Joyce, Mum to Karen

Suicide grievers struggle with "why" and "what if." Suicide grief is driven by learning. Most of what is encountered is negative and amplifies grief. We see the process in this way:

Dissonance:
Grieving opens with conflict among what is felt, believed, and heard. Expectations about life are rocked. Healing is encouraged, but there is no leverage. Lack of knowledge about suicide leads to seeking information.

Debilitation:
Efforts to make sense of the loss breakdown. Hopes of healing wither. Pain worsens with holidays, birthdays, and the anniversary of the loss. Anger comes from seeing the loss may have been prevented.

Depression:
The enormity of the loss fosters disaffection and powerlessness. Severe stress and pain peak and plateau. Relationships become strained and some do not survive. Comfort is only achieved with other suicide grievers. Some interests are lost.

Desensitization:
Pain stops growing, and gives way to an interminable ache. Depression lifts somewhat; some energy is regained. Grief remains at a lesser level of acuity, and it is displayed less. Some interests return or emerge.

Differentiation:
Next comes self-realization of the consequence of the loss. Suicide grievers grasp a change in their core personal identity. Value and belief systems are recast. This is not healing. It is an accommodation involving a new sense of self.


This is not a benchmark. There's no road map to guide suicide grievers to where we're going or schedule as to how long it may take us to get there.


Tony Salvatore 2002