Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean religious jokes that I've come across. To the best of my knowledge these are just jokes and not based on actual facts; so please do not be offended if you have fallen victim to any similar circumstances. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: Back to Home Page Back to Main Jokes Page The Sin of Lying Church Bulletin Bloopers Standing Room Only Drawing a Picture The Incorrect Diagnosis Children to Church Wrong Address Praise the Lord The Bible Holy Water The Preacher's Ass Don't Step on a Duck 3,000 Year-Old Mummy The River Back to Main Jokes Page Back to Main Page

Home Standing Room Only      The widow of an Anglican Church Bishop was advised by her doctor to take a holiday in the South of France. She wrote to the principal of a school in a small village who had a slight knowledge of English to book her a room This he did and wrote to her that everything was in order. She suddenly remembered that W.C's (Water Closets, or bathrooms) in these small villages were often situated outside the houses, so. she wrote again to the Principal to enquire about the W.C. He, not knowing what she meant, went to the local priest for advice. The priest had never heard of the term either but thought it might stand for Wesleyan Church. The following was the answer she received: Dear Madam,      In reply to your letter of inquiry, I have the honor to inform you the W.C. is situated 7 kms from your lodgings in a pine forest amidst lovely scenery. It is open on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. This is unfortunate for you if you have a habit of going regularly, but you will be glad to know that an ever increasing number of people take their lunches and make day of it. As there are many visitors in the summer, I advise your ladyship to go early. The accommodation is good as there are about 60 seats, but should you at any time be late, there is. plenty of standing room. I should advise your Ladyship to pay a visit on Thursdays and Fridays as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics of the room are of such perfection that even the most delicate of sounds is clearly audible. Hymn sheets are provided at the door. I should be delighted to reserve the best seat and be present to conduct you in myself.      P.S. My wife and I have not been there for 8 months and it pains us very much but it is such a long distance. Don't Step on a Duck      Jake, Johnny, and Billy Bob went to the rodeo. Unfortunately, a bull jumped the fence into the spectators and they were trampled to death. Being good God-fearing men, they ascended to Heaven where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He said, "Welcome to Heaven, gentlemen. I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable here, but I must warn you that we do have our rules in Heaven. If you break them, you'll be punished. One rule is, never step on a duck. If you step on a duck, the duck quacks, then they all quack, and it just goes on and on."      That sounded simple enough but when they passed through the Pearly Gates they were surprised to find there were ducks everywhere! In no time at all, Jake stepped on one. The duck quacked, then they all quacked, they made a terrible racket and it just went on and on. Pretty soon along came St. Peter with a terribly homely woman in tow. "I warned you that if you broke the duck rule you'd be punished." He chained the homely woman to Jake and said, "You will be together forever," and walked away.      Sometime later, despite his best efforts, Johnny accidentally stepped on a duck. The duck quacked, then they all quacked and made a terrible commotion that just went on and on. Sure enough, along came St. Peter with an even homelier woman. "I warned you that if you broke the duck rule you'd be punished." With that, he chained the woman to Johnny and said, "The two of you will be together for all eternity," and walked away.      Well, Billy Bob was very careful not to step on a duck. One day St. Peter came along with a drop dead gorgeous blonde. He chained her to Billy Bob and said, "You will be together now and forever more," and walked away.      Billy Bob exclaimed, "Wow, I wonder what I did to deserve this?"      "I don't know about you," said the beautiful woman, "but I stepped on a duck..." The Preacher's Ass      A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the preacher ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race, his donkey came in second. The next day the paper read:      PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS      The preacher was so pleased that he entered the doneky in another race. This time it won and the paper read:      PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT      The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read:      BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS      This was too much for the Bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher, being a charitable chap, gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The Headline the next day said:      NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN      The Bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey, and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her hands for ten dollars. The paper said:      NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS      This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:      NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE      When the Bishop read this, he fell over dead with a heart attack. The following day the paper read:      BISHOP DIES FROM TOO MUCH ASS   Home