Q Why is the sky blue?
A So we can tell where the
trees stop and the air begins
Q Why is the grass green?
A So you can tell it from the dirt.
Q Why is dirt brown/black?
A So little boys have a reason
to get their clothes filthy.
Q Why do frogs eat bugs?
A To get big and strong.
Q Why are worms so cute?
A The cuter the worm,
the more fish we'll catch.
Q Why do caterpillars turn into butterflies?
A Cause they don't want
to be ugly all their life.
Q Why we have flies?
A So we can learn how to deal
with irritating people.
Q Why I have brothers?
A To give you someone else to pester.
Q Why are spiders so icky?
A So nothing will bother them
while they're eating.
Q Why we have mosquitos?
Q Why is this named a floor?
Answer to the above 2, BECAUSE!!
What's the speed of dark?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Can a storm be officially designated
as a tornado without touching down
at a trailer park?
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse??
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
After they make styrofoam,
what do they ship it in?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
How do you know when it's time
to tune your bagpipes?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro,"
then what is the opposite of progress?
If a parsley farmer is sued,
can they garnish his wages?
Should you trust a stockbroker
who's married to a travel agent?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest,
will it make a sound?
If a train station is where the train stops,
what is a work station?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
If all those psychics know the
winning lottery numbers,
why are they all still working?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON,
how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If the pen is mightier than the sword,
and a picture is worth a thousand words,
how dangerous is a fax?
If a tree falls on a mime in the forest,
does anyone care?
Practice makes perfect,
but if nobody's perfect,
why practice?
If you throw a cat out a car window,
does it become kitty litter?
What hair color do they put
on the driver's licenses of bald men?
What is a "free" gift ?
Aren't all gifts free?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Where do forest rangers go
to "get away from it all?"
Why are there 5 syllables
in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do banks charge you a
"non-sufficient funds fee"
on money they already know you don't have?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they put Braille
on the drive-through bank machines?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control
when you know the battery is dead?
If atheists say there is no God,
who do they think
pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If Barbie is so popular,
why do you have to buy her friends?
If it's 0 degrees today,
and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow,
...how cold will it be?
What year did Jesus think it was?
If corn oil comes from corn,
where does baby oil come from??
Is there another word for
synonym?
If the only thing to survive
a plane crash is the black box,
why don't they make the whole plane
out of the black box?
If you get cheated by the
Better Business Bureau,
who do you complain to?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If quitters never win,
and winners never cheat,
who's the idiot that said
"Quit while you're ahead"?
What are Preparation A thru Preparation G?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait
one hour before getting out of the water?
If knees were backward,
what would chairs look like?
In a country of free speech,
why are there phone bills?
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers??
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Does a person ever get sick without being tired?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
Why do we drive on a parkway
and park on a driveway?
Why is it that when we ship something by truck,
it's called a shipment but if we send
something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you are on the telephone,
writing furiously and holding a finger up
to tell the person who just came into
your office to hold on a second,
they ask "Do you have a minute?"
Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?
Why do doctors call what they do practice?
How do "Do Not Walk On Grass" signs get there?
Why do black olives come in cans
and green olives come in jars?
Is a metaphor like a simile?
Before they invented drawing boards,
what did they go back to?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
If all the world is a stage,
where is the audience sitting?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular,
why is it still #2?
If you ate pasta and anti pasta,
would you still be hungry?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Is it because of that song?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you realize how many holes
there could be if people would
just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Have you ever imagined a world
with no hypothetical situations?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How do they get the deer to cross
at that yellow road sign?
How do you know if honesty is the best policy
unless you've tried some of the others?
How does a thermos know whether
a drink should be hot or cold?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow
get to work in the mornings?
If a picture is worth a thousand words,
what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled,
how would we know?
If all the nations in the world are in debt,
where did all the money go?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky,
then what happened to the rabbit?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear
his underpants over his trousers?
If you're in a vehicle
going the speed of light,
what happens when you turn on the headlights?
In court, why do they ask if you
swear to tell the truth?
If you're planning on lying,
do they really think you'll tell them so?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
When cheese
gets its picture taken,
what does it say?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
Where did Webster look up the definitions
when he wrote the dictionary?
Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?
Why can't you make another word
using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do fat chance and slim chance
mean the same thing?
Why do mattresses have springs,
if they aren't made for jumping on?
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings
and then put money in telescopes
so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it you must wait
until night to call it a day?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why is your index finger
the same size as your nostrils?
How do you remove a club soda stain?
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
Where do flys go when it rains?
How much would they pay the matador
if the bull had no horns?
When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?
If you get wrapping paper for a present,
how do you know when to stop unwrapping?
"Why do they report power outages on TV?"
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
If 7-11 is open 24-7 and 365 days a year
why do they have locks on their doors?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
(unknown)
Your Friend,
Jesus
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