It was inevitable that he should return to this place, considering the current situation. But finally he believed that he was beginning to understand the reason for it's existence, and why he'd been denied access to it so far. For the first time, he understood that he wasn't ready for it, but that time was coming.
"Hello little bird," Sarai said in greeting. He smiled.
"Hello Sarai, Sazzi."
"Hello child," Sazzi said sweetly.
"Come to 'storm' the gates?"" Sarai asked facetiously.
"Hardly," he replied. "But I think I'm coming to an understanding of this place." Sazzi exchanged quick glances with Sarai. He looked up to the top of the heavy, black marble doors. As always, the light behind stretched itself slightly over the edge, as if enticing him intentionally.
"I'm not surprised child," Sazzi remarked. "The depth of your introspection has increased considerably of late. It was bound to lead you to an understanding of many things, this place being only one."
He nodded slowly, thinking. Sarai studied him carefully as he walked slowly to the Gate. They had never let him this close to it since they had been here, and though he had been enlightened, he knew now that he was not ready to pass through. Placing his hand on the cool, smooth surface, he closed his eyes. The Gate itself confirmed that he was right. A warmth spread up his arm, quickly traveling throughout his body.
"It's acknowledging you little one," Sazzi said, softly. "It knows your time is coming." "Yes," he whispered.
This place was imposing in it's immensity. The black walls extended as far as the eye could see to either horizon, and disappeared into the dark sky that was the norm here. The only break in the wall were the doors. Thirty meters high, five meters wide, and just over one meter thick, they made a formidable barrier. But it wasn't really the physical characteristics that made it so imposing, it was the reason it was here in the first place.
He looked at the shattered opening he'd made in the seam of the doors the first time he'd been here. It was only in his fury, and outrage at being denied something he knew was his, that he'd been able to make that opening, and it had surprised him tremendously. After that incident, the Gate never went unguarded.
"This was not the way in," he said absently, still looking at the breach. "I would never have been able to make use of what lay beyond. I would have destroyed it, and myself." Sarai placed her hand on his shoulder. "You truly are learning little bird," she said, in an unnaturally emotional voice.
"I'm trying. Birth is painful process,...and rebirth, even more so." He turned to face Sazzi.
"The child, it was he who would have destroyed this place, seeing it as no more than something he couldn't have. In his eyes, it was nothing more than that."
"True," she said, sadly. "A lifetime of being denied is extremely difficult to overcome. Childhood is a very irrational period, and it carries that irrationality into adulthood. This is necessary in order to learn, unfortunately, the perspectives of a child are scarcely compatible with those needed by the adult."
"It's base expression is anger, or even rage," Sarai added. "This is a perfect example," she said, looking at the hole in the Gate.
He remembered the feeling when he'd first been here. Drawing on anger alone, he'd tapped into his true nature and centered it on the doors. He hadn't stopped to think about the fact that he was going to slam his fist into a solid marble surface, he was too angry for that. For the first time, his halo had been called to life, and it took the impact on itself. The Gate had responded with a massive back blast that sent him flying like ashes on the wind. The jolt woke him from his dream, and when he finally returned a few days later, the guardians were in place, and had been here ever since.
Even his halo had been different that first time. It was a brilliant red, the color of anger, and pain. These were not his colors, as he eventually learned. It was the blending of his human and angelic natures, and the inherent instability of the mixing that had not only sent him over the edge, but armed him dangerously.
"Yes," he said. "I'm glad you've both been here,...for my own good."
"Not entirely just for you little bird, for the people in your life as well. You're still learning about the effect you have, and it's only just beginning," Sarai corrected.
"You mean this gets worse?" They laughed at him outright.
"No child," Sazzi said, regaining her composure. "Better,...it gets better." He sighed. She was right of course, but patience could take a heavy toll where the heart was concerned.
"I'm beginning to see the potential you were talking about Sarai," he said, as he turned around to face her. "Never have I been more creative, never more 'centered' in what I was doing."
"In time, you'll learn to do that for yourself," she replied.
"Yes, I can see a time when that will be the case. Still,...for now I do it for the one." He closed his eyes and bit down hard as his heart pounded in response.
"Naturally little one. This is no surprise. This is but one of your strengths, the time for the others is coming soon enough," Sazzi said quietly. "You'll find your way through this. But you mustn't lose faith in yourself along the way. Faith is the caretaker of your true strength, treat her well, and she will sustain you."
The image of the little girl in the alley washed over him. Then he recalled shattering her selfless gift. Sazzi smiled, and held out her hand. The sapphire bottle shimmered to life, the candle burning steadily.
He took it gently from her, smiled without trying to conceal the pain, and walked over to the Gate. He knelt, and set the bottle down directly in front of it. His eyes stung for a moment.
"What will you do now little bird?"
"Well,...," he said thoughtfully. "This will all be for nothing if I sit on what I've done and leave it at that. This isn't going to accomplish anymore than it already has. I can add to it for the time being, but that time is growing shorter by the day." Sazzi nodded agreement.
"So you were listening at the Stand," Sarai said, with a smiling voice.
"Yeah, I was listening,...I knew this was going to be the way before that though. It was too obvious to miss. But you did reaffirm my own thoughts, and that helped. It's always nice to know someone agrees with you." He wandered around, looking off into the distance at nothing in particular.
"Still,.." He trailed off.
"Still?" Sazzi queried. "You have doubts child?"
"Not really doubts. I can't say for sure what the problem is. Something is standing in my way, as if it were waiting for me to approach it before acting."
"Hmm,...," she replied, glancing at Sarai.
~...Perhaps he knows,...~ Sarai told her.
~...I think not,...at least not fully, but he may suspect,...~
~...It's a logical part of his evolution,...~Sarai returned. ~...But the timing may throw him a bit...~
~...Exactly,...~
"Something is laying in wait for me," he said, after thinking a bit. "I'm sure of it now."
"I would imagine that attention to detail is prudent at this point then, little bird."
"The only time that's a problem for me it when I don't know what I'm looking for," he said.
"True. So where do you go from here?" He looked at them both. They knew where he was heading, and he was fairly certain that they knew what he had been sensing lately. He considered it likely that they were trying to see how much he knew. It seemed like they were trying 'not' to warn him about something, an interesting loophole in the free will doctrine, but he also knew they'd only go so far.
"You already know where I'm going, but before I go there, I have something to do." The air lay silent, waiting, as were the angels. "I have to return to the Watch," he finished.
"Seems appropriate," Sazzi responded. "Being the very heart of who you've been all these years."
~...If he doesn't know, then he's at least on target,...~
~...I don't think he knows,...~ Sarai told her. ~...This is as close as his own shadow,...but so was the child in him,...and look how long it took for him to see that, not to mention the circumstances,...~
~...True,...he was very near oblivion when he finally comprehended your role,...but the Watch is a place of shadows, and he knows to watch them wherever he walks,...~
"Yes," he said, nodding slightly. "I'm sure there's something I have to do there before I can continue. I'm also sure that this is going to be the hardest test yet, I just wish I knew why."
"Have you no impressions? Nothing at all to go by?" Sazzi questioned. "This isn't your way little one. You work well with impressions and perceived emotions. It concerns me that you have none of that now."
"I've been thinking the same myself, but I don't think it's going to last long. Something is starting to clarify, but it's just outside of my perception." He looked away for a moment.
"Or,...maybe too close."
~...He's coming around to it,...~
~...I hope so, I'd hate to see my little bird blind sided,...it may serve to undo all that he's accomplished thus far,...~
~...I hate to agree with you on that point Sarai,...but I do,...I still feel that he'll be calling the curator soon,...the veil is thinning by the moment,...~
He shook his head. "I guess I'll find out soon enough." Sarai drifted casually over to him, and placed a warm hand on his shoulder. He struggled visibly with his reaction.
"Sorry little bird," she said, smiling behind her dark mask. "I simply wanted to wish you well with what you must do." He reached up and took her hand, squeezing it affectionately.
"Thank you Sarai,...it's much nicer not being at odds with you."
"That it is," she agreed completely. Sazzi came up to him, and hugged him tightly. He returned the gesture, sighing deeply. Pulling away, she placed her hand over his heart. Being a Virtue gave her the ability to bolster strength in the hearts of those who felt themselves at their end.
He almost gasped as she poured herself into him. It was the inverse of the feeling that came over him at the approach of the nightmares. He felt as if he could make it through anything. He could only hope that this feeling would carry him far enough to do so.
"All my love, child," she whispered, close to his face.
"And mine as well, Raven," Sarai breathed, softly. He looked at them once again, turned away, and vanished against the dark background.
"I pray he makes it Sazzi,...for the first time,...I fear for him."
Teary-eyed, Sazzi nodded, and faded away.
~...Watch the shadows little bird,...watch the shadows,...~
