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Fans Jokes

Over The Wall

Our club manager won't stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,
"Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes."

Toilets Are Miles Away

Two men were at a football match and it was just seconds away from kick-off.
"Man," said the first man, "I'm bursting for a pee, and the toilets are miles away"
"Don't worry," said the second man. "You see that bloke in front of you? Just pee up his leg."
"Are you crazy?" said the first man, "that bloke's massive."
"Oh," said the second man, "he won't notice anything."
"How do you know?" said the first man.
"Because I've just peed up yours!" said the second man.

What's The Score?

A rather dim fan arrives at a football match midway through the second half.
"What's the score?" he asks his friend as he settles into his seat.
"Nil-nil," comes the reply.
"And what was the score at half-time?" he asks.

Wish I Had Bought The Piano

First fan: "I wish I'd brought the piano to the stadium."
Second fan: "Why would you bring a piano to the football game?"
First fan: "Because I left the tickets on it."

Don't Worry About The Bottle's

At a local derby between Arsenal and Spurs last season, a spectator. suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
'There's nothing to worry about, lad,' said the elderly chap standing next to him. 'It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it.'
'That's just what I'm worried about,' said the fan. 'My name's John Smith'

Where Did They Go?

In a crucial Cup semi-final a few years ago, the capacity rowd of 30,000 watched a rather diminutive striker get possession of the ball early in the second half.
He was immediately tackled by three large defenders, and went down under a pile of thrashing arms and legs.
Emerging dazed from the melee a few moments later, he looked round at the crowded stands and gasped,
'How did they all get back in their seats so quickly?'

Best Team In The Country

We've got the best football team in the country unbeaten and no goals scored against us!'
'How many games have you played?'
'The first one's next Saturday.'

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