If only life could be like a Computer !

If you messed up your life, you could press
"Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.

You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a
Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...
~Authour Unknown~

Did Jesus Use a Modem?

Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on the Mount?
Did He ever try a broadcast fax,
To send His message out
Did the disciples carry beepers,
As they went about their route?
Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on the Mount?

Did Paul use a laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?
Were his letters posted on a BBS,
@ Paul.Rome.Com?
Did the man from Macedonia,
Send an E-Mail saying "Come?"
Did Paul use a Laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?

Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the Sea?
And a Satellite Guidance Tracking System,
To show him where to be?
Did he write the law on tablets,
Or are they really on CD?
Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the Sea?

Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?
Or was it just a Hologram,
Or Technical Wizardry?
Can you download the Live Action Video Clip,
To play on your PC?
Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?

Have the wonders of this modern age,
Made you question what is true?
How a single man, in a simple time,
Could offer life anew?
How a sinless life, a cruel death,
Then a glorious life again,
Could offer more to a desperate world,
Than all the inventions of man?

If in your life, the voice of God,
Is sometimes hard to hear.
With other voices calling,
His doesn't touch your ear.
Then set aside your laptop and modem,
And all your fancy gear.
And open your Bible, open your heart,
And let your Father draw near.
~Authour Unknown~

Sometimes....
Sometimes it takes the rain,
To make the flowers grow.
Sometimes it takes real pain,
Before real joy one knows.

Sometimes it takes tomorrows,
To understand days gone by.
Sometimes before the laughter,
There comes a heavy sigh.

Sometimes it takes the midnight hour,
To value morning light.
Sometimes it takes the longest mile,
Before things come insight.

Sometimes you often wonder,
Why your heart can get so sore.
But it's the rocky paths in life,
That make you cherish smooth roads more.
~Leslie J. Datcher~

DIRECTIONS TO HEAVEN
First of all, WHOEVER will
Must make a U-turn on the
"Road of Repentance."
Then make a Right onto
"Believe Blvd."

Keep Straight and go through
The Green Light which is Jesus Christ.
From there, you must turn
Onto the "Bridge of Faith,"
which often goes over troubled waters.
When you get across the bridge, make a
Right turn and you will be
on the "King's Highway"-
Heaven-bound.

Keep going for three miles:
One for the Father, One for the Son,
and One for the Holy Ghost.
Then exit off onto "Grace Blvd."
From there, make a Right turn on
"Good News Lane."
Keep Straight and then
Make another RIGHT on
"Prayer Blvd."

As you go on your way,
Yield not to the traffic on
"Temptation Ave."
Also, avoid Sin Street
Because it is a
Dead End;
It will take you nowhere
That you want to go,

Be sure to take a stop at
the "Rest" area
on "Easy Avenue."
Leave all your excess weights there.

From there, make another Right onto
"Peace Street."
When you get to "Joy Blvd."
(That is the scenic route),
Keep Straight
And you will come to the parking lot of
"Immortality."

It's all right to park there.
Go into the building
Not made by hands.
Sit down and talk to KING JESUS.
Tell Him how happy you are
to be with Him
and dwell in His House FOREVER!
~Authour Unknown~

Recipe for Miracles
Ingredients:
1 part of knowing who you are
1 part of knowing who you aren't
1 part of knowing what you want
1 part of knowing who you wish to be
1 part of knowing what you already have before you
1 part of choosing wisely from what you have before you
1 part of loving & thanking God for ALL you have ("bad" included)
~
Instructions:
Combine ingredients together gently and carefully, using faith and
vision. Mix together with strong belief of the outcome until finely
blended. Use thoughts, words and actions for best results.
~
Bake until Blessed. Give thanks again.
~
Yield: Unlimited servings

TIME
To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask the person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
~Author Unknown~



God hath not promised skies Always blue,
Flowers-strewn pathways all Our lives through;
God hath not promised sun Without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace Without pain.

But God hath promised strength For the day.
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help From above,
Unfailing sympathy Undying love...
~Author Unknown~

Like His Mamma Used To (%$#@*&%)

He didn't like my pudding
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard.
Not like his mother use to bake.

I didn't perk the coffee
And I didn't make the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
Like his mother use to do.

As I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
So, I turned around and boxed his ears,
Like his Mother use to do.
~Author Unknown~

A Dieter's Prayer, For the Holidays

Lord, Grant me the strength,
That I may not fall,
Into the clutches,
Of cholesterol.

At polyunsaturates,
I'll never mutter,
For the road to hell,
Is paved with peanut butter.

And cake is cursed,
And cream is awful,
And Satan is hiding,
In every waffle.

Beelzebub is a lollipop.
Teach me the evils of hollandaise,
Of pasta and gobs of mayonnaise.
And crisp fried chicken from the South..
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.
~Author Unknown~

I am what I eat ???
If it were true I am what I eat,
I'd have hamburgers instead of feet.
I'd have hot-dogs instead of toes,
bananas for fingers and a cucumber nose.

I'd have a cabbage in place of my head,
And I'd have no thighs, just two loaves of bread.
I'd have Jell-O arms that shake and jiggle,
And cauliflower ears that I could not wiggle.

I'd have drumsticks instead of legs,
And I'd have no eyes, just two boiled eggs.
I guess this big pizza on which I sit,
Is the reason my slacks don't fit.

I'd surely have oatmeal where my brain should be,
If I really believed this applied to me.
For I don't believe that saying is true,
I am not what I eat and neither are you.
~Author Unknown~




Have courage for the great sorrows of life
And patience for the small ones;
And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task,
Go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
~Victor Hugo~

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Thursday, January 28, 1999