She could scarcely believe it, after all this time, all the missed attempts, she was fulfilling her purpose. Her body flared to life as she touched him. Her halo slashed it's way through his, severing it from his body. He couldn't find a voice to scream, Arrilynn had taken away his ability to control his body. A silent thunder rocked the alley as his lifeless form dropped to the frigid ground.
Rush. As though at the leading end of a laser beam, he rushed through the oceans of blackness. Far away, on the horizon, he could see threads of light and color weaving themselves into complex and ever-shifting patterns.
The Veil.
Arrilynn was nowhere to be found. He remembered something Sazzi had said to him years before, or was it centuries now? "We must all pass through the Veil alone child, as we are born into the world, and as we die," she had told him. He knew he'd been here before, but until he passed through, he wouldn't remember it.
Suddenly, and violently, it was all ripped away from him.
~...Death, little bird?,...you can only wish,...and you will,...~a female voice echoed in his head. Then it laughed a wicked, hateful laugh. If laughter was infectious, then hers was a virus, and a fatal one at that. He felt his spirit plummet, no control, and he slammed back into his body. Gasping and choking painfully as his body returned to life, he could only croak the name. "Sarai."
~...I see you're wishing for death again little bird,...how pathetic you are, how wasteful,...~she hissed. ~...Did you not hear Sazzi tell you that this was NOT your time?...this was NOT the way for you?...~she roared. Then she struck him.
Sarai was a Power, an angel of the second triad in the celestial hierarchy. It was their task to guard the pathways between Heaven and Earth from the dark forces. They also presided over the pathway between birth and death. Her strength was magnitudes above his. Their traditional colors were green and gold, but Sarai had never been anything other than the purest black he'd ever seen. As if darkness had painted her with the only colors it knew. Light slid off of her as if it feared to touch her. Only her red-violet halo revealed her form against the backdrop of the night. But even that light stood away from her.
The blow was crushing. It hurled him back against the far wall with such force that chunks of brick and mortar exploded outward in all directions. His wings were twisted and broken, as well as most of his vertebra and the back of his skull. Dropping to his feet for a second, he found that his pelvis had been shattered also. He fell headlong to the ground.
~...Will you never learn,...~she said, with a fatal edge in her voice. Grabbing him by the hair, she yanked him into the air like a rag doll. He swung before her featureless face, easily ten feet from the ground.
~...You shame your kind little bird,...since when did the soul of an angel mean so very little that it could be squandered needlessly by the likes of you?...you are a hazard, you spread chaos wherever you go,...you fail all who dare believe in you,...your influence is negative,...is this the way of angels?,...NO!,...~Her voice rife with barely controlled rage. Through the blood running into his eyes, he could only make out her blurred halo, but from the intensity of it, he could tell he wasn't going to survive this. She'd go ballistic at any moment, and he was ground zero. The physical pain had reached a level where it no longer affected him, he was going into deep shock and was now fighting just to keep some small measure of consciousness.
~...If it's death you want, I have something far more to your liking,...and considerably more permanent,...~she said, dangerously. Then her eyes glared a molten red, burning into him. He'd never seen them before, and he was glad of that, they were painful look into. As he closed his eyes to escape them, he heard a thunderous blast, but it was incidental compared to what he felt.
The concussion ripped him from her hand. For a fraction of a second he was a projectile. As he hit the 55 gallon drum at high speed, it crushed against the wall like an aluminum can. His already damaged body painted the area with steaming splotches of blood as his motion came to a violently abrupt end. He fell away from the wall like a freshly slaughtered carcass thrown to the floor. In trying to catch a breath, he found his lungs no longer functioned, in fact, most of his organs had been ruptured in the blast. His heart was still beating, but it was pumping most of his blood onto the ground. Splintered bones had torn their way through the skin everywhere, shredding muscles and pulling free of their connecting tissues. As he lay there, his life slowly pumping into a dark, glistening puddle, he fought to find his center. Walled off by shock, it was almost hopeless, but somehow his mind found a focus,...a face. His battered form instantly disappeared within a cocoon of blue-violet light. The Living Fire consumed him, rapidly breaking down atomic bonds, and refitting them within the matrix that was his soul. Lost in a feeling he had no words to describe, he held the vision adamantly in his mind. Bones formed at the core of the flames, muscle and tendon wove their way around the structure. Organs and blood vessels were reformed almost instantaneously. In a matter of moments he would be whole again, at least in body, if not in mind.
~...I think not little bird,...~she said, and prepared to attack again. Her right hand came away from her side slowly, holding something in her hand. Though he could not yet see, he was fully aware of everything around him. The object she held was the flaming sword, the weapon of the Powers. To be struck with it, was to be cast into darkness. It was nothing like death, it was a living death. It was complete separation from the light, with no redemption. Death was a continuation, an ongoing process of learning and refining one's self through rebirth. Now he understood what she meant about a more 'permanent' solution, he hadn't been capable of rational thought when she'd said it.
He had no defense against her, she was fearsome in her role, and the sword would find it's mark without effort. Still, he held the halo around him to finish the healing. She raised the weapon high overhead. Pointing it towards the sky, she gave herself to the blade and it answered her with a massive eruption of angelfire.
He looked up with newly formed eyes, and whispered the name cut deep into his soul one last time.
As the blade fell, something moved through the air before him.
"NO!" Sarai screamed, outraged. Sazzi stood with the blade held securely in one hand, having intercepted it just before striking it's target. It was truly a sight. Sazzi stood no more than 5'5", and Sarai easily topped 12'. And here was this diminutive, delicate angel holding the blade of an enormous sword in one hand. But the size of an angel was completely subjective. The true strength lay in the force of the spirit, and Sazzi was a Virtue. Her order belonged to the same triad as the Powers, but she was one tier above. Sarai knew that this would go no further.
The sword vanished. Sazzi stood calmly awaiting Sarai's next move, knowing it would be nothing more than an outburst, if that.
~...Well Sazzi?,...aren't you going to quote the doctrines of 'free will' to me?,...~she said, with sarcasm.
~...That would be nothing more than a waste,...it's always been obvious that you cared nothing for the laws that bind us to our given tasks,...and you've provided yet another example of your contempt,...return to the Gate, immediately,...~
~...As you say,...but there will come another time for this,...his heart is weak, his spirit, tainted by his own self-loathing,...he will yet come to me of his own 'free will',...~she returned, stressing the last words.
~...That may be,...but this time, he didn't,...~She knew what Sarai's purpose was at the Gate, and why she had been chosen for it. She was perfect in her role. When her little one realized it finally, he would learn more about himself than he had ever dared to realize existed. She sighed at the thought, if only that time could be now. But understanding comes in it's own time, and for it's own reasons. Sarai's halo flickered, then winked out.
"You're looking,...whole," she said turning around. She smiled her usual breathtaking smile at him. He returned the smile weakly. He needed something, but wasn't sure Sazzi would tell him what he wanted to know. Angels tended to be far to cryptic in their wisdom sometimes. Unfortunately, he understood the need for it, but it didn't make interpreting answers any less frustrating. Oh well, what did he have to lose.
"Sazzi?"
"Yes child?" He looked at the ground for a moment before continuing, noting the carnage for the first time.
"Sarai,...her role in my life. Why?"
She studied him for a moment.
"You really don't know do you? You don't recognize her at all." The words alone were enough to turn him inward for the answer. The deeper he went into the darker places, the more he felt Sarai there. And as he found her, sitting alone in the dark, he saw into her for the first time. There, at the core of her, sat a small boy, imprisoned in the dark. He sat hugging his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth, terrified of the dark, but just as fearful of the light,...lost.
*Who are you?* the boy asked, carefully.
*I'm not really sure anymore,* he replied. *But I think I know you.*
*Me?* the boy said, looking confused. *I don't think I've even seen you before.*
*No, but I've seen you. What are you doing here alone?*
*I'm always here,* he said quickly. *This is my place, my safe place.*
*Safe? Safe from what, or who?* He already knew the answer, and it was tearing him apart. Could this really be?
*Well,* the boy began. *I'm always in trouble for something. It makes my dad mad at me, and then he and mom fight about it. In here, I can't make trouble. I'm not a very good boy I guess, I try, but nothing goes right,...never.* He thought his heart might explode again. He was this boy, this innocent, helpless child. Confined, learning to hate himself for causing trouble, pain. This is what Sarai was all about. Her hatred of him, it was all a direct reflection of his own feelings about himself. It was through her that he was to learn what those feelings were and how potentially destructive they could be. Falling to his knees, he swept the little boy up in his arms.
*There's nothing wrong with you,* he said through tears. *Nothing at all. You're an amazing child, far from being 'bad'. Believe me, I know. You can trust me, I wouldn't lie to you.* The boy nodded as he began to cry as well.
~...Acceptance,...always the first, and hardest step,...but once taken, the wound begins to heal,...~ He shook off the fog, to find himself on his knees before her. Looking up, he saw she was also in tears.
"It was always this simple?" he choked.
"You call this simple?" she said, looking around the alley. Then she smiled. "Yes, this simple, and this impossibly difficult. Heal child, this is your time." She touched him once more, and vanished. He looked around at the damage, the alley was destroyed. 'From the wreckage', he thought.
Maybe it was time,...just maybe.
