:: THURSDAY NIGHT REDEMPTION ::
23rd August 2002
Pontnewydd Centre, Cwmbran

[As the intro music video for CWF Redemption comes to a close we are treated to a view of the capacity crowd, all buzzing as they await the coming matches. The camera pans round, until coming to rest with a shot of the commentary desk with Gav and Taff.]

GAV: "Hallo, and welcome to another fantastic Redemption!"

TAFF: "We got some great matches for you tonight, so stay tuned!"

GAV: "In just a few moments we will be ready for our first match of..."

[When "Real American" hits, the entire crowd jumps to their feet. An almighty roar goes up as Bob "The Huckster" Jones, the living legend and CWF champion, strolls out onto the stage. He cups his hand to his ear, basking in the cheering and whistling that greets him.]

TAFF: "Why is that fossil out here?! He picked up that championship belt 'cos his son creamed Phil! Surely he can't think he deserves to be the champ?!"

GAV: "Fantastic! 'The Huckster' is out here to give some wise words to his legions of loyal fans!"

[Bob meanders down to the ring as the crowd ovation continues. He collects a mic, then wastes no time entering the ring. Once there, he cups his ear to each side of the ring. His music fades as he readies himself to speak.]

HUCKSTER: "Yeah, baby! Huck is back!"

[An enormous pop goes up, simply because "Huckster" has spoken.]

HUCKSTER: "'The Huckster' has come out here to ... apologise to all my little Huck-a-maniacs! I wanna apologise for having had no choice but to take the belt from 'The Man', Phil Leach!"

[A great pop is let up at the mention of the other great hero.]

TAFF: "That old dinosaur! He stole the belt! But then, it's not like Phil deserved it either!"

HUCKSTER: "Now, I know Phil understands that I did what I had to do! He's not gonna hold it against me! But 'The Huckster' also has to apologise for not coming out here sooner! I've been so busy since Shindig-slam, even too busy to come out and speak before Turbulence! I've been busy training and recovering, but more importantly, I've been thinking. Thinking about how I can be a champion worthy of the respect of the Huck-a-maniacs!"

[The fans let up another impressive pop, making their adoration for the champion clear.]

GAV: "What a smashing display of respect for Bob!"

TAFF: "Pff! They don't know anything about it! The only people who really deserve respect are the McMartyns!"

HUCKSTER: "In all my years I've had this belt in my hands so many times! I can't remember every time I've held it up! I can't remember how many times I've had this so close, only to have it snatched away!"

[Bob looks down at his belt, emotionally.]

HUCKSTER: "Every time I hold this belt, I realise 'this is mine'! I know that I have made it to the top again! Against all the odds, proving all the cynics wrong, I am once more CWF CHAMPION!"

[As Bob works himself up, the crowd are also driven into a frenzy with him.]

TAFF: "He didn't prove anything to me!"

GAV: "You have to admit, it was a fantastically, smashingly, superbly, amazing match up at Shindig-slam!"

HUCKSTER: "They said I was too old! They said I didn't have what it takes any more! Well, it sure looks like 'The Huckster' made them eat their words!"

TAFF: "Mmmm, ...eat! I sure am hungry!"

HUCKSTER: "I'm on top of the world right now, baby, and no-one can take it away! 'The Huckster' knows he is going to lose this belt again, one day. I know someone younger, faster, stronger... someone BETTER, will beat me, one, two, three, to become the new champ! But you can be damn sure that man will not carry the name 'McMartyn'! The only way one of those coniving, scheming rodents is taking this belt, is if they run me into the ground first! I am making a promise right now; the man who beats me for this belt, I will shake his hand in this very ring, and I will call him a TRUE champion, because only someone worthy of that honour, is gonna take away this belt from me!"

GAV: "Wow! Words straight from Bob's heart!"

["Real American" starts up, and Bob begins posing for the crowd. He eventually clambers out of the ring and struts back up the ramp. He poses on the stage, before finally stepping from view.]

TAFF: "Ha! I bet that old fool loses the belt before the next PPV!"

GAV: "Well, even if he does, after all that, you can be sure he'll go down fighting!"

[The camera cuts backstage to the car park at the Pontnewydd Centre, where we see a long limousine pull up outside. Most noticeably, the vehicle is a black and white Zebra patterned design! ]

GAV: “Brilliant! I think I know who this is!”

[The back door of the limo swings open and out steps Phil ‘The Man’ Leach! The Gentleman Pimp is dressed in a Zebra skin suit that matches his car, and a large befeathered purple Pimp hat. A massive cheer can be heard from the crowd at the sight of the CWF’s fan favourite. A confident smile on his face, Phil boogies along the side of the limousine and towards the arena. On his way past, he taps on the driver’s door.]

PHIL: “Cheers drive, I’ll catch you later.”

[Suddenly and without warning, Dan Jones leaps onto the roof of the stretch limousine right above Phil Leach! His black coat billows around him as he lands just inches away from his nemesis!]

PHIL: “What the..”

DAN: “YAARRRRR!”

[With a loud shout Dan leaps from the roof of the vehicle and right onto Phil. With The Gentleman Pimp still stung by surprise, Dan Jones pulls him up and smashes him head-first into the limo. As Phil Leach sprawls on the ground grabbing his head, Dan reaches into his long coat and pulls out a pair of nun-chucks!]

GAV: “Oh My God! Dan Jones has nun-chucks!”

TAFF: “Haha! This is brilliant!”

[A somewhat sadistic smile on his face, Dan patiently waits for Phil to struggle to his feet. As The Gentleman Pimp gets up, Lone Wolf swings the weapon and strikes Phil right across the head! Wrapping the nun-chucks around his right fist, Dan then strikes Phil Leach right in the face again!]

GAV: “Somebody stop this!”

TAFF: “This is brutal- and I love it!”

[Barely able to stand now, Phil is further assaulted as Dan wraps the nun-chucks around his neck. With another huge shout, Dan flings The Gentleman Pimp by the neck across several feet of the parking lot! With a mighty crash Phil Leach lands amongst a stack of loading crates, the flimsy wooden frames collapsing under the impact. Quietly and calmly, Dan puts away the nun-chucks and brushes the dust from himself before striding off into the darkness. The camera homes in on Phil ‘The Man’ Leach, lying groaning amongst the wreckage of the crates … his face a crimson mask of blood … ]

TAFF: “Dan just CUT Phil Leach open! He’s bleeding like a stuck pig, Gav!”

GAV: “Oh no! Look at the blood gushing down the face of The Gentleman Pimp! We have a First Blood match here tonight … and Phil Leach is going to be easy pickings!!!”

CWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
Clint Hill vs Kid Punk
Referee: Dennis Morgan

TUCK: "This is a Hardcore match for the Hardcore Title Belt. Introducing first, the challenger, from Orange County, ..."

["Dysentry Gary" starts up, signalling the entrance of the former hardcore champion, Kid Punk. He is greeted by the usual boos and catcalls as he makes his way down to ringside.]

TUCK: "...KID PUNK!"

GAV: "Kid Punk is a former champion, of course, but lost it to Andy Morgan after he was substituted into Disco Stu's title match!"

TUCK: "And his opponent, he is the CWF Hardcore Champion..."

["Beautiful Creatures" begins, signalling Clint Hill's appearance. He is greeted with even louder booing and jeering than Kid Punk.]

TUCK: "...CLINT HILL!"

[Hill makes a beeline for the ring, not wasting any time.]

TAFF: "Here comes the champion! He had to overcome none other than THE Stone Cold Andy Morgan to win that belt!"

GAV: "Well, yes, but he DID only pin Disco Stu to get it!"

[The referee calls for the bell, and the match begins. The two men circle cautiously. Kid Punk dodges in and hits a quick jab. Hill is unhurt, but taken off guard. This time, Hill makes the first move. He goes for a lock up, but Kid Punk's speed enables him to twist Hill into an armwringer. Hill counters with his superior power by simply grabbing Punk's arm and flipping him onto his back. Kid Punk is quickly back to his feet. The two men lock up again, but Hill shows superior strength, shoving Punk to the mat. He pulls him up swiftly to nail a Snapmare. He pulls Punk up again, whips him, then lobs him over the top rope.]

GAV: "Clint Hill sending Kid Punk outside!"

TAFF: "This IS a hardcore match! That's what's supposed to happen!"

[Hill climbs out of the ring to follow up. As he jumps off the apron, Kid Punk surprises him by spraying him in the face with a fire extinguisher, acquired from under the ring. Clint Hill stumbles about blindly until Kid Punk uses said extinguisher to floor him. Punk tries to pin:

One.

Tw- Kickout!]

GAV: "A strong kickout from Clint Hill!"

TAFF: "Kid Punk must be desperate to get back that belt if he's pinning this early!"

[Kid Punk searches under the ring as Hill struggles to his feet. Punk returns armed with a stop sign. He takes a big swing at Hill, but the champ ducks, then nails a big kick to Punk's face, flooring him. This time, Hill goes under the ring for a weapon. He emerges equipped with a baking tray. Kid Punk, groggily, gets to his feet just in time to be blasted by the metal cooking implement.]

GAV: "Clint Hill looks to have the upper hand!"

TAFF: "Kid Punk could take it back at any moment! This match could go either way!"

[Hill allows Punk to stagger to his feet, waiting to strike him again. As Hill launches his attack, Kid Punk counters. He catches Hill with a Drop Toe Hold, dropping his head onto the stop sign laying on the floor. It connects with an audible 'clang'.]

TAFF: "Ooh! That was quite an impact!"

[Kid Punk now wanders over to the timekeeper and collects the hardcore title belt. He carries back to Clint Hill, then raises it above his head.]

TAFF: "Oh no! Kid Punk is about to waffle Clint Hill!"

[Before Punk can bring the item down onto Hill's head, the hardcore champ manages to clout Punk in the gut with the fire extinguisher. Kid Punk doubles up and drops the belt. Hill quickly picks it up, then, with an mighty upward swing, he nails Kid Punk right in nose. The challenger flips backwards, landing awkwardly on his neck, his legs sticking in the air. Unluckily, he has also landed on the baking tray dropped earlier. As Kid Punk's legs flop down to the floor, Clint Hill covers him:

One.

Two.

Three! The bell rings!]

GAV: "A smashingly quick win for Clint Hill! He pulled that from nowhere!"

TAFF: "It was that uppercut belt shot that put down Kid Punk! That was one nasty move!"

GAV: "A fantastic effort by Kid Punk, but, sadly, not enough to win back the CWF hardcore title!"

["Beautiful Creatures" begins to play as Clint Hill leaves the arena, panting slightly from his exertions.

GAV: “And now, let’s take a look at what happened earlier on this morning at CWF headquarters in Caerleon…”

Earlier Today…

[We are shown a shot of the lobby of the CWF Headquarters in Caerleon, which is a scene of total chaos. Police officers and fireman are crawling over the entire location, intermingling with the uniformed CWF staff bustling back and forth. A massive glass window is smashed, the sprinkler system is still dripping and the flashing red lights of the police vehicles are illuminating the entire lobby area. In the foreground of this chaotic scene stands CWF Chairman Mr McMartyn, CWF CEO Jud McMartyn, Head of Staff Arranboy and a trench-coat wearing police inspector. Clive McMartyn is angrily glaring around them at the mess in the reception area.]

MCMARTYN: “DAMNIT! I can’t believe this has happened again!”

JUD: “Well inspector, thank you for your help here this morning … I guess we better get on with the clean up operation.”

P.I.: “That’s no problem, Mrs McMartyn. When we learn anything more about this break-in, my department will be in touch.”

[The CWF management watch as the Police Inspector strolls off. Kicking some debris furiously, Mr McMartyn turns to Arranboy and bad-temperedly barks his orders.]

MCMARTYN: “That’s the third time in as many months the CWF Headquarters have had a break in! Arranboy, I’m leaving it with YOU to get me a new, improved security system- I want every one in this whole damn company cleared and Ided, from the janitors to The Huckster himself!!”

[With a loud sigh, Mrs McMartyn furrows her brow.]

JUD: “Well … although a security system overhaul is a good idea considering past events, we should be cautious- these things can be costly…”

MCMARTYN: “Cautious?! SCREW cautious! I want ID cards! Passes! I want retina scanners! Finger print ID! Damnit, I want every employee here recorded and monitored! Finger prints! Blood Samples! DNA testing!!”

ARRAN: “ … DNA testing?! Whatever …”

[The cameras fade out as Arranboy and his bosses continue to assess the damage…]

Stone Cold Andy Morgan vs 'The Shuck'
Referee: Gary Willis

TUCK: "This match is set for one fall. Introducing first..."

[The arena is quiet, awaiting the scheduled match. Suddenly, "The Bum Bum Song" starts up. The Shuck appears atop the ramp, dressed in his suit. He makes his way to the ring, pausing to indulge in his usual antics for the crowd. Upon reaching ringside, he rolls under the ropes and stands up. He taunts at the fans, before ripping the suit from his body, revealing the bright green trunks beneath.]

TAFF: "This guy makes me nervous!"

GAV: "Oh come on! He's just a little.... energetic!"

TUCK: "...THE SHUCK!"

[The music changes and the soulful melody of "Shaft" fills the air.]

TUCK: "Next, his opponent..."

[Andy makes his appearance to a standing ovation from the crowd.]

TUCK: "...STONE COLD ANDY MORGAN!"

[Andy storms to the ring and slides right under the bottom rope. He immediately charges Shuck and starts blasting him with hard punches.]

GAV: "Andy sure seems eager to get started!"

TAFF: "To get finished, you mean! He'll go through The Shuck like a.... um, thing, through.... uh...."

GAV: "Like you through an all you can eat buffet?"

TAFF: "HEY! I resent that!"

[The referee manages to get the bell rung, officially starting the match. Andy drives Shuck against the ropes with his punches, then goes for a whip. The Shuck comes flying off the ropes and runs right into a Lou Thez Press. Andy, now trapping Shuck beneath his considerable weight, starts laying into him again.]

GAV: "Boy, Andy sure has a lot of energy tonight!"

[Eventually, the ref breaks them up, giving Shuck a chance to stand up. Andy immediately goes in for the attack. He whips Shuck to the corner, then charges him. Shuck, however, dodges aside, letting Stone Cold collide with the turnbuckles. Shuck spins him round, then nails a big, knife edge chop, elliciting a "Whooo" from the crowd. Andy, however, just grabs Shuck in response, then throws him against the turnbuckles instead.]

TAFF: "He's picking The Shuck apart like a boiled lobster!"

GAV: "Uh, sure he is!"

[Andy hits several successive clotheslines, then gives Shuck the finger, before he starts stomping down into the mat. The referee breaks up the move, but Shuck is already laying dazed on the floor. Andy pulls him up, then drops him with a Falling Vertical Suplex. Andy pulls Shuck up again, then floors him with a quick Shortarm clothesline. Andy tries a pin:

One.

Two.

Th- No! Shuck just escapes!]

GAV: "That was a very near fall for The Shuck! Things aren't looking too good for him!"

TAFF: "Well, so far, his offensive repertoire has been a single chop! He's gonna have to pick up his game if he wants to win this!"

[Andy whips Shuck, then ducks for a Back Body Drop. The Shuck, apparently having heard Taff's advice, counters. He boots Andy in the face, sending the former hardcore champ reeling. Shuck quickly moves in and tries a Piledriver.]

GAV: "Could The Shuck be making a comeback?!"

[Unfortunately not, it seems. Before Shuck pulls off the move, Andy reverses by lifting Shuck over his head, dropping him to the mat with a Back Body Drop counter.]

GAV: "Oh, I guess he isn't making a comeback after all."

[Shuck staggers to his feet, dazed. Andy gives him the double finger, signalling his finisher.]

TAFF: "Here it comes! The 'ANDY MORGAN STUNNER'!"

[Andy throws a boot at Shuck's gut, ready to finish him off, but, suddenly, Shuck catches it. Amazingly he surprises Andy with a Dragon Screw.]

GAV: "Incredible! The Shuck just countered Andy's Stunner!"

TAFF: "He's one of few men in history to manage it!"

[Shuck starts leaping about screaming, seemingly very excited about having gained the advantage in the match. He is so jovial, that by the time he resumes his attack, Andy is already up to his knees. He catches Shuck with an uppercut. Shuck stumbles back, allowing Andy to rise to his feet. Andy moves in and plants Shuck with a Spinebuster. He bounces off the ropes and hits a running elbow drop.]

TAFF: "Shuck is really being taken to school in this match!"

[Andy drags Shuck to his feet once more, but Shuck, somehow, counters. He gives Stone Cold a chop in the midsection, then tries to whip. Andy reverses, sending Shuck to the ropes. As Shuck comes running back, the last thing he sees is Andy's two middle fingers raised to eye level, before he is dropped to the floor by the legendary "Andy Morgan Stunner". Needless to say, Andy covers him:

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!]

GAV: "Another win for Stone Cold Andy Morgan!"

TAFF: "He's ploughing through the roster at an alarming rate, Gav!"

GAV: "That's really true! I don't think the McMartyns can keep him at bay for long!"

["Shaft" begins to play again, signalling the end of the match. Andy rolls from the ring and strides up the ramp, not wanting to waste any of his waking hours without a pint for company.]

[In the trainer’s room backstage at the Pontnewydd Centre, a concerned Ruth Bowen looks on as the CWF medical officer attends to Phil ‘The Man’ Leach. The Gentleman Pimp’s wound has been cleaned and tidied up, and his forehead is presently being stitched up by the doctor. Ruth shakes her head in worry.]

RUTH: “Phil … are you sure you can go out there and do this tonight? Dan did such a number on you earlier on, the skanky mingrat!”

PHIL: “I’ll be fine. I asked for this match, and I’m gonna compete in this match, win or lose. I just can’t afford to forfeit the first match in this tournament to Dan.”

MEDIC: “Hhm… you can’t afford to take any hard shots to that head either …this stitching I’m putting in can’t hold for long, or to any sort of punishment. I’m still not happy about clearing you to wrestle tonight.”

RUTH: “Phil, this is terrible! If that wound is ready to reopen at any time- you’ve already got a massive disadvantage going into this match!”

PHIL: “… And if any impact could split my head open again, I can’t use my “Swede”…”

RUTH: “…And if you can’t use your Swede, how are you going to make HIM bleed?”

PHIL: “Darn! Dan is one crafty bugger! If I don’t pull it all out tonight, I’m the one who’s gonna be done like a kipper!”

[We fade out as the medic puts the finishing touches to Phil’s dressing.]

ASYA vs FAITH
Referee: Sid Jefferies

TUCK: “The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first … FAITH!”

[To a big ovation from the crowd, the lively blonde Faith bounds out onto the entrance ramp. She runs down the ramp and slides into the squared circle, taking stock of the cheering fans at ringside. She jumps up onto the turnbuckle and motions to the crowd.]

[“Without Me” hits to a mixed response, and out comes the opponent; arms raised high over to her as she smiles at her fans.]

TUCK: “And her opponent … ASYA!”

[Asya steps into the ring as the bell sounds. The two ladies circle each other, both with serious looks on their faces. They meet in a lock-up in the centre of the ring and both tousle for control over the other woman. Asya easily manages to over-power Faith and shoves her across the ring. She smiles then charges Faith, who quickly ducks and leaps up on her opponent’s back- she rolls Asya up for the pin with an amazing pinning combination- 1 … 2 … Kickout! ]

GAV: “Faith’s agility and quickness is the perfect foil to Asya’s strength and force- who will prevail here?”

[Both women leap to their feet, but Asya immediately flattens Faith with a Clothesline. She pulls the contender up but whips her, delivering a big Back Body Drop. Faith is thrown to the ropes again, and Asya elevates her up into a Military Press! The bigger girl goes for the slam, but somehow Faith wriggles out of it and lands behind her. Back Suplex by Faith! Faith knocks Asya back into the corner with a combo of elbow strikes, but Asya fights back, sending Faith reeling with every blow she lands. Asya whips Faith and sets her up for a Sidewalk Slam- which is countered with a Headscissors Takedown! The fans cheer as Asya’s head bounces off the mat, whilst meanwhile Faith scrambles up to the top rope. Faith goes for a Flying Body Press but Asya catches her in mid-air – Fallaway Slam! Asya covers, thinking she has got the easy pin, but a determined Faith kicks out at two! Asya strikes with an impressive Stalling Suplex, letting the blood rush straight to her opponent’s head before slamming her down to the mat hard. Asya confidently sets Faith up for a Piledriver, and stops to play to the fans.]

TAFF: “If Asya nails this it’s ALL gonna be over for Faith Gav…”

[Asya takes too long in hesitating however, as Faith counters with a Back Body Drop. Asya leaps up and runs for her opponent, but Faith side-steps the attack and hits an Armdrag. She connects with a Dropkick, which doesn’t seem to faze the Asya. Dropkick number two floors Asya, but she gets straight back up again. The third does keep Asya down, and Faith drops down for the cover- 1 … 2 … Asya powers her opponent off of her. Desperately, Faith goes for yet another Dropkick- but this time Asya catches her and slams her down to the mat hard. Asya follows up with another mat-shaking Powerslam, leaving her rival in a pretty bad way. ]

[Asya sets Faith up for a Powerbomb, but the former Women’s Champion slumps weakly to the canvas. Asya pauses momentarily, then hoists Faith up for the power move- wait! Faith countering with a Hurricanrana- NO! Asya has the move well-scouted and catapults Faith over her head, hanging up her title contender on the ring ropes. Faith grabs onto her throat as she fights for breath, seeming in a pretty bad way. Firmly in control, Asya strides over and hoists Faith up onto her shoulder- she’s going for a Running Powerslam! As Asya runs towards the centre of the ring Faith slips lithely over her shoulder. Before Asya can spin around Faith plants her with a Reverse DDT! To quite a cheer, Faith mounts the ropes- it looks like she is going for the Faithsault! ]

GAV: “The tide has most definitely turned here… if Faith connects with the Faithsault we’re going to have-“

TAFF: “… Squashed puppies?”

[Faith readies herself to launch into space … and nails the finishing move! She covers Asya for the pinfall- … 1 … 2 … 3!]

GAV: “Faith did it! Revenge for Asya’s attack that left her hospitalised for two weeks!”

The bell rings as “We Will Rock You ” begins to play. Sid Jefferies raises Faith’s hand. With a warm smile Faith thanks the fans at ringside before exiting the ring and making her way back up the ramp.]

[Backstage. CWF interviewer Emma Watkins is waiting for Kid Punk to return from his unsuccessful Hardcore title shot. Presently, Kid Punk comes staggering into view. Somewhere between the ring and here he has picked up a kendo stick. He has a wild look in his eyes, still angry about losing to Clint Hill. He is even more upset when he is pounced upon by Emma.]

EMMA: "Hello! Hiya, Kid! How are you feeling? Wasn't it mean what Clint Hill did to you in that match? He's mean, don't you think so? I'm sure he's done mean stuff to my Phil before..."

[The instability in Kid Punk's eyes is now clear. His fury is growing with Emma's every piercing word.]

KID PUNK: "SHUT UP! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?! YOU WEREN'T OUT THERE! YOU NEVER GOT SMASHED IN THE FACE BY A SOLID METAL TITLE BELT! YOU JUST DRIVEL ON ABOUT 'YOUR PHIL'! WELL, GET THIS! NO-ONE CARES! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH?! THAT MATCH WAS FOR THE HARDCORE BELT! THERE WAS A LOT ON THE LINE! THAT BELT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE! YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A HARDCORE MATCH FEELS LIKE!"

[Emma, quite taken aback by this outburst, is speechless. Kid Punk's eyes glint as he steps closer and raises his kendo stick.]

KID PUNK: "I KNOW! Perhaps I should show what 'Hardcore' really means!"

[Emma, totally missing the point as usual, beams widely, possibly expecting Kid Punk to give her something.]

EMMA: "Ooh! Thanks!"

[Kid Punk just smiles as the unsuspecting Emma grins blankly at him. Before she has chance to react, he lifts the stick over his head and, with a mighty effort, brings it slicing down. There is an awesome 'CRACK' as it connects. The end of the kendo stick snaps off on impact and goes spinning out of camera shot. Emma collapses into a big, pink heap. Kid Punk looks down and smiles at his handiwork. He glances at the broken kendo stick, then tosses it aside and walks away. He can be heard muttering a few closing words as he leaves.]

KID PUNK: "There! Now THAT'S 'Hardcore'!"

FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Phil ‘The Man’ Leach vs Dan Jones

TAFF: “Here it comes- the first match in Mr McMartyn’s first ever “Best of 5 Speciality Tournament!” This is gonna be great!”

GAV: “But Taff, I’ll admit it- I’m gravely worried for the health of Phil Leach in this match…”

[To a resounding jeer, “I Stand Alone” hits over the arena PA. The lights in the arena go down as Dan Jones makes his way out onto the entry ramp.]

TUCK: “The following match is a FIRST BLOOD match … introducing the opponents; from Bristol England, weighing in at 231 lbs- DAN JONES!”

[Solemnly the Lone Wolf enters the ring, paying little attention to the booing fans as he removes his long black leather coat and places it beneath one of the ring posts.]

TAFF: “Hey Gav, guess what I’m holding in my hand!”

GAV: “Uh Taff … not in front of the kids!”

TAFF: “No no, not this time. In my hand I’m holding an envelope … an envelope that contains Dan Jones’ choice for the next speciality match in this series! And you know what, I’m gonna announce it at the end of this match!”

[Meanwhile, the crowd in the Pontnewydd Centre explodes as “it’s My Life” bursts into the building. Out onto the entrance stage struts Phil ‘The Man’ Leach, Pimp finery all in place, Pimp cane carried in his right hand, a thick gauze taped to his forehead. With determination, The Gentleman Pimp moves down towards the ring.]

TUCK: “And his opponent … from Llanbadoc Docks Usk, weighing 237 lbs … PHIL ‘THE MAN’ LEACH!!”

GAV: “WATCH OUT PHIL!!!”

[As Phil Leach climbs through the ring ropes, Dan Jones charges him, wielding a steel chair he has acquired from ringside. Phil instinctively ducks and the chair misses him by centimetres, whooshing harmlessly overhead. Phil blasts Dan with a series of right hands, causing Jones to drop the chair and stumble backwards. A huge chop to the chest knocks Dan through the ropes and out of the ring.]

TAFF: “Woah! Did you see Dan charging with that chair! He was ready to spilt Phil’s head open the second he got in the ring!!”

[Dan takes a moment to compose himself on the outside while Phil strips out of his Pimp jacket, hat and shades. The CWF’s Lone Wolf smoothly slides back into the ring and moves to attack Phil, once again met with a flurry of right hands. Grabbing dan’s arm, the Gentleman Pimp whips his opponent towards the ropes and looks for a Kitchen Sink, which Dan narrowly sidesteps. The Lone Wolf bounces back towards Phil, who this time connects with the knee to the midsection, flipping Dan inside out and sending him down to the mat.]

GAV: “That head injury is a ticking timebomb for Phil Leach … The Gentleman Pimp needs to finish this match as quickly as possible.”

[Phil Leach climbs atop his opponent and pounds away with heavy punches to the face, but Dan summons all his strength and throws ‘The Man’ off. Both men scramble up but Phil is faster to his feet; as Dan gets up the Gentleman Pimp aims a huge “Swede” in his direction. The heads collide and Dan is knocked down to one knee. Phil, however, drops down and cradles his skull in pain, grunting with discomfort.]

TAFF: “That headbutt was instinctive there Gav- but those damn “Swedes” aren’t going to be any good to Phil tonight!”

GAV: “Exactly- they’ll do more damage to himself than to Dan Jones!”

[As Phil gets to his feet Dan grabs his head and sets up for a DDT, which Phil counters by shoving Dan into the ropes. Jones comes back quickly however, and floors his foe with a stiff Clothesline. As Phil gets up, Dan Jones aims a kick that connects right with the back of Phil’s head. The Gentleman Pimp hits the canvas, and Dan drops a Leg across his face. The Lone Wolf mounts Leach and beats him down with hard right hands, smashing away cruelly at the injured head of Phil. Dan grabs the steel chair from earlier and brings it crashing down towards Phil’s head, but ‘The Man’ rolls out of the way and the chair slams into the mat instead. Thrashing out his feet, Phil Leach knocks Dan off his feet and dives for the chair. Both men clamp hands on the weapon at the same time, and struggle to their feet each gripping onto one end of the chair.]

TAFF: “Tug of war!”

[The two arch-rivals tousle over the chair but Dan strikes with a sneaky move, shoving the seat forwards and into Phil’s gut, doubling the Gentleman Pimp up and forcing him down to his knees. Dan swings the chair execution-style at Phil’s head, but Leach ducks and blasts Dan Jones in the midsection with a chop. Dan staggers around clutching his midriff, and Phil nails him with a Jawbreaker. Lone Wolf staggers back against the ropes, and Phil Leach charges with a Clothesline, his momentum sending both men tumbling over the top rope.]

GAV: “And it’s to the outside for Phil Leach and Dan Jones!”

[Dan retreats around the ring from his opponent, who pursues with determination. Suddenly Dan Jones swings round and takes Phil down with a swift kick to the legs. With a loud crash, Dan hurls Phil Leach headfirst into the steel ring steps, eliciting an “ooh” from the crowd. The steps are knocked apart from the impact, which leaves Phil groaning in pain on the arena floor. Lone Wolf roughly pulls ‘The Man’ to his feet, and executes a vicious Front Russian Legsweep right into the steel steps! Phil frantically checks his forehead for blood but the bandaged dressing seems to have stayed intact. Meanwhile, Dan pulls him up and whips him into one of the steel ring posts. ‘The Man’ dodges sideways a little and this is enough to avoid his face striking the steel. Phil’s arm, however, wraps painfully around the post.]

TAFF: “Ouch!!”

GAV: “Phil just careered into that steel ringpost at high speed!”

[Dan Jones stalks over to the timekeeper’s table and drags Mr Tuck from his seat, grabbing the ring announcer’s steel chair and closing it with a metallic clang. Sizing Phil up from behind, Dan swings the weapon at the Gentleman Pimp and aims to sandwich his head between the chair and the post. At the last moment Phil moves however, and the chair collides noisily with the steel ring post. Dan Jones shudders from the shock of the impact and drops the chair, stumbling into Phil Leach who picks him up and Flapjacks him face first onto the announce table.]

TAFF: “HEY!!!”

“GAV: “Good God … Dan Jones’ face just bounced right off our announce desk!”

[As his many fans cheer loudly, Phil Leach hastily tears off the protective covering of the announce desk and pulls out the two monitors in front of Gavin Jones and Taff. As the Gentleman Pimp pulls Dan to his feet Jones lashes out with a right hook, which Phil blocks before beating Dan back down with an Axhandle Smash. ‘The Man’ rolls his foe on top of the announce table and sets him up for a Piledriver!]

TAFF: “Oh no! Dan Jones looks set to go through our table- headfirst!”

[Phil Leach attempts to drive his opponent’s head through the table, but Dan blocks the move. With a loud yell Phil summons his strength and technique and pulls backwards, Piledriving Dan Jones right to Hell! A mighty cheer goes up as both competitors lie amongst the carnage of the announce team’s table, but Dan has still not been cut open! Slowly, Phil Leach crawls back into the ring and props himself up in one of the corners as an even more worse-for-wear Dan drags himself under the bottom rope.]

GAV: “These guys are damn near killing each other here! Who is literally going to draw the FIRST BLOOD!”

[A near-broken Dan tries to get up, while meanwhile Phil takes a huge risk and climbs to the top turnbuckle. The Gentleman Pimp jumps straight off and looks to land his Austin Powerseque JUDO CHOP! No! Dan suddenly shakes away the cobwebs and leaps up into the air towards the jumping Phil, nailing him in the face with a Martial Arts Kick! Dan now mounts the fallen Phil and beats away with furious rights and lefts, then begins tugging at the protective gauze taped to Phil’s forehead! The Gentleman Pimp attempts feebly to prevent Dan removing his protection but is beaten down some more, allowing Lone Wolf to continue tugging at the bandaging.]

GAV: “This heinous Dan Jones is literally tearing the bandaging from Phil Leach’s face!”

TAFF: “This is brilliant strategy Gav!”

[With one last pull Dan Jones rips the bandage from Phil’s temple, exposing the fresh wound beneath. The huge cut across Phil’s forehead glistens pinkly in the light, but no bleeding is yet apparent. Clamping a gloved hand around Phil’s throat, Dan yanks him to his feet and delivers his Vampire’s Kiss!!! The Chokeslam smashes Phil to the mat, allowing Dan Jones to move away from his opponent and head for one of the ring corners, where he begins tugging in earnest at the top turnbuckle cover. With a final yank, Dan removes the protective padding from the turnbuckle and exposes the dangerous steel buckle beneath. He hurls the cover out of the ring and moves back over to Phil, pulling ‘The Man’ up to his feet.]

GAV: “Oh no! With both that metal turnbuckle AND Phil Leach’s wound exposed, ‘The Man’ is sure to be opened up wide here!”

[Dan Jones whips his nemesis towards the corner but as he nears the exposed turnbuckle Phil sticks out a foot and stops himself colliding with the steel. The Gentleman Pimp spins around and charges Dan, knocking him down with a big Pimp Clothesline. Dan leaps back up to his feet as quickly as possible and charges at Phil, but the rejuvenated People’s Pimp is ready and turns Lone Wolf inside out with a massive Powerslam. ‘The Man’ picks up the steel chair and measures his opponent as Dan slowly rises to his feet. The Gentleman Pimp charges with chair held high, but Dan instinctively turns and counters the attack, hitting Phil with a Drop Toe Hold. ‘The Man’ falls forward to the mat, but smashes his face into the steel chair he is holding!]

TAFF: “Beautiful! Beautiful! That’s cut Phil Leach open for sure!”

[Amazingly, the Gentleman Pimp is still not bleeding, but his open wound seems to be glistening worryingly. Dan viciously presses the chair down over his opponent’s face, then ascends one of the turnbuckles. Dan Jones is going upstairs! The Lone Wolf launches like a rocket off the top rope, flying through the air with an impressive looking Five Star Frog Splash! Phil looks set to be crushed underneath the steel chair and the weight of Dan’s attack, but at the last minute rolls aside and Dan Jones smashes spectacularly into nothing but canvas!]

GAV: “Good Lord! Dan absolutely launched himself into space there with that Five Star Frog Splash … and missed!!!”

[Dan Jones is shuddering with pain on the mat, but Phil Leach is not faring much better, dragging himself gingerly into one of the ring corners and using the turnbuckles to pull himself up. The Gentleman Pimp slumps exhaustedly in the corner with his back to his opponent, leaving Dan to slowly rise up unnoticed. The Lone Wolf charges his opponent who is still slouched onto the turnbuckle, but once again Phil Leach employs some sort of sixth sense and steps out of the way! Dan cannons into the corner- and face first into the exposed metal turnbuckle!! The Lone Wolf is thrown backwards from the impact and crashes down to the mat with force. Once again, Phil Leach picks up the steel chair, but this time mounts the ropes, taking his weapon with him!]

TAFF: “What the Hell is he going to do now?!”

GAV: “Normally Phil would employ his Flying Iron Swede … but that is impossible in his present condition … isn’t it?”

[Up on the top turnbuckle, Phil ‘The Man’ Leach stands upright with his hands stretching over his head, holding the steel chair high in the air. Phil literally dives forwards off the turnbuckle, but instead of hitting his Flying Iron Swede he brings the steel chair crashing down right on top of Dan Jones’ head! With a crash Phil hits the mat and lies unmoving next to his opponent, but a gooey red liquid begins to trickle down Dan’s face- the Lone Wolf has been cut open! The ring bell sounds and “It’s My Life” blasts into the arena- Phil Leach has triumphed!]

TAFF: “I can’t believe it!”

TUCK: “The winner of this match … PHIL ‘THE MAN’ LEACH!!!”

[Phil slowly struggles to his feet, the nasty wound on his head now weeping blood in it’s own right. Dan Jones lies utterly motionless on the mat, rendered unconscious by the un-Godly flying chair shot he received.]

GAV: “Against all the odds, Phil Leach has triumphed in the first round of the Best of Five Speciality Tournament … what a match!”

TAFF: “Yeah but Gav … this thing is far from over, remember! And look, I just opened that envelope I have here … and guess what? This coming Tuesday on Turbulence it’s going to be Round Two … and it’s going to be Dan Jones vs Phil Leach in a … SUBMISSION match!!”

GAV: “Oh my! Phil Leach has been victorious tonight, but what hope does he stand in such a match against one of the most prolific submissionists in CWF history??! Tune in next Tuesday to find out! This is Gav Jones and Taff saying Thanks for watching, and Good Night!”

[As Redemption fades to a close, a bloody Phil Leach poses victoriously on the turnbuckle…]