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Here's Looking At You, Princess
By: LadyKate
This is somewhat different from the usual "fan fiction" -- it is written not as a story but as a "real" (unfortunately non-existent) episode. Obviously, the characters of Xena, Ares, and Gabrielle do not belong to me but to Renaissance Pictures and MCA/Universal; there is no money to be made from this piece and no copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG-13.
Sex: several sexual situations but nothing explicit (tamer than what has been shown on some episodes of "Xena, Warrior Princess"!). Some sexual humor.
Same-sex subtext: none, except for one subtle humorous reference.
Violence: if you are offended by violence, what are you doing watching X:WP anyway?
The action takes place in Season 6, some time after the episode "Paths of Vengeance," and is in fact intended as an alternative series finale.
The title line, in case you're wondering, is a paraphrase of Humphrey Bogart's famous line from the film "Casablanca."
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Teaser
[In this version of the storyline, the previous episode ended with Xena and Gabrielle learning that Xena's daughter, Eve, has died in an epidemic during her travels in the Orient.]
It's morning in a room at a small-town inn. Xena is packing a saddlebag. She is wearing a dress, not her leathers, and she is not her usual self. Her face is pale, haggard and blank; she seems to be in a semi-daze, as if every simple movement costs her an effort.
GABRIELLE: Xena, are you sure it's all right for me to leave? I promise, as soon as Sarah is better, I'll be back. Are you sure you won't come with me? I really don't like leaving you alone right now.
XENA (shakes her head): I'll be all right. Go on. (She hands her the packed bag and they exchange a quick hug. Gabrielle leaves, looking back anxiously at Xena)
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Evening. Xena sits in a room alone by candlelight, a plate of untouched food in front of her. There is a familiar flash of light, and Ares appears by her side.
XENA (looks up): Oh, it's you.
ARES: Will you believe me if I tell you that I'm sorry?
XENA: What difference does it make?
ARES: Well -- maybe it does to me. (Puts a hand on her shoulder.)
XENA (listlessly): All right, I believe you. (She manages a shadow of a smile.) Will you believe me if I tell you that I'm glad to see you?
ARES (doing his best to suppress the cocky grin): Oh, I've always believed that. (He lifts her up by the shoulders) Come on. You need to get out of this house.
Xena stares at him blankly.
ARES: You can't just sit here night after night and mope. Get your things. We're going for a ride.
XENA: A ride? Since when do you ride?
ARES: I'll race you to the edge of town.
XENA (warily): You'll ... race me?
ARES: Hey. I swear. All I want to do is cheer you up. Who knows, it might work! Come on, get changed. I'm waiting for you downstairs.
XENA (thinks for a moment, then shrugs): All right.
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A moon-drenched night on the outskirts of town. Ares and Xena, once again in her warrior getup, arrive galloping neck-to-neck, and then slow down to a trot as they approach the woods. The path narrows and Xena is now riding in front of Ares.
Something rustles in a tree. Just as Xena starts to look up, a dark form leaps on her, knocking her off Argo II and down on the ground. Immediately, her battle instincts kick in, and she knocks her attacker unconscious with a couple of swift kicks. Fully alert, she looks around. Ares is nowhere to be seen. More shadowy figures emerge from the bushes, and Xena finds herself surrounded by four large, thuggish-looking armed men.
XENA: What do you want?
1ST MAN: You're Xena, aren't you?
XENA: Who wants to know?
2ND MAN: You killed our chief, Xena. Now it's your turn!
As they start moving in, Xena does a backflip, letting out her "Ayi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!" battle cry. When the fight is over less than a minute later, two men are lying on the ground either dead or unconscious, and the other two are running away. Xena is breathing hard, a cut on her arm bleeding; her eyes are sparkling and she looks much more alive, much more like her old self. Suddenly, she remembers something and her eyes widen.
XENA: Ares!
Ares materializes by a tree and looks at her, lifting an eyebrow ironically.
XENA: You... you led me into a trap, didn't you! (There is a look of incredible hurt and betrayal on her face as she advances toward him.) What happened? I took out one of your warlords and you decided to let his thugs have their revenge? Ares -- you know -- I never thought you could sink so low that you would actually surprise me!
ARES (holds up his hands): Xena -- this is not what it looks like...
XENA (eyes blazing with fury): Well, what is it? Your latest way of telling me you love me?
Ares snaps his fingers. Suddenly, the bodies on the ground begin to disintegrate in a soft shimmer, and in seconds there is nothing left of them at all. The cut on Xena's arm has vanished too. She looks around, stunned.
XENA: What -- they weren't --
ARES: Pretty good effects, huh?
XENA (with bitter contempt): Oh, we're back to the sick mind games? You sure picked a fine time to mess with my head.
ARES: Don't you know a ... uh... (sighs and rolls his eyes) a good deed when you see one?
XENA: What are you talking about?
ARES: I told you. Just trying to cheer you up. I thought you could use a little workout. So... feeling better?
Xena stares at him, then takes a swing and lands a punch that would have knocked out a mortal man, and that actually makes the god of war stagger.
XENA: I do now.
ARES (rubs his jaw, grinning sheepishly): OK, that was a bonus.
The look on Xena's face softens, and in spite of herself she breaks into a smile.
XENA: I'm riding back to the inn. (She climbs back in the saddle, then looks at Ares and chuckles.) Coming along?
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Back in the room at the inn, Xena is finishing her meal -- the first one in weeks that she has actually enjoyed -- as Ares watches, obviously pleased with himself. She stands up; so does he.
ARES: I think your next line is "Thank you for a lovely evening."
Xena is silent for a few moments. Her face reflects many conflicting emotions. Then, she makes up her mind.
XENA (softly): No... my next line is ... "Don't leave."
She comes up to Ares and puts her hands on his shoulders.
ARES (suspiciously): OK -- what's the game now?
XENA (in a husky whisper): Game over.
He takes her in his arms and they kiss, tenderly first, then passionately, with a hunger long denied. Xena throws her head back in ecstasy as Ares' lips slide down her neck. Fadeout.
[Opening credits roll... In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero... She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle... The honor, the passion, the danger... her courage will change the world...]
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It's day. The sun is streaming into the room. Xena opens her eyes and lies awake for a few moments, squinting at the light. Then, suddenly, she remembers and whips around. Ares is lying next to her, looking at her with a sly but tender smile.
XENA: So... this time it wasn't a dream.
ARES: Good afternoon. (Kisses her hand)
XENA: Afternoon? (She sighs and shakes her head. A brief silence.) All right... what are we going to do next?
ARES (mischievously) At your service, madam. (Pulls her toward him)
XENA: No... Ares... please. (moves away) You know what I mean.
ARES: Oh. Here comes the big talk about where this relationship is going.
XENA: We'd better talk about it, don't you think?
ARES (after a pause): Well, Xena, you know my offer's always open -- there are plenty of vacancies on Olympus ...
XENA: No. I can't, Ares. Being a goddess -- it's just ... not me.
ARES (slowly): As much as I hate to say it -- you have a point.
XENA: And don't even think about giving up your godhood again. You've said it yourself, Ares -- you don't do the mortal thing very well. (She turns over and looks at him, stroking his face, then smiles teasingly) Besides, I'd just have to rescue you every week.
ARES (half-seriously): Hey! I resent that.
XENA (chuckles): So do I.
She snuggles up to him, resting her head on his chest as he runs his fingers through her hair.
ARES: Well, so much for "your place or mine."
XENA: Maybe we should just -- leave well enough alone.
ARES: Meaning what?
XENA: Ares, we had last night, and it was -- (her voice trails off). It was ... last night. And maybe that's all there should be.
ARES (pulls her hair back with a forceful though gentle movement so he can look her in the eyes): A one-night stand? What kind of a boy do you think I am? (Then, he drops the sarcastic front and sounds genuinely upset) Is that what you really want, Xena?
XENA: No, it's not. But --
She is interrupted as the door swings open. It's Gabrielle, who stops in complete shock at what she sees.
GABRIELLE: Wh- what is this? Xena -- what are you doing?
ARES (back in the sarcastic mode): You need that explained to you? Poor child. Shall we start with the birds and the bees?
XENA: Ares, no... stop it... please leave us, I need to talk to Gabrielle... alone.
ARES (throwing the covers aside): You know one good thing about being a god? When this sort of thing happens, you don't have to put your pants on -- (he snaps his fingers and stands up fully dressed) -- in front of a meddlesome little busybody. (Flashing a grin at Gabrielle) Don't look so disappointed. (Vanishes)
GABRIELLE: Oh, Xena ... I shouldn't have left. (She rushes over to hug Xena) Ares and you...?
XENA (irritated): Oh, Gabrielle. Please, spare me the lectures. He loves me -- I think you know that as well as I do.
GABRIELLE: And you know that because of him, Eve was almost killed by the Amazons! (Xena shoots her a furious look; Gabrielle realizes that it was a mistake to mention Eve and quickly changes the subject.) Do you really think he's that different? Look, if he was still mortal, that would be one thing -- but we're talking about the god of war!
XENA: Maybe it's time I gave him a chance, Gabrielle. Look at everything I've lost. The truth is (she looks away, a little guiltily), I've had feelings for Ares for a long time ... but you probably knew that. I've just gotten tired of denying it.
GABRIELLE: So now you're what, officially a couple?
XENA (pauses for a long time, clearly grappling with the question in her mind): Yes, Gabrielle. But look -- it doesn't have to change anything between you and me --
GABRIELLE (takes Xena's hands in hers): Xena, I'm scared for you. You've told me so many times that when you were with Ares, you were overcome by the darkness ... the hate, the violence, the lust for power -- everything you've spent years trying to put behind you. If you're back with him...
XENA (impatiently): Oh stop being so melodramatic, Gabrielle. That was such a different time. I'm not the same as I was then, and Ares is not the same as he was. I told you, nothing has to be different. We can still help people, we can still do everything we've been doing all these years. You don't mean any less to me than you ever did. I'll just be spending some time with Ares -- that's all.
GABRIELLE (lets go of Xena's hands and stares down silently): Xena, if this is what you want, there's nothing I can do, but I don't know if I can be a part of this. This is so wrong for you.
XENA (exploding in anger): Well, get out then! Go back to your little town and leave me alone -- it's about time you started minding your business! (softening when she sees the tears in Gabrielle's eyes) Gabrielle, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Gabrielle -- come on --
She reaches out to hug Gabrielle, but Gabrielle jumps to her feet and runs out of the room and out of the inn. Tears streaming down her face, she gets on her horse and rides away.
Back in the room, Ares materializes just as Xena is finishing getting into her leathers.
XENA (turns around): I'm getting out of this place, Ares. There's nothing for me here. I want to give Gabrielle a few days to cool off and then I'm going to get her back.
ARES: Well, I can see that Gabrielle has her qualities. Of course, they're mostly irritating qualities, but --
XENA (interrupts): Ares, Gabrielle is always going to be part of my life. You have to understand that. As for us -- I don't know what's going to happen. We'll just have to take it one day at a time.
ARES (takes her in his arms): Yeah ... and one night at a time. (Kissing her neck, he starts to unfasten her leather outfit.)
XENA (pulls back and looks at him, worried): Ares, and nothing else is going to change, you understand that, right? I'm not fighting your wars or leading your armies.
ARES: Didn't think you would. There are plenty of warlords out there vying for a chance to fight on my side. Oh, it's not that any of them can hold a candle to the Warrior Princess -- but they'll do fine. As for you... (He kisses her as her leathers outfit slips to the floor.) For you, my lady, I have much better plans.
After a brief hesitation, she kisses him back and throws her arms around him. They fall back on the bed.
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At home in Poteidaia, Gabrielle looks sadly over the scrolls of her travels with Xena.
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A lake in the wilderness, the crimson glow of the setting sun reflecting in the water. Ares and Xena surface near a rock, splashing and laughing. As he tries to embrace her, she darts away playfully, letting him chase her around the rock for a while before he catches up with her and takes her in his arms. They kiss.
ARES: You know, we could just stay here until morning.
XENA (laughs): Don't tempt me. (Wriggles out of his arms.) C'mon -- I'm swimming back to the shore. I'm hungry.
... At a campsite on the shore, Xena is grilling fish over a fire. The sun has set. Ares is sprawled on the ground completely relaxed, stroking her ankle.
ARES: Xena? I've figured out what our real problem is.
XENA (eating): What?
ARES: When you're not insulting me, we quickly run out of conversation.
XENA (chuckles): Only until I have a reason to insult you. Shouldn't take too long. (She continues to eat in a comfortable silence, then glances down at Ares.) You know -- somehow, I could never imagine that things could be so -- peaceful with you around.
ARES (leans over to kiss her foot) I hope no one else heard that ... because otherwise I'd just have to kill them, you know? (laughs) Peaceful, huh? Let me show you peaceful! (He pulls her down on top of him in a violent motion)
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Later that night, Xena is sound asleep next to Ares; his arm is around her, her head nestled on his shoulder.
Lifting his free hand, Ares slides his palm across the night air, which starts to shimmer with a silvery light. A glowing square, like a window, opens in front of him; the faint sounds of swords clashing, horses neighing, and men shouting can be heard. Dimly at first, a battle scene becomes visible in the "window" -- a battle taking place somewhere at that very moment. A handsome, proud young warrior with blond curls streaming out from under an ornate, plumed helmet rides at the head of an army on a black stallion, striking down enemies right and left.
ARES (smiles, relishing the view): Dressed to kill.
The young warlord clashes with a fearsome-looking, older warrior -- clearly a leader of the opposing army -- and, after a brief fight, runs him through with his sword. The stricken man crumples, clutching at the fatal wound in his chest and gasping for air. With a cry of triumph, the young warrior holds up the bloody sword.
ARES (whispers, pumping his fist in the air): Yessss! Score one for the god of war.
Meanwhile, next to him, Xena is growing restless in her sleep. Her breathing becomes ragged; she is twitching and tossing her head. Then, we are inside her dream -- a dream in which she sees the same battle Ares has been watching, except that there is something different about the figure of the warrior in the plumed helmet on the black stallion. Now he is seen closer ... in the dream, the warrior is Xena herself. She is the one who battles the older man, plunges her sword in his chest, and holds up the blood-spattered sword with a triumphant cry.
Xena wakes up with a gasp and sits up. Ares, who has turned off his "window" on the battle with a quick motion of a hand, turns to her.
ARES: What's wrong?
XENA (shivers): Nothing ... such a strange dream. (She lies down again, settling comfortably in Ares's powerful arms.)
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It's morning. Ares is sitting by the extinguished campfire, watching Xena as she gets ready to go back on the road.
ARES: You know, if you absolutely insist on making up with your little friend, it would be a lot faster if --
XENA: No, Ares. This is something I have to do on my own.
ARES (shrugs): Whatever you say.
XENA: Well, you know where to find me if -- (listens). Did you hear that?
A rustling noise in the trees. Xena picks up her sword. A teenage boy in peasant garb, but with a sword at his belt, emerges from the trees.
BOY: I don't mean any harm ... please don't hurt me.
XENA (lowers her sword): What are you doing here?
BOY: I'm looking for a shortcut to the road to Athens... I've got to try and free my sister.
XENA: What happened to your sister?
BOY: She's been taken by Tyndarus, the slave-trader... they've grabbed her and two other girls in our village...
XENA: And you're going after them alone?
BOY: No one will help me... they're all scared. Last time Tyndarus and his people came to our village, some men beat them and chased them off, and they were the ones who got locked up. They say Tyndarus is paying off Andronicus, the magistrate. (Looks from Xena to Ares and back) You look like warriors. Can you help me? They can't be that far away.
XENA: How many?
BOY: Well, it's Tyndarus and another man with him, but they're pretty old, they're not real fighters. I think there were three or four armed men too... mainly just guarding the girls...
XENA: Alright. Go on ahead -- take that path over there, through those trees. We'll catch up with you.
BOY: Thank you!
XENA: Go on.
The boy goes ahead and disappears in the trees. Xena looks expectantly at Ares.
ARES: Oh no -- don't look at me, sweetheart, this is your department. The god of war going after some slave traders? It's so pathetic, it's not even funny. Good luck! See you later. (Blows her a kiss and vanishes)
With an exasperated sigh, Xena mounts her horse.
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A grove near the main road. Xena, on horseback, and the boy are hiding in the trees.
XENA: All right. We've got to make them think there are several of us. Go over there and as soon as you hear me yell, jump out with your sword in your hand. I'll make sure you don't get hurt.
BOY (peers ahead): I think that's them. (Walks away to the spot Xena pointed out.)
The slave caravan, which consists of about twenty young women in chains, is coming. Two armed mercenaries are riding at the head of the procession and there is one more on each side. The two middle-aged slave traders are riding behind the women in a small covered wagon.
When they are near, Xena lets out her battle cry -- "Ayi-yi-yi-yi-yi!" -- and the young villager leaps out, brandishing his sword. While the mercenaries look around in confusion, Xena throws a dagger, striking down one of the men in front of the procession, then leaps into the air, doing a flip, and knocks another mercenary off his horse. After a brief fight, a third man is killed, and the only one left standing throws down his sword.
The look on Xena's face alternates between hesitation and fury. Then, suddenly, she throws the chakram, beheading him in one swift move. The mercenary who has been knocked unconscious earlier starts to rise, only to be struck down by Xena's sword. The terrified slave traders want to make their getaway but the panicked horses bolt and the wagon overturns. Screaming, the two men try to run on foot and hide in the woods; Xena pursues them and cuts them down. Returning to the road, she slowly dismounts, surveying her handiwork. Meanwhile, the boy has freed the young women and has an arm around his sister. He and the women stare at Xena silently with a mix of admiration and horror.
BOY (hesitantly): Uh -- Xena -- this is my sister Berenice ... we just wanted to, uh, thank you...
Some of the other women mutter their thanks as well.
XENA (grimly): Go on back to your village. I said, go! There's nothing else for you to do here.
As they hastily leave, there is the familiar flash of light as Ares appears by her side, looking slightly bewildered.
ARES: What in Tartarus was that all about?
XENA: Oh. Now you have a problem?
ARES (a little edgy): I thought you didn't kill people who were giving themselves up?
XENA (ruthless look on her face): They were scum... they deserved to die... besides, you heard what that kid said -- they're paying off the magistrate. They never would have faced justice.
She stares at Ares, and it's suddenly clear that the slaughter has excited her -- in more ways than one. She reaches out to kiss him, her hands still smeared with blood, and then roughly pulls him down on the grass with her.
ARES: Wait, wait... what you doing? Xena, there are all those dead bodies lying around here...
XENA (mocking grin): Squeamish all of a sudden? Who are you and what did you do with Ares, god of war? I thought dead bodies were your business.
ARES: Well -- maybe sometimes business and pleasure don't mix all that well. Xena -- What's wrong with a nice be- (Xena smothers his protest with a violent kiss to which he can't help responding.)
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A country tavern. Xena is eating by herself at a corner table. A villager comes in. He looks tired, his clothes covered with dust.
TAVERN KEEPER: So, what's the news?
VILLAGER: Something to drink... (Gulps down some wine) Oh, they're coming here alright. Lykaon's army is just a couple of days away... (hearing this, Xena looks up) ... and the way things are looking, this is where they're going to clash with Demetrios's men.
A murmur in the tavern.
FIRST MAN: I say we take whatever we can carry and get out of here!
SECOND MAN: Get out of here? My wife's about to have a kid!
THIRD MAN: My father's sick -- he's in no shape to go anywhere!
FOURTH MAN: We just finished building our new house!
XENA (pushes away her plate and gets up from the table): Hey. Who's this Lykaon? What's going on?
Everyone turns around at the firm, authoritative sound of her voice.
TAVERN KEEPER: Where ya from, lady? Lykaon of Myletos. He's gathered a huge army and they're on their way to Athens.
VILLAGER (the one who brought the news): Yeah, rolling over everything that lies in their path... They say his people are grabbing men from villages and forcing them to join his army.
TAVERN KEEPER: They say no one can beat him.
VILLAGER: You heard of Arkados, the warlord? Lykaon fought him and killed him the other day.
XENA (mulls it over): Don't leave your village yet. Maybe I can do something.
TAVERN KEEPER (sneering): You? Yeah. And maybe I can serve you some ambrosia.
XENA (smiles, her eyes narrowing, one corner of her mouth drawn up in a sneer): Good. Save it for when I'm back.
She walks out as the puzzled men stare after her.
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A temple of Ares. Xena strolls in and stands expectantly, leaning her elbows on a small pillar. Ares materializes behind her and puts an arm around her.
ARES: Come here often? (nuzzles her hair)
XENA (voice dripping with sarcasm): How was work, dear?
ARES: Whoa. I'm always up for a good fight, but d'you mind telling me what it's about?
XENA (turns around to face him): The name Lykaon ring any bells? (Ares says nothing.) This army he's leading on Athens ... somehow, I have a hunch you have a hand in this one.
Ares steps back and stares at her, his face hard and cold.
ARES: Well, now that you mention it -- yeah. He's good, Xena. Even you would be impressed. Pretty soon, he just might have all of the armies in Greece under his command. Bring them all together, make them strong enough to challenge the Romans -- I'm telling you, this is gonna be big.
XENA: And in the meantime, about a week from now he's going to march into Gabrielle's village.
ARES: So, what do you want me to do? Give you some time so you can get her out of there? Fine. I can --
XENA: Ares. Call it off.
With an exasperated sigh, Ares sits down on a fur-covered bench and pats the space next to him in a "sit down" gesture. Xena reluctantly approaches and sits.
ARES: Okay, let's go over some ground rules. Me god of war -- you fighter for the greater good or whatever you call it. I've told you, this is what I do. We need to respect each other's personal space, know what I mean? I don't tell you how to do your job, you don't tell me to quit mine. I already tried that, remember? For all the good that did...
XENA: Yes, I know. And you know I'll have to fight you, even if it looks hopeless.
ARES: Sure. Go ahead. (Flashes a sly grin at her) Hand me my head on a platter -- you know I love it when you mess up a well-laid plan. (Cups her face in his hands) Speaking of well-laid --
He tries to kiss her but she turns away.
XENA: Sorry, not in the mood. (Rises) Look, Ares, it's not that I'm mad at you. It's just that I've got a lot to think about. I have to get Gabrielle, we've got a war to stop -- it's like you said, you're doing your job and I have to do mine. See you later.
She starts walking away. Ares catches her hand.
ARES: Xena, wait. I'll make you an offer.
XENA: What?
ARES (pulls her down on his lap, still with her back to him, and whispers seductively, his lips brushing against her ear): It's been a while since I've seen you fight a worthy opponent, not some oafs who probably flunked out of mercenary school. I'll tell you what: fight Lykaon, one on one. You win -- I tell him to call off the war ... at least for now. You lose -- you stay out of this whole mess. I won't let him kill you but I don't want you killing him, either. Can't spare a general every time you get an attack of virtue. It's a fight to the victory, not to the death. Deal? (kisses her neck)
XENA (sighs): Deal.
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Daytime. Xena, fully armed, in leathers and breastplate, rides into Lykaon's camp. As she trots through the camp, the soldiers' curious stares follow her.
XENA (stops outside a large, luxurious tent in the middle of the camp and speaks to one of the soldiers): I'm here to see Lykaon.
SOLDIER (sarcastically): Oh yeah? You have an appointment?
XENA (her eyes narrowing): No, he does. Tell him it's Xena, Warrior Princess.
The sneer on the soldier's face turns to a look of respect and even awe.
SOLDIER: Wait here. (Goes inside the tent, then comes out again) My lord Lykaon will see you now.
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The inside of Lykaon's tent. It's richly decorated, with animal skins of the floor. Lykaon rises from his seat as Xena enters. He is the blond warrior we saw in the battle Ares was watching.
LYKAON: Xena, Warrior Princess! What a delightful surprise. I've heard the most remarkable tales about you. You'll have to tell me if they're true.
XENA: I don't have to tell you anything, Lykaon. I've got a message from Ares.
LYKAON (sneering): What are you, his courier service?
XENA: Let's say that I am -- today.
LYKAON (still skeptical): And the message is -- ?
XENA: Ares wants us to fight, Lykaon. Just you and me. No killing, just a fight to the victory. If I win, you're going to take your army back to Myletos -- until further notice. If you win -- Ares will support you in your war.
LYKAON (laughs scornfully): He already does.
XENA: And that might change if you disobey his order.
LYKAON: Well, Xena, Warrior Princess -- I don't buy it. My lord Ares has shown himself to me many times. He doesn't need to send me messengers to tell me something -- even if the messenger is most pleasing to the eyes. (Looks her over with a leer.) I've heard about you, Xena. You used to be the Chosen One of my lord Ares, but that's been over a long time. You're old news. I'm the Chosen One now. When I hear the message from my lord Ares himself, then I'll believe it.
XENA: Suit yourself.
ARES (materializes in the tent): You know, Lykaon, when somebody tells you they have a message from me, it wouldn't hurt to show them a little respect -- just in case.
LYKAON (drops on one knee): My lord!
ARES: You wanna hear it from me? Here it is. Get out there and fight her one on one. No killing allowed. If she beats you, the march on Athens is off for now. Did I leave anything out? Oh yeah -- feel free to say no, but then you're on your own.
LYKAON (his eyes flashing with anger): But, my lord Ares --
ARES (cupping his ear): I must be having hearing problems. I could swear I heard you say "but." Nah, couldn't be.
He glares at Lykaon, who momentarily stares back but then lowers his eyes.
LYKAON: I'm at your command, my lord.
Xena smiles.
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Outside the tent, the soldiers of Lykaon's army are lined up to watch their leader fight Xena. Ares gives the signal, and the fight begins. It's a ferocious battle in which the momentum shifts several times -- but finally, Xena wins. She plants her foot on Lykaon's chest, her sword pointed at his throat, smiling victoriously.
Then, as Xena surveys the throngs of soldiers gaping at her in wonderment, and just as Ares starts to applaud, the statement of her face changes to one of evil glee. She plunges the blade into the young warlord's neck. Even before his death rattle is over, she grabs Lykaon's sword from his dying hands and lifts it above her head with a cry of triumph -- just like she did in her dream.
The soldiers, Lykaon's officers, and Ares are all watching her in a stunned silence.
XENA (snarls at the officers) Are you ready for a new leader? Very well then -- swear allegiance to Xena, Destroyer of Nations! (Silence) Is there anyone here who wants to challenge me?
After a few moments' hesitation, the officers kneel.
XENA: Go on. Swear on your lives.
FIRST OFFICER (stammers): Wh- what do you want us to say?
XENA: From this day on, you, Xena, are my commander. (The officers repeat after her in a disjointed chorus) I swear on my life that I will follow you into battle and obey your orders. (They repeat) My allegiance is to you and you alone. (They repeat) My life is yours. (Silence) Well?
OFFICERS: My life is yours.
XENA (surveys the scene and smiles savagely): Good. You may rise now. And break out some good wine for all the men. This afternoon we move on Athens.
She walks back into the tent. Ares follows.
XENA (throws down her sword and turns to Ares): Well, now you've got everything you wanted all along, haven't you? Xena, not just sharing your bed but fighting your battles... together... in love and war.
ARES (looks as if he doesn't quite know whether to be happy, angry or confused): You did this -- because you thought I wanted you to?
XENA (sneering): It would be so gratifying to your ego if I said yes, wouldn't it. Well, don't kid yourself. I do what I want to do. When I was out there fighting Lykaon, I looked at those men, standing there like dogs, waiting to follow whoever was strong enough to lead. The power was mine for the taking. Suddenly, I knew what I'd been missing all these years... and for what? For a bunch of dull-witted cowards who would never even thank me properly. This is what I want. This is what I am.
ARES (excited by her words, draws her violently toward him) Oh! Come here, you...
Locked in an embrace, they tumble on the animal skins in the middle of the tent, with Xena on top.
ARES (his voice muffled by kissing): Uh... I guess this means you're not going after the Bard anymore?
The mention of the Bard makes Xena hesitate. Her face softens ... but only for a few moments before her eyes turn cruel and cold again.
XENA (through clenched teeth): She better pray that I don't.
For a moment, Ares looks troubled and tries to say something else. But Xena is already slamming her lips down on his mouth, her black tresses streaming down over his face, her hands tearing at his vest. His breathing grows ragged. He grabs her shoulders and flips her over, pinning her down on the animal skins, and then kisses her hard enough to draw blood from her lip. Xena laughs.
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A montage of battle scenes as Lykaon's army -- now Xena's -- clashes with another army and then overruns a villages. Men are dragged from their homes and forced to take up arms; a man who resists is killed on the spot. As Xena rides past the terrified new recruits, she recognizes some of the men who were in the tavern the day she first heard of Lykaon's army. Recognizing her, they stare in bewilderment while Xena looks at them with a cruel smile.
The army marches on.
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The house of Gabrielle's relatives in Poteidaia. Gabrielle is restlessly pacing back and forth talking to her sister Lila and her niece Sarah.
GABRIELLE: Are you sure this is true? Xena is leading this army?
LILA: I'm afraid there's no doubt at all, Gabrielle. I'm sorry.
GABRIELLE: I knew this was going to happen! (Stops) Well -- no, I didn't know ... but I was afraid this was going to happen. Ares was always trying to get her back to fight his wars for him. I knew nothing had changed. But the worst thing is, it's my fault too. I let her down.
SARAH: Oh, Gabrielle --
LILA: Don't blame yourself.
GABRIELLE: I should have stayed with her. I should've done everything I could to protect her from him. Instead, I got mad at her and ran off... like a coward.
A knock; Lila goes to open. A messenger stands at the door.
MESSENGER: Good day to you, Lila. Good day, Sarah. Gabrielle, I've been sent by the village council. You're wanted at the council meeting.
GABRIELLE (slowly): I think I know what this is about. (Sighs) I'm coming.
-------------------------------------------------
On Olympus, Ares is pacing back and forth in a large empty hall. He hurls a fireball, leaving a hole in a wall.
APHRODITE (materializes next to him): What's up bro? You look like you could use a little cheering up. What's the matter anyway? You've got the warrior babe ... kicking ass for you by day and being very, very nice to you by night... (giggles) I would've thought you'd be happy.
ARES (hurls another fireball): This is me happy, OK?
APHRODITE (takes his arm): Come on bro. I know you better than that. Stop causing property damage and talk to me. It's love trouble, isn't it? After all, I'm still (makes quote marks in the air) "the goddess of love" -- hello? (Ares scowls) Hey -- maybe this can help ... I got it from one of the goddesses from Hindus who was over visiting. (Hands him a scroll)
ARES (reads the title): "The Kama Sutra -- the Art of Love"? (he glances at the drawings with momentary curiosity) I've got to say, this would have never occurred to me. (keeps looking) And that -- that's not even possible. (Looks away from the scroll and gives Aphrodite an "if looks could kill" glare) I think you're losing your mind again, Sis. (he tosses the scroll away and launches a fireball at it, turning it to ashes)
APHRODITE (pouts): No fair! I haven't even finished it yet!
ARES (his vanity obviously hurt): Let me assure you. That is not the problem!
APHRODITE: Well, what then?
ARES: I don't know! That's what the problem is. It's something about Xena, but that's all I know.
APHRODITE: It doesn't have anything to do with sweet little Gabrielle ... does it?
ARES (scowls): OK, we'll pretend that I didn't even understand what you meant by that remark.
APHRODITE: All right then. I think you two need to communicate more.
ARES: We need to do what more?
APHRODITE: Communicate. Like, you know -- talk about things until you find out how you really feel and how she really feels.
Ares rolls his eyes and vanishes; Aphrodite stamps her foot with a little squeal of exasperation and dematerializes too.
----------------------------------------------
The village council in Poteidaia.
FIRST ELDER: Gabrielle, we know it's a great deal to ask. But if we don't do something, tomorrow our village will be devastated. Xena's army (Gabrielle winces visibly when she hears the words) will round up our men -- husbands, fathers, brothers -- and force them into her service, on pain of death. If we refuse to pay her tribute, our homes will be looted.
Gabrielle closes her eyes tight and shakes her head, as if trying to keep out the reality of what she's hearing.
SECOND ELDER: You and Xena were the dearest of friends for years, Gabrielle. We've heard about the things you were through together. If there is one person who may still be able to reach her heart, it's you.
GABRIELLE: I just -- don't know if I can bear to see her ... the way she is now.
THIRD ELDER: Do it for your family, Gabrielle. Do it for your village.
SECOND ELDER: Do it for your friend.
GABRIELLE (with tears in her eyes): All right... I will try.
-----------------------------------------------------
Ares and Aphrodite appear in a field within seconds of each other.
APHRODITE: Oh no you don't, bro! I can be just as stubborn as you, you know.
ARES (scornfully): You're following me around to tell me that Xena and I should ... what was it? ... communicate.
APHRODITE: Here's an idea. You could, like, sit down together and do this fabulous little exercise where you finish each other's sentences... (Ares stares at her in disgust) Like, you know -- she would say "It really hurts my feelings when you..." and then you'd say the first thing that pops in your mind.
ARES (shakes his head): Where do you come up with this stuff?
APHRODITE: Duh! Some day mortals will pay big dinars to sit in a room and have someone teach them just this sort of thing.
ARES: Well, then the mortals are bigger fools than I thought. Anyway, I can just see this conversation now. "It really hurts my feelings when I see you butcher fifty innocent people!"
He stops cold in his tracks, taking in what he just said.
APHRODITE (beaming and discreetly clapping her hands): Yesss! a breakthrough! I love breakthroughs.
ARES: No, no -- wait. It can't be that. She's exactly what I tried to make of her -- years ago. I wanted the old Xena back. I've got her. Why in Tartarus would that bother me?
APHRODITE: Wow, shall we give it another try? "When you butcher innocent people, it bothers me because..." (he says nothing) ... because ...?
ARES (shouts) ... because that's not the woman I fell in love with!
Aphrodite giggles and claps again; Ares stares ahead, dumbfounded.
APHRODITE: I got it! You want the new Xena back. I mean, not the new new Xena -- the old new Xena. I mean, the new new Xena is, like, more like the old old Xena and what you want is --
ARES (puts his hands over his ears): Oh, stop, stop -- just when I've figured something out you're about to get me all confused again. (He pauses to think) As much as I hate to say this... I think I need to talk to the irritating blonde.
APHRODITE: Funny you should say that. Look who just rode past us straight toward Xena's camp.
------------------------------------------------------------
Inside her tent, Xena is conferring with her officers about the battle plans.
SOLDIER (comes in): Excuse me, commander. There is someone here who's asking to see you -- a woman who says she used to be --
XENA (looks up): Used to be what?
SOLDIER (hesitantly): ... your friend.
XENA (strange look on her face): Oh. A little blonde with a lousy haircut?
SOLDIER: Well, m'lady, I don't know much about haircuts but yes, she's a blonde and she's about this tall...
XENA (after a silence during which her face reflects conflicting emotions): Send her in. Everyone out, and don't come in until I call you. That's an order.
Gabrielle comes in and they are left alone. For a while, they just stare at each other -- Gabrielle with a mixture of sorrow, pity and horror, Xena with a frightening statement that cannot quite be described in words.
GABRIELLE: Xena...
XENA (sharply): Well. Look what the horse dragged in.
GABRIELLE: Xena, this isn't you.
XENA (smiles, with an insane glint in her eyes): No, Gabrielle. This is me. Take a good look. (She speaks in a soft, almost purring voice, far more terrifying than a scream.) The other one -- your pal -- that was just a fairy-tale you made up for your soppy pathetic little scrolls. And I actually tried to make it come true. But that wasn't me. I got tired, Gabrielle. Tired of trying to help people who weren't even worth killing, let alone helping. Who would always hold the past against me no matter how much I tried -- tried to be that mushy-headed do-gooder you wanted me to be. Tired of loving people and of seeing everything I loved die. Now I love someone who is never going to die -- someone who wants the same things I want -- someone who can make me powerful. Now, those people out there -- they fear me. (During this speech she has been coming closer and closer to Gabrielle, and is now staring her right in the eye) Do you know why it's better to be feared than to be loved, Gabrielle?
GABRIELLE (shrinking back): Xena --
XENA: Because when you think people love you, you can never know for sure if they're telling the truth -- or lying. But when they fear you (chuckles cruelly) ... oh, you know they fear you alright. Then, you have no doubt that what they feel is real. I should have known that all along, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE (with an effort, reaches over toward Xena's arm but doesn't quite dare touch her): Xena. I do love you and it's the truth. You've always known that.
XENA (reaches for the dagger at her belt): Have I? (chuckles) I know that you fear me now.
GABRIELLE: Xena, stop. Remember when you and I and Eve --
XENA (snarls, pointing the dagger at Gabrielle's neck): You talk to me about the past and I'll make sure it's the last word you ever speak, bitch.
GABRIELLE: Xena, don't.
XENA (lowers the dagger): Get out. I must have a bit of that sappy fool left in me still -- I'm going to let you go. By the time my army gets to your miserable village you'd better not be there.
GABRIELLE: Xena -- for all the years we were together... (Xena raises the dagger again, with a menacing look) no, no, I won't talk about the past... but because you once called me friend... can you do me one favor?
XENA: I'm letting you leave town before dawn tomorrow. That's far more than you deserve.
GABRIELLE (defiantly): Fight me, Xena. (Xena throws back her head and roars with laughter) I learned a lot from you. Give me one last chance. If I win, you leave my village alone. If I lose -- well you'd better kill me then, because I'd rather be dead than --
XENA (hisses): Fine. You want it, you got it.
They fight. Xena easily wins and pins Gabrielle to the floor, raising the dagger over her. Gabrielle shuts her eyes.
XENA: I should have finished this a long time ago.
Just as she starts to bring down the dagger, a bolt of energy knocks it out of her hand. She whirls around, her eyes sparkling with cold fury, and sees Ares.
XENA: You?
ARES: I can't let you do this, Xena.
XENA: You son of a bitch... I've become what you wanted me to be --
ARES: Xena, wait -- I didn't --
XENA: ... and now you try to stand in my way? Well, just be glad that I don't have the power to kill gods any more! But maybe I can still kick your ass!
She attacks him and they fight. Finally he tosses her back, and she sprawls on the floor next to Gabrielle.
And then, just as Xena starts to pick herself up, Gabrielle knocks her out with an unexpectedly powerful punch.
Ares comes over and they both bend anxiously over a bloodied, unconscious Xena.
ARES: Since when do you pack such a punch?
GABRIELLE (timidly): Ares... I don't know what to say.
ARES: I suppose it would be too much to hope that you won't say anything at all?
GABRIELLE: This is the second time you've saved me.
ARES: If she had killed you, I would have lost her forever.
GABRIELLE (bitterly): You mean she would have been so consumed with remorse that she would have come back to her senses and left you? Is that it?
ARES: Actually, no, but will you shut up? We need to get her out of here.
GABRIELLE: And the army?
ARES: I'll turn them back ... just as I promised.
GABRIELLE: Promised? To whom?
ARES (gestures toward Xena): I swear, if you ask me one more question, you luck runs out. This is not the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
------------------------------------------------------------
Xena wakes up in Gabrielle's house, dazed. Images from the past begin coming back to her. She groans and Gabrielle brings her water, tenderly caressing Xena's bruised face as she drinks -- and as her mind is flooded by more memories of her days with Gabrielle, of Solan, of Eve, of the good things she has done. Suddenly Xena breaks down, her body racked by sobs, clasping her arms around her friend as Gabrielle comforts her.
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A few days later, Xena -- still looking pale and exhausted, with the bruises on her face fading -- is sitting by the fire with Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE (gently stroking her arm): Everything's going to be all right, Xena. The army is gone. The word is out that you're dead and it's best if people go on believing that. You can start over again... really start a new life... and I'll always be with you.
XENA: Ares. He's still out there... I'll have to deal with him.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Later that night, Xena is sitting by the fire alone, lost in thought. Ares materializes next to her.
XENA: I knew you'd show up.
ARES: Xena -- before you say anything else -- I didn't make any of it happen.
XENA: I know. But it still happened... because I was with you. I almost destroyed everything I had done over so many years to redeem myself. And I have some brand-new things to make up for.
He leans in to kiss her. She allows his lips to touch hers briefly, then disengages and looks at him, questioningly.
XENA: Why did you stop me, Ares? I had become everything you wanted. For years, you tried to get me back -- to make me go back to ... what I used to be. The things you did ... (she shudders at the memories and he looks away uncomfortably) For years, I resisted... And then I became that other Xena again -- Xena the Conqueror, Xena the Destroyer. I would have gone on and on like that. I could have ruled an empire for you. (There is relief in her voice ... but also, maybe, just the slightest hint of regret)
ARES: Xena the Destroyer -- you know how she made me feel? I admired the crazy bitch. I was proud of her -- of my best warrior ever. I was excited... fascinated by her. I wanted her... (He kisses her bare shoulder, making her shiver) But she wasn't --
XENA: Wasn't what?
ARES: She wasn't the woman I loved.
They are both silent as she ponders his words.
XENA: Ares... I love you. Perhaps only now -- I truly love you. But --
ARES: We can never be together? (Xena nods.) Remember, a while ago ... when I was mortal... you told me I was bad for you? You were right. I bring out a side of you that's -- too much like me. So, you see, the Xena I love -- she can only exist if we're apart. It's like one of those little jokes we loved to play on mortals when all the Olympian gods were still around. Only it looks like I've played this joke on myself.
XENA: Ares -- for a few days ... before that other Xena started coming back ... I was happy.
ARES: And we'll always have those few days.
She lets her head rest on his shoulder. Then, as he begins stroking her hair, she looks up and breaks the silence.
XENA: So what happens now?
ARES: I'll help you two get out of this town. Then you can go off on your own. Do your good deeds and all that.
XENA: And you?
ARES: I'll do what I do -- and you know it's not going to be pretty. War exists, Xena. I couldn't make it happen if there wasn't something inside mortals that made them want it. It would be worse if I wasn't here to help control it; you know that. (Xena nods.) Oh, I won't deny that I get a huge kick out of it. I mean, imagine being saddled for all eternity with a job you don't enjoy. But who knows... maybe, because of you, I'll enjoy it a little less.
Xena smiles sadly. Ares kisses her on the forehead and vanishes.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Xena and Gabrielle are riding through the countryside.
GABRIELLE: Xena, tell me something. If you could just undo it all -- everything that happened between you and Ares in this last month -- would you?
XENA (thinks for a while): I -- don't know if I can answer that, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE (a little hurt): I think you just did.
XENA: Gabrielle, maybe I had to go through this, just to remind me of how easily I could go back to what I was -- how strong the evil in me still is -- and how much I need you to help me fight it. (squeezes Gabrielle's hand) And I think what happened between me and Ares had to happen... I couldn't go on forever denying what I felt for him.
GABRIELLE: You love him, don't you.
XENA: My bond with him is forever ... just like my bond with you.
From a distance, Aphrodite and Ares are watching them.
APHRODITE (dabs at her eyes): Ooooh. It's so beautiful. Parting is such sweet sorrow ... (sniffles, smiling through tears) noble sacrifice... love across eternity... (sniffles louder) I just looove romantic endings...
ARES (winces): Sis -- cut it out already. This is hard enough without you standing here trying to make me sick. Scoot and let me say goodbye, will you?
Aphrodite vanishes after blowing a kiss and releasing a cloud of pink little hearts, while Ares teleports himself over to where Xena and Gabrielle are. They halt.
GABRIELLE: Ares ... Thanks for getting us out of town. Oh and ... thanks for everything else.
ARES: Don't mention it. I mean, really -- do not mention it. My reputation is already shot to pieces as it is.
GABRIELLE: I think I need to ... huh... let my horse have a drink ... I'll be right over by that brook.
She bends down, gives Ares an affectionate kiss on the cheek and rides off. Xena dismounts and faces Ares. They stare at each other silently.
XENA: Ares, there's something I must tell you. You did awful things to me over the years, when you were trying to bring me back into your fold... and even when we were together, I don't think I had completely forgiven you. Now -- I know I have. (He nods gratefully.) And now I'll just have to work on forgiving myself ... again.
Pause. Xena and Ares put their arms around each other.
XENA: Will I see you again?
ARES: Probably. But I'll never try to win you back. That's over ... for good.
XENA: Ares, I'll always --
ARES (puts a finger on her lips): Me too.
They kiss -- first tenderly, then with more and more ardor ... and pull apart, knowing that they can't let themselves give in to their desire. He kisses the palm of her hand and vanishes. Xena lingers a little, then, with a deep sigh, gets back on her horse and goes to catch up with Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE: Ready to go?
XENA: Yeah.
They hug and start riding. Behind them, Ares appears again; wistfully, he watches the two women ride away toward the setting sun.
THE END
Disclaimer: The Kama Sutra was not actually harmed during the production of this motion picture. Ares's reputation as the god of war, however, suffered permanent damage.
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