Hey people,
So it's the year 2005 now. Which isn't nearly as weird as it was when it turned to 2004. I have had no problem whatsoever writing "05". I think it's just even numbers that are hard to get used. For whatever reason. Maybe not. Maybe it's just "odd" (failed attempt at a pun).
My annual winter depression has seemed to have been halted by working at Attitash this winter. I think being outside for the most part, along with kick-ass people helps quite a bit. What's that? I have a social life in Maine? Yeah, that hasn't happened outside of Stuart since the spring of my sophomore year in high school. Four years ago. How times have changed.
Melissa sent me a picture of her a week or so ago. What the fuck was I thinking not asking her out? Either I was way too picky or I was seeing something I'm not now. Granted the attitudes of her and Aly trailed off to the negative in spring semester, but fall semester I should have hooked up with her for sure. Regardless, I've been trying to contact her ever since and she's either ignoring me or has been busy. Either way, I've given up on the initiative for a while, so she can reply if she actually has the urge to do so. I haven't talked to her since last summer. Amazing, considering how close we were that first semester in college. That all seems so far away now. So many people I was so close with, or felt like I was so close with. I'm not sure if I really fucked it all up, or if it was for the best. Spring semester was really lame, except for maybe the last month. Poker at the boardroom was sweet and the tennis/party hunting with Danny was fun. It's too bad I couldn't start anything with Amy but she was a faith away from me in the first place. Will I ever go back? I guarantee I'm moving from here in the year 2005, but where is still up in the air. Colorado is my prime-candidate right now.
On to current issues, and don't worry this will be far from the novel I wrote (seven pages in Word believe it or not) in October...
So with my new job comes new relationships. Nothing above plutonic unfortunately. Two Peruvian girls I'd love to get with, seem strangely (well I guess I'm used to it, so that's the incorrect word) out of reach. Karina is a friend, and will remain so. She has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen on anyone however, and that is no exaggeration. They are unbelievable. However, she is interested in an Argentinian who is working there and she is an all-out drama-queen with which I don't want to be a part of. I am/have always been on her good-side, which I seem to be with everyone anyway (for better or worse), and she seems to be far closer to my buddy Mike than me anyway. Which is odd because she was completely pissed at him because of a certain incident at his house. In fact it hurt his situations with a lot of the internationals for a week or so. Regardless, everyone seems to consider him as being the closest friend to the internationals from America. I find it strange that no one really regards me as being a close friend of their's except for the internationals themselves. In fact, I've had four offers so far of open doors if I were ever to visit South America. And I've only known these people for a month and a half. Many barely a month.
Regardless, Camila is quickly becoming closer and closer to me. We're pretty good friends right now, but I can't help but wish we were more than that. She has got an unbelievable personality, speaks just about perfect English, and is phenomonally gorgeous. The only negative about her is the fact that we aren't closer. She always encourages me to sleep at the place she's staying at if we're ever drinking... but it's not what it sounds. If she meant in her bed, I'd have absolutely no problem with it (actually she told me I could sleep in her bed the last time I was over there, but she slept with Karina). I talked to her over MSN tonight and she said there was a spare bed they had that I could use any time. Now as I see it, that means she just doesn't want me to drive back drunk, seeing as how I live 45 minutes away. And I really don't have to stay at their place. I could easily stay with my buddy Mike at his place. So I have doubts that it is a subliminal message. It's obvious that I show her extra attention however, as it's fairly often that on my breaks I choose to stand outside to keep her company, instead of warming up inside the lift shack. She's pretty naive when it comes to guys liking her too. The whole fight at Mike's place essentially was because of her. One kid was jealous of how close Mike was getting with her all night, and things escalated. When Mike and I explained this to her, she had no clue that was going on at all. I doubt she has picked up on me liking her more than a friend as well. I have mastered that long ago. Most definitely for the worst.
But I don't want this to end up like all those other cases. I did let Jess know pretty quickly that I'd like to go out with her, which eventually led her to liking me, but that whole thing never worked out. I won't even talk to that bitch now, she's fucked it up so many times previously. But many times I haven't been a man at all, and just let it go. And I'd rather she knew how I felt about her so that I can try to move on and just know that I enlightened her to the fact just in case there's a slim possibility she felt the same, or would like to try to pursue it. While I have given her no reason whatsoever to not want to go through with it, I haven't exactly attempted to raise it to the next level either. We're never alone, except the few times at work. And work isn't a very conducive environment for such things. Although there is the beautiful blonde who I worked with for a summer that I let slip by because I was so focused on a model and Jess. Well Shanan too for that matter. And now that girl is out in Cali. She had just broken up with her boy-friend out here too. Just about the most popular guy that lives in the area. So obviously I down-played my eligibility as usual.
But that has nothing to do with the subject. Well, somewhat doesn't have to do with the current matter at hand. The fact is, I need to get alone with this girl for maybe five minutes and let her know what's up. She said tonight that they were going to be drinking soon, and that she'd let me know when they were going to be. Problem is, the only time she's remotely alone during a party is when she's gone outside to smoke (she seems to only do so when she drinks), and even then she doesn't like going out alone so she goes with a few people. Asking her to hang out alone some time would be an obvious come on, and might not be a bad way to go. In fact, it's probably the best way to go. I'm just scared of what her reaction will be. If she doesn't want to be anything more than a friend, I don't want her to act differently after I've asked/told her. The rejection I don't care about. I mean, I care about it but I can't imagine her giving me a harsh rejection in the first place. Even if she did, and the friendship wasn't harmed I wouldn't care. But I don't want her to feel weird around both me and Mike. We'll see if it isn't spring-time before I update this again.
-Dan, d.h.cookson@gmail.com
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