Season 2 Memorable Quotes

Witch Trial
Phoebe: Piper, you don’t have to justify it. You’re single. You’re responsible. You’re way overdue in the sex department. I say go for it.

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Phoebe: When in Rome.
Piper: No-no-no! We’re not in Rome, Phoebe. We’re in California. And it’s illegal here.

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Piper: Physically, yeah. I think my loan’s on shaky ground. I couldn’t exactly tell Rob, "It was just a warlock. Don’t worry about it".

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Morality Bites
Phoebe: So what if he did? What's he gonna do? Cry witch? Well, we've done our good deed for the day. I think I deserve fifteen minutes of channel surfing.

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Piper: Uh, I think you have the wrong house. Certainly the wrong mummy.

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Prue: I have no one to say goodbye to. My life, they didn't even know who you were at the office., my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read "Here lies Prue, she worked hard".

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The Painted World
Phoebe: The Good Will Hunting or this aptitude test?

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Piper: I know. About a man in a painting.. listen to this one. "Hallway near club entrance too narrow"?

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Piper: No, you’re like "ask rainman.com". You haven’t been in the Book of Shadows, have you?

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The Devil's Music
Barker: You know what they call French bread in France?
Prue: Bread.

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Phoebe: See, now this is exactly why you should never date a co-worker. It was a joke. Oh, honey, I’m sorry.

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Jeff: Listen.. you have any idea how many girls like that show up to something like this? Hundreds of them. Thousands. And they all look the same. Short skirt, tight tops. Like sexy little peas in a pod.

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Piper: Phoebe, we can’t even give our cat a vitamin. How are we gonna get this down a demon’s throat?

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Phoebe: He’s huge, and ugly and I really think we need a bigger balloon

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Piper: I wish we could just stuff his head in a toilet and make him cough up the demon.

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She's A Man, Baby, A Man!

Prue: Oh, good. We’re decoding men.

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Phoebe: I’m sorry. Wait a minute. I tell you that maybe I’m some kind of man-killing demon and you want me to go to the bachelor central?

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Phoebe: So this monster is a sexually charged witch?

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Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I’m wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend’s pile.

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Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons?

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Phoebe: Piper, she’s in heat, okay. And so am I.

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Manny/Prue: I don’t know. I was trying to use it and it wouldn’t work. And then I felt like I was... huh.
Phoebe: Impotent?

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That Old Black Magic

Phoebe: So, Piper is with him and they're kissing. And I'm not talking about 'thanks for lunch' peck on the cheek kinda kiss. They mean business. 

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Piper: This is wrong. He should be battling acne at his age, not evil witches.

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Piper: Maybe that’s our lesson for the day. Not taking our powers for granted.

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They're Everywhere

Prue: I mean, well, you are a warlock magnet.

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Prue: (thinking) Great, we’re surrounded by warlocks.
Piper: (thinking) Yeah, next time get your own damn lip stick.

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Jack: (thinking) Mostly I put people in graves or incinerate them.

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Prue: (thinking) We have to go kill a warlock while she gets to sit on some guys…

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Dr. Stone: Not good. He’s been protected by a time freezing witch.
Collector: And Bruce Lee’s little sister.

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Phoebe: Okay, then we should split up. The first one that sees him hollers.

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Prue: You know, they really shouldn’t of given us the finger.
Piper: You read my mind.

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Phoebe: I’m calling Tokyo. Konnichi wa.

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P3 H20

Prue: You know, he does live like twenty feet away. You guys could get walkie talkies, two cans, a string.

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Jack: Actually already did. Signed the dotted line, they sent me to my office.

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Jack: Hey, how’s my favourite auctionette?
Prue: Fine, how’s my favourite auction-ass?

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Prue: Named Sam? A demon named Sam? I mean, can’t it be his grandfather’s certificate? After all, he did save me.

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Prue: Leo’s right, this isn’t about mum and it’s not about Sam for that matter. It’s about a demon who’s waiting until tomorrow for brunch to be served.

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Phoebe: It looks like the time Prue got poison ivy.

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Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of mum, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair?

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Jack: But wouldn’t that be breaking one of Prue Halliwell’s rules of etiquette?

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Ms. Hellfire

Prue: I don’t know, she looks vaguely familiar. Kind of like a sister we used to have. What was her name? Pi…P…
Phoebe: Pi...Pippy?
Prue: Pipper?

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Prue: I don’t know. She fell in lust with the next door neighbour, started spending all her time there.

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Phoebe: Since when do demons use bullets?

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Phoebe: Well, you know, you were a little sharp to the mailman yesterday, we all know how testy they can be.

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Darryl: Thats the same question. How come she’s got the bullets in her body if you didn’t fire the gun?

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Darryl: I don’t even wanna know if you own a damn broom, a skillet, a cauldron, a dust buster, I don’t give a damn.

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Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to French kiss.

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Heartbreak City

Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in.

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Phoebe: I know. It seems to be an epidemic lately. Guys canceling on me.

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Phoebe: Oh, she’s still at Dan’s. Hey, if only I’d bagged Mr. Creepy, we could have scored a Halliwell hat trick last night.

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Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats?

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Piper: Yeah, unless they're transvestite, Nazi, war criminals with great face lifts, then I think we've got them beat.

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Reckless Abandon

Prue: You, Dan, little Dan.

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Phoebe: Oh my God. I see blood, flesh. You had the sausage for breakfast didn’t you?

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Piper: Uh, you know, I’m not really good with these things.
Phoebe: They’re called babies. Just do the rocking walk. He loves the rocking walk.

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Phoebe: Yeah, he doesn’t like things being waved in his face.

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Prue: Oh, just a little bit of a family emergency.
Jack: And you needed diapers?

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Prue: What does this kid live on? Wheat grass?

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Piper: Wow, you're like MacGyver with estrogen.

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Cop: Let me guess. Your psychic friends?
Morris: Let me guess. You wanna be a metre man? Who called it in?

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Phoebe: I'm Phoebe and this is my sister Prue and we're...
Prue: Uh, grief councilors with the police department.

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Piper: Maybe it’s a hungry cry.
Phoebe: We just fed him.
Prue: Maybe it’s a sleepy cry.
Piper: If it is a sleepy cry, then why doesn’t he just fall asleep?
Phoebe: Maybe it’s a burpy cry. 

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Awakened

Phoebe: Is that because I can work tonight or is it because I am now "Phoebe Halliwell, college student."

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Jack: Great vigour? Randy little painter was he?

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Prue: Alright, there are spells in here to vanquish demons, then there’s gotta be a spell in here to vanquish a lousy bug.

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Piper: Oh. Great. Well thanks for doing something I specifically asked you not to do.

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Animal Pragmatism

Piper: What's wrong with this picture?
Prue: Okay, is that rhetorical or do I actually have to open my eyes to look at something?

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Prue: Oh, we so have to cancel your Martha Stewart subscription.
Piper: When I start making flower boxes out of milk cartons, then you can shoot me.

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Piper: Most people kiss on valentines day, except of course for witches. No, witches don't get to kiss on valentines day because something always comes up.

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Phoebe: Or how about "you snooze, you lose and now I’m getting naked with the neighbour." 

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Piper: Hello? Worker bees? Anyone? 

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Phoebe: Oh, you're right. Love needs a backseat to duty.

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Phoebe: Okay, I would like you all to know that I'm vegetarian, okay. I have never eaten any of you.

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Phoebe: No! Bad dog. Icksnay on icklingay. Alright, you know what? Nobody bothers the witch, okay. 

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Pardon My Past

Phoebe: I can’t. I have too many phobias. To learn about for my psych exam. I had no idea there were so many. "Claustrophobia. Arachnophobia." Um. "Kleptophobia, Phallusphobia."
Prue: "Relax-a-phobia".

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Piper: I’m a tough boss. Ready?

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Piper: A daydream? Since when do daydreams attack people?

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Phoebe: This is so embarrassing. I haven’t needed my big sister to walk me to school since the first grade.

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Phoebe: Where’s Shirley McLaine when you need her?

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Give Me A Sign

Phoebe: No. I’ve been timing how long you’ve been comparing Leo and Dan. 

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Piper: Like that doesn’t have ‘personal gain’ tattooed across its forehead.

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Phoebe: Uhhh -- No... I’m in the bathroom. Who writes spells in the bathroom?

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Piper: Don’t egg blond. You cast that spell, didn’t you. 

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Prue: Yeah, well most people ask for it, they don’t kidnap for it.

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Bane: That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have a set of fingernails clawing into your body.

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Phoebe: Mariner’s Bluff. Oh! I’m sure the sea fairies will be very happy here.

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Phoebe: We’re rescuing you -- from the tall dark, and naked man.

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Piper: Where there's a demon, there's a way. 

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Prue: He lives in a cemetery? How cliché.

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Phoebe: Double crossing us shows some pretty good faith too don't 'cha think? 

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Phoebe: Umm I uh cast a little spell to help Piper find her love. It was suppose to help her decide between Dan and Leo, but it led us to you. Naked -- I might add.

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Murphy's Luck

Phoebe: Oh, that. You’re not actually writing him a dear John letter are you?

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Morris: We got a Maggie Murphy here. She claims she was saved by some angel this morning. An angel that by her description bears no resemblance to Della Reese.

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Maggie: Two angels.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I’m just a student.

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How To Make A Quilt Out Of Americans

Gail: It's a séance, Amanda, not AT&T. He'll come, he has to. Come on.

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Piper: I know. Demon blood from one of our vanquishing and I can't get it out and I can't exactly explain it to the shoe repair guy now can I? It's the third damn pair this month.

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Phoebe: Wicca PMS?

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Gail: And tell them what? That I think there's a demon running loose in our streets? They'd think I was crazy.
Piper: Try getting your boots cleaned.

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Phoebe: I admit, it's funky but what are we supposed to do? Tell her that we're not gonna help her?

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Prue: Are either of you's thinking what I am thinking?
Phoebe: Wild goose chase?

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Phoebe: Yeah, well, she just got crossed off my Christmas list.

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Piper: Wanna see what does freeze?

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Phoebe: But we were wondering if we should be budgeting for more shoes or not.

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Chick Flick

Prue: Hmm, so I think I'll call this "woman not pretending to look out the window."
Piper: How about "girl about the pour hot tea on sisters head." Let me see. Either I'm that transparent or you're that good.

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Phoebe: How am I supposed to know what his deal is? He likes moonlit walks, thinks holding hands is under rated, and enjoys in his spare time killing witches.

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Prue: Yeah, well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on.

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Finley: So when's this photographer blessing us with his presence?

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Phoebe: Okay, so I have lunch with this guy from lab, right? He is totally melotonan boy.
Piper: That bad?
Phoebe: I'm keeping his number in case I have trouble sleeping.
Piper: That bad.

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Billy: I don't mean to interrupt but is there a point in this scene where someone explains this part to me?
Piper: Phoebe, you brought this fictitious character back for a play date, you tell him.

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Phoebe: Hello, privacy.
Prue: Hello, axe murderer. 

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Piper: I am being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower.

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Piper: Well, how am I supposed to know that? I'm a romantic-comedy girl. Why go to the horror movies when they come to us?

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Prue: And see it ---- will stick his finger in a socket, sure.

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Phoebe: Did you get to tell off the demon of crankiness again?

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Ex Libris

Prue: So, no sex without safe sex.

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Piper: She's right, he doesn't to any of us. So why do I keep trying? Am I just a sucker for punishment?

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Piper: Dan and Leo. I found them in here beating the crap out of each other and neither of them will tell me why.

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Morris: First Phoebe, now you. I've learned by now if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.

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Prue: Your friend obviously.
Phoebe: Yeah, the dead one.

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Piper: What's the matter, Gibbs? You look like you've seen a ghost.

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Astral Monkey

Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted. I mean, had.

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Leo: Ever done it on a cloud?
Phoebe: I don't know, does a feather bed count?

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Prue: Hey, you are never going to believe what happened today.
Phoebe: Yes I will. I saw Notting Hill.

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Phoebe: Except for the magic monkey part, right?

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Morris: Tell me again I'm not hunting down some demonic son of a bitch.

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Piper: "I want a man who hates my brand of cereal so there'll always be some for me. A man who's love will catch me by surprise." What is this?

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Apocalypse, Not

Piper: Any day that brings new shoes is a good day.

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Phoebe: Yeah, but I gotta hand it to those pesky little demons. They sure have brought us closer together.
Prue: Maybe you should write them a thank you note.

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Piper: Oh, great, solve the problems of the world while doing Jell-O shots.

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Piper: I think we just vanquished our sister.

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Death: Who got vanquished and left you boss?

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Strife: Actually it's a dead language that we sometimes use for ceremonial purposes.
Piper: How festive.

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Phoebe: I thought dodging the Y2K bullet bought us more time on the whole apocalypse thing.

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Phoebe: Look at them. They'll all live to dance another day and what do we get? We saved the whole darn world. The least we can get is a thank you, you know.

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Be Careful What You Witch For

Phoebe: Check my to do list. It says bank, dry cleaners, pedicure. No where on the list does it say kick box a beast. Just walking along, minding my own business and ‘wham!’ it was like a random attack, a demonic drive-by.

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Phoebe: What? We’ve had a great year, we’ve wiped out a tonne of nasties. I just wanna know if we’ve tripped some supernatural alarm or anything. Owie! And are we ever gonna learn what it really means?

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Phoebe: How about "Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac."

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Prue: Yeah, well, all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put some more balance in my life.

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Phoebe: I don’t get it. You’ve been stuck in that bottle for 200 years, someone finally sends you to us and you have no idea who licked the stamp? I kinda find that hard to believe.

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Phoebe: If what Leo says goes, you two go on ahead. Leave the genie with the cripple, I'm not really in a wishing mood.

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Genie: Hi. How about great fortune? You want that?
Phoebe: After taxes, not worth it.

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Phoebe: Flying's awesome, it's the landing part that's a bitch.

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Piper: This guy's not a genie, he's a pig. 

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Piper: No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off. You tricked us and now there's a warlock that's trying to turn us into witch kebabs.

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Morris: Actually it was his wife. She swore she saw a brown hair, young woman fly over the house earlier... without a plane.
Phoebe: How about a broomstick?

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Piper: She knows what a ringing phone sounds like doesn't she?

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Phoebe: Oh, I am a reformed wish-a-holic, believe me. I'm in no hurry to get any new powers.

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