Mothers With Angels
HUMOR PAGE 5
Blonde Jokes
A Blonde At Work
A blonde woman who had been unemployed
for several months finally
got a job with Public Works.
This was a little old town,
so her job was to paint lines down
the center of a rural road
using a paint brush.
The Supervisor told her that
she was on probation and that she must
stay at or above the set minimum
of 2 miles per day of lines.
The blonde agrees and starts right away.
The Supervisor checked at the end
of day one and found that the
blonde had completed 4 miles,
double the required average.
The next day, however,
he was disappointed to find
that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles.
The Supervisor thought,
"Well, she's at the average and
I don't want to discourage her,
so I'll just keep quiet."
The third day, the blonde only did
one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her
before this gets worse."
The boss called the blonde in and said,
"The first day you did 4 miles,
the second day 2 miles
and yesterday only 1 mile.
Why? Is there an injury?
A problem?
Equipment failure?
What's keeping you from meeting
the minimum 2 miles per day?"
The blonde replied, "Well, each day
I keep getting farther and farther
away from the paint bucket!"
Blonde and the Puzzle
One morning a blonde calls her friend and says,
"Please come over and help me.
I have this killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture
on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's
pretty good at puzzles,
so he heads over to her place.
She lets him in the door and shows him
to the table where she has the puzzle
spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a minute,
then studies the box.
He then turns to her and says:
"First, no matter what I do,
I'm not going to be able to show you
how to assemble these to look
like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to
have a cup of coffee and
put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Blonde In Desert
There's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
traveling through the desert
when their car suddenly stalls.
They all get out of the car and,
upon realizing that it's not going to start,
they each take one thing from the car.
The brunette takes a bottle of water,
the redhead takes a bag of food with her,
and the blonde takes the car door.
They begin to walk through the desert,
and soon stop to rest.
At this point the blonde and the brunette
turn to the redhead and ask her why
she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in
case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."
They all think this is pretty reasonable
and then the redhead and the blonde turn
to the brunette and ask her why she decided
to bring water. The brunette replies,
"Well, in case I got thirsty
I'll have something to drink."
They all decide that's a good idea, too.
Finally, the brunette and the redhead
turn to the blonde and ask her why
on earth she would take the car door.
She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot
I could roll down the window."
(unknown)
The Blonde and the Motor Home
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee
and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side
of her cup and finds a peel-off prize.
She pull off the tab and yells,
"I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home;
I WON a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"
The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home,
I WON a motor home!"
By this time the manager makes his way over
to the table and says,
"You couldn't possibly have won a motor home
because we didn't have that as a prize!"
Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake,
I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"
The blonde hands the prize ticket to
the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."
The Blonde And The Farmer
A blonde is sitting at home one day
when she decides she's sick of hearing all
those blonde jokes, so she decides
to dye her hair brown.
To see if it works, she goes to a farm.
She walks up to the farmer and says,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have,
can I take one home?"
The farmer kinda chuckles to himself,
and then replies, "Sure, why not?"
The blonde pulls out a calculator and
does a whole bunch of calculus and trig equations
and comes up with a number.
She says to the farmer,
"There are 314 sheep out there."
The farmer looks at her with a shocked expression
and says, "You're right! Go take your pick".
The blonde takes a few minutes to pick a sheep,
waves to the farmer, and leaves.
She's sitting at home the next day
when she hears a knock on her front door.
She opens it and finds the farmer
standing there, holding his hat.
He says to her, "If I can guess
your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
The Blonde Kidnapper
This blonde was really down on her luck,
needed some big time cash quick so she decided
that she was going to have to become a kidnapper.
She goes to a playground and
grabs a ten year old boy.
Then she writes out the ransom note, saying...
"I've kidnapped your son.
Place ten thousand dollars in small bills
in a paper bag and place it under the slide
at the playground by 9 tomorrow morning."
....signed, "The Blonde Kidnapper"
She pins the ransom note to the boy's shirt
and sends him home.
The next morning she shows up
at the playground shortly after 9,
and sure enough
there's a paper bag under the slide.
She opens the bag containing the
ten thousand in cash and a note:
"How could you do such a thing
to another blonde!?!"
The Blonde Handy-man
A blonde, wanting to earn some money,
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type
and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door
of the first house
and asked the owner if he had
any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch.
How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the
paint and ladders that she might need
were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house,
heard the conversation and said to her husband,
"Does she realize that the porch
goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should.
She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde
came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached
in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added,
"that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The Blonde Fisherwoman
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally,
after getting all the necessary "tools" together,
she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy footstool,
she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice,
poured a Thermos of cappuccino,
and began to cut yet another hole.
Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried,
moved way down to the opposite end of the ice,
set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied,
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER
OF THE ICE RINK."
A blond woman walks into a store.
Curious about a shiny object, she asks,
"What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blond then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold."
So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blond, asks,
"What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
She asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold."
She then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
(unknown)
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