Season 1 Memorable Quotes

Something Wicca This Way Comes
Andy: Right. That's an athame. It's a ceremonial tool. Witches use them to direct energy.
Darryl: That woman didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple.

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Phoebe: I know you think otherwise because that's what that Armani-wearing, Chardonnay-slugging, trust-funder told you ...

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Piper: Okay, we'll try the group hug later.

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Piper: I asked if Prue would have sex other than herself this year.
Phoebe: That's disgusting. Please say yes.

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Prue: This is ridiculous! I thought that you landed on your arm, not your head.

Under My Skin
Stefan: Yes. I'm sorry, do we know each other?
Phoebe: Oh, highly doubtful. I'm just familiar with your work. Like everyone else in the world.

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Prue: Well, I tend to be on the persistent side. I usually get what I want.

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Pastor Williams: Say goodbye to the Big Apple did you?
Phoebe: Oh, I ate the worm. 

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Piper: You're not gonna believe this. I'm not sure I do. I think... no, I know, this woman is Britney Reynolds.
Prue: Yeah, right, Piper and I'm Rosie O'Donnell.

Thank You For Not Morphing
Phoebe: Prue's party tips - meet, greet and bail.

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Prue: Okay, I came, I saw, I was perky. Now I just want my head on a pillow because I have to wake up early.

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Prue: We're working on their subtlety.
Andy: Then it's onto ending hunger and creating world peace, right?

Dead Man Dating
Piper: Are you out of your mind, again?
Phoebe: No, I’m The Amazing Phoebe.

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Piper: So you can make a Peking duck and clone DNA?
Mark: The duck’s harder.

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Piper: (crying) Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.
Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

Dream Sorcerer
Piper: Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper.
Prue: Piper, here’s the problem. You didn’t read the fine print. See. It says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.

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Jack: Your honesty is so refreshing.
Piper: Ah, well, it helps keep my ulcer under control

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Phoebe: Hmm. Even our poor cat’s in hell. Go away horny tom cats.

Wedding From Hell
Prue: Which sister?
Rex: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college."

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Butler: Miss Piper Halliwell.
Phoebe: And her sister chopped liver.

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Piper: That’s easy for you to say. You’ll never greet your husband at the door with: "Honey, I think I froze the kids."
Prue: No, I’ve just accidentally moved them to another zip code.

The Fourth Sister
Phoebe: Oh my. Santa, you’ve changed.
Piper: He’s looking for Kit.
Phoebe: The cat. Right. Four legs and fur. I remember.

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Phoebe: Okay. Look Prue, I think we need to put some major closer on this or we’re gonna be in rocking chairs slurping oatmeal out of rubber spoons and I’m still gonna hear about Roger. 

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Piper: Oh please. You were all over him with your breasts all…whatever.

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Piper: Phoebe? Work. No. No. No. No. No. No. She’s probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now.

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Phoebe: Well, whatever she said, you should probably take it with a grain of salt, 'cuz sometimes her medication makes her say the strangest things! But, not to worry-her shrinks are on it.

The Truth Is Out There And It Hurts
Prue: Wow, you told him.
Phoebe: Beware of the wrath of Piper.

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Phoebe: Well, she was about 5' 3", hair was lightish.
Prue: That's it?
Phoebe: It's not on video tape. I can't just rewind it.

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Prue: I love it when they clean up after themselves.

The Witch is Back
Morris: Alright, Trudeau. Pull out your secret ghost hunter decoder ring and let's hear it.

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Phoebe: I don’t understand. Am I the only person in this family who’s inherited the "take a chance" gene?
Piper: Probably. ‘Cause if I remember my biology correctly, it’s attached to the "can’t mind my own business" gene.

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Phoebe: Yeah, well, he’ll have to take a number and get in line behind the others warlocks.

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Phoebe: Prue, wow. How out of the loop am I? And here I thought you guys broke up.

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Phoebe: I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It’ll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a oath blood to be friends forever, not just sisters?
Piper: I remember my finger got infected.

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Melinda: Oh, you must be rich.
Prue: No, she’s got credit cards.

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Melinda: Thank you. Oh, but how do you keep your legs warm?
Prue: We drink coffee.

Wicca Envy
Phoebe: No, this is part of your old wardrobe. I'm just recycling.
Prue: Well, the environment thanks you.

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Prue: Piper this isn’t right.
Piper: Well, neither is the gas chamber. 

Feats Of Clay
Phoebe: You rode a camel?
Clay: Hey, they're friendlier then some of the cab drivers I met, believe me.

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Prue: Excuse me, did you say tomorrow?
Claire: Did I stutter?

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Piper: Sorry, Doug. Too pooped to pop.

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Piper: This would've happened sooner if I would've keep my little wicca nose out of their business.

The Wendigo
Phoebe: Piper, you’re stranded and you’re all alone and the only thing you have to protect yourself with is a wooden spoon that’s broken.

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Billy: You know I’ve been tracking this thing for two months and in one night you’re a PHD. in Wendigo.

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Phoebe: Are you okay?
Piper: I think so. But I'm naked and freezing.

From Fear To Eternity
Piper: Mum would have to knock before she came into your dreams. 

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Prue: Piper, we have been attacked by plenty of evil spirits and they had nothing to do with salt. And considering our powers, I can't believe that you want to rely on this for our protection.

Secrets and Guys
Piper: Harry!
Harry: Hey. You must be Pippy.

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Piper: You cannot come into this restaurant, throw away all of our knives, and refuse to make the house specialty. 

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Piper: Yeah. I mean Leo, you’re a nice guy and I like you a lot, but let’s face it. You’re, uh, geographically undesirable. I mean, you said you live really far away right?


Is There A Woogy In The House?
Phoebe: Earthquakes give me the jeebies.

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Prue: I don’t like them, but I don’t go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.
Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.

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Prue: Okay, aren’t you the same girl who said and I quote "everything will be fine"? 

Which Prue Is It Anyway
Phoebe: Ooh, hi. I uh... I was just, uh...
Piper: Opening up a can of whoop ass.

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Prue: Great. So, some guy couldn't keep it in his sheath and now I'm marked for death.

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Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. It could be the upstairs bathroom hogging Prue, or the downstairs bathroom hogging Prue, or the sitting in the kitchen drinking all the coffee Prue.

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Piper: Then it is your fault.
Prue: No, it's not, and neither is the lack of hot water.

That Seventies Episode
Patty: Can't you bake cookies with them like all the other grandmother's?
Grams: The recipes they learn from me don't come from Betty Crocker, dear.

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Piper: I'm never gonna learn to like lima beans Grams, but thanks for everything else.

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Phoebe: How about the 'Nicholas must die' spell.

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good
Phoebe: Okay, you know what? It's your life, if you wanna be a nun, God speed.

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Phoebe: But Josh is available, and human too ... I think.

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Piper: Well, you're not handcuffed, that's a good sign.
Phoebe: Depends on who's cuffing you. I'm joking.

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Phoebe: Yeah, that's not fair, losing such a catch like Brendan to the priesthood. God's got all the studs.

Blind Sided
Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we coupled and he took off.

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Phoebe: What did you tell them?
Prue: That I saw a butcher with whirling eyes take David.

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Phoebe: Okay, well, look on the bright side, you won't have to squint anymore. You were starting to get those little lines.

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Phoebe: Don't ya just hate cell phones? Always out of range.

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Piper: Ah, ah, a client at Quake is uh, thinking of throwing an underground rave and we might cater it.
Josh: A party in a storm drain?

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Eric: Or what? You're gonna hurt me? Go ahead, just let me get you in focus.

The Power Of Two
Phoebe: I didn't tell you the truth because I knew you'd go ballistic and I thought I'd save myself the drama.

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Phoebe: It's the same story. One of us would have to literally die on order to vanquish the evil spirit. Any volunteers?

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Prue: Ah, probably a zombie or vampire.
Phoebe: Great, where's Buffy when you need her?

Love Hurts
Phoebe: I know, but you're making me look frumpy, it's like the sign of the apocalypse.

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Prue: Maybe we should let her be, I mean we're not the ones who fell in love with a warlock, a ghost, a geographically undesirable handyman, and a very dorky grad student.

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Phoebe: Leo, I brought you some food in case you're... you do eat right?
Leo: Yes, Phoebe, I eat.

Deja Vu All Over Again
Prue: I don't believe this.
Phoebe: I'm kidding. Don't have an aneurysm.

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Andy: I.A. already cleared him.
Darryl: I.A. cleared an I.A. Go figure.

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Andy: You want me to help you? What, you can't frame yourself, Rodriguez?

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Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz. 

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Piper: I thought I was gonna have to pull a Celine Dion and wear my dress backwards

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Piper: Just before six. That's a little too anxious, that's not a good sign.
Phoebe: Which means if he doesn't want to kill Prue, he wants to date her.

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Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.