Heart's Love
By: Aurora
Copyright Disclaimer: All characters that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess belongs to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing for this fan fiction.
Subtext: None--what, are you kidding me?
Violence: None--yep not this time. What a bummer.
Sex: None--just ‘cause there’s no sex, doesn’t mean there can’t be kissing.
Rated G
Date Written: February 15, 2001
E-mail: axbfeaurora@hotmail.com (Please send me feedback; I want to know what you think!)
Author’s Note/Summery: Ares tells Xena that he loves her and a first she can’t accept it but after she understands the true meanings of his words, she realizes that war can love. Takes place sometime after “God Fearing Child” before the end of season five. This is sort of a musical but I didn’t write the songs (I’m terrible at that!)
He was going to tell her, he had to. He knew he had to let her know how he felt before his time on earth was up. But he was afraid to tell her. He was afraid of what she would say; of how she would react but what scared him the most was if she didn’t understand.
He knew that his feelings were true and very real but he didn’t know if she would believe what he told her. She could think that it was a trick, a plan to get her back. After all, she didn’t trust him anymore. Not after the things he’d done, all the pain he’d caused. But he still had to tell her. It was her right to know even if she didn’t understand. He wanted to make up for the past and telling her how he felt would be his first step toward redemption.
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It was dark out but the stars in the sky were so bright that the whole forest glowed with light. There was a soft, gentle breeze that blew over the land causing small ripples to form on the lake’s surface. Xena was camped near a lake near the road to Attica. She was sitting contently beside the waters edge. The fire next to her flickered and crackled; giving Xena the light she needed as she sat on a log sharpening her sword. The scraping of the metal echoed through the forest. Earlier that evening, she had taken a quick dip in the lake so she was clothed in a large animal skin while her leather outfit hung on a branch, drying. Her armor and her chakram rested against a tree nearby.
Gabrielle had unusually volunteered to gather the food for dinner and so Xena sat alone with only her daughter as company. Eve was sound asleep in a wicker basket beside her. She softly cooed in her sleep and it caused Xena to smile knowing how beautiful and wonderful her little girl really was. She closely watched over her daughter because she knew that the gods could appear at any time to kill Eve. It was her duty to protect her child from harm and she would die before she let them take Eve away from her.
After she finished with her sword, she set it on the ground and stood up. She started to put on her leather shift that was now dry and then put on her armor. As she did so, she felt a tingle down her back and her facial features began to change. She bent down and grabbed her chakram, forcefully throwing it into the forest. It ricocheted back and fourth between the trees until there was a bright flash of blue light as strong hand reached out to grab it.
Before her stood a powerful, handsome figure half covered by shadows from the trees. His black hair was cropped ever so neatly and on his chin was a small beard. His brown eyes were commanding and tender at the same time. The light danced off of the hilt of his sword as he stood there, holding the chakram and grinning at her with one of his infamous grins. Xena lowered her eyebrows as a spark of anger grew within her eyes.
“How do you always know when I’m around? You are the only mortal I have ever known who possesses that gift.” He said, tossing the chakram back to her.
She caught it and hung in at her side. “I wouldn’t call it a GIFT. More like a CURSE.” She smirked.
“Oh, come now, Xena. You don’t REALLY mean that.”
Xena glared at him. “Why are you here, Ares? If you’ve come for my daughter, then you can just forget it.”
“I haven’t come for her. I’ve come for YOU.”
Xena lowered her guard down for a second and looked at him curiously.
“What?”
Ares walked toward her, as she looked him up and down, making sure that he wasn’t planning any tricks or something.
“As you know, my time in this world is no longer eternal and I want you to know how I feel about you before I am gone.”
“How you FEEL about me? Ares, you tried to pull the same trick in Tartarus. I’m not even going to listen to your lies this time.”
Xena turned away and walked back to the lake, sitting down. Ares remained where he stood.
“They weren’t lies. It was the truth. I have never cared about anyone before but I now know I care about you. I love you, Xena.”
Xena didn’t say a word; she didn’t even turn around. Instead, she carefully picked up the basket her daughter was in and walked off. As she left she briefly glanced at Ares and then she was gone. Ares was left all alone in the darkness. He sighed heavily and continued to stare in the direction she had taken. He knew that she couldn’t understand what he felt. She would never be able to understand that war could love.
He walked over to the log where she had sat and picked up her sword that she had left behind. Tears began to well up in his eyes and he looked sadly at the night sky.
Who could know all the emptiness inside
Every time I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows how perfect we could be
Cause you don’t know
How I feel
Livin’ a life without you
And you don’t know
What it’s like
Lovin’ you all this time
I’ll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin’ it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don’t know
All I ever wanted in this world
I found in you
I never felt this way before
But I can’t break through
And, now I sit awake
Alone at night
So afraid now to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you
I’ll carry here inside
Cause you don’t know
How I feel
Livin’ a life without you
And you don’t know
What it’s like
Lovin’ you all this time
I’ll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin’ it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don’t know
And I would hold you all through the night
I would stay right by your side
And I would give you the world
If your love was mine
Now, could it be
I’m only dreamin’
Don’t let it pass me by
Cause you don’t know
How I feel
Livin’ a life without you
And you don’t know
What it’s like
Lovin’ you all this time
I’ll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin’ it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don’t know
Tears fell from his eyes--something that had never happened before. There he silently cried, sinking to the ground.
“Why?” He whispered before vanishing.
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Xena was sitting deep within the forest, her daughter safely by her side. She didn’t know why she had left Ares like that. He had told her what he felt and she couldn’t believe him. Deep within her subconscious, she believed him but she didn’t know if she could forgive him for the past. She wanted to but she really didn’t know how she was feeling. She was confused with her own feelings.
Xena decided to close her eyes and just let her heart take control of her thoughts as she knelt to the ground.
Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I’m reaching out to you
To find that your not there
I wake up every night
To see the state I’m in
It’s like an endless fight
I never seem to win
I can’t go on
As long as I believe
I can’t let go
When I keep wondering
Where are you now
What have you found
Where is your heart
When I’m not around
Where are you now?
You gotta let me know
So I can let you go
I can hear you voice
The ring of yesterday
It’s seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I should let it out
To say what’s left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity
I can’t go on
As long as I believe
I can’t let go
When I keep wondering
Where are you now?
What have you found?
Where is your heart
When I’m not around?
Where are you now?
You gotta let me know
So I can let you go
Xena, too started to cry and she couldn’t understand why. She couldn’t understand why she felt the way she did. She longed for Ares and it confused and troubled her.
Ares had heard everything she had said while he watched her from Olympus. He knew that she felt the same way he did but he also knew that she would have to come to him if he ever hoped to be with her.
Xena sat in silence until she heard the sound of footsteps coming toward her. She looked up and saw Gabrielle standing before her, holding a rabbit. She had a very puzzled look on her face.
“Xena, what are you doing out here? You have tears in your eyes. Is everything all right?”
Xena quickly stood and wiped her eyes. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Let’s just talk about it in the morning, okay? Right now, how about we have dinner?”
“Okay.”
After they ate, they went straight to bed. But Xena did not get much sleep. Ares kept appearing in her dreams and his words kept replaying in her mind over and over again--“I love you.”
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When the sun rose the next morning, Gabrielle awoke to find that Xena was gone but in her place there was a note:
Gabrielle,
I have something very important to do that I need to do alone. I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you what it is because I know what your reaction would be. Trust me, I’m fine. I left Eve with you so take care of her. Meet me in Attica when the sun is high.
~Xena
Gabrielle put down the note and sighed. She couldn’t understand what would be so important that it couldn’t wait. After she had breakfast, she packed up her things and headed for Attica.
===============================
Ares was sitting in his temple in Attica, thinking only of Xena. Ever since their meeting in Tartarus before Eve was born, Xena’s face was constantly in his mind. Everywhere he looked, he saw her and no matter what he did, he couldn’t erase her from his thoughts. But he didn’t want to. It was his only way of being with her. His dreams were the only thing that he could control and he liked that, even though he wished he could be with the real thing. He longed for her more than anything else in the world.
As he sat upon his thrown, the doors to his temple suddenly opened and there before him stood Xena. Her dark hair flowed across her shoulders with elegance as shimmers of light bounced off her ice blue eyes. Her face was expressionless as she stepped into the room. Ares got off his thrown and just stood, looking at her not knowing whether to go toward her or stay back.
She made his decision easier when she walked toward him, a small smile beginning to appear on her face.
“I’m sorry, Ares. I shouldn’t have walked away last night without telling how I felt. I feel for you too but I don’t know if I can love someone who’s hurt me so badly.”
Ares stepped closer to her and took her hands in his.
It’s so hard to say
How a love could end this way
The one that used to care for you
Just turns and walks away
It’s so hard to find
To leave the pain behind
When all the things you’re looking for
Your heart can’t seem to find
I’ll be the air that you breathe
I’ll give the strength that you need
I’ll be the light in your eyes
When hope becomes hard to see
I’ll be your shinning star
To guide you wherever you are
And I promise that I’ll be by your side
Always you and I
Though you’re not alone
Without a love to call your own
Cause I’ll always be right there for you
To help you carry on
A heart that’s always true
I’m given mine to you
And everything you’ll ever need
I promise I will do
I’ll be the air that you breathe
I’ll give the strength that you need
I’ll be the light in your eyes
When hope becomes hard to see
I’ll be your shinning star
To guide you wherever you are
And I promise that I’ll be by your side
Always you and I
I know you’ll sleep a sound
I will be right there for you
With a hand to hold
A heart to see you through
And each and every night
I will make it right
Life feels so wrong
Cause in my arms is where you belong
I’ll be the air that you breathe
I’ll give the strength that you need
I’ll be the light in your eyes
When hope becomes hard to see
I’ll be your shinning star
To guide you wherever you are
And I promise that I’ll be by your side
Always you and I
His words were so deep and beautiful and when he finished, they were staring deep into each other’s eyes, completely breathless. They could see the love between them. Xena lifted her hand and brushed it against his cheek ever so slightly.
“I know now. I DO love you, Ares.”
She leaned forward and kissed him with a kiss that they both felt was filled with love, not just desire and lust but true, deep, pure love.
THE END
