TC Salutes...Bad TF Fanfic!

They made her laugh...

they made her cry...

They made her hurl...

they made her kill....

Let's just say TC was tired of waiting for Godawful Fan Fiction to create a TF section, so she took the law into her own hands. That's right, folks. These motherfuckers have been bestowed the greatest of honour...they have created...

Primus-awful Transformers Fanfiction.

SAAAALUTE!

**DISCLAIMER**These fics and any fanchars are the properties of the authors. She has only established links to these stories, they are NOT on her page anywhere! So don't be bitching. Here is the handy-dandy FAQ list, TC implores you to read it before you BBQ her ass.

Oh fuck it, BBQ TC's ass, she loves a good fight, especially if it's your crap up here.

Are you sure you can handle this?

Positive?

OK...it's your ass...LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

Don't forget, TC polices you because you fuckers can't police yourselves.

"Battle at Autobot City"-- MST'ed by Artemis Prime!

She's BAAAAAAAAAAACK! And with another mocking of a real eye-gouger. By TC's favourite writer, of course. :D

Star Ruby's Unexpected Surprise Again! MST'ed by Arty Prime!

In the beginning there's a dedication to TC. Feeling loved, she tells you. No, seriously!

You've Got the Butt! by Names Are Unimportant AKA Zylly

With his generous permission, Names agreed to let TC display this horrid songfic. Dedicated to Optimus Primal, it's actually in "so-bad-it's-good" form. TC was cracking up even as she was coding it.

"Trichess", MST'ed by Artemis Prime

Holy shit, a DONATION! Ms. Arty Prime was generous enough to send this TC's way, for which, we THANK YOU!! :D Word of caution, this fucker is loooooong, almost 400 pages. Yep, you heard right, 400 pages. TC had to split it up into 10 parts of forty pages and she did it exactly by page number, so a lot of it cuts off at weird places. And hit the "BACK" button on your browsers to come back, mmkay?

Beginning!
Round Two!
Round Three!
Round Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven!
Eight!
Nine!
The End! KO!

"A Girl Transformed" by Cobalt Blue Maxwell

A squishie joins the Autobots, she feels warm and tingly. Yuck...

Deception, Chapter 1--by Brian,Dark Emotionless Shadow

Not only is this a self-masturbatory piece of junk, the spellcheck wsa on da frizzz....wayne, why din't you hlp correct thss?

Starscream's Unknown Past by luz

Ok...this fic is lacking the essential thing that makes a fic a fic...a PLOT!

"Psych" by Cyber Punk 4002

The fic starts off like this, TC shits you not...

"Starscream was grounded."

Grounded? The FUCK you say...BAD STARSCREAM! Soundwave makes him read Aesop's fables. TC's frontal lobes are exploding...

Another loverly one by CP 4002, one TC's wanted for a loong time...

"Playing For Keeps"

TC came across this jewel in the ConQuest magazine that was sold at OTFCC 2003. Ol' Starscream lusts after this femme and tries to seduce her with his "lovely alto":

"Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you…" His voice was a lovely alto. Elvis rolled over in his grave."

Elvis rolled in his grave, TC filled a few. But wait, check this out!

"Azure grabbed the back of his head with her left hand and gave him a passionate kiss while she unsheathed her energy sword with her right and impaled him on it...Cost of an energy sword: 2500 credits. The look on Starscream’s face when she ran him through: priceless."

For some reason, the author has Megatron and Starscream paired as father/son, hence this utterly priceless dialogue. (TC loves the fic for merely the following.)

"Starscream!"

"Greetings, Father."

"What are you doing here? Would it have killed you to pick up the phone and call home? Nightbird and I have been distraught!"

"I'm dead."

"That's no excuse!" scolded Megatron.


TC'll let you read the rest of it, the previous dialogue still cracks her up. ;)

"Secrets Revealed" by Amity-Star

OK, TC was gonna cut this author a break since she is only 14, but this caught her eye...

"special guest appearances by Eminem and Scooby Doo."

At that, all bets were called off. This starts out as about as good as a 14 year old can get. Her fanchar is KIDNAPPED by the Decepticons. *Oooh...* What sets this baby apart in the badness is her author notes such as this...

"Megatron said as he said down on his throne and scratched his chin. ((Amity-Star: Does he even have a chin!!??))"

And this one...

"((Amity-Star: I never really liked Thrust, as you can very well see. Anyway, he reminded me WAY too much of those aliens from the movie "the Cone Heads.' Very scary movie when your like four of something.))"

O...K...we were kind of aware, but did you have to put it in the damn fic? **update** She has added more chapters. 50 Cent and Blurr rapping together? *goes into convulsions*

"Love By Another Name" by Skins Thunderbomb

Oh dear. Alexis was hurt by Megatron, her brain was put into a robot's body, what's this?

"Starscream stopped and thought. It wasn't as if he cared. But he could not deny it. He did care a little for the girl. After all, she was the only one that trusted him."

Was there ever any doubt? Ergo, Starscream is happy she's back. Starscream and Alexis start going out. Screamer falls in love...

"Starscream tightened his grip on her and brought her even closer than before. He felt emotions well up inside of him that he never knew he possessed."
TC vomits copiously.

Megatron the Musician by Sky79

O...K. The Cons are rocking out to music, which is pissing off Meggy as he's trying to get some work done. But wait! He decides to bring in his bongo drums and stir up a good beat! All he's missing is one of those beatnik hats and sunglasses.

Transformers: Robots in the Realm by Kryschenn

A mercifully short, but extremely plotless and pointless TF/Dungeons and Dragons crossover.
Speaking of crappy crossovers...

The Care Bears Meet Mr. T by Inimitable

Yeah, yeah, this is non-TF, but TC read this...piece of crap and thought this was too good to pass up. The Care Bears are gonna destroy Earth and it's up to Mr. T to stop them! Uh-huh. One of the few awful fics that made TC laugh aloud, though...

Autobots Reborn by Tristar

Hook, Motormaster and Armorhide in love with Autobot femmes. GASP! Reprogramming, oh nooooo!

Hungry for more Tristar ficcies? How 'bout...

Decepticons Gain Power and Born to Fight TC LOVES badly translated ficcage that is bad in itself.

Song Parody: Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' by Albedo

BW Megs expresses his grief and resolve over Dinobot's joining the Maximals. Oh joy, will TC's brain survive this? Probably not.

However, Albedo's genius was not a one-shot deal, for we are also blessed with this below:

Song Parody: The Beatle's 'I wanna hold your hand'

OK, lame sa most songfics go, but the ending stanza:

My queen, please let me...
Can I scrub your back?
WHAT?! *SHUDDER* TC not want to know.

***NEW***Megatron's Birthday by Octania-Rose

TC saw in her buddy Star Ruby's fanlisting in the Lexicon database was an author by this name. Deciding to take the plunge...TC was not disappointed.

To start with, Megger's birthday is around the corner, guess what he wants? No, not Starscream, much to the Seeker's jealousy. That's right, a chick! His only love who died a trillion years ago!

"I… I loved her Soundwave, so terribly much! I still feel the pain of her death after all these years! She was the best damn femme there ever was, off or on the berth! All Autobots will die because of her death! How dare they take her away from me!"

Oy. Instead of having a self-insert femme come in to sweep Meggy-woo off his feet, Shockwave, Soundwave and Skywarp play Frankenstein and bring back his old love from the dead! (DUM DUM DUUUUM!) Actually, the dead chick is probably a self-insert. Who cares?

Anyway, after some kidnapping, wheeling and dealing with Alita-1, Optimus Prime and the Matrix (find out for yourself), Twu Wub doth hath returned!! Prime and Alita get the shock of their lives!

By Primus, they had no *idea* Megatron had ever had a mate! They didn’t think he was at all capable of the feeling or that someone could actually *love* him in return!

Uh...yeah.

Yeah, this is but an extremely small number of the crap that floating out there. If you know of a fic that should be here, email TC. (addy at the bottom of the page) However there are a few things she requires of you before she dives in ....

Keep in mind that TC gets the final say on what fics show up here. ***If any of these links are dead, please let her know. She only checks periodically.***

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