The Bess Report 2003
Direct from the paws of Bess in 2003
30/7/03
Hello everybody. I have exciting news! That Goddess amongst Canines, the charming borzoi Czarina Oksana, has graced me with a reply to my letter on her website (which is rather like a doggy advice column). I'd love you all to see it at:
Ask Oksana. She has a most marvellous way with words!
In other news I have managed to catch myself a Bronzewing (very similar to a common pigeon) and disgraced myself by eating it. Rory was very impressed but my humans were...not exactly singing my praises. I believe it was a little like chicken, however it could have done with some seasoning.
Boy is it cold here! Okay, those of you who regularly experience snow in the Winter might have cause to call me a cushy and pampered pup. However I still think Winters here are tough! What's a dog to do when her warm snug bed beside the fire needs plumping up and the humans are in bed? *Sigh*
My dears I really have not been up to anything else of note lately so I shall end my report here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
~Bess
13/6/03
Hmm it appears that I've neglected to update this thing for two months. Oops! What can I say, I'm too busy living!! Still I ought not hide my light under a bushel!
Why just the other day I sampled a tasty new culinary delight - Rosella. Feathers and all!! Mmmm! Who would have known - just like chicken only...colourful! I did not, of course, kill the pretty birdie but found it laying about...smelling tasty...so I made light work of the gastronomic tidbit and will keep a sharp look out for more. Of course I wouldn't recommend it to other canines, humans tend to get rather disturbed and flap around a bit - however they clearly have no idea how delightful a delicacy pretty parrots are and their impressions of a much larger bird are only laughable!
Jessi the German Shepherd was here visiting for a few days over the weekend...we all went happily walking together and got on well although she was rather disturbing in her senile pacing around the lounge room all night...
Gee what else have I done? Well it has been raining quite a bit which has rather subdued my foresty frolics. Rory and I found another echidna the other day and tried to dismember it, although all that happened was that I cut my gum and we were both forcibly removed from the prickly beastie. Oh well. I'll get you next time echidna, next time. I don't know why but Rory tells me to so I will!
*Yawn* I need my beauty sleep gentle readers so I must away!
~Bess
13/4/03
Brr! Winter has hit - at least it feels like it! It's wonderful to get some real rain for a change, seems Rory's rain dance must have worked. He's been a very busy lad lately, if not dancing then provoking the canines living next door.
A few days ago Rory managed to get out of our place (which is filled with anti-escape devices and is, as I have mentioned before, akin to Fort Knox) by burrowing under the fence. He introduced himself to the odd tall dog with the large curly tail and his cohort and they all seemed to have a nice powwow. That is, until Rory wanted to come back home. His new acquaintances followed him to the front of the house, much to Rory's displeasure. A small skirmish resulted, with Rory limping off the worse for wear and the others returning home. So it seems my intrepid friend received a fang to the 'armpit' for his trouble, and I happily stayed cosy in my bed on the couch the whole time. Rory was shuffled off to the vet, poked prodded and medicated, and Fort Knox's defences reinforced once more. As you can imagine the humans were rather disturbed when, a couple of days later, Rory emerged at the front door after being let out into the back yard (well yard I call it, but it's somewhat larger than your average yard, complete with lots of running space and a dam). Rory was quickly marshalled inside and the humans became rather agitated, trying to find his point of escape. It seems they overrated Rory's guile - all he did was slip out an open gate!
I haven't been up to much mischief however...the last excitement I had was when G's friend Marcus came to stay for a few days...he indulged me and appreciated my waggle dances - he therefore met with my seal of approval. Not a lot else has been on my agenda, just a little sneaky food-thieving hehe. My most recent conquest? Hmm, I think it would have been that piece of celery recently left unattended in my vicinity. A small victory, you may say, but a victory none the less!
Take care all!
~Bess
1/4/03
Hello everybody, I'm dreadfully sorry I haven't written earlier - I fully intended to. Since I've had nothing better to do than lie around these past few weeks (I had my nose and eyebrows amputated after a nasty accident with a kangaroo) you'd think I'd manage to type in here! Nah, only kidding - April Fools! Hopefully I didn't traumatize any of you too much with the hideous possibility - kangaroos actually can get quite nasty and have been known to do such terrible things as drown dogs.
On a brighter note, things are going swimmingly here in reality. Rory and I went for a happy romp in the forest today, and finished it off with a dip in the dam. Of course we'd just been washed and now we're grubby - but happy! I may also say that after 'resting' one of my favourite tricks, I brought it out again today. Daylight savings has just ended, which has led to our humans sluggishly emerging from their beds an hour later than usual. Of course my bladder waits for no woman, so this morning (quite early) I leapt - literally - upon G's head to wake her up. I was promptly (morelike abruptly!) escorted outside. I turned around to see what this human-whirlwind-door-opener looked like, only to witness the door slamming in my face and a near simultaneous rustling coming from G's bed. I must say, it isn't always easy to get her up, but she leaps into bed at the speed of light!
Lately Rory and I have had a visitor - our elderly 'cousin' Jessi the German Shepherd. At first we weren't too sure, but she stayed a few days with us and by the end of the time we were all getting along famously. Rory inducted her into the gang and proceeded to strut around in a rather cocky fashion, proud of the (albeit temporary) enlargement of his pack.
I've finished my special diet now and am once more able to happily munch carrot and enjoy the usual perks of my old diet. However I will be delightedly retaining kangaroo meat - it's so tasty and suited to a wild carnivore like moi!
Wishing you all many happy romps in the park or forest!
~Bess
8/3/03
Hi there! I hope you've all been well. We've had a little rain here, but we'd certainly like more. At any rate, Summer is officially over - bring on Autumn, it's my favourite season.
I'm losing weight on my anti-allergy diet, but fortunately kangaroo meat doesn't taste too bad. Just two nights ago we had a kangaroo sneaking past the front door in the middle of the night - pity I couldn't catch it for my cooking pot.
G has gone back to university, and Rory and I have been making mischief as usual. On a recent walk we sniffed out a nice spiky echidna and tried to dig it out of it's well protected ball - it won. Spikes hurt. Of course we wouldn't have given up had we not been forcefully removed.
I've also seen a few movies lately - well I haven't seen them first hand but I've heard all about them. G enjoyed 'Catch me if you Can', 'Gangs of New York'and'8 mile'. That butcher chappy in Gangs sounds rather nice, but maybe he's not accommodating to labradors. Still, if he had
any leg of cow on offering I'd be forced to break my diet to scarf one down.
I'm finding the results of our current poll quite interesting - it seems many of you canines out there are having cushy lives on your owners beds! I occasionally am indulged in that manner, but usually I sleep on my own bed. It needs to be kept in mind that dogs who sleep with their owners feel separations particularly keenly when their people go on holidays and such like.
Happy days!
~Bess
14/2/03
Hello everybody!! I forgot to send you all a little Happy New Year message (how remiss of me!) so I'm making a special effort to wish you all a wonderful Valentine's Day. Not that it means much to me, I hear mutterings of it all being about 'commercialism' and 'those mass-produced flowers that don't even have any scent these days' but all it seems to me is another day - no bone.
I've long had a problem with skin allergies, but yesterday I had to revisit the skin clinic in Melbourne for tests. They put me in a cage for a few hours (I'm not a bird, I'm a dog!!) over which I was rather indignant, and then they insisted on shaving me a hatch (now I'm like a ceiling complete with sunroof). They covered said 'hatch' with all kinds of allergens and found out that I'm allergic to various types of obscure things like cockroaches, dandelion and eucalyptus (sheesh I live in the forest, a dog can't avoid gum trees!). Then to further compound the indignity they put me on an allergen-free diet. Even the occasional bone is prohibited! Grrr. Just incase I'm allergic to a certain type of food I've been put on a special diet of little brown pellets (rather akin to sheep droppings, but rather LESS appealing) and kangaroo meat. Rory tried to catch me a kangaroo for my supper the other day, but alas he was too slow.
And allow me to boast here - I've added a new trick to my repertoire - table top dancing. I'm very set in my ways and I don't like my mealtime schedule being tampered with! So to try and encourage those ridiculous humans to understand, I've had to resort to climbing atop the coffee table and waggling my tail (between them and the TV) in a desperate attempt to have dinner served. Of course I only get a few of those paltry pellets, but I guess I'm cheap.
It's a very long, hot, dry, windy, and snake-filled Summer here. I would dearly love a bit of rain, but fortunately (touch wood) we haven't had any fires too close to home. I feel most sympathetic towards those who have lost their homes to bushfire in recent times, Australia is so very dry right now that we're all at risk.
Oh and my human insists I add a little 'heads up' to all the labby owners out there, although I'm sure you're already aware. We labbies are ravenous, and if left in the vicinity of food, we'll seek and destroy. The other day I was left within a 5 mile radius of a loaf of bread - all of which I managed to furtively thieve and devour before anybody was any the wiser. So guard your baked goods labby owners, we're on the prowl! (Now just HOW my humans propose to stop me stealing foods that aren't on my diet I can't imagine!!)
Table dances all round,
~Bess
The Bess Report 2005
The Bess Report 2004
The Bess Report 2002
The Bess Report 2001
Meet Bess -
Meet Woolie -
Pug Profile -
Lab Profile -
Doggy Links -
Treats -
Games -
Star Bess -
Vote for us -
Bess Gallery -
Bess Gallery 2 -
Bess + Leroy -
Woolie Gallery -
Twisted Pics -
The Bess Report -
Top Ten Dog Names -
Top Ten Smartest Dog Breeds -
The Bess Files -
Feeding your dog -
Awards -
Message Board -
Sign Guestbook -
View Guestbook - Link to us -
Add a link
