Mothers With Angels - Quips Page 3

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Listen to "Dreams"

Mothers With Angels

QUIPS Page 3

I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.

Who is General Failure and
why is he reading my hard disc?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend
but she left me before we met.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever, so far so good.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but groundhogs
don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If Barbie is so popular,
why do you have to buy her friends?

Mental backup in progress-Do Not Disturb!

When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse
for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

When I'm not in my right mind,
my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some don't have film.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell if you run out of invisible ink?

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask your name?

It is hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door
is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes
he would have put them on my knees.

If you're living on the edge,
make sure you're wearing a seat belt.

It's hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

Answers??

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around
to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a deaf person swears,
does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest,
will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime,
do they still tell him he has the right
to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille
on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross
at that yellow road sign?

Our parish priest was making a visit
to my nephew's home. Knocked on the door,
and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door
and waved to the priest.
He called to his dad,
"Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

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