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Aggie Jokes
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Because I am currently attending Texas A&M, this page is here to prove that some of the best medicine for the soul is to truly laugh at onself. However, to offset the anguish that I may experience by this endeavor, I must further refer you to the jokes about texas university.
Page 1, Page 2  Several aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," she said. "And you sir," he said to the young man who had transferred in from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up'."
A man receives a free ticket to the A&M/tu game from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. He's up there in the nose bleed section with the class of '02. About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the old Ag sitting next to him, 'Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?' The old Ag replies 'no.' Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he says to the old Ag next to him, 'This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the A&M/tu game and not use it?' The old Ag replies, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first A&M/tu game we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967.' 'Well, that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?' 'No,' the old Ag replied, 'they're all at the funeral.'
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon near Bryan/College Station, Texas. Texas A&M search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
If you've ever spent more time parking before class than studying for class, you might be an Aggie. If your campus votes over 80 percent Republican but you still think it's too liberal, you might be an Aggie. If you get more emotional over yell leader runoffs and Reveille graves than student body presidents and catalog changes, College Station is the place for you. If you have to change buses twice to get from your physics class to your political science class, there's a good chance you're an Aggie. If you get a better workout between your car and the Rec Center than you do once you're inside the Rec Center, you're probably a fightin' Texas Aggie. If you think the rainbow leads to West Campusand not a pot of gold, you must go to school in the Bryan-College Station metroplex. If a rifle salute on campus is not news but you get excited when the skiers' mound of dirt is relocated, you belong at A&M. If you think your university needs a law school because everybody else has one, but you don't think your university needs cheerleaders or the wave because everybody else has one, you could be an Aggie. If you're not surprised to see otherwise well-mannered people chanting curse words at other schools' sports teams because it's part of a "yell," you just might be an Aggie. If you've ever missed Thanksgiving dinner with your family to watch some friends set dead trees on fire, you must be at A&M. If you'd rather see your sports team beat t.u. than win a national championship, you've got to be an Aggie. If the letters "PTTS" make your blood pressure rise and fill your mind with conspiracy theories, you might be an Aggie. If you can't understand why McDonald's doesn't deliver any longer, you could be at A&M. If you've gone to a job interview and worried more about how to present your ring than how to present your resume, you're probably an Aggie. If you've seen more than two U.S. Presidents on your college campus, it's a good bet you're in College Station. If you're not surprised when total strangers greet you as they walkpast, you're probably an Aggie. You might be an Aggie if you own as many pairs of boots as you do ties. If you know how to pronounce Beutel and the word brings to mind at least two horror stories, you're an Aggie. If you can recite urban legends about the steam tunnels and the intended height of the library, you could be at A&M. If you've ever gone to a football game just to see the band but you don't know why the other school wastes part of our half-time, you could
Three Texans went down to Mexico one night, got drunk and woke up in jail, only to find they were about to be executed in the morning, even though none of them could remember what they did the night before. The first one was strapped in the electric chair and asked if he had any last words. He said "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They threw the switch and nothing happened, so they figured God must not want this guy to die and the let him go. The second one was strapped in and gave his last words, "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." Again they threw the switch and again nothing happened, so they figured the law was on his side and they also let him go. The last one was strapped in and he said "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect them two wires."
The star football player for the Aggies was failing his math class at the semester and had to pass his exam in order to play in the game that weekend at Kyle Field. The professor and the school board get together and decide to ask him one question at halftime of the game. If the Aggie answers the question correctly, he passes and can play. However, if he answers incorrectly he fails the course and is ineligible. Well the game finally rolls around and everyone is anxious about the question. At halftime the player and his professor go to the center of the field and over the loudspeaker the professor asks the question "What is two plus two?" The Aggie thinks and thinks, finally he asks the professor if he can use a calculator. The professor says "No, your time is up". In desperation the Aggie shouts into the microphone "Four!" With that Kyle Field erupts into the chant of "Give him another chance, give him another chance!"
Did you know that Adam was an Aggie? He had to be because he was eating an apple while sitting next to a naked lady.
Did you hear about the Aggie that broke his leg raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Did you hear that they can't have any more parties at A&M? The guy who knew the recipe for ice graduated.
How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo 3 -- One to eat it and two to watch for cars.
How do you keep and Aggie in the shower all day? Give him shampoo that says lather, rinse, repeat.
10. Always say "ma'am." 9. Everybody else has an accent. 8. The civilized world ends at the Oklahoma border. 7. They may be "America's Team" but they're still the Dallas Cowboys. 6. Armadillos: Texas' answer to the opossum. 5. Speed limits are for cities and suckers. 4. Fort Worth, Schmort Worth. Dallas is the real city. 3. It's pronounced "ya'all." 2. A steer is not a cow! 1. Alaska's only bigger until it melts. -Rich Gotshall, Indianapolis Star
1.Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Kyle Field?
2.Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
3.Did you hear about the skeleton they just found in an old building at
College Station?
4.Did you hear about the Aggie who was tap dancing?
5.Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
6.Why don't Aggies use 911 in an emergency?
7.How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
8. Aggie decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. He waters them, but they die. He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die. He then sends a letter to his Alma Mater, describing the problem. They send a letter back asking for a soil sample. 9. Aggie happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium. The Aggie, says, "Professor, what are you doing?" The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why don't you try it!" The Aggie, certain of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start bugging and his mouth makes a little 'o' shape like he's pushing water through his gills. 10. Then there was the Aggie stuck at a flashing red ligh, trying to go between the blinks. 11. Another Aggie heard the latest statistic that 75% of all accidents occurred within 25 miles of your home, so he moved away.
Dear Son, I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where
Love, Mom P.S. I was going to send you some money but already had this sealed.
There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told
The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning,
The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it
The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was
There's an Aggie and his friend going deer hunting on their uncle's land. The uncle tells them that he has every deer in the area labeled "Deer", so
The very next day, the uncle goes out into his front yard and sees his brand
A young Aggie was asked to check and see if the blinker was working on his friend's car. He looked and replied, "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No..."
Aggie psychologists were trying to find out how a frog would react under crises circumstances. So, the cut one leg off the frog and it jumps 15 feet. They then cut both hind legs off the frog and it jumps 10 feet. They cut 3 legs off and the frog jumps only 5 feet. Finally, the big finale of the project arrives and they cut the one remaining leg off the frog to where the frog has no legs at all. The Aggie psychologists watch the frog, crying out "jump, jump." Later, as the Aggie scientists are writing up their findings, they conclude that after cutting off all legs, the frog becomes deaf.
Did you hear about the Aggie who robbed a bank? He tied up the safe
and blew up the guard.
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