The Shape Of My Heart
By: Aurora
Copyright Disclaimer: All characters that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess belongs to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing for this fan fiction.
Subtext: None--what, are you kidding me?
Violence: None--yep, not this time. What a bummer.
Sex: None--not even kissing.
Rated G
Date Written: May 8, 2001
E-mail: axbfeaurora@hotmail.com (Please send me feedback; I want to know what you think!)
Author's Note/Summery: This is a story written from Ares' point of view that explains his thoughts in the period of time between giving up his immortality and Xena thanking him in "Motherhood." The Backstreet Boys song "Shape of My Heart" inspired this story. This is a very short story.
My world is different now. Everything I have ever known is gone. I choose to abandon my family for you, destroying my entire world for you. My godhood is gone and all that is left is the mortal shell of myself. And I did it all for you because you mean more to me than life itself, more than immortality.
Please, try to forgive me
I know I have done so many hurtful things to you in the past, things I would never dream of doing now. I made you believe that I hated you, made you believe that I got joy out of watching you suffer because of me. But it wasn't true.
Looking back on things I've done
I was trying to be someone
I played my part
Kept you in the dark
I am the God of War and I'm not supposed to have feelings and emotions. I'm supposed to be cruel and heartless, not caring about anyone but myself. I am war but because of you, I've become something more.
So help me
I can't win this war
You can save me from the man I've become
You have been able to bring out a side of me I never knew I had. You've taught me to listen to my heart and to realize that there are more important things in life than myself. You taught me to love, that even the soul of war could love. I didn't know it then but I am grateful for what you've done, even thought you may have not known that you had such an effect on me. My love for you caused me to do something I never thought I would be capable of--performing a selfless act for no other reason than to save another.
I never wanna play the same old part
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
Try to look past what I've done. Everything I've ever done has been because of you. Now, I know it wasn't always because of love but there was never a time that I didn't think about you. I used to want you because I knew as a warrior we would be a perfect team and we could rule the world together. That's how I used to think; that everything I did was for the soul purpose of war. But I'm not like that anymore.
Ever since the fates proclaimed that your child would bring about the gods end, the feelings I have for you have been growing stronger and stronger every day. I know that asking a child from you was a mistake but can you still hold that against me? I'm not the man I was can't you see that? I've proven myself to you--I saved the ones you loved by sacrificing my own eternal life.
The past is gone so please, give me a chance. I meant what I said to you in the storm--I do you love you. Words can never express how much I really care. Love is new for me but I can't deny it. I love you and I will for all eternity even though my life is no longer eternal. I will continue to love you after death.
Open your heart and understand what we could share. We are meant for one another, you know it and I know it. But it is your decision to decide if we will be together not mine, I know that.
So please, just give me a chance to show you the shape of my heart.
THE END
