We Got Great Selection
Entry by trinidala on 01.03.99
If i could pick one of every color, i would. If i could pick one of every color, i would. If i could pick just one of each color and spin it, just kick it to embrace one another i would. most d e f initely i would because i got makeup tips from a sweet girl who i'm sure didn't mean to hurt when she said that a black cherry color would look so cute with your pale pale white skin. as if i needed to be reminded that quite often i don't fit in when it's assumed that i'm half this or that assumed before i got a chance to react assumed that you know me better than i know myself just because i don't have a mirror in my hand doesn't mean i can't see what you see doesn't mean i am not who i be: with daily attacks on the abstract i have come to terms with my culture and i i have come to terms with my color and i i have come to terms with i understand that yeah, it's natural to jump to conclusions but do they really have to be vocalized cuz though it may not have looked like i was paying attention, i ... can hear you can ... i hear you let it be known that even though it was supposed to be a compliment it was still kinda weird even though they were just curious it was still really weird to hear them ask my coworker "Wow...what race is she? Do you know her nationality?" i had half a mind to ask them right back "Do you know how rude that is to me? At least have the courtesy to wait till i'm out of earshot or else ask me to my face because i've dealt with that before But what you did just now? That was kinda weird." and then they walked, and now they're gone so i guess i can move on... If i could pick one of every color, I WOULD. If i could pick one color to decide the fate of a world the words to create a stigma of a mixed or was that mixed-up ancestry cuz there is no such thing as pure well, not really cuz the last time i checked, miscegenation wasn't in fashion but it happened anyway like past discrimination is losing taste cuz asian is in, baby way, way in... as is obvious so check it with some buddha beads and dragon prints and peacelovejoy in KaNjI so did i hear you say "what's kanji? well didn't you know cuz the AsIaN pErSuAsIaN (sic) is in... way, way in... my dad was shopping with me and he looked surprised then asked me as if to verify "Does this mean we're in style now?" Yes, i guess. we're in style now but pale still isn't pretty when people expect a pinay to be down when people expect all pinays to be brown which isn't always true. as an example, take my case with this paperwhite skin and the pinay of my race and i don't call out one part of me to deny any others you see it's just that this is what i know best of what i have learned most that is... Filipinos Come In Every Color. because FILIPINOS COME IN EVERY COLOR. last time i checked, miscegenation wasn't in fashion but it happened anyway.
"Have You Eaten?"
Entry by trinidala on 12/5/99
my mom hugged me when i was eating dinner and told me that it was no wonder whatsoever that we came to associate food with love. she told me that if she hugs me when i am eating dinner then i will think that her food carries the same love as her hugs. and i do. and it does. my dad made dinner for me tonight and it was his way of welcoming me his way of telling me that he loved me and i figured that it was no wonder whatsoever that we came to associate food with love. and it's not. and we do. my mom hugged me when i was eating dinner and in two ways at once she told me that she loved me. pretty efficient methods she has.
Hyphenate This
Entry by trinidala on 8/28/99 2:15:38 AM
http://www.pinoynet.com/expression/get_expression.asp?TopicID=170&EntryID=510
i have a lot of opinions on being a hyphenated american. it seems to me that no matter whose side we run to, we're still getting pushed out cuz either we're too FILIPINO to be American or too AMERICAN to be Filipino. which is just dumb, because in my opinion, if you are truly Filipino-American, or Asian-American, or whatever-the-hell-else-you-wanna-be-American, you gotta come clean and admit that YES you are part of all three societies: Filipino, American, and Filipino-American, and YES you are proud of who you are. i mean, i respect the fact that everyone has a right to identify with whatever one or more of their cultures with which they want to identify but i think it's just wrong to chill there and keep quiet and by doing so DENY a part of yourself like i've been seeing some people doing lately. like me for instance. i went through a time when i was just pissed off at America for being the crazy capitalist country-who-don't-give-a-damn-about-anyone-else and i was like "YEAH ASIAN PRIDE" but then, of all people, my nanay sat me down and told me that i should realize that i am a child living off the fruits of the American culture and i can't just say "Fuck the Americans" because i am one of them. So i decided to just come to grips with the fact that i'm dealing with more than one group here and it's okae to be confused at times, and it's okae to be pissed off at times, and it's okae to not understand yourself at times, as long as in the end, you come to respect all parts of your heritage because that's what makes you who you are. and if you have any self-respect at all, you will admit that you don't know everything and you should be willing to learn - about your history, about your culture, but most importantly, you should be willing to learn more about yourself. That's what is ultimately going to separate us from the people who exclude us because they don't know any better. We will be the ones continually learning, unlike them, whose thoughts will be outdated and obsolete, and whose minds will remain stagnant. Though we may not be completely accepted by either the Filipino culture or the American culture, we should learn to accept one another for all of us who are talking are Filipino-Americans - we've already got our own society, but it's up to us to decide how we're gonna represent ourselves. It's all UP TO US, cuz we are only what we make of ourselves. So my mom got me to understand that no matter how much i might not want to be one sometimes, i AM an American. and i am ALSO Filipina, and i am ALSO Chinese, and i am ALSO Spanish, and i am ALSO only 16 years old and all these big thoughts are hurting my head so i think i'm going to stop now.
peace. isangmahal.
Angela Dy
