The Bess Report
Direct from the paws of Bess...!
Update:
18/2/07
Ack! Tis hot! Much too hot! However I am grateful that I am not a malamute or one of those really thick-coated collies.
Faithful friends I hope the year 2007 has been kind to you thus far. I have been much too hot to report my doings to you any earlier and I suspect you have already established most of my movements - eating, sleeping and waggling. My current toy of choice is a large stuffed lion which I bring out for special occasions only. If the humans deem to leave me with no company (other than the morally corrupt Rory) for an extended period of time then their return warrants a gala celebration. Upon said return I gently wrap my crunching implements around said feline and carry it around like a puppy. That is to say I spring around with the vigour of a puppy and I treat the lion as if it were my puppy. I'm sure I could have handled motherhood with aplomb! Although I suppose they would have wanted some of my food.....nah... *shakes head*
My beautiful dam has dehydrated to little more than a damp derriere-dipping ditch, good for little other than getting vaguely cool and enormously filthy. It's something like a pig's wallow now and the poor water lilies are struggling to survive in the last drops remaining. I hope it rains soon!
I hope you are all treating your furry ones well, it is particularly tough for us in this weather and we do appreciate a hose or spray of water on hot days.
~Bess
24/10/06
Greetings gentle readers. It has been some time since I have graced you with my presence - for this I must apologize. I have spent a pleasant Autumn and Winter indulging in the delights of being a mature labrador in a cosy forest cabin. Recent highlights have included stealing Granny's much-coveted camembert (as Rory distracted her outside by barking at an echidna) and galloping down the road to swim in the neighbours' dams at suitable opportunities.
I must confess that the colder months do little to inspire a feeling of creativity in me. I have generally been lounging or luxuriating in front of a crackling fire. As for Rory, he's feeling mildly sheepish and less masculine than in times past. The recent growth of a breast on his chest has him muttering about strange curses visited upon him by vengeful echidnas, but the humans seem to think it is a fatty deposit called a 'lipoma' or some such dull description. I personally think this new protrusion is courtesy of a miffed cockatoo that Rory chased some time ago - I saw a mischievous glint in its eye as it turned to flap off into the nearest tree.
This time of year is always lovely - emerging from the brisk, chilly (although less and less each year) Winter into a bright and promising Spring fills me with great enthusiasm to waggle and plunder food more than ever. The echidnas seem to be breeding, or at least on the move, and they're keeping Rory's paws full with much barking and general expression of annoyance.
The humans have similarly been roused from their customary Winter torpor and are enthusiastically planning some escape to a place they call 'Queensland'. Apparently this involves an excursion for Rory and me to a 'boarding kennel'. I'm not yet sure how to feel about this but it may entail withholding waggles from said people if they leave me for too long.
I trust my communique finds you all well and wish you an exciting and swimming-filled Spring and Summer. Please do not forget to take extra care of your furry friends in the increasingly hot weather - do not leave them in hot cars!
~Bess
8/2/06
Hello everybody! I hope you are all enjoying a glorious Australian Summer! Most of you are probably coming to us from the currently frosty portion of the globe - commiserations. The weather here is perfect for my daily frolics in the dam, complete with wee fishies that dart out of my way as I attempt to plough over the top of them in my keen pursuit of the floating dumbbell.
I hope that none of you were affected by the terrible bushfires we've had in this country recently - I was rather scared but so far no fires have come particularly close to my bush dwelling. Rory suggests he'd be more than a match with his portable hydrant but boy is he deluded (the boy can dream)! Our fire plan includes a fire phone tree so that everyone in the region can band together and communicate if there is a fire in the area. We also have a pump that does not require electricity, a sprinkler system on the roof and the dam to draw water from if necessary (not that I approve of my swimming hole being drained unless completely vital). Granny has spent much time clearing leaves from the gutters and clearing leaves and twigs from our property so I am able to sleep soundly at night knowing that much has been done to prevent the worst from happening.
I hope you all are being very diligent in protecting your canine friends from the heat - cars in particular can overheat in no time at all during Summer. Check out our new page Hot Dogs for more info.
Happy frolics!
~Bess
10/11/05
The frogs are bopping, the little blue wren is bringing his harem of tiny ladies around and Rory has that suspicious glint in his eye again. I suspect it might be Spring! Hello gentle readers, I hope you haven't missed me terribly - I'm afraid I've been awfully neglectful!
I suppose I have been lazy more than anything else - but who wants to be typing words when one can be out frolicking in the warm air in these long, bright evenings? As for not writing since Winter...well I guess I was tucked away against the cold and too chilly to move then. What's that? An excuse for any occasion? Bah!
I don't know that I have much true news to report. I have hit double figures which is concerning but I believe I'm aging extremely gracefully - one would only think me 7 or 8 if one didn't know better, or so I've been told. Age has brought with it a pesky lump on my belly but at least it is only a fatty lump and nothing particularly nasty. I don't even think of it most of the time, being older and wiser I spend much of my time meditating. And working on my powers of telekinesis. At some point I expect to be able to open the fridge and draw food items to me without lifting a paw. It's a work in progress.
Speaking of which I must return to my studies - I want to have the technique downpat before the Christmas mince tarts are purchased so they don't go to waste!
Do take care in this deceptively warm season dear readers - always take an umbrella to work as the day may well start out sunny and end in a downpour.
~Bess
1/6/05
Brr! Tis chilly here and today is the very first day of Winter. Rory is being very wimpy and frequently quivers with a pathetic look on his face in an effort to be allowed on to Granny's warm bed. Typically he is refused entry and left to ponder just how lucky he is to be an inside dog with a special coat and warm snuggly bed. Some dogs will never be satisfied! Hmm. Yes, well perhaps that applies to me in regards to food but at least I don't stoop to looking pathetic...much. Okay, okay if it might work it's worth a try, full marks to Rory.
It is just Granny, Rory and I now. G moved to Melbourne two months ago now that she has finished university but she visits from time to time. The more people around to concentrate my food procurement techniques on, the better I say.
Now what conquests have I to share with you, gentle readers? One of my finest moments occurred recently when I ate many weeks worth of a tasty herbal supplement in one go. Granny did not realize that I was able to barge my way into the kitchen, tenderly take down the container said supplement was encased in and remove it outside for further manipulation. Once outside I took the lid off (I am a deceptively talented labrador, little is beyond my powers) and licked my way through the yummy, fishy herbal treat. The supplement was of course not in any way dangerous, although not recommended in quite such large doses (!) and I must say it did go down a treat! Granny, however, was rather perturbed and refused me dinner later in the day which was much less pleasing.
There are still plenty of visiting wildlife around here - kangaroos that furtively sneak into the garden at night in order to crunch any unprotected new shoots, possums who make their nightly nocturnal jaunts in order to procure handouts from tender-hearted Granny (all in the name of saving her roses we hear) and kookaburras that are greatly disgruntling! It irritates Rory enormously when he sees a wee scrap of food offered to said kookaburras - he chases them as best he can from the inside of the house along the windows. They care not. Granny has even befriended a particularly bold kookaburra who occasionally eats a tasty morsel of meat from her hand. Waste of good meat I say...humph.
Fortunately for the kookaburras they are more fleet of wing than the pigeon-like bronzewings that live here. Some are so dense that they forget to be cautious and nap in the middle of the lawn outside the back door. If Rory spies a napping potential snack on his way out then he burls down the stairs and before they know it he descends on them. He now has quite a fine collection of feathers and we suspect several shivering birds out there are about to endure their coldest June yet. Unfortunately they're so dense there is little to be done about it, although Granny tries to dissuade such behaviour. Personally I like the floor show and am planning an elaborate headdress with some of those feathers if I can sneak them away from Rory...I wonder what exactly he intends them for...?
Rug up darlings, I hope your owners are all making sure you are warm enough this Winter. It's a terrible pity when the weather limits the ability to go for nice romps so I hope you're all getting time out for play too!
~Bess
15/2/05
Pfft, Valentine's Day. Malibu (the rather nice and very handsome Rottweiler who visited on the back of his owner's ute the other day) didn't send me a bone, or even a doggy chocolate, so I'm over it.
Rory's useless - he spent the day dreaming about carrots, not crushes. Who knows what Freud would make of that one? Actually I think I can guess...
Lately I've been rather confused. Summer here has been very ambiguous, a lot of the last two weeks have felt like Winter. We've endured lashing winds, torrential rains and very chilly nights - just as well I have my thick coat, although I am still sure to share it with all in my very generous manner. For some reason the humans don't perceive this as the selfless gesture that it is and insist on chasing my moult trail with a vacuum cleaner.
It's all quiet on the acreage here - Lachlan the cockatoo comes and knocks on the window if he doesn't get his afternoon seed, the mother possum who visits at night seems only to have given birth to a bushy tail as that is all that ever protrudes from her bulging pouch and the little blue superb wrens who live around here have had a bumper breeding season and are bopping around with their harems looking for food all day. Now those boys really know how to look after a woman!
Ta ta darlings, I hope Valentine's Day was much more exciting for you!
~Bess
24/1/05
Hello kind readers, I hope you have now recovered from the festive season and are all in fine form. I'm rather exhausted after watching Lleyton Hewitt's astonishing comeback in the Australian Open today. He looked down and out in the third and fourth sets but amazingly stretched the match to a fifth set before running away as victor. Alicia Molik matched his feat and reached the quarter finals too so it is a very exciting time for Australian tennis!
Meanwhile I've been swimming in my dam, which is receding to a large puddle in this hot weather, and lying on the cold tiles around the fireplace for some respite from the Australian summer. My New Year's celebrations were rather muted - a bone and a drink of water, just the way I like it - however my Christmas was rather delightful. The humans foolishly overindulged and found that there was not sufficient room on the dining table for their generous seafood spread. Vigilant as always, I eased my way towards the chair on which the basket of bread was relocated to, and devoured most of the contents whilst the humans busied themselves with prawn heads and lobster claws. Heh heh heh...some of my finest work yet I must say. Rory was too slow to take advantage of such a prime opportunity, so he had to settle for some carrot later in the afternoon. Actually he was probably quite pleased with that arrangement, he prefers carrot to premium meat.
That is all for now, faithful followers, stay well!
~Bess
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