Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean religious jokes that I've come across. To the best of my knowledge these are just jokes and not based on actual facts; so please do not be offended if you have fallen victim to any similar circumstances. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: Back to Home Page Back to Main Jokes Page The Sin of Lying Church Bulletin Bloopers Standing Room Only Drawing a Picture The Incorrect Diagnosis Children to Church Wrong Address Praise the Lord The Bible Holy Water The Preacher's Ass Don't Step on a Duck 3,000 Year-Old Mummy The River Back to Main Jokes Page Back to Main Page

Home The Sin of Lying      A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."      The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.      The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." Drawing a Picture      A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." The Incorrect Diagnosis      A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.      After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."      "Well, I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"      "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does". Children to Church      Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."      "Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?" Wrong Address      Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a buisness trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.      When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick E-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her E-mail address, he did his best to type it from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter in the E-mail address and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.      When the grieving widow checked her E-mail, she took one look at the computer monitor and let out a scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:      "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.   Home