He stood at the edge of the plateau, looking out over what seemed an endless expanse. He had never been here before, but it was a place well known, and as well avoided.
~...Hello again, little bird,...~
He spun around quickly to find Sarai just behind him. She bowed her head slightly in greeting, then sighed heavily.
"Though I'm not surprised to find you here, it saddens me," she said, as she drifted over to the edge and looked out over the plain. He decided not to try to figure this out, asking was much quicker.
"Saddens?"
"Did you think my hatred of you was my own little bird?" she asked, turning to him. He thought a moment, then shrugged.
"I hadn't really thought about it that way I guess," he replied finally. "Considering your place in my life, I guess it's possible that it was only for that reason, and not anything personal."
"You're learning," she said, with the hint of a smile in her voice. She was as black and featureless as always, but something about her had changed. "Yet I wonder if perhaps that learning has come too late?"
"You're asking why I've come to the Stand," he said, softly.
"Of course,...this is no place to come and think." She turned to look out at the Stand again. Spires of rock rose from the plain for as far as could be seen. At the top of each rock was the skeleton of an angel, a sword through the heart of each held them fast to the stone. A cold, mournful wind howled far below, like a death sonnet. From time to time a shaft of light would break through the thick cloud cover, reaching down to touch one of the skeletons, as if it sought to call home one of it's missing children. "This is a final place little bird, they come here seeking non-existence. Each of them has given up their immortal soul to this place for whatever reason. There is no light, no darkness, nothing here. This is death on another level entirely. Everything they ever were ceases to exist when they come here."
"Yes," he said, gazing out at what was essentially a graveyard. "I thought maybe looking at it would change something in me." She turned back to him.
"And?"
He stood silent, nothing had changed. Even the frightening view before him had little effect. He could almost see his own skeleton out there already. He shrugged.
"Hmm,...even after all you've been through recently, you still look to an end and not a beginning." She shook her head sadly. "This is no good little bird, you don't belong here. It would do grievous harm to consign yourself to the fate of those who come here. Can you honestly tell me that you don't see this?"
"I don't see much of anything,...I see feelings going dead, drying up like autumn leaves and blowing away. I see the creative part of my soul dying by degrees, and taking me with it."
She reached out and ran a black satin finger along his cheek. He was startled for a moment by the sensation of her touch. She chuckled at his confusion.
"You see little bird, I'm not the angel of death after all."
"Fooled me," he said dryly. "But I guess that's what you were trying to do?"
"But of course!" she said playfully. Then her tone changed completely. "Seriously though my little Raven, don't think for one moment that the harm done to you wasn't done equally to me. It pained me greatly to do what was required of me. Yet it was all for you that I did it,...I can only hope you see that now,...and can forgive me." Her voice seemed to tremble somewhat at the end.
"That would be like forgiving Arri for being herself when she hurts me," he stated. "Or asking a child's forgiveness when you do something to keep them from harming themselves. But if it makes you feel better, of course I forgive you Sarai."
"You forgive easily little bird," she said, tilting her head to the side a bit. "Considering the damage."
"Your point?"
"Just that,"she said. "Keep it in mind, you may find you'll need it soon." He sighed, back to being cryptic, but he had some idea of what she was talking about,...this time anyway.
"By the way, what are you doing here?" It seemed strange that she should be here, almost as strange as the fact that Arrilynn wasn't.
"This is a part of my domain," she explained. "We have no dominion over it, as such, yet it still lies within our boundaries. And as for Arrilynn," she said, picking up his thought."You should be able to figure that one out for yourself." He supposed it had something to do with the difference between death, and the destruction of the soul, which is what this place was all about. Maybe she couldn't come here.
"I really don't know what to do Sarai," he admitted."But the way I'm feeling isn't compatible with life. How numb does a person have to get before life loses all it's value? And what happens after that? Where do you go?"
"Of course you realize how subjective that question is little bird, everyone has their own limits as to how much they can take. The real problem lies in the fact that most give up far too soon. You for example, have only scratched the surface of your potential, yet here you stand on the edge of oblivion. Does that seem right to you? It seems a waste to me, especially when you're overlooking the key to your problem."
"Well,...God forbid that you should tell me what that is," he said, raising an eyebrow at her. She laughed. Not the venomous laugh he had become so accustomed to, but a musical laugh.
"You need only to look at yourself for the answer, it lies in the strength of your persona. You have far too much physical presence to let it go to waste. Use it." Her explanation was more than enough to tell him what he had to do, but she didn't stop there. Turning to him, she approached closely, almost touching him. Her face moved closed to his, and a light was cast on her for the first time. He was struck dumb by the severe beauty of her, speechless. His knees went weak, his heart kept skipping beats, and he found it difficult to catch his breath. Then she made it worse. Smiling at him, the light of her became a physical force that slammed into him harder than when she'd physically struck him. His mind went blank, so totally captivated by her that for the moment, that nothing else existed. For a few seconds, he was lost in the deepest sea-green eyes he'd ever seen. Even Arrilynn didn't have this effect on him. The black curtain returned to cover her face, leaving him shaking badly. She stepped back a bit.
"Now you see why I wear the night little bird." He could barely nod. She was more dangerous than he ever knew. Her beauty existed on so many levels simultaneously it was impossible to identify anything individually.
"That was cruel," he said, with an unsteady voice. She laughed briefly.
"I was just trying to make my point," she said, failing an attempt to suppress another laugh. "Careful,...next time, I may kiss you."
"Oh sure,...Please, just throw me over the cliff instead. Or maybe use that damned sword of yours." He plopped down on the edge of the plateau, hanging his legs over. Sarai moved up behind him, pondering the horrible loneliness of this place.
"Trust in who you are little bird," she said, reaching down to run her fingers through his hair. "It's enough, believe it. I don't want to have to come here to see you again. Not with them," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the spires. Her heart ached at the thought. "At the very least give yourself that final chance, you deserve that much." Then she pulled his head back, leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. He almost dug his fingers into the stone.
"You've made your point Sarai, I know what I have to do now. I'll give up when there's nothing left of me, and not before."
~...There will always be enough of you Raven,...~ And she dissolved into a rainbow spray of light.
He sat there a long while after she'd left. Wondering what it must have taken for all the inhabitants of this place to come here. It did seem a waste. No, he wasn't ready for this, not now, not yet. There was more that he could do, and it was time to do it.
