odozgo" i okolo. Bio sam "uhvaćen" u nešto, ili bolje rečeno postao sam svestan da sam usred nečega tako prostranog i ogromnog, da mu nisam mogao osetiti kraj, a kada bih pokušao da mu dosegnem, osetim, granice, iznenada bi se pretvorilo u nešto najmanje u isto vreme, kao vrh neke nevidljive igle, uzrokujući utisak pulsiranja ili zumiranja, ali opet bez ikakvog pravog pulsiranja i zumiranja. Osetio sam takvu jednu slobodu i "autonomnost", bivajući odvojen od baš svega naokolo, mada sam imao u isto vreme sve to na raspolaganju i bio u dodiru s tim, a najviše s tim veličanstvenim kretanjima linija i zavoja talasa te muzike svuda oko mene u prostoru praćenim onim preciznim i finim prelamanjima svetlosti. Jedno sasvim novo i vrlo posebno osećanje radosti, bezbednosti, spokojstva i sabranosti, koje nije zavisilo apsolutno ni od koga i ni od čega, jednostavno je tu postojalo, tek tako i bez objašnjenja, da nisam mogao da odolim impulsu zahvalnosti i čak ljubavi prema čemu god bilo to što je bilo uzrok svemu tome, čineći da stvari budu na način na koji su bile. I sve to nije bilo uzrokovano ničime. Muzika i igra svetlosti nisu ni na koji način uzrokovale celu tu situaciju, mada su bili "tu naokolo" nekako, korespondirajući na neki način s tim, kao kad bi nešto otvorilo vrata kroz koja bi mogao videti i stupiti u sâmo svoje kraljevstvo, već postojeće. Ta muzika je delovala kao neka jaka promaja. Osećaj kao ovaj... "Moja čista zemlja je nerazoriva,...i mogao bi napisati knjigu o tome, čak mnogo knjiga, veoma dobrih knjiga, opisujući to veoma dobro i dodajući obilje detalja, ali ipak ne reći mnogo. To je tako jednostavno i iz "jednog dela" da postaje vrlo komplikovano opisati ga - jednostavno. Najbolji deo je u svakom slučaju urađen, a to je ta razlika ukazana u doživljavanju potpuno iste stvari, ove "egzistencije". Neki od nas je vide kao mesto progutano vatrom, a neki kao mesto radosti i kao našu čistu nerazorivu zemlju. E sad, zašto je to tako, i zašto se ove percepcije tako dramatično razlikuju, sasvim je druga, i mogla bi biti prilično duga, priča. Ono što mi je bilo važno u to vreme je da se to podudaralo sa mojim najintimnijim i najdubljim doživljajem da "svet" nije izvor žalosti i bola, "izvorno", već sasvim suprotno, izvor radosti, i da sama "priroda", srž, života jeste radost. To je podudaranje zapravo govorilo o činjenici - a to je meni u celoj toj stvari bilo tada najznačajnije - da postoji takva kultura, civilizacija, sistem obrazovanja koji neguju i kultivišu takva iskustva i znanja, i takve stavove prema životu i postojanju, tako da više nisam morao da se osećam kao zalutali metak, ili granata, ili panter, ili oluja, ili grom, ili ovca (zavisno od situacije), u području vrlo malodušnih i uznemirenih bića (a ovo se odnosi[lo] na gotovo sve što bi se moglo nazvati "zapadnom civilizacijom"). Gledajući sav taj svet naokolo potčinjen nekoj vrsti bola i bede, bez obzira koliko "materijalnih dobara" bi imali ili ne, i koje bi "pozicije" zauzimali ili ne, uvek mi je bilo ukazivalo na to da se "nešto pogrešno" tu dešava, i da se to ne uklapa baš sasvim dobro u stvari "kakve jesu". Nisam mogao da shvatim zašto doživljavaju život tako teško i kao bol mnogo pre nego kao radost. Ponekad mi je to izgledalo kao neka bolest. Usled toga osetio bih svoju radost i živahnost gotovo kao razlog da osećam neku krivicu. I doista sam bio patio prilično često od tog potpuno pogrešnog, vrlo štetnog i zapravo (samo)nametnutog osećaja, dok nisam bio naučio nekoliko stvari. Priroda života, "egzistencije", doista je radost. Zašto neki ljudi nisu sposobni da to percipiraju i da žive na taj način drugo je jedno pitanje koje bi nas odvelo u pravcu koji nam nije baš sad potreban.
Na primer, u stvar zvanu "budizam" stupio sam sasvim "slučajno", ne bivajući uopšte zainteresovan za to, već jedino želeći da naučim više o tome što me je činilo srećnim, donoseći mi izuzetnu radost, a to je bila muzika, koju smatram sredstvom doživljavanja života, manifestovanja, uticanja na njega, i čak kreiranja njega samog, na jednom od njegovih najmoćnijih i najsuštinskijih nivoa/slojeva. Bio sam, i jesam, muzičar. Otišao sam jednostavno u biblioteku da saznam više o muzici Indije, o nečemu što me je činilo srećnim (i ne, nikada nisam bio "hipi" niti nošen nekom popularnom, "kolektivnom" "strujom", naročito ne u nečemu što bi mi bilo važno). Jednostavno tako. Ništa više. Samo da saznam više o onome što sam radio, čime sam se bavio, i šta je sve još moguće. Bio sam vođen ljubavlju, srećom i divljenjem, radošću, moćnom i prelepom čistokrvnom strašću i zahvalnošću. Takvo je bilo moje "gorivo". Prema tome, nisam bio motivisan i vođen nikakvim bolom, nevoljom ili patnjom koju sam osećao, niti bilo kakvom tužnom stvari, tako da bih morao da tražim neki "lek", zatim da ga koristim, a zatim da ga bacim i zaboravim, do sledeće nevolje. Tu radost koju sam prirodno osećao, imajući je duboko u sebi, uvek je bilo nešto na šta sam mogao "računati", kao na lično i intimno utočište, bez obzira koju bih bol i patnju neizbežno doživljavao ponekad, kao i svako drugi. Osećao sam je kao samo jezgro svog "identiteta", onoga što stvarno jesam, svog "sebe", svoje "prirode", nečega što nije nikada odvojeno of "mene", bivajući nešto drugo, "spolja". Ta razlika u motivaciji je velika, ogromna, kao što sam imao tako mnogo prilika da vidim kasnije. Ona takođe presudno utiče na naše mentalne sposobnosti da razumemo pravo značenje, i kvalitet, raznih spisa koje se bave takvim temama, bilo da su klasifikovani kao "umetnička" ili "spiritualna" ili "filozofska" ili bilo kakva druga dela. Stvari se tada, uz te različite motivacije, uče na vrlo, vrlo različit način. Jedna je stvar biti fokusiran samo na odstranjivanje bola, a druga na donošenje, oslobađanje, otpuštanje bujice, pražnjenje naboja radosti. Radost će umiriti i razoriti bol kao bujica svetlosti koja uklanja tamu, ali pokušaji uklanjanja tame bez svetlosti je zbunjujuća stvar koja može da potraje, čineći čak da neko "halucinira" svetlost ponekad. Radost kao moćna munja koja prolama bol do nepostojanja u bljesku, podsećajući nas ko mi stvarno jesmo. Tako, jedini moj problem koji sam prilično voleo da vidim rešen i da me ne muči više bio je zašto sam ja tako srećan, da li sam "normalan" osećajući svu tu radost, "bez razloga", dok je tako mnogo drugih oko mene bilo prilično daleko od doživljavanja života na taj način. I mada sam bio milo daleko tada da budem potpuno svestan toga, moj susret sa tih nekoliko kratkih stihova u to vreme bio je prelomni momenat u oblikovanju mog odnosa prema drugima i sebi samom, u pogledu tog posebnog doživljavanja "radosti bez razloga". Bio je to dijamant u rudniku u kome je čitava lavina njih krenula da se obrušava na mene istog momenta kada sam ozbiljno posegao za njim. Od tog vremena nadalje, proveo sam puno vremena uporedo baveći se muzikom i svim vrstama i načinima onoga što je posle smrti Sidarte Gautame, ili jednostavno Bude, nazvano "budizmom", u veoma raznovrsnim kontekstima - istražujući i ispitujući prirodu svog pomenutog osećaja/stanja, "radosti bez razloga". To područje, oblast, toliko su duboki, široki i sveobuhvatni da ponekad volim da to nazivam džunglom u kojoj se samo onaj sa veoma dobrim osećajem za ("prirodnu") orijent|aciju može snaći dovoljno dobro, i bez mnogo nevolja i ponekad pravih opasnosti koje bi susreo ovde i onde usled ovog i onog. Zatim, treba da imamo na umu da je budizam uglavnom predstavljan kao lek za neku već razvijenu bolest, dok se samo na jednom i jedinom mestu pokazuje kao nešto nezamislivo neizmerno drugo, kao neuslovljeno "pozitivno" iskustvo, a to se nalazi u Lotos sutri, i tačno u momentima kada se Buda obraća okolnom svetu ne bivajući prethodno zamoljen za to, nekim pitanjima postavljenim ili sličnim, kao što se o tome najčešće izveštava u svim ostalim sutrama. Takvi trenuci otkrivaju zapravo koliko drugih stvari stoji iza prilično ograničenog nečeg što je nešto kasnije nazvano "budizam", i da su ograničena nauka i metod ikada izloženi od strane Bude, pre Lotos sutre, poslednje, bili namenjeni jedino tome da uklone patnju/bol, uzrokovanu neznanjem o "pravoj prirodi [svih] stvari" i o našem pravom identitetu. Ništa drugo. "Drugo" počinje sa Lotos sutrom, i jedino na način ukazivanja/nagoveštavanja, ne tretirajući više neku "bolest", već ukazujući na mogućnosti jednog "zdravog" uma. Takođe, muzika koju sam slušao onog dana kada bejah "začaran" posmatrajući prelamanje svetlosti u staklastim stvarčicama broša (najverovatnije majčinog, nisam tada još imao devojku, pretpostavljam, budući da sam imao tri ili četiri godine, ili se u najmanju ruku ne sećam nijedne u to vreme - beše jedna u komšiluku doduše, sa malo krivim O nogama, ali nije bila moja, kolicko znam, a ja bih bio samo komentarisao te njene noge ponekad), ta muzika čiji sam "smisao" zapamtio, "atmosferu", i "snimio", ko zna kojim načinima, njenu veoma specifičnu (zapravo neku vrlo posebnu algoritamsku) strukturu, može se naći samo na jednom mestu, to je "Zapad", to je barok, a veoma precizno Bah, Johan Sebastijan Bah koji bi drugi, jer takva "pravilnost", "savršenost" i stabilnost formi tih neverovatnih čipki koje uvijaju i obavijaju um ne postoje ni na jednom drugom mestu u planetarnoj istoriji muzike. Takvi efekti nisu mogući na bilo koji drugi način strukturisanja muzičke građe. Nikada nisam mogao da se prisetim koja su to dela tačno bila (u to vreme čuo bih mnogo njih u drugim prilikama takođe, uglavnom slušajući radio ušiju zalepljenih za njega), ali bilo je to nešto orkestarsko (tako da bismo mogli da nagađamo od divlje lepih violinskih koncerata do Brandeburških), a na momente veoma "čudna" i gotovo zastrašujuća, "kao da ih nije stvorilo ljudsko (`previše ljudsko') biće". Bah je veoma izuzetna pojava u svetu (u najmanju ruku zapadne) muzike, nešto veoma neobjašnjivo. Vrlo sličan efekat imala je pomenuta indijska muzika (ne baš svaka, već jedna veoma posebna), mada se ova bavila takođe, i čak mnogo više, i "mesnatim", sensualnim, biološkim aspektima naše egzistencije. U to vreme, sećam se da bi se i moja majka i devojka plašile, kako bi to one izrazile, kad god bih slušao neka posebna Bahova ili indijska dela. Majka bi "videla" zmije kadgod bi neka specifična indijska miloumna melodija krenula da se uzdiže, propinjući se i vijugajući naokolo u vazduhu. Takvi efekti, i takve strukture u muzici, nisu naravno svojstva koja se mogu naći samo u Bahovoj i takvoj indijskoj muzici, ali su doista grupisana i koncentrisana do najvećeg stepena upravo u njima. U Bahovoj su često dati u pozadini u linijama takozvanog "basso continuo" izvođenih obično harpsikordom ili klavičembalom. Kao da je ta muzika na neki način napustila svog kreatora i počela da se gradi i razvija sama i nezavisno, uz samo lak njegov dodir ovde i onde, tako da bi mogao da vidiš da sada kreator vodi muziku a zatim muzika vodi njega. U određenim momentima, struktura takvih perpetualnih (mantroidnih, kako volim ponekad da ih nazivam) formi čipkaste muzike napravile bi serije procepa kroz koje bi mogao iskusiti jedan novi prostor, oblast, upravo ono da... "Moja čista zemlja je nerazoriva,...fenomen kada je um primamljen i postavljen u takvu poziciju da postaje iznenada svestan svoje prave prirode i veličanstvenog osećaja slobode i sposobnosti shvatanja / prod{iranja|ornosti} koji dolazi s tim. Sve postaje lako i stvari "magično" dolaze na svoje mesto, pod uticajem takvog uvida. Jednostavno postaješ svestan činjenice da je upravo to tvoja sama osnova, tvoj stvarni nerazorivi identitet, tvoje vrhovno kraljevstvo. Destruktivnu vatru i bol vidi / doživljava samo um koji je uznemiren i koji luta naokolo, ne bivajući svestan same svoje prirode. Neću ovde mnogo zalaziti u prirodu zvuka i mnogih paralela sa prirodom mantri (uključujući "dajmoku" sâm), već ću samo reći da svakako muzičke, ili jednostavno zvučne, forme / strukture postoje, neka vrsta obrazaca, koje imaju osobinu da "kontaktiraju" i/li "stimulišu / prizovu" naše "centre" za identitet, tako da nas muzika može podsetiti ko smo stvarno, dodirujući i pokazujući veoma intimna, delikatna tkiva u nama, čineći da fino vibriraju i rezoniraju sa tim strukturama na nezamislive i neobjašnjive pa ipak veoma prisne načine, pokazujući nam da se zapravo sastojimo od čiste i najdelikatnije radosti i sreće, i jedne misteriozne slatke moći, uprkos svemu ostalom. Muzika takvih kvaliteta i strukture je izuzetno retka, i čak nije dovoljno biti genije da se ona kreira. Nešto više i drugo je potrebno za to. Možda je neka vrsta saosećanja jedan od tajnih čarobnih sastojaka, nešto što nam daje sposobnost da "osetimo / vidimo" druge, i druge "stvari", njihovu "prirodu", da ih postanemo svesni direktno, na tom najfinijem, najmoćnijem, nivou. Ovo je veoma slično igranju svetlošću, oblicima, pokretima... građom od koje su mandale i jantre sačinjene, mudre i čudni ali ipak tako prisni pokreti u tajnim i svetim / obrednim plesovima.
Opet, čak ni ta pomenuta muzika i prelamanja svetlosti nisu mnogo važni u ovoj priči. Bilo je to samo moje prvo iskustvo takve vrste kojeg sam se mogao setiti, i budući da je bilo prvo, najranije, koje pamtim, verovatno imam neka posebna osećanja prema njemu kao prema vremenu "izgubljene" nevinosti ili slično. Ono što je doista važno ovde, jeste taj lep izraz iskustva sâm, i postojana svesnost koja zrači iz ovih stihova tako snažno rezonirajući sa iskustvom samim... "Moja čista zemlja je nerazoriva,...i uz to sa takvom jasnoćom i jednostavnošću, i čvrstom preciznošću i definitivnošću, da jednom ih susrevši, njihov smisao, nije bilo žive sile koja bi mogla učiniti da ga ikada zaboravim, ta i takva iskustva. To mi je govorilo nešto važno o vrednosti, stvarnoj ozbiljnoj vrednosti tog iskustva, i sposobnosti da percipiram i vidim, koju sam prihvatio jednom, tada kada sam bio dete, pre kao jednu stvar "puke zabave", ili proste "inspiracije", i čak gotovo zabranjenog tajnog zadovoljstva (budući tako podložan osećanju krivice, i otud mogućoj kazni, je l'), kao prema tome nešto što postoji po strani od "ozbiljnih" stvari kojima je većina oko mene bila tako smrtno ozbiljno obuzeta i marljivo uposlena. Ovu kardinalna grešku u pogledu prave vrednosti i ispravne procene takvih iskustava i percepcije, pravio sam jednostavno usled njihove (objektivne) retkosti, i otuda njihovog odsustva u sistemima "regularnog / masovnog" obrazovanja, i ne samo na takozvanom "Zapadu" već i na takozvanom "Istoku". (Ako jednom stupimo, snagom komunikacionih sredstava, u stvar zvanu "planetarna kultura", u isto vreme stupamo takođe i u nešto što se zove "planetarni nedostatak kulture", i "planetarno zagađenje", uključujući mentalno. Otuda ne treba da se ni najmanje zavaravamo u pogledu kvaliteta stvari sa predmetkom "planetaran", ili "globalan", ili "moderan". Sasvim suprotno, treba da budemo oprezni mnogo više nego obično, jer imamo tada mnogo više stvari da ispitamo, procenjujući ih ispravno. Ja sam bio modelisao svoju ličnu kulturu i prema "zapadnim" i prema "istočnim" modelima, obrazujući sebe tačno na raskršću obeju... civilizacija, tako da sam bio u vrlo finoj poziciji da posmatram i vidim prednosti i razvojne ometenosti i jedne i druge. Da bih lično "preživeo", kulturno i drugačije, a ipak dosegao i stekao potrebno efikasno znanje, morao sam da uskladim i izmirim oba ova ekstrema, promišljajući i uzimajući najbolje od svakog, i, odstranjujući one manire obe strane koji nikada nisu nijednoj donele nikakvo dobro. Koliko mogu da vidim, "spolja", oni se još uvek radije jedni protiv drugih mlate umesto da uključe svoje mozgove i da sarađuju. Ali pustimo to na stranu sada...) Kada um postane nesposoban (iz bilo kojih razloga) za neka iskustva, onda edukativna materija koja se odnosi na ova iskustva iščezava. Jednostavno tako. Ili, pošto nema nijednog uma više sposobnog da izvorno doživi datu stvar, čak i moguća postojeća edukativna materija koja se odnosi na takva iskustva ne može više biti protumačena dovoljno dobro. "Najpopularniji", najčešći, rezultati su konfuzija i "uprošćavanja" (koja često vode pravo u idiotizacije, stvari koje uzrokuju enormnu štetu svuda naokolo). Ono što se nekada zvalo hermeneutika, postaje merkuropičenjaštvo,1 ili jednostavno sofistika, trgovina lažnim znanjem, lažnom edukacijom, nečim što samo naizgled podseća manje ili više na "pravu stvar", čega je rezultat neefikasnost u praktičnom životu, u "akciji". Ova neefikasnost zatim rezultuje razočarenjima, a ta razočarenja rezultuju napuštanjem i odbacivanjem. Otuda, da bi bio sposoban da dosegneš neko dato znanje koje ti je potrebno, posebno u veoma lošim (kali juga) vremenima, moraš da imaš "srce" golubice, um zmije i kretanje pantera, ne smeš se ničega bojati, i ne smeš se gaditi ničega, jer uglavnom sve što vidiš samo je buka i unezverenost zbrkanih i uplašenih umova. Ako pak pustiš svoj pogled da klizi naokolo, preko reke, mora, neba, drveća, sunca, telâ životinja, ptica i nekih ljudskih bića, ako osetiš i čuješ vetar u krošnjama, kišu, munju, i mesečinu na svojoj koži, onda ćeš steći ideju i podsetiti se na to kako jedan zdrav, "normalan", lep i moćan um zapravo funkcioniše, bivajući tako efikasan, sposoban, srećan i zahvalan. Veoma jednostavno. Ono što sprečava um da radi na taj način i da bude što stvarno jeste, ono je što je "komplikovano", nezgrapno i što pravi teškoće. To su sve stvari koje dolaze iz naših ne uvek veoma mudro izgrađenih "kultura", "civilizacija" i "obrazovanosti", i to na samom ličnom nivou. Nijedan od tih "izazivača nereda" ne postoji drugačije nego kao veštački dodatak i kreacija kreirana prema našim nehatnim aljkavim "vizijama života". Oni uopšte nisu dela i rad neke "sudbine", oni su svi naši vlastiti. I upravo to je još jedna lepota koja pomalja svoje šarmantno namigujuće lice. Budući da su sve te stvari naše vlastite kreacije, možemo da ih (pre)modelišemo i (pre)oblikujemo, prema novim uvidima koje stičemo. Kad to ne bi bio srećan slučaj, već pre eksluzivna kreacija neke nedosežne okrutne "sudbine", tada bismo morali samo da je prihvatimo, ponavljajući kao tupe lutke uvek iznova iste stare obrasce, ne bivajući nikada sposobni da se oslobodimo bola i patnje (koje stvaramo sebi i drugima), ili da poboljšamo ijednu stvar. Koje bi značenje i koju vrednost nešto ovakvo... "Moja čista zemlja je nerazoriva,...onda imalo za nas? Nikakve. Bilo bi to samo parče "lepe poezije" i puko "priželjkivanje", bez ijedne osnove u stvarnosti, u stvarnom svetu/životu. Nešto čime nijedan muškarac, ni žena, ni dete, ni sisanče od akcije ne bi baš mnogo bili privučeni. Ovo "moja" ovde zapravo znači "tvoja", "naša" (isto tako). Takođe, zamenite svako "{B|b}uda" sa "[prava priroda] um[a]", i dobićete veličanstveni ključ kako čitati ono o čemu taj čovek doista govori svo vreme i u svim vremenima. To "buda" je u stvari "um", koji funkcioniše "prirodno", "takav kakav je", bez veštačkih "dodataka" i distorzijâ. Jednostavno tako. Priroda uma je nerazoriva. To je ta "čista zemlja".
E sad, da se vratimo blago i otmeno iz ovog putovanja vremenom, u prilično toplo leto 1994., ili beše 1993., jedna moja prijateljica stupa u moju delikatnu rezidenciju i noseći ogromnu džunglobojnu vrećastu torbu koja gotovo da može da vrišti, igra, grize i grebe, kaže sa osmehom od mnogo sjajnih zuba:
"Ćao! Znaš šta ima novo? Onda mi je dala i tako je to počelo. Bio sam prilično radoznao da vidim te ljude koji se bave Lotos sutrom i da čujem njihove utiske, i tako je mala žena sa ogromnom džunglobojnom vrećastom torbom počela da me izvodi svukud naokolo pokazujući mi praktičare i načine na koji su oni to radili. Mogu reći, sa jednim sasvim prijateljskim osmehom sada, da je sve to bilo totalna katastrofa i raskošna propast. Većina njih je bila tako izgubljena, u grču i očajna, da sam bio u samoodbrani odlučio da budem ljubazan prema svima njima, bez obzira šta se dešava, izvaljujući lake šale, zadirkujući dame i rasipajući umerene komplimente, u pokušajima da se uzdržim nekako od impulsa da grizem svoje ručne zglobove i da vrištim. Kao prvo, oni u stvari nisu imali blagu ideju šta je uopšte Lotos sutra. Mislim, niko od njih nije je (pro)čitao (na srpskom ili na bilo kom drugom jeziku koji bi mogli razumeti, to jest reči tog jezika). Doista, liturgijska knjižica se sastoji od izvoda iz nje, ali je ispisana kineskim ideogramima (kanđi) i fonetički transliterovana latinizovanim japanskim. Koga god da sam pitao za prevod ili da mi kaže šta se zapravo tačno čita, nije mi znao reći. Čak i za značenje / prevod osnovne mantre "Nam mjoho renge kjo" morao sam gotovo mišićima da se služim da iscedim neke slabe obrise, dobijajući uglavnom odgovore kao: "Nije uopšte važno šta to znači" i slične. Moj zaključak: "Dakle, vi u stvari radite nešto što ne znate šta je?" proizveo je pristojnu napetost. Nema Lotos sutre, dakle odoh. Posetio bih ih povremeno da vidim da li je situacija nešto bolja, ali nije bila ništa bolja. (: U određenom momentu, nakon što sam dobio slične odgovore od nekih "oficijelnih" "lidera"2 takođe, odlučio sam da ne gubim više vreme i da uzmem stvari u svoje ruke. (Uvek sam voleo individualnu inicijativu.) Nakon toga stvari su krenule da se razvijaju mnogo, mnogo bolje, i brže. Došao sam do sve literature koju mi nisu bili baš mnogo željni (nisu mogli?) da pribave, iz ko zna kojih razloga, i potegao svoj zarđali i zaboravljeni engleski (joj!) da vidim šta je sve to u stvari, brzo i bez nepotrebnih smetnji i prepona. Prve stvari koje sam želeo da saznam bile su poreklo instrukcija za praktikovanje i Ničiren Dajšonin, tako da sam uzeo šaku gošoa koju sam sebi pribavio i počeo da ih čitam i analiziram. Gošoi su pisma sa instrukcijama o tome kako praktikovati, upućena od Ničirena njegovim učenicima, prijateljima, sledbenicima. Pisani su izvorno na japanskom, a ja sam imao engleske prevode u svojim rukama. (Nije bilo ni jednog jedinog od njih pisanog na srpskom, a svi prevodi koje sam imao prilike da vidim, uglavnom neke pamfletne vrste, koji su se odnosili na nešto prilično drugo, bili su pristojno lošeg kvaliteta, bez izvora na raspolaganju, bez imena njihovih autora, i još uz to puni tehničkim greškama u pogledu činjenica, istorijskih i drugih, o budizmu samom.) Ničiren je bio izuzetno obrazovana osoba, upućena u brahmanizam, hinduizam, taoizam, konfučijanizam, mnoge škole budizma i mnogo drugih disciplina koje su bile u interakciji sa onim čime je bio zainteresovan i čime se bavio, tako da mnoga od tih pisama živa sila ne bi mogla razumeti kako treba, ne samo bez odgovarajućeg obrazovanja, već i bez nužnog iskustva takođe. Svi izrazi i imena koji su mi bili sasvim prisni na sanskritu, bili su prevedeni na kineski, zatim sa kineskog na japanski, tako da bih samo blenuo pitajući se ko/šta je sad pa ovo, čitajući ga na engleskom. Nisam mogao da raspoznam čak ni Budino ime (ono je bilo "Butsu" na latinizovanom japanskom). Čak i "(sad)Darma" je postala "Mjo Ho" i tako dalje i tako bliže. Vremenom sa stekao ključeve (glavna mi je stvar bila da pronađem da li je "mjo ho" zapravo "[sad]darma" prevedena sa sanskrita, a posle toga imao sam onaj glavni ključ, stožer, oko kojeg se vrti cela priča) krenuvši da ispisujem beleške, primedbe, komentare, na srpskom, i za sebe, i u osnovi to je bila ta baza za sve prevode koji su usledili posle, i bili urađeni čisto u svrhu mojih vlastitih istraživačkih potreba i vlastite orijentacije. Ta pisma, gošoe, ne može prevesti dobro, korektno, niko ko nije veoma dobro verziran u materiju (koja je ogromna, u tehničkom i istorijskom smislu), i teoretski i praktično. U budizmu nikakva "teorija" ne pomaže, bez čvrste stabilne prakse / iskustva. Ali i obrnuto. Moja motivacija je bila da vidim šta je Ničiren doista mislio sa Lotos sutrom i o njoj. Njegova obrazovanost mi je neizmerno pomogla, pošto smo u stvari proučavali potpuno istu stvar, tako da smo mogli da "razgovaramo" nekako, uprkos vavilonskim izrazima i na momente klimavim prevodima iz druge, treće i tako dalje ruke, pošto je iskustvo, koje je jedinstveno "po sebi", bilo ta orijentaciona tačka i "vezivno tkivo", element nepodložan modifikacijama, "nepromenljiva" u "sistemu". Posle tih inicijalnih impresija koje sam stekao, čitajući njegova pisma, shvatio sam da Ničiren nije bio neki budalast i zatucan sveštenik, naređujući svojim učenicima/sledbenicima da rade stvari bez komentara i potrebnih objašnjenja, a shvatajući to, osećao sam se bolje, mnogo bolje, tako da je lep zadovoljan cer počeo da ulepšava moje lice. Stari dobri momak je uradio svoj posao izuzetno dobro, i vrlo verovatno koristeći "celishodna sredstva" (skt.: upaya) kad god nije mogao drugačije. Takođe je naglašavao da je studiranje (učenje, proučavanje materije) veoma važan i nužan deo praktikovanja, nešto bez čega uspeh i napredovanje nisu mogući. Eto, stvari su postepeno bile postajale da dobijaju jedan zdrav i razuman oblik. Fino! Tako, nakon što sam saznao više, i direktnije, iz boljeg izvora, o njemu, bio sam u mnogo boljem raspoloženju da uzmem ostatak u razmatranje, sa pravim i odgovarajućim iteresovanjem. To je rezultovalo svim prevodima koji se mogu naći na ovom veb sajtu, potpisanih mojim imenom. Svi su oni sasvim korektno i pristojno prevedeni, i u tom smislu su tehnički veoma korisni i pouzdani za praktičare. Čitajući iznova neke od njih, ponekad, vidim poneka mesta koja bi mogla biti prevedena drugačijim manirom takođe, korišćenjem nešto drugačijeg formulisanja ili stila, ali u osnovi oni su kvalitetni i sasvim precizni. To je takođe razlog zašto dajem sa svakim prevodom izvorni tekst uporedo, tako da se kvalitet prevoda može proveriti i sadržina i značenja uporediti.
Pošto bih tada te beleške, noseći ih na krkačama posećujući poneki sastanak, pokazao drugima, praveći nove ili zapisujući nešto drugo, primetio bih da su nekima ponekad neke stvari od pomoći i instruktivne, tako da sam počeo da iskucavam cele kraće gošoe, ili fragmente, ili fragmente iz Lotos sutre, i ostavio bih im da budu na raspolaganju ako bi ikome to bilo potrebno kasnije. Ovi prevodi su imali razne sudbine, ovde izgubljeni, onde potrebni ali neprisutni, i sve je to opet bilo ograničeno samo na one koji su živeli u Beogradu ili ga posećivali. I budući da sam veoma poznat po lakim, neočekivanim i efikasnim rešenjima, odlučio sam da napravim ovaj veb sajt i da tu stavim sav rad koji sam već imao završen, i moguće neki budući. Na taj način, svako kome je potreban mogao bi dopreti do njega, i ne samo u Beogradu već svuda u svetu, i tako bi tada mnogo teže mogao biti izgubljen ili ne biti na raspolaganju kada je potreban. Posebno sam imao na umu svet za koji sam znao da ima probleme živeći u "drugim zemljama" i bivajući prisiljen tako da koristi jezik koji nije njihov "maternji", i ne samo u svakodnevnom (i svakonoćnom) životu, već i u njihovom praktikovanju i proučavanju budizma. Imao sam na umu i one koji nisu veoma dobro upućeni u gramatiku i pravopis svog "maternjeg" jezika. (: Tako, "Ničiren YU" beše moj prvi HTML rad i veb sajt. Nisam znao apsolutno ništa o tome i učio sam sve sam, zavirujući u izvorne kodove drugih veb strana i poredeći ih sa tim kako izgledaju u prelistavačima, zatim odabirajući one elemente koji su mi bili potrebni da ih napravim i kombinujem za sebe i na neki moj način. Takođe sam se mnogo i igrao usput, pokušavajući da naučim više i da ohrabrim i zabavim sebe (pisanje HTML kodova je prilično dosadna i suvoparna stvar kao takva). Pošto je to moj "prvenac", verovatno neću nikada promeniti njegov sada već pomalo staromodan izgled, jer gotovo svaki detalj na njemu podseća me na vreme kada sam bio kopao naokolo pokušavajući da shvatim odnose između sanskritskih, japanskih i kineskih izraza korišćenih, vođen ničim posebnim drugim i više osim osećanjima i mislima koje su nekoliko pomenutih reči Lotos sutre bile podstakle jednom u meni kovitlajući se kroz moj život mnogo više i snažnije nego što bih ikada u to vreme čak zamislio da bi bilo moguće da se desi.
Eto, to je bila moja motivacija i moj pogon, i to je tako i danas. Što se tiče toga što se zove "budizam", posle smrti Sidarte Gautame, to je toliko ogromna oblast neizmernih i bezbrojnih implikacija da se lično nikad nisam usudio da je nazovem "religijom", već mnogo više naukom (zbog preciznosti i pouzdanosti metodâ) i/li umetnošću (zbog velike veštine i finoće potrebne i izložene u akciji), ili jednostavno veštinom, tela i duha. Istina je da postoji veoma bitan i vitalno važan element vere u njemu, ali ta je vera veoma izuzetne vrste, i to je objašnjeno, sasvim dobro i precizno, u samoj Lotos sutri. To je veoma inteligentna, i plemenita, otmena, da tako kažem, vrsta vere, ona koju vrhunski naučnik (mora da) ima stupajući u potpuno novo područje, ili umetnik dodirujući još nedirnuto. Ili jednostavno svako ko je dovoljno senzitivan da oseti život, i njegove načine. Otuda je veoma teško povezati ga ili asocirati sa bilo kojim postojećom predstavom o "crkvi" ili "posrednicima", ili "sveštenstvom" koje "odobrava" tvoj status/stanje/"zasluge". To je, opet, vrsta vere koju mi svi prirodno i već imamo, bezuslovno, jednostavnom činjenicom da smo živi. Dišemo, dakle verujemo životu, život se otvara i prodiremo u tajnu. To je jedna veoma intimna i kranje lična stvar, i ne možeš je objasniti ni na koji način. Možeš da je živiš, i možeš da je manifestuješ, da je izraziš, ali je ne možeš objasniti. Ako nismo sposobni da verujemo životu na taj način, onda smo "prepravili" svoje prirodne sposobnosti, moći, vrline/snagu nečime. Tada jedina mudra stvar koju treba da uradimo, jeste da uklonimo uzroke te "prepravljenosti" da se vratimo nazad u tajnu, i da je živimo, slušajući, ušiju lepo načuljenih, šta ima da nam kaže.
"Mjo Ho", na japanskom, prevodi se kao "Mystic Law" ("Mistični Zakon"), na engleski. Opet, "Mjo Ho" je prevod sanskritskog izraza "Sad|Dharma", a ovaj se prevodi na engleski kao "Wonderful Law" ("Čudesan Zakon"). Svi ovi prevodi su veoma dobri, pošto označavaju nepromenljivost obrazaca po kojima se stvari ponašaju, što je po definiciji zakon, i činjenicu da je taj zakon veoma teško razumeti (koristeći "konvencionalna" intelektualna sredstva), tako da ostaje mističan, misteriozan, tajan|stven, čudesan. Otuda, možemo da stupimo u ovaj Zakon, jedino korišćenjem nekih drugih sredstava, a to je vera, ono prirodno poverenje, u načine kojima život postoji, koji su tajna. Tada nam se "vrata mudrosti" otvaraju, i možemo da "čitamo" tu tajnu sredstvima i vrlinom/snagom svoje urođene mudrosti, koja se ne sastoji samo od pukog intelekta već i od mnogo viših, dubljih, širih i moćnijih funkcija. To "čitanje" tajne dešava se na način aktivnog učestvovanja u njoj. To učestvovanje se dešava kao susret saosećajnih ljubavnika, koji vole jedno drugo i imaju poverenja jedno u drugo. Oni prepoznaju i "čitaju" tajnu onog drugog učestvujući u njoj, a ne drugačije, ili bivajući "na distanci". I često, ne mogu da objasne šta je bilo ono što ih je bilo vodilo da otkriju ovo i ono, da naprave ovaj i onaj "pravi" pokret, ili da urade ovo i ono tačno u pravom momentu. To je ta neuhvatljiva, suptilna mudrost u svom delovanju, koja funkcioniše sama od sebe, "čitajući" i prepoznajući šta se dešava u svakom trenutku, ali je ne možeš uhvatiti "na delu" tako lako, jer je veoma brza, tečna i efikasna. Sve se međutim dešava veoma lako, kada su vrata te mudrosti jednom otvorena, snagom poverenja, koje nam omogućava da učestvujemo u njoj, da stupimo u nju. Bez učestvovanja ne možemo da je doživimo, otuda ne možemo da je razumemo. Razumevanje tajne sastoji se u učestvovanju u njoj. Upravo ta i takva vera, poverenje, potpuno je isto poverenje, ista vera, o kojoj sada pričamo. Ne postoji nijedna druga. Da li biste to nazvali "religija"? Ako da, onda u redu. Ako ne, onda opet u redu. To je apsolutno nevažno, i neka to bude i ostane stvar pukih konvencija. Ono što se računa međutim, jeste da su vrata Čudesnog Zakona otvorena i da se stupilo kroz njih, tako da možemo da "čitamo" život, koji je tajna, i da tako pomognemo sebi da budemo srećni, i sposobni. To je jedina stvar koja se računa ovde. Ako ikada zaboravimo da ovaj život jeste tajna, ili počnemo da mislimo da više nije, izgubićemo sposobnost da naučimo išta o njemu, o sebi i drugima, i bićemo izgubljeni.
1 Igra rečima koju nije lako prevesti. "Hermeneutics" je hermeneutika, odnosno nauka o tumačenju. Koren te reči dolazi od imena "Hermes" koje je ime glasnika bogova, u grčkoj mitologiji. U rimskoj mitologiji međutim, koja je preuzela mnoga božanstva iz grčke mitologije, prilično ih "uprošćavajući", Hermes dobija ime "Merkur". I dok je kod Hermesa naglasak na aspektu uma koji je sposoban da percipira mnogo finije i dublje slojeve neke date stvari, na primer ono što Buda govori u pogledu jednog [jedinog] vozila (i otuda da bude sposoban da to pravilno i razume, pa stoga i da ispravno tumači), Merkur se više odnosi na površ{insk|n}ije aspekte i stanja uma kome su stoga mnogo više primerena celishodna sredstva, um koji je nestalan, nekonsistentan, nestabilan, više privržen varanju u trgovini, i prevarama uopšte (manipulacijama u komunikaciji i/li stvaranju zbrke), pa i krađi (Merkur je takođe i zaštitnik lopova), i otuda ta kovanica mercuryloonics, gde "Mercury" dolazi od "Merkur", a "loonics" od "loony" (slabouman, šašav, opičen), pa i takva varijanta prevoda kao "merkuropičenjaštvo". 1a Takođe, gotovo uvek kada bih išao na neki sastanak pokušavajući da naučim nešto više o samom praktikovanju i da steknem bolji uvid, tako praktikujući zajedno s njima, nisam mogao da učinim ništa drugo do da se "predomislim" i da praktikujem za njih i za samo okruženje u kome bi se sastanak odvijao. Bili su tako napeti, posebno kad bi počeli da rade gongjo i dajmoku, da sam se osećao prilično nelagodno ako bih nastavio sa svojim "ciljevima" (da bih "proverio" praksu), tako da bih uhvatio sebe kako menjam cilj "u letu" počinjući da recitujem za njih, da bih odagnao tu tenziju naokolo. Ponekad bih sebe uhvatio da to radim gotovo ne bivajući svestan šta činim. U svakom slučaju, na neki čudan i zabavan način to je stvarno funkcionisalo, ta napetost bi se doista otopila, i to bi potrajalo neko vreme. Atmosfera bi postala mnogo prijatnija, a u isto vreme ja bih postao svestan, i iznova, da "stvar" doista "radi", bez obzira da li bih bio u raspoloženju da to prihvatim kao puku koincidenciju ili ne. Ovo nikada nisam nikome rekao, do sada; i ima puno drugih stvari koje isto tako nisam rekao. (Bilo je to u vreme kada nisam bio siguran da je Mjo Ho SadDarma, tako da sam radio sve u tom kontekstu "iz saddarme", ne "iz Mjo Hoa", uključujući i dajmoku takođe. Naravno, bilo je to pre mnogo godina i ta napeta situacija se mnogo promenila od tada.)
2 Ovde je veoma važno shvatiti da se izraz "lider" odnosi na uglavnom/samo administrativnu funkciju, onih osoba koje su po definiciji odgovorne, kako se to kaže, za rad i aktivnosti pojedine grupe praktičara, naime za organizovanje i podržavanje takvih aktivnosti i rada, koji se u osnovi sastoje od praktikovanja i učenja. Stoga, u tom smislu, oni doista jesu odgovorni za pribavljanje odnosne neophodne literature, i/li da upute na nju, zatim da daju uputstva neophodna za praksu samu, uopšte, i/li u skladu sa sposobnostima/mogućnostima određenog praktičara. Iz rečenog je jasno da te osobe treba da budu sposobne, po definiciji, da procene ispravno pomenute sposobnosti/mogućnosti, i specifične okolnosti, ili inače dati saveti neće biti funkcionalni i efikasni, ili će čak biti disfunkcionalni, zlouputni, ili će čak sprečiti praktičara u ličnom napredovanju i efikasnosti. Otuda, jednostavno rečeno, to znači da biti "lider" ne znači nužno i automa{t|gij}ski imati takođe i sva potrebna iskustva, znanje, obrazovanje i prerogative ličnog i spiritualnog razvoja. (To može doista biti slučaj, ali može i da ne bude.) Iz tog razloga, dobro je za svakog "lidera", ili "liderku", ako bi imao nekoga (nekog "savetnika") koga bi mogao konsultovati u vezi sa nekim određenim slučajem kojim se sâm ne bi mogao baviti efikasno, bilo da se to odnosi na druge ili na njega samog. Ti "savetnici" mogu biti drugi "lideri" ili "obični" praktičari (koji nemaju nikakvu "administrativnu funkciju", ali sa više iskustva, znanja, obrazovanja) takođe (a ponekad čak i reke, drveće, vetrovi, kiše, oluje, klupa u parku ili neka stena, zemljotresi i tako dalje, zavisno od sposobnosti za komunikaciju, od načina kojima smo sposobni da koristimo ono što se naziva u kontekstu kojim se ovde bavimo našom "mudrošću bude", ili "budastvom"). Nikada ne bi trebalo da radimo ništa što bi moglo sprečiti bilo koga da kontaktira, i da razume, njegovo "budastvo", vrhovnu instancu sposobnu da "čita" "pravu prirodu svih stvari".
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