2313-42

"You sure you got everything Jimmy?" Kid asked over Katy's back while tightening the cinch.

Jimmy groaned in reply and Lou smiled, wrapping her coat tighter, shivering from the cold.

"Go back inside Lou," Kid told her, getting a smirk in reply. "You'll freeze your sweet butt off in this weather." He whispered to her, passing her on his way to the saddlebags on the verandah. "Please Lou," he pleaded on his way back, stopping in front of her. "Go inside."

'No.' she pouted, she wanted to see them off. Still miffed at them for not letting her join them like she wanted to. It sounded like an adventure, riding out to make a visual count of the buffalos was something she wanted to do. It wasn't fair to send Kid and Jimmy out, they always had all the fun. And Kid shouldn't be out there yet, he should be...a drop of cold rain landed on her nose and broke her line of thoughts. She peered up into the heavy sky.

Kid chuckled and stepped up to Lou; "It won't be any fun Lou, I guarantee you. It's work that's all." His words sharply contradicted the expression on his face. He didn't care if it was raining. She could tell that, he was smiling happily, eager to get out there, he was doing what he loved the most, out in the wild.

"I asked Buck to go with you to the Aldens," Kid continued, "the roads might get slippery in this kind of weather, take it easy will ya? Just don't go breaking any legs, all right? And put some more clothes on Lou, please."

"Someone's coming," Jimmy interrupted them. "Looks like Matt and he's riding fast."

The sound of a horse approaching made them all turn in the direction of the sound.

"I wonder what he's got?" Lou said, catching the glimpse of the postal worker's brilliant red coverall. The wind picked up and she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to stay warn.

Kid stepped up behind her and draped his arms around her. "You're freezing, can't you wait inside?"

He was warm, the second she felt him close to her something happened, she panicked. The feeling had been growing day by day. She was afraid to let him out of her sight but panicked the minute he got too close. She stiffened in his hold, feeling ashamed over her own reactions. It was like her body reacted to his with pure panic and she didn't know why. She wanted and loved him but her body wouldn't let her touch him. And Kid noticed it too, his arms around her waist immediately loosened the grip when he felt her stiffen. And it wasn't the first time. She didn't know what to say as she pried herself loose. Grateful that the rider approaching gave her an excuse to escape Kid's vicinity, something she knew she had been doing, more and more.

The rider stopped a few yards always from them, the young boy smiled broadly, tossing her a package. She captured the flying object with one hand, grasping it tight as she caught it, smiling in the young lad's direction.

Then she stumbled forwards, strong hands coming around here waist, hands now gripping her wrists and making her drop the parcel. The startle had the air stuck in her throat.

Then she got angry. Steeling herself in Kid's grip she fought as he took her hand in his and turned her palm up, bringing it closer for inspection.

Jimmy took the corner of the fallen parcel between his gloved index finger and thumb, lifting it up, shaking it.

"Freakin' idiot," she wheezed at the man now pulling the sleeves of her coat and shirt up, freeing her arm from the clothes. Moving to examine her. His head over her shoulder, the grip on her waist still firm while his fingers ran over her exposed skin.

Jimmy standing with the parcel in his hand, opening the coalfiber wrapping like he feared the content was explosive. Lou rolled her eyes at their paranoia. Still captured in Kid's hold she watched Jimmy extract a rectangular object, an object that was very rare, but she recognized the ancient shape immediately. A book of sorts. Jimmy looked puzzled at the object and turned it around, to them open it and skim through it rapidly.

"It's the diary," Jimmy said with amazement, "it's a replica of Lou's diary, in real paper!"

"And you're reading it?" Lou hissed."Let go!" She stomped her heel down on Kid's foot, putting in all the strength she could muster from the awkward position. He groaned behind her and loosened his grip.

She turned and met with his eyes, looking at him for a moment, wanting to kick him hard. But she murdered him efficiently with one long hard look instead. "You're always sorry ain't you Kid? Damn you!"

Not waiting for an answer she turned on her heels and snatched the book out of Jimmy's hand, clasping it to her chest as she ran up the stairs into the house.

"We x-rayed it at the Postal Office," the man on the horse said silently. "There was no danger, we know what happened, we have new protocols."

"Next time I won't be deliverin' it in Pony Express fashion I guess," the man replied.

Jimmy cracked a sarcastic grin, knowing that everything was all over town now, everybody knew everything. The expression on Matt's face as he gazed down on Jimmy said enough. He had become one with his namesake in many peoples minds. Pensively he watched Matt raise his hand in a salute before turning his horse and riding away. Then he shook his head and turned to Kid: "Com'on, we're late already.

But Kid looked one last time to the door, like debating whether to go after Lou or not.

"I'd advice you to let this one pass, she'll probably have your head if you poke it where it don't belong right now."

"Believe me," Jimmy continued, grabbing the sleeve of his reluctant friend. "She's a crack shot, Kid, I'm tired of saving your hide."

Without a word Kid turned and walked over to Katy, checking the saddle once again before mounting. Sneaking one last glance at the closed door that Lou demonstratively had slammed shut. Jimmy smiled smugly and followed. When Sundancer started walking Jimmy leaned back and started whistling.

Kid peered at him under the brim of his hat. Jimmy paused for a moment at the glare he received, then he adjusted the hat so the rain that had started falling more thickly wouldn't trickle down his neck and started whistling again.

She slammed the door shut behind her, struggling to get off her coat while eyeing the covers of the book. It looked like an old, very old book but it wasn't the original. The text wasn't written by hand, and she was sure they didn't have computers or anything like it back then. The thought that somebody had scrutinized a private diary of a woman enraged her. And the contents of it scared her.

"It must have been a man coming up with the idea?" she mumbled angrily to herself when she pushed the kitchen door open.

"Having fun Lou?" Amanda arched her eyebrows at her, nodding to the men outside. "Practisin' for the next football season?" She was leaning up against the table, a cup of steaming cafs in her hand, a tease on her face.

Lou didn't bother to answer, instead she walked over and poured herself another dose of cafs, the second one in just an hour.

When Lou turned back to her, she noticed Kid and Jimmy riding out. "Good riddens," she smirked at the sight.

"Now Lou, looked darned hot to me," Amanda laughed, "I'd love being tackled like that."

"By the right man of course," Amanda chuckled and seated herself at the table, flinging her booted feet up on the chair next to her. "So what you get?"

Lou seated herself at the table, laying the book in her lap and opening the first page. "It's the supposed diary that Louise McCloud wrote back in 1861 I think."

"A transcript," Lou said, "they wouldn't send the original now would they, and lose all them traces for more DNA?"

"I don't know," Lou admitted, "it said noting on the cover and I haven't found any explanation elsewhere, it came from HuRec, that's all I know."

"I've always wondered what it would feel like, being taken care of like that," Amanda winked.

Lou shot her an amused smile, "if Jimmy would do that to you he'd find himself in sickbay with multiple fractures."

"Or rolling around in the dirt," Amanda sighed, looking out of the window. "I gotta go feed the hogs before I get into town, you wouldn't...." a furtive, hopeful glance at the woman with the book clasped in her hold. "All right," she rose from the table with a demonstrative sigh, "I'll get Spooney for this assignment, if its the last thing I do," she smirked. "Fancy me, feeding the hogs, yikes."

"Tell Buck I'll be out in an hour," Lou answered absentmindedly, flicking through the pages, her curiosity rising as she spotted well-known names, and new ones, on the pages. There was an entirely different world on those pages, seen through somebody that had been her, someone she hoped she'd like. Refraining from looking at the last page and checking out the outcome she opened the first page and looked at the letters forming the first phrase. Somebody had taken the time to find an old font, rounded and indeed, solemn. The paper crisp under her fingers as she slid her fingertips over the edge. Not coalfiber, but genuine old-time paper. My previous life, in this book and I'm afraid to read it.

"Yeah, I'll tell him you told him to feed the hogs," Amanda said. When she received no answer she looked back and found Lou engrossed in the diary. Amanda smiled smugly when she took the coat off the peg and walked out.

The lanky young man shook his head and walked up to her, "I've been waiting Lou, it's been hours, it's time to go."

"Hours?" Lou repeated. Glancing up on the wall where the kitchen clock hung, ticking away time. "Oh Lord!" She had been sitting reading for three hours already, lost in another world. "I'm sorry, I'll get the gear right away and..."

"Don't worry Lou, it's all taken care off, I have the box outside and Lightning saddled and ready to go."

"Thanks, Buck," Lou mumbled, still clutching the book to her chest, unwilling to let go.

"Ain't you leaving it here?" Buck asked with a nod to the item she was holding onto for dear life. "You know it'll still be here when you come back."

Strangely his words let a flood of emotions loose in her, 'it'll still be here when you bet back'. But would it? Ike had died, he had been shot and nobody had expected that to happen. The war was coming on and Jimmy and Kid we're fighting. Buck was torn between two worlds and didn't really feel like he belonged in either. So many emotions the Louise in the diary described she was truly able to embrace, other things she wasn't even able to comprehend. Like's Ike's death and the pain it had provoked them all, but they still had to go on living. Try to survive. And somehow they did, slowly they regained the routine and Lou's writings lost the trembling lines and became more straight. Life had to go on. And there was so many things about the Louise that had written the diary that she didn't understand, she had a brother and a sister in an orphanage, she had been through hell and she still seemed stronger than she would ever be. But many of her own insecurities were mirrored in the words, the on and off relationship to Kid, her love for him. A love she hadn't quite been ready to accept. The feelings for Jimmy, the charade she had to put up to be something she wasn't. It was eerie.

"You all right Lou?" Buck asked and Lou nodded. Even Buck of today had so many features of the Buck of yesterday, his gentleness and the fierce pride. And still he was so different.

For a moment she hesitated, unsure how she would react if the answer was yes. It seemed unlikely, but yet - so many things in her life coincided with the former Louise. She had to know. "Does Ike know any Neville?"

"Pardon me?" Buck's forehead creased up, the question seemingly making no sense to him.

"Does he? Anyone by the name of Neville? Because if he does he should be vary careful." The end of the sentence vanished almost, her throat was tightening at the notion of Ike's perish. She'd try her utmost to stop it if it was to happen again, it just couldn't happen again. But she just wasn't sure she would be able to, if it was written in the stars, if it was fate, who was she to try and alter it?

Buck slowly came up to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Is this about something you read in there?" He nodded to the diary in her lap.

"Ike died," she blurted out, immensely relieved to be able to tell someone. "He had just met Emily and there was this man named Neville who was after her father and he walked right in the line of fire, Buck. He was shot in the chest and we, I mean they, just had to watch him die! He saved Emily's life and he was shot, he died Buck!"

"Lou," Buck crouched before her, taking her hands into his. "That was a long time ago, different people, different times. And no, to my knowledge Ike doesn't know any Nevilles, and he met Emily a long time ago. We're not them Lou, not really."

"Then how come I recognize so much out of her life Buck?" Lou asked, looking into his eyes, desperately seeking for an explanation. "How come we feel so much the same? How come I recognize features in all of your old you's? You're so alike in many ways, what does that mean?"

"Lou," Buck smiled up at her, gently squeezing her hands, "most people feel the same occasionally Lou, we're all unique, that is true but we all share those common traits of being humans. Times may change but our emotions are still the same, we're afflicted by the same love, rage and sorrow, all through time and space. Our objects might change and the reasons too, but we all share those feelings, everyone does."

She looked at him, amazed by the wisdom in him. And she remembered the pass in the diary about her worry for Kid when he was missing and Buck's reaction to her phrase of the the men that had burnt down the way station being savages. His calm at that time amazed her still, he had just asked her if they were savages because they were murderers of because they were Indians. And Kid had returned safe, Buck had been right then. Was he now?

"But Buck, she seems so much like me, she has very much the same likes and dislikes, the same fears and all. How can that be if I'm not her? And if I'm her will that mean the exact same things will happen to me somewhere along the line?"

"Lou, we all have the same fears deep inside, we all fear to lose loved ones, to remain alone. Those are the very foundations of our lives, we are a part of what we share with others. Ask anybody and you'll find at least traces of that, either they accept them of deny them. And many of the same things happens to everybody, we do lose loved ones, we fall in love, we struggle and occasionally lose. It's life Louise, it pretty much contains the same things for everybody, at least more or less. And because you carry her genes that means you are probably more like her than most people, but that doesn't mean you're her exact copy. You lived a different life, you encountered different things."

"Now, wait a minute," Buck smiled, taking the book that had fallen into her lap, placing it on the floor besides her. Standing up he drew her out of the chair, to stand in front of him. "I never said you're not exceptional Lou, I just said that..."

"I know," Lou interrupted him, "I know what you said and you're right. I was just dragged into it all, it was eerie to say the least. And sad and hilarious at times too."

"Sounds just like what we're going though right here and now," Buck said. "Coz' at times that's exactly what you and Kid are - hilarious."

"Hey!" She freed a hand and swatted him playfully, but his words had made sense, this was another life and she was another person. But she would forever share that bond, not just to the old Louise, but to everyone in the world. Smiling back at him she shook her head at the tease in his eyes; "I'll get you for that one!"

Buck laughed and let go off her hand, ruffling her hair and patting her shoulder. "You can always try Lou."

She rolled her eyes at him, bending to take the book by her feet. "I'll just put this in my room and I'll be back in a jiffy."

Lou nodded and ran up the stairs, to hide the link to yesterday. She's finish it someday, maybe. If she had the courage.

Teaspoon was still outside on the porch, the daylight fading fast. Just as fast as his irritation seemed to rise. He had been staying put there for two hours already, ever since they heard the growls from his office.

Amanda peered at Lou, sitting by the kitchen table, the Diary she had hid, back in her lap. "They're gonna get it," Amanda chuckled, "they'll be feeding the hogs forever for this."

"Finally I see someone in worse predicament than I've ever been in," Cody grinned broadly while sipping the cafs. "Teaspoon'll have their hides."

"Maybe that's why it's taking them forever to get back," Buck smiled, shaking his head.

"Right now they're just fine," Amanda nodded, "but after Teaspoon gets his hands on them I can't vouch for anything."

"Last I heard from them they we're two miles outside Sweetwater," Amanda laughed, "and that was an hour ago."

"It one of a kind, there's really no value on this prototype," Amanda continued, "but I guess Team 41 proved it to be useless."

"So what was this thing exactly?" Rachel asked while approaching the rest of the team gathered around the kitchen table.

"Who knows?" Amanda shrugged her shoulders, "has something to do with satellite surveillance, that's all I know. Top secret hi-tech equipment. And that it don't stand a change against Jimmy and Kid."

"I'm really starting to believe Jimmy, "Amanda smiled, "he said that pairing him and Kid up was a disaster. Seems he's right."

"Yeah," Amanda admitted, "but it was those two putting it right under her hooves." She pointed out the window where two silhouettes appeared. "And because they wanted to pick frozen flowers as I've heard."

Amanda peeked out of the door to see if it was safe to join Teaspoon on the porch. The ragged man had rose too, chewing frenetically on a straw of hay while tapping his fingers on the verandah railing. His eyes never moved away from the pair approaching.

"Now Spooney," Amanda called as she finally decided to file out, "it's not healthy to get this upset, you outta watch your blood pressure"

Teaspoon shot her a weary glance before turning back to stare at the riders, his jaws working harder and harder as they came closer.

They all clung close to the door, watching in silence Kid and Jimmy stop right in front of Teaspoon, their head's hanging. Their muddy wrinkled appearances telling they had had a very long day. And it wasn't over yet. The slow decent off the horses speaking of utmost caution. Kid made the mistake of peering in Lou's direction and cracking a smile. The next moment he found Teaspoon standing on his toes. Wheezing.

"You carry a priceless experimental cargo and all you think about is picking flowers? In December? There's no flowers to pick in December so spare me the lies and tell me what happened. You forgot all about it didn't you, forgot and probably sat on it, am I right?" The man leaned in even closer, making Kid take another step back.

"Let me get this straight," Teaspoon continued, "despite my orders to place the item on solid ground and mark the site you take a break and go pick flowers?"

"Well, there was this frozen-like rose ...." Kid tried to chime in but Teaspoon inched in on him and silenced him effectively.

Lou couldn't tell the expression on Teaspoon's face by judging it by Kid's it must have been something fierce. Behind her Cody shook of silent laughter and Noah was trying to suffocate his chuckles. Rachel shushed them both to no avail.

"What did I tell you to do?" Teaspoon had turned to Jimmy, giving Kid a respite and Lou could tell he finally let the breath out.

"Well you told us to find that spot and put that thingie there and cover it with that net or whatever it was," Jimmy said, meeting Teaspoon's gaze steadily. "But you see there was this herd of wild buffalo and one of the little ones seemed to have an injury so we decided to check it out first and when that was over we, or Kid, found that odd wild rose thing and we decided..."

"You decided!" Teaspoon exploded, "you decided to waste five years of work and God knows how much effort and money spent on making that scientific breakthrough"

Even the horses took one step back and flattened their ears at the man's bellowing.

Jimmy's eyes were round as he looked at the man standing close to Kid. In a vane attempt to calm the waters he offered an excuse; "But it was an accident..."

"An accident?!" Teaspoon shrieked, "you put it right under Katy's front hooves!"

Teaspoon turned back to Kid and had him take another step back and shut up. Katy followed her owner's move, trying to hide behind him.

"Well boys, I've had it up to here, with the sermon I got from HuRec and I have one last thing to ask you; heads or tails?"

"One of you's gotta go and pick up the new prototype on December 31, at 21:00, head or tails?"

"No way? No way you say?" Teaspoon barked, "young man you pick head or..."

"I'll go Teaspoon," Kid threw in, "no need to go popping any bloodvessels, I'll go."

They all watched as Teaspoon threw an incredulous glance at the man standing in front of him, seemingly working himself up for a new sermon. Everybody held their breaths. The door opened and Emma made her way through the group assembled in front of the door.

"Teaspoon! Let them boys alone, they've had an awful day. Just look at 'em! They need some tidying up and some food."

"Now Teaspoon, " Emma hooked her arm around the older man's and watched him with reprimand. "Nobody got hurt, and that's what's important right? And if it really was a frozen rose it might be significant, right? I mean roses are not supposed to bloom in December, maybe it was a sign of something going wrong?"

"Well, they tried and it was really very observant of them to begin with. We need all the scientific sign of survival out here don't we?"

They all watched Teaspoon's countenance change as he peered back at Emma. "But it was very important that we did this right and..."

"Shush Mr. Spoon, if they yell at you from HuRec just turn the call over to me coz' I have something to tell them too. Now let's go and have that supper, let's enjoy a fine meal and forget about the rest."

She started towards the house, dragging Teaspoon along. He walked slowly and muttered while shaking his head. Mumbling something to the woman besides him.

"I know, I know, but you know what Teaspoon, I made you bacon and eggs, specially for you."

Cody finally let his cackle loose, dragging Noah into it and they both fell to the porch, laughing heartily. Lou couldn't help but smile broadly as she walked over to the quartet.

Jimmy cast Buck an annoyed glance, "those are usually the ones to get us into the mess to begin with."

Lou stopped a few steps away from the pair, taking a good look at Kid, smiling at the sight of him, drenched and dirty. Moving her gaze over to Jimmy she smiled even broader as Amanda hauled up a towel and wiped the dirt off his face. "You're disgustin' , both of ya!" she let out before doubling over with laughter.

Buck and Ike walked up to them too, taking the reins of the horses. Shaking their heads to hide their mirth. Rachel ensembled the laughing men from the porch and shoved them inside before turning to the gathering in the yard. "You do whatever you have to to get all that grime off them two before you let them inside." Her voice sounded suspiciously gleeful.

Looking back at Kid walking up to her Lou tried to conceal her laughter and shook her head as he reached for her. Holding him at bay with her outstretched arm. "Stay away cowboy!"

"Hey!" He said and scooped her into his arms, "I tried to pick that rose for you!"

"Yeah right," Amanda snorted, "since when did Jimmy Hickok need persuasion to do stupid things?"

"I'd say it comes rather naturally to the two of you," Amanda continued, flicking Jimmy's face up towards the light from the porch. "You both had the time of your life out there didn't ya? Hold still, you look like you dove head first into a ditch."

"He did," Kid replied and laughed, clutching Lou closer. Close enough so she could feel his muscles tense and stretch, his heartbeat reflecting in the throbbing vein on his neck. His heartbeat. She stiffened in response. Her own heartbeat rising, something about the notion making her feel nauseated.

Kid never noticed as she slid out of his embrace, grabbing a hold of his coat instead. "We better get the two of you inside."

Kid smiled and moved to lay an arm around her, but she slid out of his reach. She tried to joke it away. "I need the whole gory story Kid, might be you'll have to spend the night with Katy, if she'll accept you. You sure don't look presentable."

"Hey!" Kid moved closer , grinning at her, reaching out for her again. Lou ducked and placed herself close to the stairs. Like ready to run.

"Lou's right, what you need is a hose down," Amanda poked Jimmy's ribs playfully, squealing in joy as Jimmy retaliated and threw his arms around her, effectively rubbing most of the dirt off on her. Then he framed her face in his hands and kissed her deeply.

Lou looked away, catching a glimpse of Kid's gaze on her before she moved to walk up the stairs. She wanted to run to the man left standing on the yard, hug him and kiss him but she couldn't. No, it was more than mere wanting, she truly needed his touch but there was something that terrified her when she felt those arms around her, hugging her, making her want him. And instead of reciprocating she fled.

Jimmy's and Amanda's laughter tore at her heart as she left the man she loved behind, a man she loved but whose touch terrified her. And she didn't even know why.

|Prologue||Chapter 1||Chapter 2||Chapter 3||Chapter 4||Chapter 5||Chapter 6||Chapter 7||Chapter 8||Chapter 9||Chapter 10|
|Chapter11||Chapter 12||Chapter 13||Chapter 14*||Chapter 15||Chapter 16||Chapter 17||Chapter 18||Chapter 19||Chapter 20*|
|Chapter 21||Chapter 22||Chapter 23||Chapter 24||Chapter 25||Chapter 26||Chapter 27||Chapter 28||Chapter 29||Chapter 30|
|Chapter 31*||Chapter 32||Chapter 33||Chapter 34||Chapter 35||Chapter 36||Chapter 37||Chapter 38||Chapter 39||Chapter 40| |Chapter 41||Chapter 42||Chapter 43|