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Guinness

Guinness Beer Animation Backroomdesigns Irish JokesAn Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guiness.
Just as the barkeep handed them over, three flies buzz-dive down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looked disgusted, pushes his pint away and demanded a fresh pint.
The Scotsman picked out the fly, shrugged, and took a long swallow.
The Irishman reached into the glass, pinched the fly between his fingers, and shook him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! SPIT IT OUT!"

Markers

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean, and Seamus stumbled home from the pub late one night and found themselves on a road that led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy. "tis Mike O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul! He lived to the ripe old age of 87!"
 "Sure, that's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole; it says here that he was 95 when he died!"
Just then Seamus yells out, "Good God! here's a fella that got to be 145!"Shamrock Animation Backroomdesigns Irish Jokes
"Whassis name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin!!"

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night, and of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. Folk & Celtic Music On UMass Radio Irish Jokes
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been tonight?"
"Why I've been to the pub, of course," slurs the drunk in response.
"Well," says the cop, "it appears you've had a bit too much to drink this evening, laddie!"
"I did all right, that I did! the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car!?!
"Glory be t'Jasus," sighs the drunk. 'Twas the wife fell out o' me car?? - for a minute there I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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Oops

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.Leprecaun on Mushroom Stool Backroomdesigns Irish Jokes
"Paddy, What happened to ye?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. 
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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