A daddy was listening to his child say his prayers.
"Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said,
"Wait a minute -how come you called God 'Harold'"?
The little boy looked up and said,
"That's what they call Him in church.
You know the prayer we say,
"Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Harold be Thy Name."

And this particular four-year-old prayed:
"And forgive us our trash baskets as we
forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A five-year-old said grace at family dinner.
"Dear God, thank you for these pancakes..."
When he concluded, his parents asked him
why he thanked God for pancakes
when they were having chicken.
He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see
if He was paying attention tonight."

(A letter from a 3rd Grader)

A Grandmother is a lady
who has no children of her own.
She likes other people's little girls and boys.

A Grandfather is a man Grandma.
He goes for walks with boys and they talk
about fishing and stuff like that.

Grandmothers don't have to do anything
except to be there.
They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.
It is enough if they drive us to the market
where the pretend horse is,
and have lots of dimes ready.

Or if they take us for walks,
they should slow down past things like
pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They should never say "hurry up."

Usually, Grandmothers are fat,
but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums off.

Grandmothers don't have to be smart,
only answer questions like
"Why isn't God married?" and
"Why do dogs chase cats?"

Grandmothers don't talk baby talk
like mothers do,
because it is hard to understand.
When they read to us, they don't skip or mind
if it is the same story over again.

Everyone should try to have a Grandmother,
especially if they don't have a TV,
because they are the only grown ups who have time.
(unknown)

You see an underlined sentences in the paper
and have the urge to double click on it.

You have the curly 'e' logo tattooed on your arm.

Run a red light on the way to work and
start looking for the back button.

You programmed your own search engine.

You are sleepwalking to your computer at night.

Your gold fish has its own web site.

You start leaving your reminder notes on your
refrigerator in HTML.

You put best viewed with IE 3.0 or above
on your drivers license.

You start making web sites for all of your friends
so you can get to know them more.

You change your dogs name from bowser to browser.

You put in random URL's just to see
where you end up at.

You have two phone lines but no phone.

You put a @ in front of your home address
(@227 Ridge road).

You go to personal web sites just to see their
links page.
(unknown)

For every action, there is an equal
and opposite malfunction.
To err is human... to blame your computer
for your mistakes is even more human;
in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work
is invariably found to have evolved from
a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems
is computer solutions.

A computer program will always
do what you tell it to do,
but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens,
behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point
where you really understand your computer,
it's probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information
is in the section of the manual
where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick,
that's when the modem won't connect!
(unknown)

As you shall make your bed so shall you
.......mess it up.

Better be safe than
............punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the
.............bug is close.

It's always darkest before
.............daylight savings time.

You can lead a horse to water but
.............how?

Don't bite the hand that
..............looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a
...............Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new
................math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll
.........stink in the morning.

The pen is mightier than the
..................pigs.

An idle mind is
............the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's
.............pollution.

A penny saved is
.................not much.

Two's company, three's
.............the musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs
with you, cry and
......you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not
...........spanked or grounded.

When the blind leadeth the blind
..........get out of the way.
(unknown)

For sometimes I can’t remember
When I stand at the foot of the stairs
If I must go up for something
Or I’ve just come down from there.

And before the Fridge, so often
My poor mind is filled with doubt,
Have I just put food away, or
Have I come to take some out.

And there are times when it is dark out
With my nightcap on my head
I don’t know if I’m retire-ing
Or just getting out of bed.

So if it’s my turn to write you
There is no need of getting sore.
I may think that I have written
And don’t want to be a bore.

So remember... I do love you
And I wish that you were here
But now, it is nearly mail time
So I must say, "Good-bye, Dear".

Here I stand beside the mail box
With my face so very red.....
Instead of mailing you this letter,
I have opened it instead !
(given to me by
Robert J. Sheafer, my father)