Strict Street Patrol
Paddy 'n' Mick join the
army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a
military curfew.
 They are given instructions to
shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So
one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a
man walking on the other side of the street. He lines
up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick
is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and
he wouldn't have made it!"
Last Rites
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's
journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the
devil!
Let him know how little you think of his
evil!"
The dying man said nothing so the priest repeated his
order.
Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce
the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm
heading, I don't
think I ought to aggravate anybody."
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when
Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, love, may I come in?" he hollers.
I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course, come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's himself?"
:"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the brewery.."
"O, God, no!", cries Brenda. "Please
don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband, Seamus, is dead and
gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen,
Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of
Guiness stout and drowned."
"O, my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no, Brenda. Truth to tell, he got out three
times to pee."
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