The Bess Report 2004
Direct from the paws of Bess in 2004
Update:
22/12/04
Merry Christmas kitties! Whether ye be sweltering in Australia along with us, or shivering during a Northern Hemispherian white Christmas, I hope your Christmas and New Year are absolutely lovely and filled with tasty treats!
I have been taking lots of long, luxurious dips in my delightful lily-filled dam to combat the heat these past few weeks.
I've discovered that there are still eency weency fish living in there, but they love to dart away into the lily pads and hide from me.
At night there are other entertainments - Rory in particular loves barking at our friendly regular possums who come visiting at night. Granny feeds them fruit to keep them away from her roses!
I have no slithering snake visitors to report so far this Summer - but we do get quite a few little skinks darting across our lounge room floor! Rory takes delight in severing their tails and disemboweling them, so the humans are always dashing about trying to usher the silly little reptiles back outdoors.
Once again my best woofs and wishes of the Season - ho ho ho, don't forget to buy your dog a present!
~Bess
9/4/04
Hello and Happy Easter! I hope you're all enjoying yourselves - and remembering that chocolate is not
good for dogs! That is, unless you buy that yummy special doggy chocolate...mmmm...doggy chocolate...
I'd like to introduce you all to our mother koala who briefly stopped by our place since I last posted. She's been affectionately dubbed "growly" - what we suspect was her young offspring was nearby hence her warning gurgle - and let us get rather close to have a good look at her.
Hmm other than that we've been up to more food thieving (yep no matter what the humans throw at us we manage to sneak in a little light-fingered lifting from time to time). Just the other day infact I stole a rather large block of cheese. My human was displeased so I offered to split it with her and quickly bit off just half for myself in a generous gesture. It wasn't greeted as such and I was swiftly shuffled outside. Humph.
Wishing you a happy visit from the easter bunny!
Mwah!
~Bess
9/1/04
Please excuse me. Sometimes the festive season is just too much for a glutton such as moi!
A belated Season's Greetings to you all! I hope that you enjoyed the festive season without over-indulging, few know better than
I about the discomfits of Boxing Day bloat! (Did I tell you about the time I figured out how to open the refrigerator and ate all the mince
tarts...?)
Well here in Australia we're in the middle of a rather eventful Summer. Admittedly Christmas and New Year's were not exactly riotous at our place, but there've been numerous feathered, scaly and spiky creatures around to spice things up. Recently a nasty tiger snake (one of the world's most venomous varieties) entered our property. Rory spied it and...we're not sure how, it was unwitnessed...bit it in half. We can only assume that he ate the rear half before shaking the top half to death and trotting around proudly with it. *Shivers* Fortunately I was, of course, too wise to venture near the beastie. Sadly for the reptile world several small lizards have also fallen prey to the great Rory this Summer.
Recently Rory spied another echidna (spiny anteater) whilst on a romp - a particular enemy of his. In a rare moment of bad judgement I lifted it clean up off the ground and dropped it at Rory's feet. Rory trotted off with the echidna before releasing it shortly after in order to bark at it. Of course it dug into the ground and refused to play but Rory had a happy minute or two barking at it until he was dragged away. Hmm I wonder what overcame me, I can't understand why I play accomplice to Rory in such paltry activities, echidnas are really pretty boring little creatures and a mouthful of spikes isn't much more pleasant than a visit to the vet...
Hmm Rory may be clairvoyant...painless it might be but he dislikes anti-flea treatment. Before the wee white tube was so much as opened this afternoon he was hiding under the table on the other side of the room. Being the dignified labrador that I am (when I feel so inclined) I simply waited politely for my treatment. Rory, however, only very slowly emerged from under the table, in the submissive position, when he realized the only way to progress was to grin and bear it. Yeesh, it's only a little spot of liquid on the back of the neck, silly boy.
Ah yes, my latest conquest. May I inform you, dear readers, and canine protégés, that a coordinated attack is your best bet when you have your eye on that something special (and tasty). Now, there are two dog-burgling methods that I favour. One is the distract-and-thieve, the other being the opportunistic snatch which also works if you are flying solo. The former requires one dog altruistically distracting the human and luring them away from the food source, whilst the other dog happily chows down on the now undefended goodies. The latter method is something Rory and I have recently honed to a fine art. Whilst the human is otherwise distracted by something else (now this does take patience and an alert nature - one cannot predict when the perfect opportunity will present itself) you must leap into action. The law of the jungle prevails here - first in first served - so unless your partner in crime is a very generous type (very rare, if you have a buddy of this type then hold on to them!) you will have to select your prey early and dive on it. If your partner selects the same morsel and beats you to it then you must be quick to take whatever else is left lest you be left empty-pawed.
Recently Rory and I employed this technique to perfection. Conveniently our feathered cohorts outside distracted one of our humans whilst they were adding the finishing touch to their lunch plate - delicately placing a yo-yo biscuit beside the sandwich. Being sympathetic to the empty stomachs of the poor birds outside (what a useful thing a sensitive human is) my 'Granny' ventured out to feed them before she ate her own lunch. Best of all she left the kitchen gate open! Rest assured neither Rory nor I waited a beat before closing in on the victim. I was rather in the mood for the cheese and lettuce sandwich whilst Rory's sweet tooth bade he dine on the delectable yo-yo. Before Granny had returned we had made light work of most of her lunch (I did kindly leave her half of the sandwich whilst I savoured the other half). I highly recommend this method of food procurement to all stealthy canines. If you're particularly fortunate your human will even feel sheepish enough at their own foolishness to avoid chastising you!
Now I have some unfortunate news to share. Some time has passed since the dark day but it is still rather sad for me to report. Firstly let me state that Woolie was only my online buddy. We have never lived together. Our 'parents' were simply friends. When I moved three years ago I left our mutual hometown whilst Woolie stayed behind, of course, with his family. Whilst I never knew the little chap personally, excluding on the Internet, I am dismayed to tell you all that Woolie passed away last Spring, in early October. We have decided to leave the website as a living tribute to Woolie - his pages shall not be altered. Rest in peace little fellow.
Well it's a rather sombre note to end on but in respect to Woolie I shall finish the report now. Take care dear readers.
Until next time,
~Bess
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