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Animal Jokes
King of the Jungle
My first time
The Vetriloquist
Blown a seal
Chicken Loving Parrot
6 inches
1st Time
Its All I Have
Its a Boy or Girl?
Swearing
Heaven sent
Viagra
Viagra2
Chinese Detective
Only in America
Mexican Bandit
Celebrity Deaths
Bill Clinton
Laws Of Work
Angry Owner
Religious Jokes
3-couples
Preachers
Saying Grace
Bingo
Pastors Parrot
3-nuns
Jesus Golfing
2 Evil Brothers
Car Breaks Down
They Died in Service
Jock Itch
Third grade Again
Gone Fishing
Joe & John
The Shopping Trip
Labor Pain
Snails Pace
Pay Backs
Love, Lust, Marriage
Blonde Jokes
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
2. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
3. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
4. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
5. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen.
6. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
7. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
8. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
9. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
10. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
11. Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is
12. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
13. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
14. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
15. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
16. Q: How did the blonde try to kill a fish? A: She drowns it
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17. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write ' Turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
18. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"? A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
19. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem.
20. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
21. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's.
22. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.
23. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An air bag.
24. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
25. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor.
26. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
27. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
28. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
29. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
30. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
31. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"
32. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
33. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks.
34. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
35. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
36. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor.
37. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes.
38. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.
39. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
40. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
41. Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? A: Third Grade.
42. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist? A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
43. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
44. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.
45. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
46. Q: A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
47. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1. had more on her body than on her mind?
2. was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3. took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4. got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5. was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6.had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
7.thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
8.was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
9. after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
10. went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
11. brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
48. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?" "He was on top ", she replyed. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....
49. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" asked the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
50. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One.
51. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
52. A blonde was trying to sell her car for over a month and did not have any luck with replies or anything! She went to her co-worker who was a brunette and asked her how to sell her car quickly. The brunette's reply was this "go to a reputable mechanic and have them turn the odometer from 150,000 miles to 50,000 miles." Three weeks later, the blonde went to the mechanic and had him roll the odometer to 50,000 miles. The brunette then asked if she sold the car! The blonde replied to the brunette "Why should I seel the car? It has only 50,000 miles on it!"
53. St. Peter was standing at the Gates of Heaven. A brunette was the first to die. When she got to the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked her a question to be able to enter the Gates. The question he asked her was "how many D's are in the word Bonanza?" She replied "NONE." "That is correct, you may now enter the Gates of Heaven." Said St. Peter. Then, a redhead dies and gets to the entrance to the Gates of Heaven. Same question and same reply. Finally a blonde dies and arrives at the entrance of the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter proceeds to ask her the same question. She asks him "How long do I have to come up with an answer?" St. Peter replies, "Until Eternity." About a half of a millineum later, she goes back to St. Peter (butting in line of the others who have passed away) and states that she knows how many D's are in the word Bonanza. St. Peter, surprised says how many?" She says 1,000. In amazement, he asks her how is that figured? She replies "DUH DU DUH DU DUH DU DUH DUH (Bonanza theme).
